NO JOBS LEFT TO LOSE: New jobless claims fell this week, hooray, due to the number of jobs in the US forming an asymptote with zero. Continuing jobless claims, meanwhile, are just staggering and awful, a wretched 5.47 million and counting. Start growing your Victory Gardens now, because otherwise you might not have food next winter. [MSNBC]
-
Authors
Jim Newell (5418)
Wonkette Jr. (623)
Kirsten Boyd Johnson (796)
Kaia Mursi (43)
Garrett Quinn (13)
Liz Colville (94)
Ken Layne (6695)
Blair Burke (170)
Matt Langer (40)
Arielle Fleisher (385)
{ 54 comments }
Not one of them lib’ral commie muslin organic victory gardens either!11!!
I, for one, am thrilled at the prospect of losing my job. It’s all that keeps me from jacking off on Wonkette all day long.
Which I’d much prefer.
America needs to join a cult. At least that way you can be unemployed AND get laid.
There’s plenty of Soylent Green to feed the hungry masses.
I have started building my own Chipotle in my backyard. It’s earier that way, and not as much digging in the dirt.
When is the end coming, Sarah? What date should I have scrawled on my sandwich board when I ring my bell by the freeway entrance?
Any day now the illegals are gonna get upset that our unemployeds are taking away their jobs.
I got my asymptote bag from PBS and it came with Wayne Dyer and Yanni CDs.
…due to the number of jobs in the US forming an asymptote with zero.
I see yur wanna them fancy math girls, Sara.
Too good for real murkans, arntcha!
~
I’m jealous of all you out there with labrador retrievers and great Danes. We’ve got a poodle at home. That’s like one and a half chickens max. You guys OTOH will be eating meat for a couple of weeks at least.
What the hell is this “job” thing you speak of?
My girlfriend’s asymptote is looking better since she started doing yoga.
SKS
Why do you always make me go to the dictionary.
I don’t come to Wonkette to learn.
What would really help the unemployment rate is if picking through dumpsters was reclassified as a job.
The local news said there are now HUGE WAITING lists for community gardens. What’s an apartment dweller to do? Replace your small indoor “grow” operation with non-medicinal plants? And pay the bills how? These are tough times indeed.
Somebody needs a kick in the asymptote.
God damnit, it’s already hard enough to get a good table at a coffee shop at 11 in the morning and to get a good seat at a bargain matinee and now it’s going to be that much harder
Talking about asymptotes gets us engineers all hot and bothered. Mostly bothered.
Ha ha, I’ll be in law school for the next three years, suckas! My only job will be sucking the financial aid tit, as my home state Senator would say. By the time I graduate, either the economy will be better or we’ll all be dead.
[re=269045]iowabosox[/re]: But you’ll still be a lawyer.
I didn’t google asymptote just then.
Wait – is the recession over??!?! Strippers tonite???
[re=269033]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: What the hell is this “job” thing you speak of?
Yeah, I was wondering that myself. I heard of them, but can’t recall exactly what it is. Must be what my wife is doing all day while I pointlessly comment on Wonkette and nap intermittently.
الله أَكْبَر
True. And if the Mayan Apocalypse comes, one dead lawyer. Or as some would say, “A good start!”
[re=269039]NoWireHangers[/re]: I’ve been trying to join one for so long. I’ve already started giving up on buying bread and am making it on weekends and freezing loaves.
I’M A GODDAMN HIPPIE.
I’ve been planting gold all week. I’ll be fine. In other news, I lasted a whole two days before the Freepers revoked my posting privileges. I’m going to go cry softly into my pillow now. Then I’ll plant more gold.
[re=269032]Serolf Divad[/re]:
Desperate times call for desperate recipes. Luckily Tater here didn’t notice anything was missing when he woke up.
http://i389.photobucket.com/albums/oo336/brontie2/HPIM3552-Copy.jpg
[re=269032]Serolf Divad[/re]: You’ll be really jealous of me, then. Nope, no large, edible dogs. But two kids – including a 125-pounder! (Not obese, just tall.) I’ve been calling her ‘Soylent’ lately, but she hasn’t caught on.
[re=269051]hobospacejungle[/re]: Have an emuticon!
|>
|_/
_|
forming an asymptote with zero
That’s so hawt. I want to have your babies, Sara.
Successful hobo is successful. Also.
[re=269064]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: Your daughter is PEOPLE!!
[re=269059]tunamelt[/re]: Yes, yes you are.
Asymptote: A line whose distance to a given curve tends to zero. An asymptote may or may not intersect its associated curve.
Oh Sara, you can so have your way with me! I wasn’t sure before, but now, oh my yes.
Wow, 5.4 million unemployed, it would take more than McArthur and his chief of staff Eisenhower to run off that bonus army. If they were to riot, it would be worse than the Haymarket riot. I hope they don’t decide to “storm the Bastile.”
[re=269045]iowabosox[/re]: high five fellow fin tit suckler! I’m going to Nate Silver school, aka studying survey methodology. Yeah I know, I’m hawt. Ya riles us up with your sexy asymptotes talk, SKS! They wish they were your derivative so they could lie tangent to your curves. (rim shot)
SARA, YOU ARE A BIASED IGNORAMUS TO SAY SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH GROWING ORGANIC VEGETABLES! YOUR OCCUPATION IS SUPPOSE TO BE WHAT?????????????
Anyone know what happened to all those 40 acres and mules? If they’re just laying around in a warehouse somewhere; this might be a good time to start handing those out.
If the economy doesn’t get better I’ll be forced to eat my dear pet, Suki. She’s my Japanese Silky chicken, and rumor is she’s suk-u-lent, moist & loyal, tender & juicy.
[re=269039]NoWireHangers[/re]: Yeah. They should restrict those community gardens to people who don’t have yards. I mean, there’s only so much room in my flower box, and I don’t think I can live entirely off of basil and savory.
Even my neighbors over the basement storage space have converted their half their hydroponic pot farm into edibles (and they’re not even among the majority of Northern Californians who consider hemp an edible).
Unemployment aint that bad. I stood in line at the food bank for 45 minutes while some junky nodded off in front of me.
“It’s a Food Bank not a Methadone Clinic!” yelled the angry hobo between us.
I walked out with a bag full of non-perishable goods free of charge and a funny story to blog about later. Speaking of Seattle unemployment I’d like to point you towards this Economic Survival Guide printed yesterday. It’s even got instructions for urban hunting and a special note on selling your body. A funny read.
http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/economic-survival-guide/Content?oid=1178117
[re=269036]SayItWithWookies[/re]: We’re called “Recyclers”.
[re=269088]Kev-O-Tron[/re]: So far, unemployment has worked out for me as it’s gives me plenty of time to try and reach somebody at the unemployment office. Today, it took me half an hour to get through which gives me an entire afternoon where I don’t have to call them.
By saying that if forms an asymptote with zero, you are really just bragging about being the only person left with one of these “job” things, aren’t you Sara? If it weren’t for you, we could have a REAL zero, instead of asymptotically pretending to almost have zero!
Soup line starts at my house!
Chicken make good pet!
If we run out of food, we can start eating all the talk-radio hosts who have lost their jobs. Then we can move on to the ones who still have jobs. I feel sorry for the ones whose only dinner is Laura Ingraham. Rush, on the other hand, could feed Detroit for two years.
[re=269032]Serolf Divad[/re]:
Better yet, we have a cat that brings us a regular supply of nearly dead moles. We’ll eat like kings!
Unrelated: Andrew Sullivan linked to Patriot’s Quill. Nice! http://andrewsullivan.theatlantic.com/the_daily_dish/2009/03/kudlow-bait.html
But two kids – including a 125-pounder!
That must have been a difficult birth.
I said “bonus army,” didn’t you see? And The Haymarket Riots! Storm the Bastile, also. Such as.
Am I the only one who read the definition of asymptote and still didn’t understand what the hell it was?
[re=269213]Holding Out for a Hero[/re]: Thank you – and no.
[re=269033]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: I saw a “job” once. It pooped all over my resume, laughed, and skipped away.
Anyone know where I can find another “job”, and what to do with it if I do?
[re=269026]Thegreatbacon[/re]: Can I come over for a hobo bean burrito?
[re=269185]Prommie[/re]: Aux barricades! Paris Commune! The lost generation! Palmer raids! The Kefauver hearings. Oppenheimer getting totally boned by Teller!
Gotcha hawt yet?
Comments on this entry are closed.