Who says nobody needs yesterday’s news and a bunch of old wire stories and couch ads thrown in your neighbor’s bird bath at 4:15 a.m. every day? The Chicago Tribune, one of our nation’s leading bankrupt newspapers, today offers this Roland “Pinocchio” Burris paper doll, so your poor kids can have something to play with — it’s kind of like a Star Wars action figure, but it’s free! And it teaches kids an important lesson about black senators from Illinois. [Chicago Tribune PDF]
Important Chicago Newspaper Offers Pinocchio Paper Doll of Roland Burris
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{ 28 comments }
Will it be part of the severance package for their soon-to-be non-existent employees?
Is this the Tribune’s not-so-subtle way of calling Burris a dickface?
Comparing a black man to an Italian puppet is fiery. No, wait …
Looks more like a javelin through the head than a lie-growin’ nose.
Pinocchioochio!
Gesundheit.
Could also be used as a Hopey doll if the nose was placed much, much lower on the puppet.
For a second, I thought that was Sotomayor as Chiquita Banana. But now it looks like bullet trajectory fun time.
Actually, the PDF looks like Tupac’s autopsy photo.
The front teeth are Japanese Boy Scout-style. Too confusing.
If you leave off the nose, it looks just like Burris’s masoleum.
The Tribune appears to be taking a cue on how to deal with its impending demise from Peter “Aw, Fuckit” King.
All that’s missing is the matching checkbook cover.
But why are his feet white?
[re=331318]Country Club Jihadi[/re]: My next tats: “tape flap” and “align hat”.
If they had just printed this it could have sold a lot of papers.
I believe this exciting new approach to the Op/Ed page will spread like wildfire throughout the newspaper world, signaling the beginning of the daily’s rise back to prominence in American life.
If only the quality of the ‘art’ weren’t on the level of political cartoons which identify the subject because they can’t draw for shit. This looks like something Mickey Rooney drew on a napkin between takes on the set of Breakfast at Tiffany’s.
When I first saw this I thought they were just saying he was a lying dickface, but the more I look at it, the more I see an ingenious work of art. They are also calling him a puppet, and not only a puppet, a children’s puppet. So he’s not only a lying dickface, he’s also a shill, and his mind is unformed. On top of that, he looks pie-eyed, and has Buckwheat teeth. So now he’s a lying, dickfaced, drug-addled, ignorant farmboy, and he has a feather in his cap, which is apparently supposed to mean that he is flamboyantly gay? Wow, someone at the Trib is a fuckin’ genius!
Heh, this is pretty cute. Brings back memories of a drunk/stoned evening my friends and I had with a “build your own Orson Wells” paper-consturction cutout project we found in an old issue of National Lampoon.
(Funny, teh googles comes up with no hits on that topic. Was I just hallucinating?)
Problems with the headline, Layne! You misspelled “impotent.”
I’m holding out for the Maria Sotomayor Paper Towels.
I had no idea Burris was uncircumcised.
Origama gone wild!
Relocate the nose down to the pants and call it Clarence Thomas! Seat it on a can of tomato paste and make flushing sounds! Fun for the whole family.
Is it just the art director in me, or is Wonkette having a serif/sans serif identity crisis?
Sixty-one Baltimore Sun newsies got the ax last month so the Tribune could bankroll this . . . pursuit of excellence? I hope it works out as well for the Trib as it did for Jack when he sold the family cow for that handful of beans. Wait — I don’t, at all.
If you pull the nose in and out rapidly, will it make a funny EEH-hee EEH-hee noise? That would make up for much that offends my humorless liberal outside, while making my inner twelve-year-old laugh until milk came out of her nose.
All I want to know is does Burris have “Joe Fournier” tattooed on his taint?
All that is needed now is for Fournier to crank out a Rob Blagojevich Lampwick…bookends!
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