Wonkette

Nothin’ quite like a few rich poopbags trying to dissect Sarah Palin’s reasons for scribbling shit all over her hands during a teabagging speech. Disturbed racial theorist Brian Kilmeade offers another story from his dark, repressed childhood on this morning’s Fox & Friends and adds, “I think that is — like you said before, Gretchen — folksy, absolutely, down-to-earth, I can identify.” Ha ha. It’s what the Common Man does! The Common Man cannot afford cue cards, or a sheet of paper, and so this is what the Common Man does during speeches. The Common Man feels LITERALLY MARRIED to Sarah Palin when she draws on herself like a child. [Think Progress]

• LETTING BUSH TAX CUTS EXPIRE WILL BE IMPOSSIBLE: Democrats are now going to struggle like the dickens to let old tax cuts on rich people expire, an extremely popular political move: “Centrists and liberal Democrats told The Hill they support allowing President Bush’s tax cuts on those making more than $250,000 to expire, but said leaders must win public support by portraying the tax increase as reducing the nation’s record budget deficit.” Uh oh… win public support of this measure the public already supports by “portraying” it as exactly what it is? Sounds like Mexican Socialism. [The Hill]

For the last few days, hype has been building over a New York Times story of “Vicki Iseman Proportions” about New York Governor David Paterson, and how he has sex with ladies and does corrupt things and will have to resign, for having corrupt sex. The Times was going to run the story today but has delayed it until Wednesday, to work on its adjectives, perhaps. (”Should we keep it as ‘raw-dog,’ boss? Currently we have it as ‘raw-dog sex.’”) MORE »

THE MURTHA IS DEAD, THE MURTHA IS DEAD: Whoa hey: “Rep. John Murtha (D-Pa.), 77, a Vietnam veteran who staunchly supported military spending and became a master of pork-barrel politics, died today following gallbladder surgery at Virginia Hospital Center.” THERE, HAPPY NOW, REPUBLICANS? [Washington Post]

August 3, 2010! A full 208 pages! Jesus take your time… [Political Wire]

SNOWPOCALYPSE III: LAST CRUSADE OF THE TRANSFORMERS: More better death for everyone! Worried that that 27″ pile of water cocaine on your doorstep was looking a bit limp? Well here come ten more inches, to finally kill off the neighbor’s magnolia tree that has been destroying your editor’s house for the past two days. [Weather.com]

Barack Obama, the master tactician! Last night, before Super Bowl XXVVVV, he told Katie Couric and (to a lesser extent) America that he would hold a Bipartisan Health Care Summit, live on the teevee, on February 25, and the Republicans would have to show up or… or… or else they’d miss it! This opportunity to change public policy! Mitch McConnell and John Boehner responded, “let us literally dictate a new bill word-for-word, or die,” the most Serious response. Why do Democrats have to play politics like this when Republicans just want to help the country? MORE »

The DSCC has introduced a fun new game. It’s called, “How To Lose Ted Kennedy’s Senate Seat To A Naked Furry,” with paintbrushes! No, it is just a fill-in-the-blank caption contest for Sarah Palin, because she is stupid. Be sure to submit all of your wacky photos to Bob Menendez! [DSCC]

Here is Democratic Illinois lieutenant governor nominee Scott Lee Cohen, of steroids, prosititutes, knife-cutting, knife-cutting prostitutes while on steroids, etc etc, fame, res… HE’S RESIGNING? He can’t resign — we just ordered three more shipments! Crybabies. [YouTube]

It snowed. It snowed a lot. But everyone had plenty of toilet paper and kale, and everyone survived the storm in peace and happiness. Sure, some people’s cars got stuck on hills, and some people got stuck in basement apartments, and the storm pretty much rendered the entire city helpless, but it snowed, and that was fun. MORE »

An historic thing happened this weekend, a first-time ever event that served as an example to millions of Americans who have ever felt down or out! We refer, of course, not to the Saints winning the Super Bowl, but Sarah Palin actually showing up for an event that she headlined. (Historically minded Palin watchers will recall that she has basically never done this before, preferring instead to bag at the last minute and send out poor Meg Stapleton to issue a statement saying “We have never even heard of this event that she just bagged on.”) MORE »

• Nobody’s entirely sure how many, if any, workers are still unaccounted for in the wake of a power plant explosion in Connecticut on Sunday. [Hartford Courant]
• The New Orleans Saints won the Super Bowl, proving that Barbara Bush was exactly right when she said that the city’s residents would benefit from Hurricane Katrina. [ESPN]
• Many Gazan civil servants have not been paid for their work in January, which makes some of them wonder about the solvency of their employer, Hamas. [Haaretz]
• Yulia Tymoshenko, the only world leader to be featured in a vaguely flattering light in Wonkette’s annual War On Xmas Gift Guide, has refused to admit defeat in the Ukraine’s recent election. [Times Online]
• Iran needs enriched uranium to help cancer victims. (?) [Los Angeles Times]
• The President has decided that the best way to deal with Republicans is to meet with them daily on teevee for hours at a time, in order to drain them of their precious bodily fluids. [Washington Post]

Wonkette comrade Matt Welch tried to get across Logan Circle so he could buy, uh, dishwasher detergent at Whole Foods. Super snowy out there! Never forget! [YouTube]

HERE’S THE ONE FUNNY EXCERPT-Y THING FROM LAST NIGHT’S FORD-STEELE DEATH MATCH: “At one point, Steele attacked President Obama for letting the Bush tax cuts expire for families who make more than $250,000. ‘Trust me, after taxes, a million dollars is not a lot of money,’ Steele said.” Ford pretended to disagree. Please run, Eliot Spitzer! We’re sorry! [TPM, comedy photo by Jackson Baker/Memphis Flyer]