HOT CHIMPS IN SEX-FOR-FOOD SCANDAL: New study proves it! Gentleman chimps who give free meat to their ladyfriends tend to get more sex than those who don’t share. In other words, socialism leads to prostitution. Double win. [BBC News]
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Oooooooh! Sexy sock puppets! In heels!
That’s not socialism. That’s capitalism.
How much she cost?
I have never be so turned on in my life.
…so does this prove that, after taking a woman out to dinner you are entitled to at least a BJ?! Or has the rate exchanged changed?
I once traded meat for sex. It made me feel dirty.
…I’d hit it!!!
Evidence 1a: Cougar/MILF phenonmenon.
I am just a monkey man and you are just a monkey woman too!
Kofi Annan must be behind this somehow. A war crimes trial is clearly required.
The ‘free meat’ jokes available in this article just “linger like a cloud that might rain or might not”, as Truman Capote once did write.
Fine, I’ll say it; tubesteak!
The world’s oldest profession is older than we thought.
Meat is a fucking valuable thing. You don’t just give it away for nothing.
The real news here is that monkeys even have meat. My general impression of monkeys is that they are all about having sex of one sort or another 7×24.
This style of romancing might be quite effective with Ms Coulter. Any volunteers?
Also, who is drafting the stimulus plan when all this meat etc. is being exchanged?
[re=283618]magic titty[/re]: So true, and as you’ve laid (as it were) first claim to that pun, I can abstain from trying to come (as it were) up with limp (as it were) efforts at humor.
Sort of the distillation of my vie d’amour: zippo. All to the good, BTW.
ooooo, sharing leads to sharing? i am so surprised! when you are nice to people, they like you? WOW.
i guess i’ll stop punching ladies on the first date, and see if it works for me too!
Not only does the “World’s Oldest Profession” predate people having any professions at all, it apparently predates people being people.
Prostitution is our heritage. Sons of bitches.
That monkey picture is just so wrong. My eyes!
I “swap” “meat” during sexytime – does that count?
Cool!
I had one of those monkeys when I was a kid.
They aren’t very good lovers, though.
I am sticking with my “Little” Kim Jong Il after all.
chimp = human
meat = rufie
fixed
I find dinner at Morton’s gets me more sex.
ugh, i’m really afraid of the fact that people see this as prostitution-like. it’s just depressing the hell out of me.
i’ll have to play elsewhere today.
I give that monkey 4 whore diamonds.
I just brought this up with female shorts and she says that “you just want sex and I just want my eggs to be happy, so this makes total fucking sense. Why bother researching it?”
Well alright, me supposes.
[re=283658]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Research is just fancy term for nerds masturbating.
The fuck did you Google to get that image?
…that monkey could get my sausage and BOTH my meatballs.
That’s prostitution? It sounds more like dating. Is ther a period where the male doesn’t give the female anything and they don’t have sex? That would prove there was an evolutionary basis for marriage.
[re=283664]ChernobylSoup[/re]: …try “sexy monkey”.
ever notice that if you don’t let a guy “help” you, he loses interest? maybe the lady chimps wanted to get laid, and didn’t want to hurt the gentleman chimps feelings, since the gentlemen’s feelings are often hurt when their gifties are rejected.
CNN REPORTS: mammals like sex, food, and friendship! stupid, lonely people rock the world with their brilliant research!! sensible people ignore them and continue chatting, eating, and fucking, as before. CNN REPORTS!
[re=283668]SayItWithWookies[/re]: the chimps call it, “moving on,” only people are dumb enough to hang around for more of nothing.
[re=283670]cranky[/re]: Some of us lonely researches want to get with the sexing, I just can’t find the right male chimp to give me the meat.
Oh, Wonkette. I have watched, silently, as you have moved away from your humble origins (buttsecks and comical corruption) to fully embrace the furry agenda. I can no longer remain silent now that Wonkette has gone “plushie”*. Let me be the first to say ENOUGH. My teabag of protest is in the mail.
*I mean, say what you will about furries, but at least there are two people under all that felt.
[re=283697]Swampwitch[/re]: maybe you should act more hungry?
I see you got an advance copy of next month’s PlaySockmonkey. Who’s the interview with?
[re=283645]DollarStorePregnancyTest[/re]: Win.
[re=283643]Bearbloke[/re]:I “swap” “meat” during sexytime – does that count?
I went to a swap meat last Saturday. It’s not nearly as sexy as it sounds. Mostly old people in lawn chairs selling hats made of beer cans, refurbished lawn mowers and shit like that.
What are the consequences if:
A. The male is a vegetarian?
B. The female is a vegetarian?
C. Both are vegetarians?
D. The female is Lindsay Lohan?
You see, I constantly ponder these sorts of issues.
Wasn’t this hot young thang on the undercover team that nailed Elliot Spitzer?
[re=283785]S.Luggo[/re]: If the male’s a vegetarian and the female isn’t, then the odds of sex are lower because she ends up feeling fat and/or self-conscious. But this can usually be mitigated by ordering dessert and another bottle of wine. Or so I’ve read in the studies.
If both are vegetarians the odds are actually better because both parties enjoy the fact that their dinner partner doesn’t bore them for a half-hour explaining how they “really don’t eat that much meat” and are consuming a lot more turkey and fish these days. And if both diners are vegetarian socialist atheists, they might not make it to my front door before we start going at it like bonobos. Oh — um…
great, now I know what to do to pick up a lady chimp. please post more useful information, for lady humans and lady sheeps, such as.
The last time I dated a chimp and forgot to “share the meat,” she tore my hands off at the wrists. This has proved highly inconvenient, and I don’t date chimps any more.
Gorgeous! Although she looks like she has a touch of “alopecia aerola,” which is probably for the best.
Rule 34 never ceases to amaze.
Or arouse.
Eh, she’s cute, but the tits are obviously fake.
By “meat” you’re referring to the size of their schlongs right?
This is even more effective amongst the gayz in the monkey community
[re=283861]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Fuckin’ brilliant
re=283981]Bruno[/re]: …and the Bearblokes in the Bear Community…
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