EVERYBODY’S RICH AGAIN! Following Jon Stewart’s ritual slaughter of shouty pig Jim Cramer last night, the American Stock Markets finished the week with a 10% gain, hooray, win, &c. And now the market is, uh, all the way back to, uh, right about where we were in late February. Rally! [Marketwatch]
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{ 21 comments }
Can we all pass Go and collect $200?
Whoo hoo. I’m celebrating by ordering pizza tonight AND it will actually have a topping.
hooray!1!!!!
The first round of hobo beans is on me. I’ll even let you take a seat next to me on this here empty paint bucket and use my eatin’ stick instead of your fingers to slop up these sweet sweet beans.
We can share snuggies. Also.
I await Sean Hannity and Bill Kristol celebrating this clear market endorsement of Barack Hussein Black Obama X.
YA! Jim Cramer was right! The economy is tanking (???!!???)
Oh wait he was wrong. Poor Jim.
If that’s true, then why is Peggy Noonan driven to the depths of despair? Really — she’s all Ecclesiastes quotes and church attendance. And this bit of pseudo-Didionesque bombasticity: “To me, one of the signal signs of the times is the number of people surfing the Internet looking for . . . something.” Verily, I weep for her as I write this.
But she’s still all smiley and Noonanesque in her WSJ pointilixilation!
What, no plane-falling fantasy this week?
I will finally get a programmable thermostat.
[re=265197]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Yes, we need our Noonington fix. Jim! Where the hell are you! We iz board!
[re=265197]SayItWithWookies[/re]: What are these desperate folks looking for? News on Will Farrell?
Also, if Stewart has to flog Jim Cramer with a cricket bat every day for a year to get the rally to keep going, I’m all for it. I’ll buy the bat with the remaining $20 in my pension.
I totally bought GE on Monday at $7.53 and it closed today at $9.62. I’m a fucking financial genius. So why am I still poor? I dream of someday getting toppings on my pizza, Texan Bulldoggette. Until then, it’s velveeta and ketchup on cardboard.
[re=265197]SayItWithWookies[/re]:
Oh Pegs. Say it. We’re all looking for Pr0N!
[re=265191]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: You can afford toppings? I’m celebrating by spreading crackers with ketchup and Velveeta.
[re=265230]Incredulicious[/re]: Darn you for being faster than me!!
//shakes fist impotently
Dr. Zoidberg –
Wow, that’s a pretty amazing jinx. Really goes to show the power of those two ingredients.
Hey Incredulous, I’ll trade you some dollar store vienna sausages for some of your ketchup & velveeta on cardboard.
Don Diego Gallo de Pollo – Right now I’d kill for a Little Debbie snack cake. Just one.
[re=265311]Don Diego Gallo de Pollo[/re]: Wow, this is how all great economic systems begin, just like they taught us in intro to microeconomics! The Market Works(tm)!
Y’all can join me at my place. I’m cashing in a $30 gift certificate to a Cajun place down the street. I forgot I had it, so it’s like found money and I’ll be hoovering up the salty, fatty, spicy like a Looziana death row prisoner whose last appeal just got the thumbs down.
[re=265333]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: Unfortunately, even with Gift Certificates they still expect you to tip. If you bring several black plastic bags of empty beer bottles, that might equal like $6 which could constitute a good barter-tip
[re=265318]DangerousLiberal[/re]: If the market works, how come I haven’t been paid in like 8 weeks? Does that make me socialist? Then again I pay myself.
Isn’t Stewart Jewish? Why would he be slaughtering any pigs, even shouty pigs?
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