DEFENSE OF THE DAY: From Mark Soohoo, McCain’s deputy “e-campaign” director: “John McCain is aware of the Internet.” MEME! [New York Times]
-
Authors
Wonkette Jr. (615)
Ken Layne (6695)
Jim Newell (5407)
Kirsten Boyd Johnson (789)
Liz Colville (91)
Kaia Mursi (38)
Blair Burke (170)
Matt Langer (40)
Garrett Quinn (12)
Arielle Fleisher (385)
{ 48 comments }
The less internet the president knows the better. We don’t want the commander in chief looking at porn all day.
It’s a series of tubes, from what I’ve been given to understand.
But is he aware of all internet traditions?
It’s a start. You don’t want to shock him with ALL the wonders of 1994 all at once.
“There’s a community, it’s just not on Facebook,” Mr. Soohoo said, adding that the campaign was doing other things “to get our community excited.”
Free Hoverrounds for EVERYBODY!! And Pudding every day!!”
[re=23480]stankfest[/re]:”We don’t want the commander in chief looking at Wonkette all day.” /fixed
Hahaha! Maybe he was the one who wrote that comment…
Time for the campaign to call in the “Video Professor”.
[re=23489]Mabalz Izhari[/re]:
Why are we offering “Internet Basics 101″ for free? Well, we’re so convinced, John McCain, that you and your campaign staff will like what you see, that you’ll buy the rest of the series to learn more.
That graphic reminds me of a bad cult horror flick called “Teeth,” in which a teenage girl has trouble maintaining relationships because she has teeth in her vagina which keep biting guys’ dicks off. Not exactly sure what that has to do with McCain’s awareness of all internet traditions, but I had to get it out of my head and into someone else’s somehow.
Imagine how much time he’ll save with DrudgeReport instead of that pesky Presidential Daily Brief.
[re=23480]stankfest[/re]: Why not? The more he looks at porn, the less he can fuck things up for the rest of us. Heck, throw a few loose interns his way!
But who are his base belong to?
Mark Soohoo : “We are going to start off checking your E-mail.”
WALNUTS! : “When did the mail man get here?”
Mark SooHoo : “Im going to teach you how to Google yourself.”
WALNUTS! : “What me and my dirty trollop wife do behind closed doors is none of your business!”
a suggestion to the McCains e-campaign people concerning his facebook page..
post ‘friends only’ pics of Cindy doing her beer bottle/contortionist act….
He would learn more about the internets, but he’s still sulking about having to differentiate between different kinds of Muslims, so he’s not really amenable to learning anything just now. Hell, the last person who told him “No sir, you have to press the Control, Alt and Delete keys at the same time” caught such a tirade that she ran off the bus crying. So right now he warms up his oatmeal in the microwave, and we’re calling that “computer literate.”
Mark Soohoo : “Now we are going to load some software onto your hard drive.”
WALNUTS! : “Im sorry, but I used all my viagra with Cindy last night!”
“John McCain is now aware of how to get out of a car.”
McCain’s first day in office:
“Charlie, check it out, this guy sent me an e-mail over the internets saying he had the plans to a secret energy source that the great Dr. Mangoambo Uzizizeki invented before he died! I wired him 300 million. Our energy problems are over!”
Day two:
“Charlie, help me! I went to Whitehouse.com and apparently the White House is full of trollops and cunts!”
Day three:
*beep* (Sound of incoming email)
*double-click* opening email.
Email: ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US
McCain: (To Charlie) WHAT HE SAY?
Are you telling me that our potential president has never heard “Chocolate Rain”?!?! Oh, fuck that!
Sue Who?
Al Gore in year 2000 claims to have created the internet.
John McCain in year 2008 claims to be aware of the internet.
It’s a shame how far we’ve fallen in the past 8 years. McCain must be one of those left behind kids Bubba likes to talk about.
stankfest: i’m sure walnuts has quite the porn collection on beta-max, he’s probably the envy of the entire nursing home
[re=23544]PrairiePossum[/re]: Yes, but is John McCain aware of Al Gore?
John McCain is aware of the electricity.
John McCain is aware of the Four Humors (black bile, yellow bile, phlegm, blood).
John McCain is aware of the aqualung.
John McCain is aware of the white slavery.
[re=23555]Botswana Meat Commission FC[/re]: John McCain is aware of the Bubonic Plague.
[re=23555]Botswana Meat Commission FC[/re]: John McCain is aware of the scourge of Railroad and stagecoach banditry.
John McCain is aware of a moist and goopy feeling in his pants.
John McCain is aware of those damn hippies.
John McCain is a ware not in demand.
John McCain is a werewolf.
Those classes at the senior center sure are paying off!
I can’t wait until WALNUTS! realizes that “Googling oneself” is not some slang term for masturbation. Who knows what he’ll discover? Maybe he’ll even figure out that the kids call him WALNUTS! And why.
[re=23591]AxmxZ[/re]: Nice
‘John McCain is a’where? I ain’t seen ‘im since ought three.’
John McCain is aware that there’s gold in them thar hills! Gold, GOLD! He tells ya! Nuggets the size o’ yer fists!
My Memes! Let me show you them!
http://i262.photobucket.com/albums/ii118/Tits_LaRue/ANIMATED/INTERNET_TRADITIONS/INTERNET_MCCAIN_INTERNET.gif
…and, the other one:
http://i262.photobucket.com/albums/ii118/Tits_LaRue/ANIMATED/INTERNET_TRADITIONS/INTERNET_TRADITIONS_McCAIN_1.gif
[re=23593]NoWireHangers[/re]: “Googling oneself” is not some slang term for masturbation. In a way it is…
Well, frankly it’s much more cost effective to order the hot water bottles in bulk online, and save on shipping. So those dehydrated babies are almost out of the woods. If they ask for Pedialyte, tell ‘em to fuck off.
Like all senior citizens: he’s not so much aware of the internet as he’s aware of AOL.
I’m aware of Ménage à trois. Doesn’t mean I’ve ever seen one in person.
McCain has announced though that he used to use his computer a lot, but then the cassette with all of the programs for this Timex Sinclair broke and he hasn’t been able to find a replacement.
Is John McCain aware that he can pay off the National Debt by answering the email from Nigerian bank employees?
John McCain is aware of kids. And boy does John McCain want them off his lawn!
is John McCain aware that all of your base are belong to us?
Comments on this entry are closed.