Wonkette PSA: No One Cares Where You Were on September 11

Even this unintentionally funny illustration of a lie bores us. (Picture: Slate)

We remember so clearly, so vividly, our 9/11 — huddling together with the family, listening for the first time to “Po’ Boy” and “Sugar Baby,” everyone wondering if they’d have to go to work tomorrow. Do you remember yours? Of course!

If you attended “Conde Nast’s Fashion Rocks concert at Radio City Music Hall,” the New York Daily News has inexplicably printed your heroic tale of watching CNN international from Milan for a couple minutes. If you have a blog, you’ve probably written about it. If you’re on your third giant beer at Recessions’ happy hour, you’re telling your neighbor about it right now.

Sorry America, but no one cares. Unless you were buried in the rubble of the north tower alongside a mustachioed Nic Cage, your story is completely uninteresting and can be repeated almost verbatim by 3 or 4 million other Americans. President George W. Bush’s story itself is incredibly banal — the man went to bed early, having failed to do anything but survive a military-escorted flight home from Florida. Dick Cheney’s story might be interesting, but he will take it with him to his cryogenic tomb somewhere beneath NORAD. But you — be you government employee, life-long New Yorker, minor celebrity, Washington journalist, White House intern, former pilot, or Representative Richard Pombo — you bore us.

On this tragic anniversary, America cries out as one: HEARD IT.