• February 13, 2012
CONTINGENCY PLANS

by Jim Newell

3:04 pm December 23, 2008

  • SCREW YOU GUYS, I’M GOING TO THE JUNGLE: Rahm Emanuel is supposed to be cleared of any wrongdoing in the Obama team’s internal report on perceived collaborations with Gov. Blaggy, which will be released at 4:30 ET. But just in case, Rahm has peaced the fuck out to Africa. [HuffPo]

{ 27 comments }

finallyhappy December 23, 2008 at 3:10 pm

so untrue- We Jews often go to Africa to celebrate Chanukah.

ph7 December 23, 2008 at 3:11 pm

Operation Jungle Boogie

Min December 23, 2008 at 3:11 pm

Cue music:

Its gonna take a lot to drag me away from you.
There’s nothing that a hundred men or more could ever do.
I bless the rains down in Africa, I bless the rains down in Africa.

HandsomePete December 23, 2008 at 3:11 pm

Africa? To track down Hussein Obama’s REAL birth certificate from Kenya and destroy it, right?

SayItWithWookies December 23, 2008 at 3:12 pm

He’s going to Kenya to get more of that Potion of Awesomeness from Hopey’s witch doctor. And also to bump off any remaining witnesses to the real circumstances of Obama’s birth.

The Station Manager December 23, 2008 at 3:13 pm

All those calls to “Go Back To Africa!” so narrowly missed their target.

The Cold Sea December 23, 2008 at 3:19 pm

It’s perfectly normal for the chief of staff to not go with the preznit-elected on a working vacation.

Monsieur Grumpe December 23, 2008 at 3:19 pm

Could this be the new administration’s version of “needing to spend more time with the family”?

Stay away from those African penguins Emanuel. They’re mean and extremely unpredictable.

4tehlulz December 23, 2008 at 3:26 pm

Does this mean they won’t be fucking in Africa anymore?

That’s sad.

WalnutsIsMyCo-Pilot December 23, 2008 at 3:27 pm

I think he’s just pullin’ a Dave Chappelle. He’ll be back in a few months with a freshly powdered nose and a new outlook on life AND Comedy Central.

Dramatist December 23, 2008 at 3:28 pm

This has happened before. Like, Kevin Bacon before him, Emmanuel will return with the only man who can beat Barry in basketball. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0109067/

4tehlulz December 23, 2008 at 3:39 pm

I am now imagining Rahm Emanuel taking Axl’s place in the Guns ‘N Roses video.

It’s amazing what hallucinations you have when you are trying to look busy.

MoonshineJoe December 23, 2008 at 3:40 pm

Hes probably going to deliver a dead fish to (and/or assassinate) Mugage while he is over there.

snideinplainsight December 23, 2008 at 3:40 pm

I wonder if he’s gonna eat some of that yellow cake while he’s down there. Cheney says that’s the best!

Bruno December 23, 2008 at 3:44 pm

But where in Africa? Is this like SnowBilly saying, who is the prezident of Africa?

FreshCliches December 23, 2008 at 3:50 pm

Oh, go, oh, go, Emanuel,
No ransomed seat in IL,
Who mourns Rod Blago’s exiled hair,
Until Messiah’s proven “not there”
Redact! Redact! Emanuel!
Until transparency in IL

ManchuCandidate December 23, 2008 at 3:54 pm

Obama-calypse Now

Blaggy: Did they say why, Rahm, why they want to terminate my governorship?
Rahm: I was sent on a classified mission, sir.
Blaggy: It’s no longer classified, is it? Did they tell you?
Rahm: They told me that you had gone totally corrupt, and that your methods were stupid.
Blaggy: Are my methods stupid?
Rahm: I don’t see any method at all, sir.
Blaggy: I expected someone like you. What did you expect? Are you a ballerina?
Rahm: I’m Barry’s Chief of Staff.
Blaggy: You’re neither. You’re an errand boy, sent by a Unicorn, to collect a bill.

Mild Midwesterner December 23, 2008 at 3:54 pm

Wait… Rahm went to Africa in order to get away from corrupt politicians? FAIL!

actor212 December 23, 2008 at 4:22 pm

He’s gone to find Sarah Palin’s exorcist to take care of that bitch Blagojevich, and get him a real name like Smith.

ToeCramps December 23, 2008 at 4:28 pm

Rahm is so gangsta! He said STFU on Bighair Blago! There will be no follow up interviews from the paparazzi…er…I mean…media.

Dildo Baggins December 23, 2008 at 5:06 pm

Man, he’s just cold recruiting members for the White House posse from some of those badass Congo rebels. Wait till you see them in camos and afros, sportin’ AKs on the South Lawn. Ain’t gonna be no fuckin’ White House no more, honkies.

Darehead December 23, 2008 at 7:04 pm

[re=204897]ManchuCandidate[/re]: Epic The Horror, Epic The Horror.

How come, how come? Emaaaaaaa-nu-el?

Darehead December 23, 2008 at 7:06 pm

[re=204896]FreshCliches[/re]: Ooops. I was transfixed by Obama-lypse Now and missed that. Tail between legs. Yo better.

WadISay December 23, 2008 at 9:47 pm

[re=204858]Min[/re]: Africa to Rahm: Oh Come, Oh Come, Emmanuel.

Scandalabra December 23, 2008 at 10:08 pm

The last time a Republican vacationed in African they met Mr. Livingston, they presumed.

TGY December 24, 2008 at 12:21 am

One morning, he shot an elephant in his pyjamas…

villageatrois December 24, 2008 at 1:03 am

Hey, it’s Christmas eve, you guys — leave Rahm alone. Oh wait, never mind. Not important, the Least of Fights. My bad.

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