Yikes, what is going on at the Census Bureau? Wonkette operative “Jon S.” reports, “An announcement just came over the loudspeaker saying nobody is allowed to enter or leave the U.S. Census Bureau, except security personnel. Oh noes, sinister members of congress are trying to eliminate statistical sampling methods!” And, moments later, he adds: “Rumor has it that helicopters are involved ….” WTF?
-
Authors
Kirsten Boyd Johnson (799)
Jim Newell (5429)
Wonkette Jr. (626)
Liz Colville (96)
Blair Burke (171)
Kaia Mursi (44)
Garrett Quinn (13)
Ken Layne (6695)
Matt Langer (40)
Arielle Fleisher (385)
{ 42 comments }
They’re just adjusting a few numbers and don’t need anyone peering over their shoulders. As of today, anyone who voted for McCain has officially died of swine flu. Let the redistricting begin…
Jesus, relax people. They’re just counting Blackhawks and need the quiet in order to concentrate.
“…members of congress are trying to eliminate statistical sampling methods!”
Yes, because math is hard if you’re a C-average graduate of Oral Roberts U. We must enumerate! — as soon as we find out what “enumerate” means.
Chi Sqrd Revoludion
Thank Goodness! It’s been ages since Washingtonians were given the opportunity to run around, waving their arms and screaming like extras in a Godzilla movie.
It’s because one of their people went down to Mexico to add up all the new voters they’re going to add to the rolls in Texas. WAKE UP SHEEPLES!
AP — ACORN RAIDS CENSUS BUREAU, 20 DEMOGRAPHERS TAKEN HOSTAGE
Washington,
In a daring daylight raid on the Nation’s capitol, members of the urban-guerrilla resistant movement ACORN seized control of the Census headquarters. A communique from the ACORN propaganda arm indicated that the raid was in response to the Teabagger Liberation Front’s actions of the past two weeks. Glen Beck could not be reached for comment. . .
The lockdown is because SOMEONE found out the horrible truth they keep at the Census Bureau… The US is just a giant farm for breeding humans for use in alien fast food restaurants.
Fuck. I just realized my T-shirt that reads, “I count” was not an affirmation, but rather a job description.
SOMEBODY ALERT NATE SILVER!!1!!ONE
Somehow you just knew that the whole 3/5ths of a vote thing was going to bite someone in the ass one day.
BLACK!!! Helicopters, I’m sure. The NWO doesn’t want the truth about the silent majority of oppressed-minority-white-Christian-males to come out!!!1! Someone really needs to Twitter this RIGHT NOW!
[re=300524]Johnny Zhivago[/re]: It’s a cookbook!
Are there blimps involved?
[re=300523]SmutBoffin[/re]: +1 for “communique”
Where’s Cheney? Where’s Cheney??1
[re=300517]V572625694[/re]: For some reason I thought you said meth was hard. Helicopters, police activity, confusion… those are all things normally associated with meth, or at least paranoid schizophrenics on meth. This math thing of which you speak, didn’t they teach that in school or something?
We must protect our nations most boring bureaucrats from evil terrorist threats!
Goddamn America, I will never get tired of that fucking picture either…
ZOMG, ITS GO TYME PEOPLE! THE BLACK SOCIALIST FASCISTS ARE TAKING OVER!! FUCKING MUSLIN ZOG!!! ZOMG ZOMG ZOMG ZOMG ZOMG ZOMG ZOMG ZOMG ZOMG ZOMG!! I WISH I BOUGHT MORE SLIM JIMS AND .223 ROUNDS BUT THOSE FUCKERS AT WALMART WOULDN’T LET ME BUY MORE THAN 4 BOXES!!!!!`1!!!1!! WHAT ABOUT DING DONGS? WHERE WILL I GET DINGDONGS!!!11!!! RON PAUL RON PAUL RON RAUL BLIMP PAUL PAUL PAUL!!!!!!1111!!11!
Oh, I’ll bet it’s a secret planning session to begin the rollout of the new Cyberdyne Systems cyborg census taker. If you aren’t at home when he first comes by, he’ll be back.
The helicopters landed and set loose herds of pigs. The swine are guided by microchips in their pig brains and are spreading flu and havoc among the census takers who are trying vainly to count them so as to better allocate the pork in the budget.
TIME 2 SNARKPANIC!!!!!11lol
[re=300537]2druk2phluq[/re]: e to the x, dy/dx; e to the x/dx! Cosine, secant, tangent, sine; 3.14159!
I know I should be alertly monitoring the right-wing Blag-o-sphere for signs of panic and calls to arms…but….it’s Monday and i’m tired.
“In the world’s worst long division accident since the Great Divisor of 1904…”
Get back to me when the helicopters begin transforming into giant robots.
LET’S ROLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111111111111llllllllllllliiiiiiiii||||||||||||||
Three statisticians have been hospitalized in an outbreak of kurtosis.
[re=300554]V572625694[/re]: Binary Solo!
They came for the demographers, and i didn’t speak up because I wasn’t a demographer………………………..
[re=300568]Hopey dont play that game[/re]: With the side effect of multicolinearity…
Hopey dont play that game: Damn near pissed myself on that one. Platykurtic or mesokurtic?
[re=300546]ManchuCandidate[/re]: That is the only appropriate way to behave in this situation.
[re=300524]Johnny Zhivago[/re]: “PEOPLE McNUGGETS IS… delicious!!”
FoxNews must be going completely ape-shit over this and the swine flu pandemic of global death. My sources say that Cavuto shit himself, and Glenn Beck tried to drink Drano in the FN breakroom.
I knew giving ACORN those attack helicopters in the stimulus bill was a bad idea.
[re=300547]Min[/re]: win!
If that is the complext at the south end of the Green line in MD then it is in one of the worst gepettos in the metro area, so I think we can hold off on the assumption that this is a right wing nut…but then again, who knows, even if it is the whole story may get buried like the one about the Marine who was carrying explosives, ammo, and a loaded gun on a passenger plane.
[re=300568]Hopey dont play that game[/re]: Nah, it’s just the Bayesians facing off against the frequentists. There can be only one!
awesomeguy#1
LOL Is a gepetto a renegade puppet-maker?
Some statistician tried to divide by zero.
Comments on this entry are closed.