• February 13, 2012
COUPS

by Jim Newell

5:05 pm August 18, 2008

FIVE AND A HALF YEARS, ALAN. PLUS ANOTHER FOUR AND A HALF.THUNDER? STOLEN: John McCain will appear on the Jay Leno program a week from tonight, which is opening night of the Democratic National Convention. Old Olympic swimmer gal Dara Torres will also be on the program, and she provides a clear contrast to the French Africans speaking in Denver that night: Michelle Obama and Nancy Pelosi. McCain is expected to make jokes about how he and a gorilla want to rape Michelle Obama, Nancy Pelosi, and Dara Torres. [CBS4]

{ 31 comments }

grendel August 18, 2008 at 5:07 pm

What time do they tape the show? Won’t it be past gramps bedtime?

ManchuCandidate August 18, 2008 at 5:09 pm

Jay Who?

shortsshortsshorts August 18, 2008 at 5:11 pm

[re=62399]grendel[/re]: 5 p.m. Pacific, which is usually 8 or 9 Ambians in McCain time.

Odder August 18, 2008 at 5:11 pm

[re=62399]grendel[/re]: Cindy will hold back on the Ambien so he’s be relatively alert.

Canmon (the Inadequate) August 18, 2008 at 5:11 pm

That night’s musical guest, the Decemberists. Obama doesn’t stand a chance.

loudmouthredhead August 18, 2008 at 5:11 pm

Wait, isn’t that begging for trouble? I mean, Cindy must be biting her nails over that one. Helllooo, wife numero tres!
“You can kick MY ass like a Vietnamese jailer anytime, young lady!”
*wink wink*

loudmouthredhead August 18, 2008 at 5:13 pm

[re=62405]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: So, that’s right around when the hallucinogenic-imagined butterfly lands on his pillow and starts chewing his face right? A memorable event every evening.

BadNewsJack August 18, 2008 at 5:13 pm

[re=62405]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Does that mean he wont be able to make it to the Early Bird special ?

jagorev August 18, 2008 at 5:13 pm

Dara Torres is hot. I’m sure McCain will start inappropriately touching her and then call her a cunt when she objects.

Noodle Salad August 18, 2008 at 5:15 pm

“John McCain and Dana Torres…”

“Someone who needs three people to get them into a suit?”

mr.november August 18, 2008 at 5:19 pm

McCain’s protest of NBC coverage didn’t last too long.

SayItWithWookies August 18, 2008 at 5:20 pm

Talk about two non-overlapping demographics. Oh, wait — McCain probably thinks he’s reaching out to the hip young crowd by going on Leno, doesn’t he? Has someone told him that tuataras and bristlecone pines don’t generally watch TV, let alone vote?

tunamelt August 18, 2008 at 5:21 pm

Tonight’s sponsors are Glucerna, Lactaid and Depends.

WhatTheHeck August 18, 2008 at 5:23 pm

In typical NBC Olympic-broadcast fashion, the network will say McCain is “live” when he’s clearly not.

shortsshortsshorts August 18, 2008 at 5:28 pm

[re=62411]BadNewsJack[/re]: I think he makes it down to Old Country Buffet for the 3:00 p.m. special, which is only about 5 Ambians McCain Time.

Tybalt August 18, 2008 at 5:37 pm

Jay Leno has a program? On the TV? I remember a comedian of that name, like, decades ago.

Gopherit v2.0 August 18, 2008 at 5:46 pm

Pussy won’t go on The Daily Show anymore.

The Incomparable Tiny Valdez August 18, 2008 at 5:47 pm

McCain is expected to make jokes about how he and a gorilla want to rape Michelle Obama, Nancy Pelosi, and Dara Torres.

Then he’ll snort and half his face will fall off.

trophy(forparticipation)wife August 18, 2008 at 5:49 pm

Mc8oclockbedtime will call him Johnny.

Tybalt August 18, 2008 at 5:53 pm

Mc8oclockbedtime will call him Johnny.

Mr. Funny Headlines has about much in common with Johnny Carson as WALNUTS has with Dwight Fucking Eisenhower. I don’t think a Nigerian spam e-mail could confuse Carson and Leno.

He might call him Ed, though. Or possibly Will Rogers.

Gregory_of_Nazianzus August 18, 2008 at 5:58 pm

If I can think of one thing more entertaining than a political convention, it is The Tonight Show with Jay Leno.

RuperttheBear August 18, 2008 at 6:09 pm

[re=62423]tunamelt[/re]: You forgot The Buttermilk Council

Gopherit v2.0 August 18, 2008 at 6:10 pm

He and Leno can compare how many golfballs they can fit in their mouths.

Mr. Herpes August 18, 2008 at 7:17 pm

Ah, from Saddleback Church to “Jay-walking.” I can see it now. Jay will tease McCain about being “really old” and McCain will say that at least he doesn’t do commercials for erectile disfunction and then Leno will say something about this being a historic election and McCain will say it is — that America finally gets to vote for a POW and that he doesn’t believe the rumors about Obama being a Muslim. And Jay will laugh and say, “C’mon” and McCain will say he was only joking, that he knows Obama is better looking and that it’s an uphill battle to get the Main Stream Media to stop drooling and pay attention to an old warhorse like McCain.That’s why he went to Sturgis and went topless. Ha ha. But then he’ll say we need to do something about Russia. And then there will be a commercial for Viagra.

Oscar Folsom Cleveland August 18, 2008 at 8:10 pm

Oh no!! Dastardly neocon Karl Leno is going to throw up (!) a Juan McSame smokescreen right when the short list of Hopey’s Veep short list – assuming Walnuts! makes his charming appearance at the usual 11 pm hour – are beginning their convention addresses?!!

Just you wait, the Hussein Obama Veep text message tomorrow is gonna be really really long:

• Rep. Stephanie Tubbs Jones (Ohio)
• Rep. Tammy Baldwin (Wis.): Text
• Rep. Bob Menendez (N.J.): Text
• David Alston, Vietnam swift boat crewmate of John Kerry
• Rep. Kendrick Meek (Fla.)
• Mayor Thomas Menino (Boston)
• Rep. Jim Turner (Tex.)
• Rep. Steny Hoyer (Md.)

and……wait for it, drum roll please….alcoholic schizo ne’er do well
• DNC Chair Terry McAuliffe

S.Luggo August 18, 2008 at 8:32 pm

[re=62399]grendel[/re]: 4PM in LA, which leaves just time enough for McDementia to rush back to the hotel to watch reruns of “Madigan” and Cindy’s fave, “Falcon Crest”. A long nap then ensues.

Cindy particularly likes the episode in which Angella Channing has her long lost half-sister murdered with fire ants. http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=93708729

gliberal August 18, 2008 at 10:31 pm

McCain’s half-brother is Floyd R. Turbo.

S.Luggo August 18, 2008 at 11:02 pm

[re=62655]gliberal[/re]: Floyd: “If God didn’t want us to hunt, He wouldn’t have given us plaid shirts; I only kill in self defense—what would you do if a rabbit pulled a knife on you?”

Carson didn’t try to smoke us, as CindOxy has, by repeating a lie that he was only child. http://www.swamppolitics.com/news/politics/blog/2008/08/cindy_mccains_halfsister_im_an.html

gurukalehuru August 19, 2008 at 1:18 am

Question for Dara: Was George Bush schnockered, or was he schnockered?

jerryw August 19, 2008 at 2:18 am

[re=62695]gurukalehuru[/re]:

Shrub walked in the wrong door (as per usual) and was caught up in the blood test line. A review of the test results showed that he had traces of blood in his alcohol stream.

Jerry w
www. boskolives.wordpress.com

trophy(forparticipation)wife August 19, 2008 at 8:31 am

[re=62481]Tybalt[/re]: Carson was a genius. A genius!

I thought he had funny headlines too.

Comments on this entry are closed.

Previous post:

Next post: