President George W. Bush today played White House host to Philippine President Gloria Macapagal Arroyo, the most powerful woman in American history. He used the occasion to congratulate Filipinos everywhere for their remarkable contributions to the world. He did this, of course, by singling out his Filipino cook. ‘Cause that dame churns out one helluva steak ‘n’ baked.
But Tuesday, welcoming Philippine President Gloria Macapagal Arroyo to the White House, President Bush couldn’t resist getting in a joke about his chef.
First, said Bush, “I want to tell you how proud I am to be the president of a nation that — in which there’s a lot of Philippine Americans. They love America and they love their heritage.”
Second, he continued, “I am reminded of the great talent of the — of our Philippine Americans when I eat dinner at the White House…. And the chef is a great person and a really good cook, by the way, Madam President.”
[Awkward silence, followed by tit squeeze and hyena laugh.]
Also, George Bush knows everything about everything:
He commended Arroyo for what he called a “carrots and sticks approach” in dealing with rebel groups.
“The sticks of course say ‘we’re not going to allow for people to terrorize our citizens.’ The carrot approach is that there’s peace available,” Bush said.
Then that damn Mexican or whatever cook of his brought him carrots, and sticks.
Bush jokes about the White House chef [LA Times]
Bush pledges typhoon aid to Philippine president [Reuters]
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Oh you little Dubya! Late night TeeVee just won’t be the same without you!
Oh . . . THAT’S how the whole carrot/stick analogy works! Finally someone explains it to me.
At least he didn’t try to give her a back massage.
Every time I visit Goldilocks Bakery and have halo halo, I think about the glorious contributions made by the Philippine people to the world.
Wait, I thought it was Cheney that ate the kittehs, while Bush only did puppies. Did that Filipina cook mess up the orders again?
Bush supporters will now send out anti-Obama like email basically stating that the entire country of the Philippines is entirely populated by cooks and domestics… because Bush big upped one of them to the placement lady in chief.
This picture shows the only time a Republican has ever eaten pussy.
(Thanks, I’ll be here all week.)
Oh, and Jollibee, because that chicken is so good. Thank you.
Full disclosure: Many years ago, my mother, with little English and littler education, left her family and her agrarian island of the Philippines to travel to America in order to work as a domestic to send money back to help her parents and her 8 brothers and sisters. Because of her hard work, she was able to not only feed and clothe her family, but she also was able to buy her parents a house and educate not only her siblings but their children as well all the way to college, which she never attended. In the past 35 years she has only been able to return back 3 times. After the first time her father died. The third time she rushed back to visit after 20 years to see her dying mother who held on just to spend time with her and then passed once my mother had to get back on the flight back to The States.
So needless to say that I’m taking this more than a little personally. ESPECIALLY since he’s talking about his cook while making arrangements with the Filipina Pres to held with food aid and the like. Remember, not a few months ago we were just talking about how supermarkets here had to limit the numbers of bags of rice people could purchase because people were buying them here then shipping them back to their families in the Philippines. So Bush can just shut the hell up since he hasn’t seen suffering or hunger since the last time he was drinking and driving his ass to the nearest piggly wiggly to get some post bar pork rinds.
I wanna hear from Michelle Malkin about this!
Give peas and carrots a chance.
[re=23737]ronaldpagan[/re]: Jinx
[re=23737]ronaldpagan[/re]: You can tell he’s a Republican ’cause the pussy’s not enjoying it.
I’m taking this as a “go ahead” on my plans to ensnare a Philippino family into domestic servitude.
Remember: If the president told you to do it, it’s not a crime.
An excerpt from Bush’s reluctant congratulation speech at Obama’s inauguration: “Some of my best maids and chauffeurs are black.”
Philippines:Hawaii::Bush’s cook:Brack
“The sticks of course say ‘we’re not going to allow for people to terrorize our citizens.’”
That’s right. And what do the carrots say, Mr. President?
I dont know whether I would prefer beating him with a carrot or a stick after a speech like that.
[re=23739]The Real JR Revisted[/re]: I would encourage you to do as I did and right a really smartass email to writemalkin@gmail.com
Believe me, it’s fun and it feels really good.
[re=23744]ronaldpagan[/re]: That’s a little catty. But I suppose that we are all of us, what we eat.
Michele is busy whipping up some delicious chicken adobo for her bukkake party.
[re=23749]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: He’s a Republican so I’m sure you can figure out where the Carrot goes.
[re=23750]KevoTron[/re]: [re=23739]The Real JR Revisted[/re]: Bear in mind, this is the same Malkin who wrote this book, so you probably ought not get your hopes up.
I hope the last condescension we get out of that little peckerwood is when the con descends into the oubliette specially made for him. It’s going to be a long 207 days, 17 hours and 39 minutes.
[re=23737]ronaldpagan[/re]: Worse, it shows Republicans think eating pussy is just like eating corn on the cob.
[re=23747]weirdiowasculpture[/re]: The carrots say to burn the White House down before he leaves.
[re=23757]weirdiowasculpture[/re]: Tell me about it, stud.
[re=23757]weirdiowasculpture[/re]: Right… they eat the pussy like they remove the corn for corn holing
The headline makes it sound like Bush is either a cannibal or the Philippines are just a really big soylent green factory, or something.
Bush playing host to the female President of the Philippines is a HUGE slap in the face to Hillary, who is the only woman who should ever be in the White House.
[re=23754]tunamelt[/re]: Ahhh yes… But she’s also the one who made this movie so maybe there’s hope of something to mock.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=tt_YcQlYxyY
P.S. I don’t know internet magic. How do you hyperlink with this commenting system?
[re=23737]ronaldpagan[/re]: Ok full disclosure, I have no idea of the gender of the magnificent Ronald Pagan, but I am in love with it/her/him/you. The Ronald Pagan makes me laugh, smile and think happy thoughts.
[re=23753]KevoTron[/re]: Come to think of it, as a Republican, he could probably get the stick in there too.
And in Mexico: “I think of the glorious contributions of Mexican culture when I look at my ranch’s perfectly manicured lawns.” Douche.
It really won’t be the same without him, hopefully.
[re=23733]tunamelt[/re]: Is “halo halo” some kind of urban “street” slang for “handjob”? Because “Goldilocks Bakery” sounds like a front for an Asian sex slave operation.
How soon can the Filipinos turn Crawford, TX into a “howling wilderness” a la Samar?
I suddenly have a lot more respect for Mexican immigrants. Thank you, Mr. president
That photo is begging for a lolcat caption.
Bush hosts Sarkozy: “French fries , French dressing , French bread… and to drink – Peru!”
[re=23783]Harvey Birdman[/re]: Sarkozy, now there’s a guy who knows how to eat pussy.
[re=23775]jagorev[/re]: Shaved ice dessert and Philippine bakery chain where one can eat it, respectively.
[re=23739]The Real JR Revisted[/re]: Here’s a valid argument (low on snark):
His head chef is, in fact, Filipino. She sounds like quite the chef too. There’s a WaPo article talking her up as the first female AND the first minority head chef in the WH. It’s more than likely that Bush took this to be public knowledge and was trying to give her a compliment in a meaningful way (to the leader of her country).
He’s a still an idiot though. Now I’ll follow Shorts advice for those who don’t write funny stuff- I’ll be returning to my daily task of trying to insert my penis into my mouth. Shit, I wish I had kept up with gymnastics past the fifth grade.
You mean the cretin didn’t tell her any farts jokes. She must not be getting his ‘A’ game.
You mean that cretin didn’t tell her any fart jokes?
Gee, she must not be getting his ‘A’ game.
hey that’s my signature photo!
And now I’m confused. Is this “racial transcendence” or “racial condescension”?
i hate to be a stickler, but i don’t think there is anything wrong with sticking a carrot (or stick) wherever it makes you feel good [re=23753]KevoTron[/re]: [re=23753]KevoTron[/re]:
[re=23768]Hotflashingfobama[/re]:good question… i suspect ronald pagan is female…..as i see him/her/whatever commenting on jezebel ie..the site im not allowed to post comments on because im not quite shallow enough……
while ive the chance, a note to the staff of jezabel….enough of the psuedo-feminism laced with snarky comments about various celebrities weight/shoes/hairstyles…its not only boring…its stupid…
Speaking of Flips: Can we get back to the subject of “Malkin’s Anal Hour”?
I mean, I would.
But she’d have to promise not to enjoy it.
And sing that old Insurrection-era ditty:
“Damn! Damn! Damn! The Fillipino!
We’ll civilize him with the Karg!
“Krag,” rather.
Gesh. I am the WORST proofreader.
[re=23820]PoliticalGraffiti[/re]: Yes, good point PoliGraf. I might suggest you wash the fruit first. There’s all kinds of pesticides. Actually, that could be good for pubic lice.
WTF…did Asshole run out of little children?
I was waiting for an ‘awesome’ Damn, Dubya is always letting me down.
Does that explain his warmongering and his global warming position? Somewhere he read he was supposed to “serve man”, and he thought it was the cookbook kind of serving?
Then he tried to give President Arroyo a shoulder rub, cuz it went down so well in Germany, and was promptly arrested.
PS- I’m sorry but that picture is just so horrifying…what the H is he doing to that kitten? Seriously that’s more disturbing than the holding the kitten at gunpoint picture you guys use.
World leaders need to not be photographed with animals. It just never goes well, particularly for the animals.
At least he didn’t try to compliment her by reminding her that the US Gov’t specifically commissioned the .45 APC to kill Filipinos, as the handgun in use at the time didn’t have enough stopping power.
That might have been awkward.
True fact, or at least Neal Stevenson wrote it once.
[re=23850]populucious[/re]: The Bush-kitteh photo is absolutely real, and absolutely not a Photoshopped version of some goofy Bush-eating-corn-on-the-cob photo. Don’t let the media try to conceal Sacred Internet Truths from you.
[re=23742]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Haha you win!
[re=23768]Hotflashingfobama[/re]: Thanks baby! And I’m a girl.
[re=23823]anabellum[/re]: If you read the Jezebel comments, isn’t that a lot of investment to put into a site you hate? I see where you’re coming from – I wish Jezebel had fewer shots of B-list celebrities walking their dogs – but there’s a lot to love about it.
The picture explains this old story:
***********************
Ten years ago, at the 1988 Republican Convention, Hartford Courant associate editor David Fink struck up a conversation with George W. “When you’re not talking politics,” Fink asked the vice president’s son, “what do you and [your father] talk about?”
“Pussy,” George W. replied.
***********************
And here I was thinking something salacious. I hang my head in shame.
[re=23890]snig[/re]: George and I have so much in common. Why, just the other night, my whole family had a lovely discussion about Barbara Bush’s snatch. (It’s reminiscent of ricepaper.)
[re=23863]Crow T. Robot[/re]: Flips were hopped upon some sort of early version of crank or something, that required a hand cannon with that kind of stopping power?
Besides, I thought it was Samoans who needed a elephant gun to put them down?
[re=23739]The Real JR Revisted[/re]: What a FUCKTARD! Though Cristeta Comeford’s promotion to White House executive chef was heralded by PInoys as a glass ceiling-break (after the U.S. Armed Forces resegregated and excluded African Americans from even “menial” positions, Filipinos were recruited from U.S. bases in the Philippines to be cooks, stewards, etc.,), there’s a dark brown part of me that suspected that Dubya hired her because he wanted a Filipino cook just like Pappy’s. That patronizing bullshit remark just confirmed my suspicion that Comeford is but the latest recruit into this pathological multigeneraltional drama called the Bush Administration.
Disclosure: My father came to the U.S. mainland in 1955 as a USCG steward who’d entered the service via the U.S. Navy base at Sangley Point, Cavite, the Philippines. The racist denigrations he saw/experienced as a Filipino in the US Armed Services remain silent, seething resentments, but the CIvil Rights Movement bent the arc of justice in his family’s direction, and his son — my brother — is now a USCG Academy grad & lieutenant.
The one silver lining in this incident is that I can’t think of anyone — not even Ate’ Michelle Malkin — who deserves to be on the receiving end of Bush’s fucktardness more than Macapagal. Extra-judicial assassinations of political opponents and critical intellectuals are not cool.
He actually meant to compliment Pres. Arroyo on her vast shoe collection.
[re=23904]ronaldpagan[/re]: George and Ronald have so much in common. I thought it was cuz neither one of you could ever get a mandate.
Nah! I’m joking. There’s already that Canadian blogger up there (tee hee).
Come to think of it, when the Obamas turn everyone gay, no one will ever have a mandate again.
[re=23924]elizp[/re]: I owe you a beer.
[re=23932]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: I [heart] San Miguel.
I am reminded of the great talent of GeorgeBoy everytime I take a dump
You’re saying that Georgie actually talks to the help?
That’s it. Now the Republicans will be baying to get him impeached too.
Although, points to Shrub for not handing the visiting President a box of Ping Pong balls, winking then smirking.
[re=23934]elizp[/re]:
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/3/31/Craft_Breweries_Per_Capita_%28US%29.png/800px-Craft_Breweries_Per_Capita_%28US%29.png
The best and last American industry fights back.
[re=23905]schvitzatura[/re]: They wrapped lengths of cloth around their torsoes as a sort of armor. It was enough to stop or weaken the .38s the US Army then used.
Zhu Bajie
[re=23829]Neilist[/re]: There was an article in The Baffler (RIP, apparently) that had all the lyrics to that Karg song…cant find it off hand, but I’ll bet W.’s heard it.
What about carrot sticks?
Let the rabbits wear glasses!
[re=23823]anabellum[/re]: Ummm…not quite shallow enough to comment, but certainly shallow enough to read I see. Hmmm……
Phillipine Americans? Is that like Germany Americans or Ireland Americans? He said it twice… I still can’t believe have of American elected a mentally retarded man as president. And they’re scared of Obama?
Half, not have… damn. Got me sounding retarded.
[re=23969]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: San Miguel isn’t what I’d call artisinal — http://www.sanmiguel.com.ph/Content.aspx?MID=1&coid=1&navID=463 — so make that an Anchor.
San Miguel is alright, as long as you get the stuff brewed in Manila. I’ve spent a few months in Manila on a couple of occasions for work, and the non-Manila-brewed San Miguel does a real number on your intestines.
That said, what a fucking patronizing, back-handed compliment. Douchebag.
Mr. President, please explain this “carrot and stick” approach again. I don’t think I understand…
given that Gloria Macapagal Arroyo is one of those ignorant Messicans, I’m confused how her country’s approach to foreign policy can be better advised, humane and more successful than our President’s.
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