• February 13, 2012
  • THE ONLY TRUE MCCAIN-VIETCONG STORY? John McCain on his North Vietnamese captors: “A lot of them were homosexual.” [Gawker/Queerty]

{ 59 comments }

RuperttheBear August 18, 2008 at 6:16 pm

Is this why John McCain sucks and smells like buttsecs?

InsidiousTuna August 18, 2008 at 6:18 pm

And this man might be president.

BadNewsJack August 18, 2008 at 6:20 pm

Come on, Wonkette, now your making it too easy.

shortsshortsshorts August 18, 2008 at 6:21 pm

[re=62518]RuperttheBear[/re]: Different reason for that. He has to carry one of those shit bags that I am too lazy to spell out right now.

Texan Bulldoggette August 18, 2008 at 6:21 pm

How did he know they were gay? Did someone have a bad pick-up-the-soap moment?

NotUrEvryDayWEzl August 18, 2008 at 6:21 pm

Ah, now we know why he stayed so long.

Spence August 18, 2008 at 6:23 pm

Hum.
Well I guess that wasn’t a dream last night.

SayItWithWookies August 18, 2008 at 6:23 pm

He knows ’cause their dicks tasted gay.

Lazy Media August 18, 2008 at 6:23 pm

[re=62525]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: Their dicks tasted like shit. Dead giveaway.

RuperttheBear August 18, 2008 at 6:23 pm

[re=62526]NotUrEvryDayWEzl[/re]: FIVE AND A HALF YEARS, ALAN!

[re=62523]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: But the sucking . . .

InsidiousTuna August 18, 2008 at 6:24 pm

[re=62523]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: C-O-L-O-S-T-O-M-Y

InsidiousTuna August 18, 2008 at 6:25 pm

FIVE AND A HALF YEARS of buttsex.

Neilist August 18, 2008 at 6:25 pm

Ah, but [if you'll pardon the pun] how did he know they were “homosexual.”

“Zo! Kolonel Hogan! Sergeant Shultz kaught you tunneling out the back door of our little Luftstalg AGAIN, eh?”

shortsshortsshorts August 18, 2008 at 6:25 pm

[re=62526]NotUrEvryDayWEzl[/re]: All the free pudding?

Gopherit v2.0 August 18, 2008 at 6:26 pm

[re=62525]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: No, it was how much they enjoyed it when he’d suck them off for extra rations. If it’s for food, it’s not gay.

soytrucknutz August 18, 2008 at 6:26 pm

Gay, Communist, Women’s suffrage, anti-poll tax, it’s all the same to me. Vote John McCain.

shortsshortsshorts August 18, 2008 at 6:27 pm

[re=62532]InsidiousTuna[/re]: As if I didn’t feel retarded before. Now I have to take myself out back and get shot by two of teh gays.

At least I can get that one last wish though.

EnBuenOra August 18, 2008 at 6:27 pm

Now I don’t hate them any more—not these particular guys. I hate and detest the leaders. Some guards would just come in and do their job. When they were told to beat you they would come in and do it. Some seemed to get a big bang out of it. A lot of them were homosexual, although never toward us. Some, who were pretty damned sadistic, seemed to get a big thrill out of the beatings…
- McCain, 1973

Of course, this has nothing whatsoever to do with the naked ass pyramids at Abu Ghraib, the dick-pointing contests, the dead-body mocking…

…those were just some good ol’ Americans having frat house fun while saving us from terrists!

tiny mexican August 18, 2008 at 6:28 pm

He doesn’t hate all gays, just the sadistic ones! Charlie Crist and Lindsey Graham are the gentle, ABBA-listening, rug-shopping kind.

BadNewsJack August 18, 2008 at 6:28 pm

Well, he was in the navy…

Gopherit v2.0 August 18, 2008 at 6:28 pm

[re=62532]InsidiousTuna[/re]: Funny, when shorts said “ He has to carry one of those shit bags that I am too lazy to spell out right now.,” I thought,”What’s so hard about spelling Romney?”

shortsshortsshorts August 18, 2008 at 6:41 pm

[re=62545]Gopherit v2.0[/re]: And that is why he will be veep.

The Incomparable Tiny Valdez August 18, 2008 at 6:42 pm

When Ho Chi Min died and they started treating the POWs nicer, they regularly served the delicious native dish cum of sum yung gai.

Dave J. August 18, 2008 at 6:46 pm

“My friends, to this day I have a hard time choking down Tom Yum in any Asian restaurant…”

Whiskeybaby August 18, 2008 at 6:52 pm

“A lot of them were homosexual, although never toward us.” For some reason, this makes me giggle. How sad that none of them were gay for old Walnuts, even when he was young and sprightly.

AngryBlakGuy August 18, 2008 at 6:57 pm

…I guess that cheek pouch CUMS in handy when you are in a gay sadist prison camp!

NoWireHangers August 18, 2008 at 6:58 pm

Hanoi Hilton = In N’ Out Motel

denver_80203 August 18, 2008 at 6:59 pm

Does this mean those ARE NOT WALNUTS????

Harvey Birdman August 18, 2008 at 6:59 pm

Some gays are only gay towards or away from people. It’s known as SparkleMotion.

Scarab August 18, 2008 at 7:03 pm

Where can you find pleasure
Search the world for treasure
Learn science technology
Where can you begin to make your dreams all come true

- In the Navy, The Village People

Well, we elected a cowboy and now a sailor, I’m guessing the next GOP candidate will either be an Indian or a biker.

wheelie August 18, 2008 at 7:04 pm

The prison conditions were mostly awful, but the drapes were to die for.

NoWireHangers August 18, 2008 at 7:11 pm

WALNUTS! knew because they beat him with designer bamboo, and the prison was furnished with rare antiques.

AngryBlakGuy August 18, 2008 at 7:14 pm

…let me get this straight they had WALNUTS! all tied up and spread into vulnerable positions and they didn’t use him for sexual gratification?!

weirdiowasculpture August 18, 2008 at 7:23 pm

[re=62565]Whiskeybaby[/re]: No, I think he meant that they were gay in the opposite direction. Most gay people point north, which is why Larry Craig starts acting out when he gets close to the Canadian border.

jimh August 18, 2008 at 7:26 pm

He voted for teabagging before he voted for waterboarding.

trophy(forparticipation)wife August 18, 2008 at 7:31 pm

What no jokes about the Asian acorn?

4tehlulz August 18, 2008 at 7:33 pm

So basically all war criminals have to do is go “DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS” and McCain would forgive them?

That definitely explains Abu Gharib.

Gopherit v2.0 August 18, 2008 at 7:37 pm

True to his Navy backgrounds, even a manly sailor like McCain knows you go for any port in a storm.

S. Cullen Bonz August 18, 2008 at 7:43 pm

As the conservatives in Hanoi say “It’s Adam and Even, not Luc Phu and Diem Pehn.

S. Cullen Bonz August 18, 2008 at 7:44 pm

that’s Eve. Typo.

MrAgro August 18, 2008 at 7:44 pm

someone’s projectiiiiinnnngg…

erymanthian bore August 18, 2008 at 7:45 pm

The Hanoi Hilton — Where the elite beat their meat

weirdiowasculpture August 18, 2008 at 7:55 pm

Where does McCain stand on the question of gay Viet Cong torturer marriage?

Twinkle Twinkle Lil Star August 18, 2008 at 8:00 pm

[re=62529]SayItWithWookies[/re]:

He knows ’cause their dicks tasted gay.

damn… that made me laugh till my ovaries dislodged and fell out of my vag.

The Incomparable Tiny Valdez August 18, 2008 at 8:10 pm

Gay viet Cong gurrrll is one nasty bitch once she gets in the gogo booth. Talk about your apocalypses now, daddy, that be 20 dong for a lap dance!

Darehead August 18, 2008 at 8:14 pm

McCain-Craig2008

The Incomparable Tiny Valdez August 18, 2008 at 8:24 pm

Remember how anti-gay the Raygun administration was while skeletal wife Nancy was was swanning around with that poof Adolfo and her lapdog Jerry Zipkin while everyone who mattered died of AIDS? Cindy probably hangs with hairdressers from Scottsdale. They have the “merchandise”, and don’t court controversy.

weirdiowasculpture August 18, 2008 at 8:30 pm

But did they have an agenda?

jerryw August 18, 2008 at 8:42 pm

Oh how everyone laughed when I said that on passing McOld would have to be buried face down so the lobbyists would know him by where they kissed him, and his captors from Viet Nam would recognize him as papa sweet cheeks.

And then I now have to add, it’s going to be done so visitors to his grave would have a place to park their bike while pissing on his headstone.

Be aware that the presumptive Republican candidate is not gay!!! Now, the guy that’s poking him in the ass, that guy’s really gay.

Jerry w
http://www.boskolives.wordpress.com

Garble August 18, 2008 at 9:10 pm

A lot of them were homosexual, although never toward us.

See, he started out thinking that if he said his captors were gay it would make them seem scarier. Then he realized the implication that maybe they did gay stuff to him, so he quickly backpedaled.

Garyosu August 18, 2008 at 9:57 pm

No wonder he had to cheat on his disabled wife when he returned after FIVE AND A HALF YEARS of buttsecks

grendel August 18, 2008 at 10:19 pm

[re=62576]Scarab[/re]: Jindal?

Upthruster August 18, 2008 at 10:46 pm

Okay, now the Rockwell picture on the McCain book by his daughter just got even creepier.

Jingo August 18, 2008 at 11:12 pm

“A lot of them were homosexual, but never towards us.” That was the real torture for McCain, being rejected by hot, sweaty, gay vietnamese guards.

As for the Christmas cross story, McCain’s captor was recently interviewed by Thanh Nien Daily and recalled that he had not drawn a cross in the sand. Instead he started to spell the word thối which means stinky in Vietnamese. Considering it was a special day for McCain, he changed his mind and chose not to tell him that all the gay guards thought he had that old man smell even back then.

shortsshortsshorts August 18, 2008 at 11:20 pm

This is such a minority point right now, that we all should be shot in the face. When/If it blows up, we can all wear bow ties and be on crossfire. WIN/EFF it blows up, I will buy you all drinks, in heaven.

trai_dep August 19, 2008 at 2:26 am

Americans for Truth wonder: if the Viet Cong were homosectsual and if St John was bound, gagged and gimp-suited for all those years of captivity, was he the top or bottom for their opportunistic nocturnal forays? Given the ample documentaries available on xtube, I suspect the latter.
The bright side: at least they weren’t hairy, fatty daddy types. Because based on Cindy, I’m pretty sure McCain likes his bed partners lean, trimmed and mean. Especially “mean”.

trai_dep August 19, 2008 at 3:15 am

A lot of them were homosexual, but never towards us.
So they let him watch?! I’m quite jealous. During summer camp, we had an iron-clad rule: NO spectators allowed.
(cough) I mean, I heard that, during summer camp, they

Lolo August 19, 2008 at 4:51 am

Am I the only one smirking at the thought of Harold and Kumar’s cock meat sandwich?

lawrenceofthedesert August 19, 2008 at 1:51 pm

The guards were buff, impeccably uniformed and had great hair. Two of them ran an improv theater in Hanoi City. Another doubled as Ho Chi Minh’s personal trainer. Prisoners had to subsist on a bowl of rice a day, but the presentation and service were fantastic. The grains were arranged meticulously on the plate with a garnish of carved fresh ginger and a soy-based dipping sauce. When one of the guards saw the cross on the floor, he mentioned that he had thought of becoming an Episcopalian priest…

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