- WALNUTS!, THE HEATHEN: A Wonkette campaign office operative sends us this startling bit of news: “A coworker of mine was just over at the McCain HQ in Crystal City. Apparently Walnuts is so superstitious he’s had the 13th floor office elevator plates replaced with ‘M’s.” Who knew WALNUTS! was such a pagan witch? We will still vote for him over Sexist Obama, however.
-
Authors
Jim Newell (5418)
Wonkette Jr. (623)
Kirsten Boyd Johnson (796)
Kaia Mursi (43)
Garrett Quinn (13)
Liz Colville (94)
Ken Layne (6695)
Blair Burke (170)
Matt Langer (40)
Arielle Fleisher (385)
{ 36 comments }
I didn’t even know they had elevators in the breakroom at Sbarro.
I wasn’t going to say anything, but Walnuts! actually helped me celebrate Beltaine last fall. Cindy made a lovely offering to the four elements. Very classy affair, aside from the orgy afterwards…
Calm down every one. He isn’t superstitious, or a witch or anything like that! That is just one of his old hippy weed references. Jonh likes to blast up now and then, it seems.
dude. everybody knows M is the 13th letter of the alphabet.
And if he ever sees a hat on a bed, he’s outta there.
He’s got it upside down, for crissakes.
i thought it was because M was the roman numeral for mccain’s birth year.
…ohhhhh WALNUTS! you clever dog! Replacing the number thirteen with the 13th letter in the alphabet!
[re=3998]metropolitan[/re]: …damn you!
Personally, I have always counted it thus:
1, 2, 3, IV, 5, sex, 007, octo, 9, 10, elf, 12 (pronounced “Twelf”), M, 14, 15, 15again, 17, 18, 19, zingo!, 21, 22 and so on and so forth.
Doesn’t everyone?
[re=3998]metropolitan[/re]: Congratulations, then, to Walnuts! for being able to still remember the alphabet. See! He still has his bearings!
It’s just a Roman numeral, like the ones WALNUTS grew up inscribing on clay tablets in the forum.
13 was the age of his first Vietnamese concubine, so naturally it hits a chord with him.
Oh to be zingo again . . .
Why are comments off on the McCain term limit post? Have you guys been too racist and misogynistic since Ken’s AOL rant?
[re=4046]El Bombastico[/re]: Never mind, they’re turned on.
…13cCain?
He cheats with his triskaidekaphobia!
I’m surprised he doesn’t have issues with the number 5, seeing as how that’s how many Navy aircraft he managed to crash or have shot out from under him.
Hello Wonketteers!
Long time lurker first time poster.
BE.O
Well, he’s long been known as a very superstitious kinda guy.
Lucky coins in his pocket, special pet names of “Trollop” and “Cunt” for his rich trophy wife.
Pretty run-of-the-mill stuff.
I work in said building and can confirm that “M” marks the Walnuts!
Of course, since he became the “presumptive nominee” he has taken over much more than that. The war on Iran is in mock battle stages in a Crystal City office building. Watch for “civilians” carrying their speakerphones and staplers as they flee down Jeff Davis Highway on foot.
It’s because he knows there will be no 2013, or should that be “20M”?
Very well, where do I begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink, he would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Some times he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy, the sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical, summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we’d make meat helmets. When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds, pretty standard really. At the age of 12 I received my first scribe. At the age of fourteen, a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum, it’s breathtaking, I suggest you try it.
[re=4062]BlackEuro.Observer[/re]:
You must be AngryBlackGuys hot european
cousin he’s been telling us about.
Welcome, my prettehhehehehehe.
Oh my friends, it gets ever so much better than that. The Washington Post did a story on this:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-srv/WPcap/2000-02/19/067r-021900-idx.html
The old man, he is batshit.
“I’m wearing my lucky shoes from today till Sunday,”
McNumbie even uses the common misspelling of the contracted
“until” when he speaks. What a ‘tard.
[re=4194]Tra[/re]:
“It’s 3 a.m. and a phone in the White House is ringing. Something’s happening in the world. The leader of the free world isn’t answering the phone, though, because he won’t sleep on that side of the bed. His aides would answer the phone, but they’re off ransacking other rooms to find his lucky feather.* They’d call back later, but all the “ones” and “threes” have been removed from the phone keypad. Oh well. You didn’t really want the crazy person answering that phone anyway, did you?”
* Stolen by the cat. A black cat!
[re=4041]weirdiowasculpture[/re]: Exactly. That’s why it’s called ‘zingo.’
[re=4055]MARCdMan[/re]: That’s because he’s not finished at 5 — one more craft to go down in flames: McCain ’08!
This is just what America needs, a Great Leader who has Secret Service agents throwing themselves on cracks in the sidewalk, shooting black cats, proclaiming that common table salt thrown over the shoulder is a valuable tool in the war on terror, and storing lucky WALNUTS! in his cheeks…
Well, at least we know how to get him all flustered before the debates: Hire a “witch doctor” to shake some kind of feathered stick at him before he walks on stage!
And 26th floor plates with M&Ms! Mm.
[re=4193]bitchincamaro[/re]:
LOL. I just might be.
Anyhow, I was born on the 13th, and and it brought nothing but luck.
BTW: My first language isn’t English so please be kind to me ok?
Thank you
[re=4432]BlackEuro.Observer[/re]:
As long as your native tongue is as elitist as
all Wonketeers (and I can see by your tiny avatar
that ABG wasn’t bullshittin’ us like he usually
does), then we shall be kind of kind. For now.
[re=4062]BlackEuro.Observer[/re]: Hiya! Welcome.
Comments on this entry are closed.