Did you know that Rick Santorum is a very Christian person? He’d always come across to us like a publicly secular, church on Easter and Christmas only kinda guy who doesn’t really “buy into all that stuff.” But nope, he’s Christian as the dickens, and he sees everything as a struggle between God and Satan. American voters finally learned all of this yesterday when Matt Drudge published a 2008 speech of Santorum’s describing Satan’s attack on America. We now have to consider the possibility: Could it be that Rick Santorum is something of a religious nut? READ MORE »
Cantankerous Jersey Shore nightclub bouncer Chris Christie found a new IDIOT [SIGH] to holler at yesterday, for being so STUPID. And it wasn’t even a public school teacher or elderly Iowan (very close, though!) or generic constituent politely asking a question. It was Warren Buffett, the scary old billionaire liberal investor who keeps whining about how he pays a lower tax rate than his slaves/parakeets/whatever and wants to change this. Well Chris Christie’s heard about enough from this old windbag creep, and his pathetic calls for raising marginal tax rates on the wealthy a few percentage points as a means of deficit-reduction. READ MORE »
Do you remember the surreal “Susan B. Anthony and Frederick Douglass Prenatal Nondiscrimination Act of 2011,” the bill written in high-pitched banshee shrieks and designed to stem a fictional tide of sex- and race-based abortions? Remember how no one in real life — NO ONE — could figure out how the hell, exactly, this law could possibly be enforced, or really why it should exist at all, in any form, on any planet, at any point in geologic time? Well, everyone is still on the same page on those two points. Still stupid, still pointless, situation unchanged. But the bill’s supporters were forced to change its name, due to “objections by [House Judiciary Committee] Democrats.” The drama! The intrigue! THE ABORTIONS! READ MORE »
There are only two things that GOP state politicians in Arizona are allowed to discuss and/or think about: Hunting Mexicans on the one hand, and Another Dude’s Genitals, on the other. If Paul Babeu wasn’t enough to support this theory, former Arizona State Senator Russell Pearce — the crazed wingnut responsible for the state’s anti-brown people law who was recently recalled for being too insane even for Arizona — is now devoting his spare time to working out stand-up routines about, yes, testicles. So tell us, Russell Pearce, how do you segue from the setup, “the minister in church was giving a sermon on gratitude” to a joke about an ATV crash that ends with some guy’s nutsack being crushed? READ MORE »
Did you know that Rick Santorum used to be all “Oh man abortion is so great” (paraphrase) (??) for most of his life? Yes, Rick Santorum! Ladies could hit up all the big sales at the Abortionplex every weekend and he’d be just fine with that. What happened? He “read the literature” when he decided to become a politician, and the literature told him no, ladies should not have this right. READ MORE »
Everyone hates the four big Republican presidential candidates! This is a Historical Fact, which, who knows, may already have made it into recently printed first-grade primers. BUT did you know that the degree to which a given voting individual intrinsically hates each GOP monster is mathemagically related to how long that individual has already had to put up with that monster? Meaning: Mitt and the Boys may now be campaigning nationally but they are most not-liked locally, where the populace has suffered the longest direct contact with them. We explore this phenomenon in detail, after the jump! READ MORE »
Here we were getting all excited about the consequences of Minnesota’s new congressional map on Michele Bachmann’s career, but alas, she’s running away from her competition! The state has thrown Bachmann and veteran Democratic Rep. Betty McCollum’s homes into the new 4th District. We would’ve had a delightful race on ours hands, especially — as angry commenters on all these Minnesota newspaper sites we’ve been reading keep howling — after Bachmann spent a full year calling herself a proud Iowan who loves Iowa more than ever her Dominionist Ultra-Jesus. But no, Bachmann will instead run in her old 6th District, even though she no longer lives there. What a wuss! Why does Michele Bachmann hate her house so much? READ MORE »
Here we are again, trying to keep the rats from eating the last of our Ramen noodles while our FLOTUS wines and dines (in reasonable portions, of course) across the country. This past weekend, Michelle Obama took the First Niñas on a ski adventure in Aspen, Colorado, providing the American people with a sixteenth(!!!!) occasion to explode with rage. But this wasn’t actually our FLOTUS’ most scandalous action over the weekend. Over at CNN, there is somebody with a grievance against the First Lady, and surprisingly, it is not because of her fancy vacations. It is because of the way she is taking those fancy vacations, on holidays that do not exist. READ MORE »
Ron Paul is doing all the work for his absolute best best best friend in history, Mitt Romney. Look at this here scary new ad about Rick Santorum, perhaps titled “Rick Santorum Voted For Everything That Everyone Except Me Voted For,” such as the foreign aid budget and hikes in the debt ceiling. Are Ron Paul and Mitt Romney conspiring to take Rick Santorum down? Probably, because he is another candidate in a political race and this is what you do. READ MORE »
Remember a few decades ago when conservative parents used to keep themselves awake at night worrying about the music of Judas Priest or Kiss shooting mind control rays full of Satanism into their children’s brains? Those would be today’s “center-left” voters. To be a true conservative American Jesus warrior these days, you must move past these obvious entrapments and master the skill of identifying the hidden agents of Lucifer that lurk among us. Take, for instance, that group of sixth-grade girls over there in the Girl Scout club. What are they doing over there, standing around with their vaginas attached to them and not yet pregnant? Well that should be obvious enough, but just in case, Indiana state Rep. Bob Morris will spell it out for you: they are communist lesbian witch-abortionists. Rep. Bob Morris is therefore unable to support his legislature’s resolution honoring the 100th anniversary of the Girl Scouts, so that he can still go to Heaven and stand next to Jesus and they can laugh together at all the little Girl Scouts burning in hell. READ MORE »
Mitt Romney and fam are all over the social media! So says Buzzfeed, which trawled through every comical Twitter or Blogspot photo any Romney or in-law has posted over the past several years. Here’s Mitt Romney at his mansion’s rodeo grounds(?) teaching his grandkids how to spray factory workers who are considering unionizing with an acid hose. What is that dirty look on his face? Oh well. After the jump: Craig Romney’s tits! READ MORE »
How is Rick Santorum keeping the nation’s headline writers amused this week? Oh, the usual: cumming, blasts, and the reliable laugh provided by his actual name, “Santorum.” Why won’t Rick Santorum respect American family values and stop being the nation’s vulgar, childish joke? READ MORE »
The Watergate burglary that brought down the deeply evil Richard Nixon is one of those things conservatives don’t really enjoy talking about, too much — unless the reference can somehow be used to suggest a Democrat president is about to resign in shame, leaving some hapless party hack like Gerald Ford or Joe Biden to basically continue the administration’s business. So what is exactly like the insane burglary of the opposition party’s Washington headquarters that was masterminded by the actual president and his top advisers? Oh, let’s see, how about the existence of a blog that collects racist wingnut ravings that are broadcast by Fox News and Rush Limbaugh? READ MORE »
Dow Soars 62% Since Obama Took Office; Do Stocks Have Liberal Bias?
by Wonkette Jr.