The hot topic on Google News tonight is “Unemployment.” Something about Labor Day Weekend and 9.6% official joblessness, we guess. The last 40 years or so haven’t been so hot, for America. But at least we had good music — hard times used to be especially good for popular and folk song! READ MORE »
Oh, look, there is Bristol Palin in her square-dancin’ costume. Team Sarah is so happy for her! “Methinks she’s brushing up on her dancing skills in preparation for an Inaugural Ball,” says “Sharron,” who is some sort of medieval witch. Meanwhile, Mercede Johnston FINALLY addresses this major Dancing with the Stars thing, and it’s basically the best and most journalistic blog post ever. READ MORE »
Look what your favorite ex-president put up on his Facebook page today, ladies! According to tradition, when the George W. Bush 9/11 boner sees its shadow, that means six more weeks of 9/11. Hooray! READ MORE »
Jan Brewer does not understand this whole debate thing and the idea that you have to make “opening statements” and have “accomplishments” to talk about in them, and thus she has decided she won’t do one ever again, SO THERE. “She said the only reason she debated him on Wednesday is she had to to qualify for more than $1.7 million in public funds for her campaign.” Change the rules, Arizona! America loves to cringe at this woman! READ MORE »
Woah man, Orrin Hatch was in Hatch. It was like he became a town, and then watched as he walked around inside of himself. And then the Whippets stopped playing funny games with his mind. [The Hill]
Vay-cay-shun, all he ever wan-ted! Va-ca-tion, haaaaad to geeet awaaaaay! These are lyrics from an ancient funeral dirge that Barack Obama never sang or thought of while on vacation, probably, even though this was a hit song when he was in high school, in Kenya. Anyway, he’s backsies from the Vineyard just in time for Hurricane Earl to destroy the white-devil holiday isle, so let’s see what our Dear Sexy Leader did this week! In place of our conscience, ABC’s Jake Tapper will be our guide. READ MORE »
We all know that 9/11 is the best holiday ever. It’s like Christmas and the Fourth of July and Halloween combined! Dick Cheney is alive right now just because he willed himself to see another 9/11. But according to Politico, who have labeled the situation “awkward,” like a 19-year-old coed, Barack Obama has nowhere to go this year. The site in Pennsylvania where that one plane ran into the ground? Michelle and Laura Bush are going to be there, so that 9/11 place is for girls. Eww! 9/11 cooties! Obama can’t go to the Pentagon, because he went there last year, and everyone knows that that one isn’t important enough to visit twice. As for the World Trade Center site, well, umm, there will be anti-mosk protesters there. READ MORE »
You know what a gentleman does when he turns on his TV and sees a lady in distress, stuttering and struggling with a simple task like reading dumb talking points off of a piece of paper? He certainly doesn’t go put a mean YouTube up for people to laugh at. No, a true refined individual would see a delicate flower in distress, one who requires assistance; he’ll say, “How can I help?” And, if he’s the heir to the Mellon dynasty’s banking fortunes, he’ll reach into his desk drawer and write a check with a seven-digit figure on it to send to her, along with a note that says “I hear those Dale Carnegie courses can really help you out with the public speaking.” READ MORE »
And what has the politics biblioburro brought us this week? Why, it’s Dirty Sexy Politics by Meghan McCain, America’s flaxen-haired princess of dirt and sex and politics. Meg is a Renaissance Woman, you see: heiress to beer treasures, daughter of ancient sea beast John McCain, Twitress, columnist for Tina Brown’s Internet bestiality mag, plus an author of a children’s book and now of this scorching campaign trail exposé. Dirty Sexy Politics chronicles the adventures of Meg and her “McCain Blogette” staff on the 2008 campaign trail, where they rode from Holiday Inn to Holiday Inn on the back of an obliging elephant (lewdly pictured on the cover and back of this book). The book contains many surprises, revelations, and memorable scenes. Best of all: YOU’RE in it. We mean this literally: Meghan writes about you, the Wonkette commentariat. READ MORE »
You might recall that Tim Pawlenty distinguished himself this week by turning down federal sex-ed money and then money for health care for children. You probably think that this is just because Tim Pawlenty loves the thought of Minnesota’s young people catching sex diseases and then not being able to cure them, because they don’t have health insurance. That may well be true, but he also has a higher-minded reason: he needs to get Minnesota off the crack rock, and if a few kids have to get pregnant and/or die in the process, well, that’s a small price to pay. READ MORE »
A giant racist Tea Bagger shadow has been cast over Middle-Earth (continental United States). And every day this racism grows, because nobody is strong enough to stand up and say, “Stop being racist,” and also Americans are too fat to stand up. And so, races from all corners of the liberal blogosphere have answered the call, probably on Skype. From Lonely Libtard Mountain come the Media Matters Dwarfs, and from H Street the Soros Elves of ThinkProgress. The Men from the NAACP showed up, and also uh, the Ents who hail from New Left Media. Have they all assembled to hear Yglesias the great Wizard recite his famous stories about barbershop deregulation? (No, that was yesterday.) This holy fellowship was formed to vanquish the near-impossible task of “documenting all the racist things Tea Bagger Orcs say/do/write on their cardboard signs and tank tops.”
Wait a second, isn’t there an Internet website that ALREADY DOES THIS? READ MORE »
Oh, sad face, did you know that the Republican National Committee, which solely exists to raise money for Republican candidates, has no money? It had money at one point, we suppose, but somehow it let it all slip through its fingers, or maybe nobody was giving new money to it because Republicans don’t like giving money to black people like Michael Steele. Remember, even for the committee’s core expenditures, like lesbian bondage clubs, they needed some donor to front them the money, which they promised to totally pay back! Does this mean that the Republicans will lose big in November, because they have no money? Probably not! READ MORE »
In Delaware, the Teabagger’s Choice® for U.S. Senate is Christine O’Donnell — a political commentator-tot and “marketing consultant” who is running against longtime CongressRINO Mike Castle in the September 14 Republican primary. The Tea Party Express says they plan on spending 250,000 Teabag Bucks on O’Donnell’s campaign, which comes out to one dollar for every personal issue she seems to have. Hurling the gay “insult” at Castle isn’t one of those issues, though! Neither is masturbation. Understanding what the word “tie” means, however … well. READ MORE »
Louisiana Democrats have just released a movie documenting the tragic tale of born-again Republican David Vitter, whose blessed, pure heart was once contaminated with an insatiable lust for hookers. In the new film, Vitter doesn’t fall in love with any of his prostitutes — he just gathers up his clothes and used condoms, and scoots on outta there. It’s not a very romantic way to approach extra-marital relationships, if you think about it. READ MORE »
