LEVI JOHNSTON HAD TO QUIT HIS JOB: This poor kid. All he ever did was impregnate some 17-year-old girl once, a phenomenon that happens all the fucking time, and his only mistake was impregnating the daughter of some nobody governor whom John McCain decided to pluck from obscurity and parade around the national stage because she had boobs and loved Jesus. Now Levi Johnston, who just wants to work in the oil fields of the North Slope — a ball-freezingly cold and thankless job if ever there was one — can’t even do that without people getting all worked up about whether or not he has a high school diploma or not. So whee, he doesn’t have a diploma, so now he can’t be an electrical apprentice, and still these tragic Johnstons are no more or less trashy than 98 percent of America so just LAY OFF ALREADY. [Anchorage Daily News]
Read More:
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- Levi's Sister Says Bristol Palin Was Part of Teen Sex Tent Party, With Levi
- Bristol Palin's Music Video Even Worse Than Levi's Somehow
- Lawrence O'Donnell Goes Over Famous Genius Levi Johnston's Head
- Levi Johnston Files Candidacy For Mayor of Wasilla Hearts
{ 72 comments }
If there is a lesson to be learned from the Levi Johnston Saga is: When dropping one into the five hole of a politician’s daughter, USE A FUCKING CONDOM!
Just sell drugs, dude.
Hey…mebbe he could be an ice road trucker…they’re on TV & they ain’t got no learnin’ either.
On the plus side, the new baby provides a few additional holes in which to stick his thing when he’s bored. So there’s that.
Good grief, go down to the school system offices and take the damn GED exam if you don’t want to finish up the classes.
What a whiney bunch of fricking hillbillies.
Maybe Joe The Plumber can take him under his wing? After all, he wasn’t what HE claimed to be, either!
Vote for Simply Left Behind in the Weblog Awards
Sweet..a job just opened up.
Having a frickin’ unemployed, teenage son-in-law resonates with that part of the Republican base already enamored with Sarah Palin. They can think thoughts of sympathy as they bitterly hug their guns while reading their Bibles.
I feel bad for the kid, actually. He was lucky enough however to come out of that hillbilly’s vagina in Inbred Town, USA without looking like he missed out on a few evolutionary stages.
Let’s support this good-looking kid the old fashioned, Elitist way: give him a reality show that will last 1.5 seasons so he can support his child by making party appearances with Random Kardashian and some dude from “America’s Greatest Dog” for the rest of his life.
[re=209570]actor212[/re]: Well unlike Joe, at least the kid was trying to learn a trade. But yeah, go back to school and get your degree kiddo, or at least a GED.
[re=209567]Mr Blifil[/re]: ??
[re=209577]Origami[/re]:
Ater that he could get into porn movies.
At least he won’t have to burn fuckin’ vacation time to attend his mother’s court appearances.
Whenever I read a story about the Palin clan, I hear the “Married With Children” theme song in my head.
His mother-in-law can sell some clothes for him….that would set up Levi’s family for a year or two.
[re=209577]Origami[/re]: Yeah, I was thinking something similar. No need to waste an athletic young American. Maybe we can make him micro-famous, and he can get paid to appear on Party Pix sites and junk.
[re=209581]slithytoves[/re]: Look. It’s cold up there. Very much so. And it’s dark for long stretches. After a while you run out of creative ideas, is all I’m saying.
[re=209595]PrairiePossum[/re]: Me, I hear, “The Palin family started when Uncle Toddy farted…”
There are just so many damn things wrong in this article, but this pretty much tops everything: “You guys are watching him so tightly,” Johnston said, referring to the media. “He’s being treated different than an average 18-year-old kid. He has to do everything by the book now.”
Oooooooooooooooooh. You mean Levi actually has to follow, *shudder*, RULES? OMFGWTFBBQNACHOSWITHEXTRAJALAPENOS!111!!
[re=209576]TGY[/re]: These people don’t actually READ there Bibles; they leave them on the coffee table for good luck. Kinda like god-of-wealth shrines here in China.
Zhu Bajie
[re=209607]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: That quote jumped out at me, too. “My son could TOTALLY have gotten away with it, if the liberal media hadn’t pointed out he was violating federal law! Stoopid reporters.”
[re=209591]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: That’s my advice, too.
Let’s break down Sarah Palin: unremarkable mayor of a town with a drug problem, governor of the biggest welfare state this side of Soviet Mongolia, mother of tow high school dropouts, grandmother at 44 because her 17-year-old dropout daughter was impregnated by an 18-year-old dropout whose own mother loves the meth something fierce.
Where I come from that’s what is called ghetto. If Barack Obama was such a personal train wreck, he couldn’t get appointed dog catcher in Rod Blagojevich ‘s Illinois for all the pay-to-play ever. Meanwhile Sarah Palin is held up as a paragon of family values by the Bible-chuckers.
I hate the real America. I would totally convert to Islam if Bin Laden would blow up the heartland.
He was a woeful dull backwoods low-down redneck from Tupelo, “the lowest of the low,” those one rung above called him. All I’m saying is, they laughed at Elvis too.
What are the current odds about the wedding never happening?
They have a name for those who flaunt high school diplomas in Wasilla: Elitists. It is the highest educational achievement to be imagined.
[re=209567]Mr Blifil[/re]: [re=209614]Woodwards Friend[/re]: WTF is going on this morning?
Who can tell me what that tattoo says?
[re=209616]Bowdoin[/re]: They also laughed at Hitler, and look how that turned out.
I, for one, and disappointed that someone doing electrical work on the Alaska pipeline should have to be smart enough to get a high school diploma. Think of the Darwin Awards, people!!!
Besides, Trig will need a job in 18 years.
…well inst some tabloid going to drop 300k for photos of baby Trapp or Tron or something?
[re=209580]WIDTAP[/re]: I’d argue that Joe WAS learning a trade!
In America, it’s a cottage industry to be a useless celebrity.
Can’t Governor Palin present Levi with an honorary degree from the School of Hard Knocks?
[re=209624]jagorev[/re]: Mort Sahl said history would’ve been different had they taken the little crazed corporal out to the central square of Munich right after the Putsch and pantsed him. Much better than jail, where he could write his memoirs entitled, if I remember correctly, “The Mickey Mantle Story – as told to Goering.”
[re=209607]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]:
Didn’t you know rules are only apply for Non-whites, atheists and teh gayz?
[re=209616]Bowdoin[/re]:
Elvis had talent. Levi doesn’t unless it’s baby making and then he’s going up against John Edwards, Dennis Rodman’s dad and K-Fed for the title.
Does an Alaskan GED include that “abstinence only” stuff they teach up there?
I like the way Levi’s dad says it wasn’t nepotism through Sarah that got Levi the job — it was nepotism through him. That’s the kind of meritocracy we can all get behind.
Got to hand it to the Anchorage paper — they’re really getting after this bunch of hicks. Makes you wish WaPo had been that hard on Chimpy and the WMDs.
[re=209622]rmontcal[/re]: It says Bristol, natch. It also says “Classy!”
[re=209635]NoWireHangers[/re]: It comes with the standard hoodie, too!
[re=209618]Uncle Al[/re]: This article refers to him as Bristol’s “boyfriend”. Previous articles have referred to him as her “fiance”. He’s been downgraded.
You people make me sick! Who needs high school? And why do you morans keep misspelling GOD (GED)? Rules are for fools, when your daddy is down with the nepotism!
SnowBilly has, without a doubt, ruined everyone’s life she has come into contact with. Anyone within 2 degrees of separation of her (in a twisted version of that Kevin Bacon game) has been FAILED for life
[re=209607]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: Let’s also note this is likely the first time the notions ‘Levi Johnston’ and ‘book’ have been so closely associated.
[re=209665]Madeline[/re]: Call Beyonce – he needs an upgrade.
He had to get a job? I would have figured the check he got for awkwardly palling around with McCain after he diddled Palin’s daughter would have been enough to cover a year’s salary in Wasilla. He should have held out for more.
http://thesebastards.blogspot.com/
Fake America Vs. Real America
A Play in Two Acts
Act One: Fake America
A child’s bedroom. The boy is sitting at his desk working on his homework, as his father looks on. Outside the window we see an urban skyline and a New York Yankees poster hangs on the wall, unmistakable signs that this scene is taking place in a Godless, liberal Sodom.
Danny: This sucks, dad. When am I ever going to need to solve simultaneous equations in real life?
Danny’s Father: Well, if you decide to become a professional economist, for starters. You’ll find the ability to solve simultaneous equations helpful in terms of determining the intersection of a supply and demand curve. And that’s just one example.
Act Two: Real America
A child’s bedroom. The boy is sitting at his desk working on his homework, as his single mother looks on. A Colorado Avalanche hockey poster hangs on the wall, next to a mounted deer head, unmistakable signs that this scene is taking place in real, God-fearing America.
Graff Jr.: This sucks, dad. When am I ever going to use math and stuff in real life.
Graff’s Mom: You won’t. It’s complete bullshit. Now drop those books and come help me separate the pseudoephedrine from this case of Nyquil. I’ve gotta have three pounds of Meth cooked up by tomorrow if we’re going to make the down payment on that F150 I want.
From the ADN article:
“In early September, Levi finally landed a job as a roustabout on an ASRC project in Valdez, Johnston said.”
Roustabout looked too good not to google. According to this, they are also known as “Roughnecks”
http://careersadvice.direct.gov.uk/helpwithyourcareer/jobprofiles/profiles/profile1099/
Man, Levi’s resume gets better by the day.
“As a roustabout you would do basic labouring tasks to help keep the drilling area in good working order. You would work under the supervision of a lead roustabout, and your job would include:
* cleaning, scraping and painting the deck, equipment and work areas
* offloading supplies from boats and moving them to storage areas
* moving supplies and equipment to the work site
* using lifting gear and winches to load and stack equipment
* helping to repair pumping equipment
* mixing lubricants (‘drilling mud’) for the drill bit.
Roughneck is a promotion from roustabout… “
When mom and one of her daughters are having kids about the same time – Sarah with Trig, and now Bristol with Tripp – guess they can wet-nurse each other’s rug rats, compare notes on labor pain, and discuss whether to opt for a booty nip-tuck – not to mention the economies of naming their spawn…just sayin…
[re=209564]magic titty[/re]: How do you think he got to know Track?
It’s all about punishment. In Real America (TM), you get punished for that ten seconds of sheer bliss you enjoyed while your whoaboy went off in her hoohaa. You get punished for the rest of your life. You are either forced to work a dull, exhausting, lifeless job for 50 years, or you are just publically humiliated as much as possible. Maybe even both.
[re=209670]superfecta[/re]: No lie. Didn’t the last story on Levi have Sarah saying something about him having to take some online course in order to meet his graduation requirements? What was it… Leapfrog 2.2?
[re=209719]Gorillionaire[/re]: Hey, I have a master’s degree and I have a dull, exhausting lifeless job(but it does pay well).
maybe Barry could make him secretary of health, education and welfare?????
When’s Levi gonna realise NY publishers pay more than Roughneckz for tell-all stories?
[re=209706]Bruno[/re]:
The oil-patch has some of the greatest job titles anywhere-
Moving up the career ladder from Roughneck, the big swinging dick on the drilling rig is the Tool Pusher….
Did someone already say “He should have kept his johnston in his Levi’s?” If not, I’m saying it now.
Anyone catch this little bit.
The June 23, 2008, letter for Levi says in part: “I have known Levi and his family for many years and am most impressed with Levi’s work ethic. Levi is organized, efficient, extremely competent, and will prove to be an excellent employee. Also, Levi’s physical strength and determination are assets that will be useful to your company.”
[re=209960]Worlds End[/re]: She totally boned him
The Army no longer requires a high school diploma and wouldn’t Granny Caribou be proud? And living in married housing on base would be a step up socially for these two.
[re=209706]Bruno[/re]: When I was in high school, I did something like this as a summer job in suburban Chicago. It sucked because I was essentially “clean-up-on-aisle-six boy” for the construction site. In Alaska, this job is apparently an entry level position.
From the article: “You guys are watching him so tightly,” Johnston said, referring to the media. “He’s being treated different than an average 18-year-old kid. He has to do everything by the book now.”
Wow. I’d really hate for him to have to, you know, like, obey labor laws and stuff. Uh-oh, gotta log off now and go clean up a spill on aisle four. Ha-ha, no I don’t. I have a real job.
[re=209856]fupduk[/re]: [re=209706]Bruno[/re]: Yes, the typical oil-rig hierarchy (from lowest) is thus:
Roustabout < Roughneck < Toolpusher < Bandyknicker < Snafflewhooper < Horkenbliffer < Bandersnatch.
Dangit. I thought for a moment that I might have found a lucrative investment opportunity in Wasilla, only to discover via Wonkette that Levi is probably going to take over his mom’s business, which has with a base of loyal customers and widespread name recognition among the Alaska State Police.
[re=210109]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: don’t forget about the mud specialists-
mud mixer < mud puddler < mud pumper < mud sampler < mud tester < mud wrestler < stripper <geologist < mixologist
My AAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSS he didn’t get help from the Pagans (Oops!), er um, I means Palins to get that job. I have two 30-something male cousins in AK. Slope jobs are prized up there and hard to come by because everybody wants them. Does Father trailer-park-dump-truck Johnson really mean to tell me that his loser high school drop out of a slacker son got this job because he just had a good work ethic? For fuck’s sake, he had a LETTER of RECOMMENDATION from Sarah I-need-150K-of-new-close-to-lose-the-presidential-race Palin!
With her rousing defense of young Levi, methinks Sara K. Smith may have a touch of the hockey stick fever…
(from theme song to Green Acres – playing in my head when I think of the Palin/Johnson trash heap)
GEDeeeee papers no one asked to see
Sloooooope livin’ not the life for Lee
Heeee can’t afford a ring or jewels,
still not hitched and sportin’ that skank’s tatoo!
Neeeeew clothes the campaign had to pay
Saaarah’s alergic to the gays
Todd snowmobiles and drinks the booze
Red necks and hillbillys look up to you.
We’re in the spotlight….
Goodbye private life!
Newspapers we are there!
Whats the differnce between Sarah Palin and a PitBull; the pitbull doesn’t let thier litter trash pick and has more class all around.
WHA WHA WHA Wha!
[re=210093]Aloysius[/re]: Hmm, interesting. And I thought the sexual innuendo in the job description wasn’t explicit enough.
Please tell me more about how you: keeping the drilling area in good working order, working under a lead roustabout, cleaning, scraping and painting the deck, using lifting gear and winches to load and stack equipment, helping to repair pumping equipment & mixing lubricants (’drilling mud’) for the drill bit.
Don’t spare me ANY graphic detail (I know you said you were in Chicago, but I can imagine the roughnecks in Alaska)
Levi won’t need no stinking job, ever, especially after he and Bristol get paid The Big Bucks for baby photos of little Trichinosis. Didn’t Brad and Angelina get $10 million for their baby pics? Imagine what Levi and Bristol will get!
[re=211118]Joey Ratz[/re]: $300,000 for baby pics was reported. How can that ever be enough for him to finish one more class to complete high school so he can qualify to under-study for a rear-entry job on the pipeline? Happy Heath the Grandaddy said they have so many baby presents it will take eons to unwrap them, but how would that be enough enough to get a start in life?
This is sooo like the Baby Jezuss, who was wrapped in rags and laid in a manger, and watched over by Wise Men, so that cattle wouldn’t eat him, while his parents held his freak-essence and gold and myrhh, in trust, to the tune of $300 large. You do know what “manger” means, right?
They eats their young. They puts their olds on the ice. In between they shine like beacons! But not for long.
[re=209706]Bruno[/re]: Sounds like a sailor! Maybe he can join the Navy!
Zhu Bajie
[re=210123]TeddyS[/re]: If they know him, and he knows them, then he can give them money and meth to look the other way. Maybe they can even put the competition in jail. Isn’t that how entreneurship works in Alaska?
Zhu Bajie
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