• February 11, 2012
PRESIDENT OF HELL

by Ken Layne

7:45 pm October 29, 2008

Hey there, blimpie boy ...TWO YEARS OF TORTURE: Here is your editor’s election-apocalypse cover story in your new LA CityBeat. Pick it up from a street rack or bookstore, if you can, because it’s TOO LONG for web-readin’, you betcha. Yes, it’s the issue with the terrifying Obama-Unicorn Garden of Eden cover artwork. [LA CityBeat]

{ 20 comments }

ForeignSickSpecialist October 29, 2008 at 7:51 pm

I get the rainbow and unicorn, and I can kind of see the wild cat, but what the fuck is the goat for? Curry?

freakishlystrong October 29, 2008 at 7:58 pm

Not too long Ken, but fearifying, I’ll give you that…

The Jackson Five October 29, 2008 at 7:59 pm

Some tasteful Blingee on Hopebamas nipples would’ve really made that picture pop.

Keram2 October 29, 2008 at 8:01 pm

OH! IT’S ON!

Dreamer October 29, 2008 at 8:02 pm

So is CNN gonna have their retarded undecideds watch Hopey’s big show and let us know what they thought?

regisgoat October 29, 2008 at 8:09 pm

Where’s Hopey’s nimbus? It ought to show up since he’s in silhouette like that.
Great article, by the by…

Neilist October 29, 2008 at 8:19 pm

Ken, does it feature some of those Mojave tortoises? The drugged out murder scene witnessing ones? Wearing Wayfarers?

Lionel Hutz Esq. October 29, 2008 at 8:19 pm

Wait. L.A. CityBeat? Aren’t you the guys with-holding the video of Obama giving hand-jobs to uncircumcised Muslim terrorist for crack? I can’t keep the media straight. Where is Sean Hannity when I need him?

Gingah October 29, 2008 at 8:40 pm

oh, LAW…

Jonny Lieberman October 29, 2008 at 8:59 pm

I read the whole thing.

…and I approve of this message.

Numbat Dundee October 29, 2008 at 9:30 pm

President of Hell indeed:

Hell is a city much like Washington—
A populous and a smoky city;
There are all sorts of people undone,
And there is little or no fun done;
Small justice shown, and still less pity.

donner_froh October 29, 2008 at 11:04 pm

Brilliant, from the drum roll of disgraced Republican former House members–”child-fucker Mark Foley…actual Pennsylvania space alien Curt Weldon…” to description of our blasted financial wilderness and finally the all too plausible decision to roll the tanks on November 5.

A tip of my tin can hobo cap and a salute with a half pint of Mohawk vodka.

LauraJune October 30, 2008 at 12:07 am

whoever made that cover is the president of photoshop. and, incidentally, of my heart.

loislane1939 October 30, 2008 at 12:52 am

Note to self: Never, never get high with you.

masterdebater October 30, 2008 at 1:28 am

I haven’t felt this way since…oh…that time I caught that nasty parasite during a stint in South America. I mean, that picture is just that brutal!

trai_dep October 30, 2008 at 4:05 am

I’m glad that McCain is trailing in CA, otherwise LA Citybeat would need a cover featuring McGrumpy eating the unicorn while she’s still alive, with Palin shooting each of the lions in the gut from a helicopter hovering overhead whilst cackling madly.

Min October 30, 2008 at 11:19 am

Is Obama asking that wildcat to pull his finger?

Tra October 30, 2008 at 11:21 am

Hahhahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahha.

I started reading this, and then I had to stop, because that line about your speculator landlord losing your house actually happened to me a few months ago, and now I am curled up in a corner rocking back and forth while sucking my thumb. Thanks Ken!

On the plus side, I am reminded to call my employee perks program for a 20 minute free legal consult on how to sue his ass in an attempt to retrieve my security deposit.

Joey Ratz October 30, 2008 at 3:05 pm

Great piece, Ken. It will line the inside of my hobo barrel.

drrty martini October 31, 2008 at 2:07 am

Wowza, Mr Layne! Please, please keep writing stuff like this. I spend far too much time screaming at my computer screen whist reading the likes of Bill and Peggy. Political commentary needs more writing instead of typing.

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