• February 13, 2012
SO THERE'S THAT

by Jim Newell

7:16 pm January 27, 2009

{ 73 comments }

LittlePig January 27, 2009 at 7:19 pm

Secret Service Man! Secret Service Man!
They’ve paid you a little visit,
and taken away your site…

LittlePig January 27, 2009 at 7:21 pm

There’s a site that could have used some rigor.
Rightwing talking points, they push with vigor.
Oh but be careful of what you say,
or they’ll lock your ass away,
Odds are you’re now dancin’ with Bubba..

cal January 27, 2009 at 7:23 pm

Bow before the power of our god LAYNE!

grevillea January 27, 2009 at 7:29 pm

The Disappearances have begun. Look out, The Corner!

Texan Bulldoggette January 27, 2009 at 7:29 pm

Can Ken post an article about my mortgage holder so they’ll go out of business, too?

shortsshortsshorts January 27, 2009 at 7:30 pm

God bless you, Pope Cat.

SayItWithWookies January 27, 2009 at 7:31 pm

Conservapedia upgrading to new server!

Newt didn’t go away. Nixon went away in disgrace, then still came back. Kissinger didn’t go away. Cheney and Bush have not gone away, believe me. And Conservapedia, unfortunately, didn’t go away. If there’s one thing these people don’t do…

http://www.conservapedia.com/wiki/Main_Page

AxmxZ January 27, 2009 at 7:32 pm

And for the encore, Ken Layne will now tele-disrupt the electrical impulses of Rush Limbaugh’s black heart.

FlownOver January 27, 2009 at 7:34 pm

“… political terrorists, who are intent upon, dedicated to, mocking our conservative, Christian-friendly encyclopedia”

How the hell do you parody insanity?

AxmxZ January 27, 2009 at 7:34 pm

[re=230066]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Damn, that was fast. Even zombies take some time off to decompress and decompose before returning to menace people.

Special Agent Jack Mehoff January 27, 2009 at 7:36 pm

Ha ha! That is sweet.

Bruno January 27, 2009 at 7:36 pm

I’m sure they are just reforming to form a bigger, stronger, more conservative Conservapedia.

Anyway, I love how conservatives can no longer hide behind “real ‘mericun” status (assuming the site was real of course). Now they just have to secretly hide behind each other and do their shameful bizness

WhatTheHeck January 27, 2009 at 7:37 pm

Ken is now rivaling Cheney for the most powerful being on the planet.
This will be the fight of the century.

CivicHoliday January 27, 2009 at 7:38 pm

bye bye hit list, hello comedy gold

Colander January 27, 2009 at 7:39 pm

Blogging saves lives, y’all.

Min January 27, 2009 at 7:40 pm

I’m pleased to see you use your powers for good, Ken.

Colander January 27, 2009 at 7:43 pm

[re=230066]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Aw, I only got, like, twenty seconds to mourn.

That said, my hatred for conservos/wingnuts/trucknuts/bigots usually wanes once the election year is over, but it’s only getting stronger, you guys. Also,

qwerty42 January 27, 2009 at 7:46 pm

[re=230069]FlownOver[/re]: “…How the hell do you parody insanity?…”
How indeed. It is all but impossible to distinguish their rants from The Onion.

Redhead January 27, 2009 at 7:50 pm

[re=230066]SayItWithWookies[/re]: oh good fricking lord.
That thing is more obnoxious and pretentious (not to mention unfounded in reality) than Peggy Nutterton’s column the other day, something I truly didn’t think possible.

skroocap January 27, 2009 at 7:53 pm

Conservapedia prescriptive: “Let others boss you around.”

signed, Others

Iggy Plop January 27, 2009 at 7:56 pm

I’m still embarrassed that Wonkette didn’t come to Pharyngula’s rescue when it was being beaten by that global warming denial blog in the Weblog Awards. Nice to see that Ken nonetheless brought some joy to those guys, however short-lived.

wheelie January 27, 2009 at 8:02 pm

Fine. Suit yourselves, liberals. Stifle debate and gag discussion among decent men and women that only want to Love America by assassinating 58 senators. I hope you’re proud of yourselves.

You criticize us when we lie, then you criticize when we’re being honest.

Harry Reid was on our hit list. WE WERE BEING CONSTRUCTIVE.

grevillea January 27, 2009 at 8:07 pm

[re=230066]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Oh OK, they’ve just screwed up their redirection from their main URL (ha, me talk tekky!)

Sabre_Justice January 27, 2009 at 8:09 pm

A shout out to the boys and girls at the Secret Service who no doubt read this if they have any sense. Use your powers for good, you crazy Yankee doodles!

undermedicated January 27, 2009 at 8:12 pm

[re=230066]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Wow, if not for your link, I’d have never visited the site. And after browsing around, I finally learned why my identical twin raised in the real America likes his sexy time with girls, but raised in the city, I, of course, need teh gay buttsecks:

There is a much higher incidence of homosexuality among those who have been raised in large cities, rather than in rural areas, arguing that the environment is much more powerful than genes in the development of homosexuality.

I’m so glad they cleared that up.

SayItWithWookies January 27, 2009 at 8:13 pm

[re=230104]grevillea[/re]: I just figured they were putting the pages up ass-first — as would be their wont.

MarieDeGournay January 27, 2009 at 8:18 pm

I love you Layne!!!!!!

Min January 27, 2009 at 8:25 pm

[re=230109]undermedicated[/re]: The best part of that article is the name Briar Whitehead. Wasn’t she in the porn version of Walt Disney’s “Sleeping Beauty”?

grevillea January 27, 2009 at 8:31 pm

[re=230110]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Yeah, or maybe they’re economising with some ingenious URL sublet arrangement…

masterdebater January 27, 2009 at 8:31 pm

Dear Ken,
Please write lots of stuff about the governor of Alaska. Thank you!
Sincerly,
masterdebator

wheelie January 27, 2009 at 8:33 pm

[re=230066]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Great link! Their survey of the great American writers does not include John ‘Sinclair Lewis’ Updike, but it definitely the finest collection of homework written by 10 year olds on the subject in recent years.

janekenyon January 27, 2009 at 8:36 pm

Alls ya gotta do is click on “proceed” and poof, conservapedia appears resurrected… this shit is psycho.

Dreamer January 27, 2009 at 8:37 pm

Why isn’t wonkette writing about Juan Williams’ douchebaggery: http://mediamatters.org/items/200901270002?f=h_latest

I think he is due one of your epic rants Jim.

Pop Socket January 27, 2009 at 8:39 pm

And they didn’t even get around to one assassination. Poor fellas.

shanemacgowan January 27, 2009 at 8:39 pm

Where will I turn when I need information about gay bowel disease?

Aquannissiwamissoo January 27, 2009 at 8:40 pm

But when Conservapedia came back on-line, it still had a BlackMuslin Overlord controlling its toobz.

Ken Layne January 27, 2009 at 8:43 pm

Gahk, it’s still online! How did I kill it? I’m doing it wrong?

undermedicated January 27, 2009 at 8:43 pm

[re=230117]Min[/re]: That’s prolly where Briar Whitehead met Rev. Haggard, high on meth and covered with juices.

wheelie January 27, 2009 at 8:45 pm

[re=230124]wheelie[/re]: ‘it definitely is the finest collection’, you arsehole Mick. No more internets for you tonight.

Darehead January 27, 2009 at 8:51 pm

[re=230127]Dreamer[/re]: Agreed. Tie Juan on. Or up.

Neon Trotsky January 27, 2009 at 8:52 pm

[re=230135]undermedicated[/re]: Conservapedophilia? Also.

Darehead January 27, 2009 at 8:55 pm

[re=230134]Ken Layne[/re]: They came to recognize you as easily among the most intelligent, creative, and articulate conservative voices in America.

SayItWithWookies January 27, 2009 at 9:16 pm

[re=230124]wheelie[/re]: Wow — a whopping 228 words on Herman Melville, including his entire NYT obituary. The rest is probably lifted from a more extensive biography in The Mini Page.
But who am I to mock? If they could write an analysis of a topic that couldn’t fit on a candy bar wrapper, they’d be liberals.

bago January 27, 2009 at 9:27 pm

IT HAS BEGUN!

Vanity Smurf January 27, 2009 at 9:36 pm

[re=230109]undermedicated[/re]: Your identical twin isn’t gay too? That’s not supposed to happen. You should be like a test subject for something science-y. Or more likely he is just a fucked-up in the head closet case who gets his butt secks in secret.

shortsshortsshorts January 27, 2009 at 9:37 pm

[re=230152]bago[/re]: But there is no link to start it???? WHAT IS IT???

Bearbloke January 27, 2009 at 9:39 pm

Damn – it’s undead again… we’re might need His Hopeyness Grand Unicorn B. Hussein Obama to look into this…

bago January 27, 2009 at 9:47 pm

http://query.nictusa.com/cgi-bin/fecimg/?P20001939 That.

Colander January 27, 2009 at 9:50 pm

[re=230154]Vanity Smurf[/re]: I thought it was rare that both twins like the same sexytimes? I gotta re-read my gay agenda…

turkey lurkey January 27, 2009 at 9:50 pm

It’s actually a great site. Kenneth Anger take note: http://www.conservapedia.com/wiki/Hollywood_Values

bago January 27, 2009 at 10:03 pm

Heh. Under the Falshoods heading:

Inherit the Wind
[fill in]

psilage January 27, 2009 at 10:07 pm

The worst librul trick: bring attention to what the pugs actually say & write.

FlipOffResearch January 27, 2009 at 10:14 pm

I just checked out the Conservapedia site. It’s made for willing consumers of propaganda. The believers of this I see as no different from the believers of Pravda during the heyday of the USSR. Gross!

Mr Blifil January 27, 2009 at 10:16 pm

That server upgrade didn’t go very well, it seems. The page on the list of Senate Democrats seems to have been expunged. Hopefully IT conservo-braniacs are working hard to reclaim this lost mother lode of knowledge.

bago January 27, 2009 at 10:20 pm

Filing at the FEC

PALIN, SARAH

Office Sought: President
Election Year: 2012
State: Presidential Candidate
Party: REP (Republican Party)

DangerousLiberal January 27, 2009 at 10:26 pm

[re=230066]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Yep. They’re baaaack. And their main page is just rife with right wing jackoffery and myth mongering. These are the same people who thought that the Onion’s (holy be thy name) fake Sunday magazine with the front page “They Tried to Teach My Baby Science” was real and a call to arms.

Mr Blifil January 27, 2009 at 10:28 pm

[re=230165]turkey lurkey[/re]: Oh good lord. Under the heading DEATHS is a list of people killed by the “hollywood lifestyle.” My favorites:

**********
Stuart Lubbock, 31, found dead in the swimming pool of popular TV entertainer Michael Barrymore, having suffered severe anal trauma, after a drug-fueled party at the star’s home

Sharon Tate, 26, an actress with a hippie lifestyle who was murdered by followers of Charles Manson, a Beatles-obsessed musician wannabee; Manson’s followers murdered Tate, who was pregnant and only two weeks from birth, her unborn child, her prior lover, who was staying with her while her husband, pedophile movie producer Roman Polanski (see ‘Crime’, below), was away, and another unmarried couple staying in the house. (It is believed that Manson had actually intended his followers to kill the home’s previous residents, Terry Melcher (son of Doris Day) and Candice Bergen.) [12] [13]

**********
Yes, the Manson victims died as a direct result of their hippie lifestyles, not because armed individuals came through unlocked doors and proceeded to butcher them. The scholarly application of the word “wannabe” is also a nice touch. They also managed to work in Polanski’s pedophilia problem, which if one thinks about it is odd in that if his wife and child had survived, he might not have had opportunity to try to seduce young girls.

Anyway, this will be my last post on Wonkette as I now regard myself as a conservative. It took a while but it just makes sense.

DangerousLiberal January 27, 2009 at 10:29 pm

[re=230165]turkey lurkey[/re]: “…Walt Disney and many others practiced conservative values while working in Hollywood” See also Song of the South ca. 1947. Reagan, Jimmy Stewart and Walt Disney weren’t Jews, also.

loislane1939 January 27, 2009 at 10:30 pm

Awww, they came back. This looks like a job for ED.

Mr Blifil January 27, 2009 at 10:39 pm

[re=230181]loislane1939[/re]: Yes but no Senator hit list as yet.

President Beeblebrox January 27, 2009 at 11:00 pm

[re=230124]wheelie[/re]: They didn’t count Ayn Rand, which is kind of weird because many konservatives worship at her thick, dark pubic altar.

http://www.conservapedia.com/wiki/Ayn_Rand

I wish Anonymous would get hold of teh Konservapedias.

PsycGirl January 27, 2009 at 11:00 pm

[re=230154]Vanity Smurf[/re]: Here’s the funny thing: “monozygotic twins discordant for homosexuality”* is roughly 50%, which quite a few wingnuts say shows that homosexuality is at least somewhat chosen. Inconveniently, the numbers are about the same if you replace “homosexuality” with “schizophrenia”. No one goes on Faux News or whatever railing about schizophrenia as a lifestyle choice that you could abandon with enough willpower.

*I can’t speak that tech stuff so must compensate. I feel better now.

WadISay January 27, 2009 at 11:05 pm

Of course when SD Senator Johnson got ill a couple of years ago, these same people walked around with boners for weeks.

[re=230069]FlownOver[/re]: Gosh, the great FlownOver. Salve, good to see you again.

Trace January 27, 2009 at 11:14 pm

Please kill more evil things.

Of course, Conservapedia is back, but it’s sort of like Dracula in the Castelvania games or Dr. Wily in Mega Man: an innefectual pushover with bad ideas but a lot of persistence who basically exists to give the heroes something to do. They always come back, but they’re just as easy to knock down again and they’re never much of a threat.

Atheist Nun January 27, 2009 at 11:20 pm

It’s back? Well, then, we’re just not WARBLOGGING hard enough!

karenology January 28, 2009 at 12:25 am

holy shit, Wonkette did something useful!

Gallowglass January 28, 2009 at 5:24 am

I found that shithole of a website somehow about a year ago. My roommates and I studied it for hours trying to decide if it was some sort of obscene altar to ideological perversion or truly inspired satire. We ended up concluding that they must be genuinely bound up in their madness, because I have personally seen Swift’s grave and I don’t think that there has been another satirist that could have pulled off such a magnificent edifice. Which is disappointing, sort of like spending an hour trying to decide if something is a magnificent jewl or a fetid pile of shit, only to conclude that it is in fact excrement only after the taste test.

For laffs, if its still there, check out their list of reasons why Barry MUST be a half-breed muslin. My favorites are “because of the way he pronounces Pakistan” (not like a hillbilly!) and “Because he was reading ‘The Post-American World’ by Fareed Zakaria” because only them muslin-types read NYT bestsellers by acclaimed and respected authors.

Naked Bunny with a Whip January 28, 2009 at 6:04 am

Conservapaedia will never stay dead. It’s like Doctor Doom, minus the brains and the fashion sense.

TGY January 28, 2009 at 6:11 am

Mr. Layne, tear down this firewall!

chascates January 28, 2009 at 8:39 am

‘Curiously Hideous’ would be a great name for a rock band as well.

Cape Clod January 28, 2009 at 8:47 am

[re=230134]Ken Layne[/re]: No, it’s just like those rasta lizards in the first Hell Boy movie. You kill them and they just keep coming back.

Schadenfried January 28, 2009 at 10:03 am

[re=230066]SayItWithWookies[/re]: [re=230134]Ken Layne[/re]: That’s why the term “Kill it with fire!” is so important.

That’s how God would do it (according to the Bible), so the Cons will understand.

DemmeFatale January 28, 2009 at 5:36 pm

[re=230179]Mr Blifil[/re]: Thank you for your brave sacrifice!

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