- THE ONLY PHOTO OF ALAN KEYES PUSHING A SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS STROLLER FULL OF ABORTED CABBAGE PATCH DOLLS YOU’LL NEED TO SEE TODAY: Oh look, nutbar is back at Notre Dame. [New York Times]
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Authors
Jim Newell (5418)
Wonkette Jr. (623)
Kirsten Boyd Johnson (796)
Kaia Mursi (43)
Garrett Quinn (13)
Liz Colville (94)
Ken Layne (6695)
Blair Burke (170)
Matt Langer (40)
Arielle Fleisher (385)
{ 75 comments }
Jesus fuck, doesn’t anybody shoot people like this anymore?
What, no Garbage Pail Kids?
Finally I can die and meet my maker. When I see God I’ll ask why he never allowed me to log in at Wonkabout.
It almost looks like he is holding a cig in his other hand, which would be comedy X 100.
Alan Keyes is a jackass.
You are mistaken, Ken. I need to see at least three more pictures of this sort by day’s end.
The guy behind the chick with the sign, “I regret my abortion” has one that says, “I regret ever having fucked her.”
When did Alan Keyes have an abortion?
Why is the chick on the left flipping off Keyes?
He cuts off his lesbian daughter and adopts a gay anthropomorphic sponge? Why he’s crazier that a giant ball of shithouse rats!
NYT totally stole that picture from Gawker Stalker. I’ve seen Alan Keyes take aborted baby dolls for strolls all over the country. It’s just his accessory, like a keffiyeh or a spider monkey.
[re=317719]Custerwolf[/re]: Better question: why isn’t everyone else?
Bachmann/Keyes 2012
They do abortions in Bikini Bottom?
[re=317725]Noodle Salad[/re]: Well, I suppose it’s a start.
Think his mom regrets that night?
my rule: in this case, if you have a vagina you get to have an opinion, if you don’t, shut the fuck up. case closed.
I thought Spongebob hadz the ghey? What is Keyes trying to say here?
Spongeblob.
I’ve found, in some cities, if you push around a Spongebob toy stroller with a Cabbage Patch doll doused in ketchup, you never get asked for change or cigarettes. But wearing a suit while doing pushing the stroller? Well played, Mr Keyes. Well played!
And those Catholic kids in the Obama T-shirts are all like WTF?
[re=317732]engulfedinflames[/re]: Word. Also, I didn’t think Alan Keyes could look any more like an assclown than previously. How wrong I was.
I beg to differ. I need to see another. Don’t presume to know what I need Mr Layne.
I like the “I Regret My Abortion” poster, completely unironically. It is a point of genuine disagreement, because if one of these loons carried a child to term it would grow up to be just as ass-retarded as its parents.
[re=317727]CrunchyKnee[/re]: I bet Mr. Crab has needed one or two for his whale/whore daughter. Oh God, I’ve revealed too much.
Are those little fetuses in the pictures wearing laurel wreaths? Also, most women I know who’ve had abortions regret them. The real question is — did you regret having the choice about whether to have it or not? Did you regret the personal freedom?
[re=317727]CrunchyKnee[/re]: Apparently, they they avoid coitus
[re=317732]engulfedinflames[/re]: He’ll solve that problem by showing up next time carrying a vagina in a baby sling.
Alan and Jesus sittin’ in a tree–
A-S-S-F-U-C-K-I-N-G
First comes dogma,
Next comes politics,
Next comes Alan pushing a stroller with a ketchup-covered white baby abortion.
I propose a new crazy threat advisory system (from lowest to highest):
LOW (Green or “Lugar”) is characterized by generally rational ideas.
GUARDED (Blue or “Cornyn”) noted by an increase in wacky ideas.
ELEVATED (Yellow or “Palin”) indicates a significant risk of batshit crazy ideas presented in mangled syntax
HIGH (Orange or “Bachman”) indicates a high risk of bizarre conspiracy theories, discredited pseudo-science, and general confusion accompanied with crippling logical inconsistencies
SEVERE (Red or “Keyes”) is characterized by a severe risk of ideas with a complete detachment from reality, total incoherence, and highly emotional assaults on anything resembling reality
[re=317743]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Possibly, Alan Keyes mother regretted *not* having an abortion, however.
[re=317727]CrunchyKnee[/re]: Yeah, there’s a new episode where Abortion Ali the Sea Cucumber bribes Mr. Krabs into using the Krusty Krab as an abortion clinic. Sandy is preggers with a sponge-squirrel mutant fetus.
[re=317745]ph7[/re]: Holy Jesus dingleberries, that was fucked up.
[re=317733]Tommmcatt[/re]: He’s trying hard NOT to say what he’s been saying his whole adult life.
[re=317745]ph7[/re]: Where the hell’s Patrick been keeping THAT thing?
[re=317743]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Slight distinction: most women I know who have regrets having to have had one, but do not doubt they made the right choice. I don’t know any woman who had one who now wishes she carried the child to term.
And how DARE Alan Keyes taint Spongebob. Spongebob will not be co-opted by these moralistic nutters. Keyes’ tie is ugly and doesn’t go with his suit, also.
[re=317748]Hopey dont play that game[/re]: You need an Inhofe in there, too.
[re=317745]ph7[/re]: Once again, Patrick takes sloppy seconds. He never wins.
We should have a national “Pictures of Dead Things Day”.
- Squashed cats
- dead babies
- dead civilians
- murdered people
- people dead from aids
- bullet riddled activists
- dead war criminals
and then we can cry and cry and yell at each other for all the dead things we killed. This will be followed by “Suicide Prevention Day”.
[re=317743]SayItWithWookies[/re]: [re=317756]Doglessliberal[/re]: OK, that was totally fucked up and inarticulate.
I meant to say: most women I know who have had one, have regrets that they had to have one (that they were in that position), but do not regret not having carried the child to term.
I guess his sex doll was white if he fathered all white Cabbage Patch Dolls?
[re=317756]Doglessliberal[/re]: i think you mean to say they made a CHOICE.
[re=317770]JohnnyMeatworth[/re]: Sarah Palin would have been there with a stroller but her kid isn’t quite vegetably enough.
Love my man AK
[re=317756]Doglessliberal[/re]: If he was a thinking man he would have teabagged the dolls, to make an even stronger statement.
It’s also worth pointing out that Spongebob is about the worst thing one can expose a young child to, not because the content is offensive (though it is too emotionally intense for young ones, my son is scared of it) but because the humor is derived from it’s frame of reference as a kind of anti-cartoon. Which means first kids have to put in the time learning what traditional cartooning is all about before they can find Spongebob remotely funny. This is why Alan Keyes daughter turned out a lesbian.
Hey sign carrying wingtard women – Maybe you should have given more thought to such a serious decision. You’re probably the kind of people who make lots of stupid decisions you then regret. Some people buy cars and then can’t afford the payments. Does that mean no one should be able to buy cars?
Careful, now… you’re talking about the man Illinois Republicans tried to send to the Senate. Also.
Any chance of a GOP three-way ticket in ’12 – Palin–Keyes–Bachmann? The comments practically write themselves!
the Ten Commandments?! Are you shitting me? Stealing, lying and coveting are Republican sacraments.
These shitsacks better stick with (other) badly quoted Deuteronomy and getting after the gheys, because for these cats the Ten Commandments bring about 6 commandments of FAIL for them.
Possibly the only sensible observation that President Chimpy ever made was ‘That guy is a piece of work!’
WHY IS THAT PHOTO NOT PASTED ALL OVER OUR WONKETTE RIGHT! THIS! MINUTE!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?
ahahahAHAHaHAHAHahAHaHahaHAHAHAHahahAH!
ALAN KEYES F!T!W!
No Ken, this is the number of PHOTOs OF ALAN KEYES PUSHING A SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS STROLLER FULL OF ABORTED CABBAGE PATCH DOLLS I’ll NEED TO SEE TODAY +1.
[re=317800]Mr Blifil[/re]: my daughter never cared much for sponge bob growing up (her republican gramma loved it). now she’s fourteen and the other day she turned to me and said “i’m not a lesbian you know” all her gay “aunties” will be very disappointed.
[re=317765]american mutt[/re]: But not, under any circumstances, dead soldiers, for this would be unpatriotic.
Wingnuts: pro-life, yet pro death penalty.
[re=317785]Custerwolf[/re]: Oh, you are very evil.
[re=317827]engulfedinflames[/re]: Please return your democratic party registration card, badge, and gun. You have failed the gay agenda.
Deepthroat once famously said, “follow the money.” Well, who in the hell pays Alan’s way to and upkeep at these events? The dude really seems to get around for someone with no job. Maybe we should let presidents sic the IRS on their political enemies — as long as they’re open about it — it might keep everyone at bit more honest about who’s really behind all this political hoo-hah. Or, I’m just being too “Bachmann” with the conspiracy theories?
Mommy, tell me the story again about how the Supreme Court shut down all the mental hospitals.
Spongebob Squarepants, meet Nutjob Crazypants.
[re=317832]Mad Brahms[/re]: why yes it would.
Alan Keyes and his nutballs are officially better than the Obamatards, because flip flops.
I love how the “I Regret My Abortion” sign is printed and all official looking.
Do they hand these things out to the slutty wing-tard gals at the pre-rally meeting?
Why doesn’t Blagovich appoint Keyes to the Senate?
I had no idea that Spongebob was a contraceptive device.
The “I regret my abortion” signs should be replaced with “I wish the Catholic Church didn’t tell me I was going to hell if I used birth control”
[re=317935]President X[/re]: That whole not being governor anymore and there not being an open seat is a real dealbreaker…
Perhpas he can be a good Republican choice in place of Charlie Crist?
[re=317766]Doglessliberal[/re]: I knew what you meant. And would’ve said something like that too, except didn’t want to take the trouble to make the distinction. Too much precision in our definitions gives Peggy Noonan a headache, you know.
[re=318040]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Dog forbid.
Also, most women I know who’ve had abortions regret them.
Really? You need to hang out with less fucked-up women, then. I don’t regret either of mine, and now I’m tempted to go out and get pregs just so I can have another I won’t regret (this is complicated, though, as Mr. Empress thoughtfully got a vasectomy).
Seriously, I don’t regret my abortions any more than I regret my root canals or my tonsillectomy.
[re=318001]Aloysius[/re]: He’s definitely an advocate.
http://i389.photobucket.com/albums/oo336/brontie2/sb.gif
Wow, that picture if f*cking surreal. Now I want an “Obama? Fine by me” shirt
[re=318396]jagorev[/re]: Is THAT what it says?! I thought it said “Obama Fired on me.”
So does this mean Spongebob is pro-choice and being made an example of? Or is he on board with the Steele agenda. I need to know where to stand on this controversial issue.
[re=317716]Custerwolf[/re]: I love you
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