HELP WONKETTE WITH OUR ANNUAL WAR ON XMAS GIFT GUIDE! We are almost done with this year’s Gift Guide, but we need your suggestions (with links) to actually, er, help us type it up. Email your real true fun/terrible Wonkette gift ideas with the subject line SANTA HURTED ME. Special insider editor talk after the jump!
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Come on, tops for all you political sex addicts: Sarah Palin Sex doll
Jobs.
Jobs would be a good gift.
Also, fruitcake.
Lunch meat.
I assume you’ve got “Truck Nutz Christmas ornament” on the list, right?
Bailouts for everyone!
https://store.afa.net/pc-10000310-11-christmas-cross.aspx
(as featured on Daily Show)
Wasn’t Sarah Palin the bestest gift we could ever ask for? How about a Cindy McCain sex scandal?
Mattel’s Whak-A-Palin. Fun for the whole family.
[re=193739]hopebong[/re]:
damn, too slow
[re=193739]hopebong[/re]: oh, yeah, this is a wonderful one, especially for your African-American friends!
On the first day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me,
Truck Nutz in a pear tree,
I wonder if this works?
http://astore.amazon.com/christmas-presents-xmas-buy-20/detail/0762429658
Fun for the whole family!
http://www.divine-interventions.com/baby.php
The genuine Obama collectors plate HAS to make the list. I love in the commercial how the guy is penning his letter, and glances lovingly over at the plate.
http://www.obamaplate.com/
As an alternative to the Planned Parenthood gift of contraception (html)(http://www.abcnews.go.com/WN/story?id=6384543&page=1)(/html), you could fill a shoebox with pregnancy tests and a crucifix, and on the outsite write “Palin Family Planning Kit”
[re=193739]hopebong[/re]: OMG Also, that afa.net website doesn’t believe in teh maths. From the comment section: “Showing comments 1-10 of 6″
[re=193760]Splurgos[/re]: that would be the best gift EVAH.
[re=193762]CivicHoliday[/re]: Damn it, screwed up the link. Well whatever, you druggies and alcoholics can at least figure out how to cut and paste.
How about the Michelle Obama “Hate whitey” tape? I hear it makes a great gift.
I bet you could get a pretty good deal on some surplus stuff from McCain’s site, like the McCain cane, good for caning street urchins, pan-handlers, trollopes and charwomen.
I would like a remote controlled flying penis helicopter.
you should give money to Rudy Giuliani. I’m pretty sure you can do that on the website still.
“Nailin’ Palin” should definitely make it.
Emporer’s Club gift certificates redeemable for The Spitzer Special – 2 hours at fancy DC hotel with a five diamond whore.
[re=193739]hopebong[/re]: WOW. Just, WOW. For those bad-weather days, when you need to have your rally inside without setting off the fire alarms? Does it come with hoods, or do you have to purchase those separately?
Teehee. I emailed a list. I hope it makes the cut…
Special golden chrome one testicle “Hitler Truck Nut™”, with a swastika on one side and Tom Cruise with an eyepatch on the other.
I’ve found a big dried cuttlefish from an Asian grocery makes a wonderful X-mas gift. Or a can of Swamp Cabbage.
A galleon for querty42 so we can all join his crew and be pirates! I demand a life of rum and sodemy, and the lash for those into that sort of thing. The high seas await! Arrrr!
This is what I’m giving all my black acquaintances this year.
http://www.tshirthell.com/funny-shirts/so-we-cool-now-barack-obama/
[re=193761]Terry[/re]: Oh god I love that too.
As GPS Device for members of the Obama administration so that they will always be able find the middle of road.
Mmmmmmmm…cookies…
http://hogmalion.com/shop.cfm?Action=Det&ID=54
[re=193819]FMA[/re]: oh my god, those are fabulous!
[re=193749]Doglessliberal[/re]: I hear AFA wants to plant it on White House lawn
Hobo Beans!
The Cold War Unicorns were my absolute favorite.
I suspect Bill O’Reilly approves of this:
http://www.christmasdonebright.com/lighted-displays/religious/santa-kneeling-over-baby-jesus
I’ll take a couple of foreclosed homes, if you also throw in some free hobo gardening services
Heh. The white house is sporting some wood.
For each past and present appointee of and in the Bush White House:
http://www.propsunlimited.com/pics/Games%20-%20Go%20to%20Jail.jpg
[re=193880]bago[/re]: you is retard
planned parenthood gift certificate so the liberal in your life can get the abortion they always dreamed of.
[re=193852]PrairiePossum[/re]: Jimminies that’s grotesque. Why didn’t they toss in an Irish Leprechaun as well?
[re=193940]S.Luggo[/re]:
They don’t have a Leprechaun (yet), but I did find a I ‘heart’ Jesus – perfect for Valentine’s Day.
http://www.christmasdonebright.com/lighted-displays/religious/I-LOVE-JESUS-SIGN
They sell those damn things for upwards of $200.00. I’m thinking about starting my own electric Jesus sign business.
Karl Rove’s head on a pole.
The one and only banana saver: http://www.bananasaver.com/
This might be too obvious, but Obama toast image might be nice. And quite affordable for the new frugalistas:
http://tinyurl.com/6fpwva
Here’s something for your X-Mas gift guide – FETAL BITES!
http://hogmalion.com/shop.cfm?Action=Det&ID=54
Not sure what to get that special pro-lifer in your life? How about some Fetal Bites? That’s right, it’s a fetus shaped cookie whose life you can take guilt free. For once you can put a fetus into your tummy rather than pulling one out! Just like God wanted.
I always suggest the Librarian Action Figure, for the times when you can’t/won’t do the necessary political research.
Wish list:
Wonkettini glasses.
“Best of Wonkette” coffee table (or bathroom reading) book
SKS, Jim, Juli or Ken Bobblehead dolls
Wonkette fleece (or fleas) jacket
Special “Bathroom Goblin” knee pads and/or floor mat with Senator Craig’s likeness. Should include “Super Tuber” recipe in package.
http://www.cblpi.org/calendar/
The “pretty in mink” calendar featuring lots of conservative ladies–Ann Coulter is Miss September.
“We took some of your favorite leaders of today’s conservative movement on a journey back in time, and made them up into glamorous movie stars of classic Hollywood. Back when the big screen was a little more glamorous, women were a little more feminine, the men a little more charming—and the world a little less politically correct.”
Have you seen the paintings of Obama, naked, on a unicorn?
Perfect for all your maiden aunties:
http://www.faithmouse.com/Barack_Obama_Victory_Print.html
Seriously. Only $20 and includes shipping!
[re=194155]gypsysc2[/re]: Good call! I’ve got 20 of those calendars (free). My xmas shopping is done!
GODDAMN IT
the proper joke is not that trig is a “suck gift”, its that trig is a “downer”.
WITTICISMS. GO TO YOUR CAMPFIRE CHAT AND MAKE THEM FOR ME
also, i am drunk. its a fucking festivus miracle
Packs of Camels for everyone!
Smush Bush! George Bush stress toy
The Liberian legal tender non-circulating September 11th commemorative coin.
https://www.911twenty.com/flare/next
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