• February 13, 2012
GORILLA DEFEATS JOE BARTON

by Jim Newell

8:53 pm June 26, 2009

  • NOW WE WILL ALL DRIVE TREES! Whoa hey they managed to do it, the Democrats did, passing the Waxman-Markey American Clean Energy and SECURITY Act, 219-212 — eight Republicans voting Yea, 44 Democrats voting Naw. This sure is a “big victory” for Barack Obama! Except that it has to go to the Senate now and requires 60 votes, for being big, meaning 99% of it will be stripped out an hour before voting just to get one of those Maine ladies on board, resulting in just enough funding to give 5-7 Americans surgical masks, for the End Times… Ha ha, the future of Earth could rest on comedian Al Franken’s ability to cast a U.S. Senate vote. [AP]

{ 63 comments }

tiny mexican June 26, 2009 at 9:00 pm

I have contacted Al Franken and asked him to earmark a few hundred thousand for state-sponsored EcoDriving lessons.

qaf June 26, 2009 at 9:00 pm

This one is a particularly ugly piece of sausage.

SayItWithWookies June 26, 2009 at 9:11 pm

Eight Republicans voted for it?! Color me stunned. And those eight will like being Democrats when their own party gives them the boot.

Extemporanus June 26, 2009 at 9:19 pm

Thanks for the post, Jim!

It was very Ent-eresting.

nappyduggs June 26, 2009 at 9:35 pm

[re=349861]Extemporanus[/re]: {rimshot}

SlipperyDick June 26, 2009 at 9:38 pm

Laughing gas, Jim?

Lionel Hutz Esq. June 26, 2009 at 9:39 pm

So, when will Rush Limbaugh throw those eight out of the Republican Party?

And are we sure they are real Republicans? Have any of them had sex with men or women whom they have not married.

Lionel Hutz Esq. June 26, 2009 at 9:41 pm

Isn’t the real question “Why hasn’t President Obama invented a new, cheap, clean energy source that comes from the emissions of Americans visiting McDonald’s?”

S.Luggo June 26, 2009 at 10:01 pm

Newt much annoyed.
“If God wanted to no global warming, He would have plugged my farts.”
One step at a time.

sad tortoise June 26, 2009 at 10:01 pm

Eh, I never liked breathing much anyway.

2druk2phluq June 26, 2009 at 10:06 pm

Help us, Stuart Smalley, you’re our only hope. You’re good enough, your smart enough, and doggone it people like you. Well, democrats like… well, somebody likes you, somewhere in Min-ness-sew-tuh. [I think I'm getting my phonetic spelling of the Minnesota accent wrong. It's more like phonetic spelling of deez nutz (truckling nutz)...]

My funniness died when I drank my last beer last September. It’s been cremated and tossed into the ocean at this point. “Wonketteers unite to tell not funny guy to STFU.”

Lascauxcaveman June 26, 2009 at 10:14 pm

[re=349871]2druk2phluq[/re]: Ah, lighten up Francis.

And have a beer.

octupletsmom June 26, 2009 at 10:16 pm

My drivin’ tree has Acorn Nutz!

Mad Brahms June 26, 2009 at 10:20 pm

Kucinich voted against this? For why?

Witsendnj June 26, 2009 at 10:35 pm

oookay. anyone care about trez? I doooooo.

vizit witsendnj dot blogspot dot com

chascates June 26, 2009 at 10:38 pm

Eliminate the filibuster and let 51 senate votes pass it. I’ve had it with this false notion of bipartionship. These bastards have screwed up everything they could get they’re hands on and need to be sidestepped.

S.Luggo June 26, 2009 at 10:49 pm

Were Mark “Tally ho, Maria, the Appalachian Trail!” Sanford still in Congress, he would have sought an amendment that excludes the passionate, warm panting of a Latina mistress.
Our nation’s loss.

DC Spring June 26, 2009 at 10:55 pm

EPA bans breathing out. Fed considers inflation risks.

DustBowlBlues June 26, 2009 at 11:22 pm

I’ll get busy writing letters to Sen. Inhofe (R-Douche) and Sen. Coburn (R-Weirdfuckisan). I’m sure I can persuade both of them to vote for this bill. I don’t even want to know how Dan Boren (D-Oilland) voted on this. Only in the Dust Bowl would Rep. Boren make news when he votes with the Democrats on something.

BTW–Wouldn’t the Sanford story have been more fun if those emails had expressed his fantasizing to his Latina Hottie that they were doing the tango up the Appalachian Trail on nude hiking day?

S.Luggo June 26, 2009 at 11:31 pm

[re=349876]Mad Brahms[/re]: It’s because K. sees the bill as just another Clintonian middle-of-the-road compromise. Not that his vote actually matters.
The bill will submarined in the US Senate unless, at Harry Reid’s urging, the Dems concede to the Republican’s position that, in breakfast cereal and baby food, benzene and mecury should no longer no longer be classified by the FDA as a toxic substance.

Over amd out.

Hooray For Anything June 26, 2009 at 11:42 pm

Ladies and gentlemen– Hope (that the Senate doesn’t screw it up) and Change (from decent, progressive legislation to watered down pablum at the behest of chicken-shit congressman and their lobbyist buddies)

Bearbloke June 26, 2009 at 11:54 pm

Clean air has a Liberal Bias…

S.Luggo June 26, 2009 at 11:58 pm

[re=349888]DustBowlBlues[/re]:
“I’ll get busy writing letters to Sen. Inhofe (R-Douche) and Sen. Coburn (R-Weirdfuckisan).’

Use basic English. “Climate change: Hot, dry, dry, dry, bad. Rain, bye-bye. No more wa-wa. Golf courses go brown. Pretty male interns move to Calgary. Passport needed to visit. Wifey can track. Hurty hurt.”

dijetlo June 27, 2009 at 12:02 am

[re=349870]sad tortoise[/re]: “In” is good, useful, comfortable…I’m a big fan of “In”.
Out? I have to agree with you, Sad, not so much out but it’s that or fart and honestly, if you fart that much it’ll make your chair smell funny even when you not sitting in it and your underwear will stick to your ass. Who likes that (Senator Vitter)?
Look on the bright side, since we’ve all been doomed from birth, all those tragic fuck-ups we’ve been party too? Meh…

Ignore_this_comment June 27, 2009 at 12:06 am

[re=349882]S.Luggo[/re]: Sanford was never “in Congress”. Sanford is a governor. Governors are not part of t3h congress.

Sorry for the civics lesson, but your ignorance was detracting from my enjoyment of your snark.

Duvall June 27, 2009 at 12:10 am

[re=349899]Ignore_this_comment[/re]:

“Sanford was never “in Congress”.”

Well, unless you count the six years that he represented South Carolina’s 1st congressional district, before becoming governor.

Bearbloke June 27, 2009 at 12:21 am

[re=349901]Duvall[/re]: Well, harumpf! There you go again, hiding behind librul facts and history and other tools of the Devil…

Lionel Hutz Esq. June 27, 2009 at 12:34 am

[re=349901]Duvall[/re]: Not to support [re=349899]Ignore_this_comment[/re]‘s ignorance, but you have to admit that most of South Carolina probably wishes they could right now.

S.Luggo June 27, 2009 at 12:40 am

[re=349899]Ignore_this_comment[/re]:
Sorry, your ignorance etc.
Marky-Mark was in Congress for three terms. 1994 – 2000. Voted to impeach Clinton ‘cause Bill placed his pulsing wang into a fat girl’s non-matrimonial holder. I would have impeached Bill for lack of good taste, as some might say. Just me.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mark_Sanford#Congress
First employ DD. Then speak.

Wet Work June 27, 2009 at 12:42 am

My tree car never goes … it only leaves.

Heh.

shortsshortsshorts June 27, 2009 at 1:36 am

mIChael JAkson izzz gOnN AN yoo fokuss ON TREEZ? Yoooo chould bee a shamed.

SayItWithWookies June 27, 2009 at 2:06 am

Oh, and about the ad. With the adorable Afghan girl. Thank you, Alexander the Great — you had no idea what you contributed to this generation, but thank you nonetheless.

shortsshortsshorts June 27, 2009 at 2:46 am

A JIHAD ON ALL OF YOU. Especially SayitWithWookies, who will receive 72 virgins if you prescribe to this BRAND NEW Atkinson Diet that’s sweeping the nation with heart failure.

The end.

19kevin8 June 27, 2009 at 2:50 am

[re=349899]Ignore_this_comment[/re]: I’m not gonna tell you what you’ve already been told twice.
In addition, he was “in congress” with a woman who wasn’t his wife. Also.

x111e7thst June 27, 2009 at 8:19 am

[re=349880]chascates[/re]: Didn’t the senate do this very thing to pass the Shub’s tax cuts? I could google this I suppose but it’s early and my head hurts so why bother I’m going back to bed.

GivingForehead June 27, 2009 at 8:39 am

Even Greenpeace opposes this bill. It’s too weak to have any positive effects, and energy companies with portfolios to trade are going to make millions. AND energy will be more expensive.

lawlz Demcrats savin the urth

liquiddaddy June 27, 2009 at 10:01 am

“Introducing the new world in performance. Tall and strong and hard, it has your name on it. From deep in the Bavarian Black Forest comes the driving experience to take your breath away. Hold on to your cones – the 2010 Pine 5000 E!

19kevin8 June 27, 2009 at 10:22 am

[re=349871]2druk2phluq[/re]: STFU! and that’s minnee-sote-ah

WadISay June 27, 2009 at 10:35 am

[re=349880]chascates[/re]: Climate change nuclear option, hell yeah!

chascates June 27, 2009 at 11:15 am

[re=349938]x111e7thst[/re]: I believe they did. There are some things David Broder’s idea of bipartionship don’t apply to. Single Payer Healthcare would be the next one.

greywindz June 27, 2009 at 12:04 pm

Talking ’bout the future of the Earth…check this out…

http://www.the-latest.com/save-us-from-salvation

shortsshortsshorts June 27, 2009 at 12:08 pm

SOURCE: MARK SANFORD IS SECRET MEMBER OF CONGRESS.

x111e7thst June 27, 2009 at 12:18 pm

[re=349951]chascates[/re]: But But But… Senator Judd Gregg (R-Whiny Biotches), is all worried that any attempt to pass legislation by 51 votes will constitute an ACT OF VIOLENCE on senate collegiality and comity.

gjdodger June 27, 2009 at 12:40 pm

[re=349954]x111e7thst[/re]: Don’t worry about Judd Sitting on de Fence. Won’t be long before he’s wearing an apron and high heels as he tidies up Justice Souter’s summer cabin.

Johnny Zhivago June 27, 2009 at 12:44 pm

[re=349891]S.Luggo[/re]: The senate bill includes John McCain’s ammendment to allow for boiling hot forumla for all infants, regardless of the additional greenhouse gasses.

Bitter-Elitist June 27, 2009 at 12:49 pm

GORILLA DEFEATS JOE BARTON: Best alt-title ever, also.

katrina June 27, 2009 at 1:13 pm

The Al Franken Decade has begun.

gurukalehuru June 27, 2009 at 2:36 pm

I am so looking forward to Senator Al Franken. Because Rush Limbaugh truly is a big, fat idiot.

Neilist June 27, 2009 at 2:47 pm

Wh, WHY are we wasting time on snarking about this kind of meaningless legislation?

Who cares what the US does, given that China, India and the rest of the developing world is going to keep pumping carbon into the atmosphere in an effort to catch up with our livestyle.

Focus your attention on what REALLY matters: (1) Buying up prime beachfront property in Arizona, New Mexico, Ohio and Oklahoma; (2) speculative investments in ammunition, gold and drug futures; and (3) getting ready to PARTY AMONG THE RUINS OF WESTERN CIVILIZATION!!!!

YEAH, BABY!!!

(Sorry. Just got done re-read Jared Diamond’s “Collapse.” Great book to read at the Pacific shore . . . particular that beautiful Beach to Be right outside of Tucson.)

Lionel Hutz Esq. June 27, 2009 at 2:56 pm

[re=349954]x111e7thst[/re]: Now I understand why the Republicans were all upset about Obama not nuking Iran over their election. He will probably stand by and allow the US Senate pass things with a majority just like the Republicans did under Bush. Booo! Booo!

Kev-O-Tron June 27, 2009 at 3:10 pm

[re=349899]Ignore_this_comment[/re]: ha ha. you look stupid on the internet.

BlueStateLibtard June 27, 2009 at 4:03 pm

Sanford also brought two live pigs into the state legislature (or Congress, I forget which). But what has any of this to do with Michael Jackson?!? Please, people, stay on topic.

ElRat June 27, 2009 at 4:37 pm

[re=349979]BlueStateLibtard[/re]: ‘Cause MJ looked like an Ashe tree and slept in an oxygen chamber, why don’t you see the correlation? We’re doomed to bear nose shrinkage and live in pods. The pigs won’t recognize us.

hobospacejunkie June 27, 2009 at 5:13 pm

But but but Hopey was supposed to stand up to (hee haw) big corporations (ha ha) and pass radical, life-saving legislation (ah ha ha) to save US America and us and the world (haw haw haw I can’t say this with a straight face.)

(gulp) Neilist is right. There. I said it. India & China’s pollution will doom us all!

gurukalehuru June 27, 2009 at 5:19 pm

[re=349988]hobospacejunkie[/re]: Even if Neilist is right, he’s still an asshole. I want my flowers and butterflies, goddamit.

Neilist June 27, 2009 at 5:27 pm

[re=349990]gurukalehuru[/re]: “Neilist is an asshole.” The One Fixed Constant In An Otherwise Always Changing Universe.

That, and the fact that Benazir Bhutto is STILL DEAD!

[re=349988]hobospacejunkie[/re]: Gesh, Hobo, don’t agree with me. It takes all the fun out of it.

SayItWithWookies June 27, 2009 at 5:52 pm

[re=349923]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Can I take my 72 virgins and trade them in for six women who’ve been around the block, who can talk about something and who won’t need me to help them with their algebra homework? Thanks in advance.

Mama Grizzly June 27, 2009 at 8:15 pm

Wait, so no more clean, green energy from Alaya-ska? Damn, no more ducks and birds covered in oil. They were so easy to hunt that way!

I haz a sad. :-(

Lionel Hutz Esq. June 28, 2009 at 1:48 am

[re=349998]SayItWithWookies[/re]: This is the best I can do:

http://www.newyorker.com/humor/2007/01/29/070129sh_shouts_martin

S.Luggo June 28, 2009 at 8:25 pm

[re=349979]BlueStateLibtard[/re]:
To be accurate, when Sanford was in Congress, in order to emphasize his anti-pork stance, for a photo-op he brought not two pigs, but two cute piglets, easily held and easily tamed. The first was named Jenny, the second Maria.

Later, much later, they made excellent barbeque.

S.Luggo June 28, 2009 at 8:34 pm

[re=349979]BlueStateLibtard[/re]:
http://i403.photobucket.com/albums/pp112/rabscuttle-fr/misc/Mark-Sanford-Piglets.jpg
One piggy came to market, one piggy came home. Not happening.

Neilist June 28, 2009 at 8:56 pm

[re=350111]S.Luggo[/re]: Was one of those piglets named “Monica Lewinsky”?

Just askin’.

Sussemilch June 29, 2009 at 11:11 am

I wonder why Dennis Kucinich voted against it? We need to get him on the TV and demand some answers from his hot wife.

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