Treasury Department Seeks Trained Clown
PUBLIC ANNOUNCEMENT: We are the Treasury Department. We deal with government funds. There are not many government funds. One of our divisions is the Bureau of the Public Debt. There is much public debt. Employees in the Bureau of the Public Debt analyze statistics about the public debt. They read and write forms about the public debt. They are losing productivity. There is just so much debt. They do not enjoy their lives. We seek (Solicitation Number: RFI-BPD-09-0028) to contract a professional clown to provide Humor In The Workplace seminars to Bureau of the Public Debt employees. The clown will draw comical cartoons to teach the employees about the benefits of humor. MORE »










The bounty hunters at CNN have located the plantation from which Michelle Obama escaped, and returned her. Pulitzer for Public Service much? [
Merciful heavens, Meghan McCain has contracted the Consumption! And what folk remedy has her personal Obamacare physician prescribed? Leech therapy? A cardiac needle full of Demerol? Maybe a soothing oatmeal bath? Nein! She was maliciously instructed to devour pint after pint of disgusting Airborne juice. But it’s a good thing she got a
Everyone has been wondering when Al Franken, the comedian who therefore is not smart but gets to be a Senator anyway, would stop pretending to care about “political issues” already — his 20-year campaign is over! — and just go nuts shouting insane Playboy rape jokes, constantly, in Judiciary Committee meetings. And at yesterday’s Sotomayor hearing he did, technically, tell his
Well, for all their tuff talk on this racist Puerto Rican separatist who wasn’t even very smart, the Republicans have just rolled over and shown the tyrannical Sonia Sotomayor their little white bellies. After spending two months complaining about nothing but the occasions when she said the two most forbidden words in the English language — “wise Latina” — they have basically admitted that they
A poor gal named Marianne Stringer, from Florida, lost her husband to Agent Orange-related cancer he picked up in Vietnam, THANK YOU ROBERT MCNAMARA, and has since written hundreds of congressmen about increasing benefits for military families, because come on. One such letter went to the office of Texas Rep. Mac Thornberry, a member of the Armed Services Committee, and said, “Please, help us to understand your reluctance in supporting [her effort]… If you do not understand the clear intent of this bill, we will be happy to furnish you with any information you may be seeking.” Unfortunately for everyone, the Thornberry aide who responded to Stringer happened to be an
And this is why gay marriage will never work: “Silo and Roy, two male chinstrap penguins native to the South Atlantic, made [New York] headlines six years ago when they came out with their same-sex relationship. … That all ended when Scrappy, a single female newly arrived from SeaWorld in San Diego, caught Silo’s eye. … On Thursday, Roy, all alone, sat disconsolately at the edge of the penguin area, staring at the wall.” Jesus Christ that is about the saddest story ever written. [