Rumors On The Internets: Bush In Your Tush

George Bush wants to stick all 4 inches of his ” fat headed stub” into your ass, and not like metaphorically over gas prices or anything. [Fleshbot]
Osama Bin Laden totally not dead, just filming new episodes for this season’s Survivor: Waziristan. [Stop The ACLU]
Scooter Libby, who would be late to his own funeral, was late to his hearing today, and avoided his own funeral. [TalkLeft]
7-Eleven terminating supply contract with Venezuelan owned CITGO gasoline to sell its own brand of gas that will presumably come in “Motormelon” and “Octane Chill” varieties. [Hot Air]
Cancel the Mandarin classes, China’s going bust. [Global Guerrillas]
Katherine Harris’s campaign office in Sarasota is a great place to get your drink on, says omniscient Google maps. [Herald-Tribune]
Rising expectations infect bloggers, being invited to the White House no longer good enough. [Hotline on Call]
Washington Times HR Director tries to lay his hands on some underage human resources. [Fishbowl DC]