NATION OF CRAP: “The Self Storage Association notes that, with more than seven square feet for every man, woman and child, it’s now ‘physically possible that every American could stand — all at the same time — under the total canopy of self-storage roofing.’” [New York Times]
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Jim Newell (5418)
Wonkette Jr. (623)
Kirsten Boyd Johnson (796)
Kaia Mursi (43)
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Liz Colville (94)
Ken Layne (6695)
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Arielle Fleisher (385)
{ 33 comments }
If it’s “self” storage, how could you do anything else?
I’ve been wondering how long it would take before the grinding poverty of the recession drove people to start living in their storage units.
Seven square foot canopy for every man, woman and child to stand under? Barely. This is the United States of Panus.
Isn’t that where most people live now anyway?
One Nation, Under a Corrugated Metal Roof.
And isn’t 7 sf enough for anyone? Think of the children!
~
Homeless problem solved!
Be the change you want to see in the world, Self Storage Association.
How the fuck am I supposed to hide these bodies with all of you American men, women, and children standing around?
Self storage and opposable thumbs are the two things that separate humans from the lower animals.
First we’d all have to remove all of our old boxes full of porn and our Xmas-tree stands and broken-down sewing machines and birth certificates and other trex before we could stand in there.
[re=405733]Smoke Filled Roommate[/re]: According to Neal Stephenson, anyway ….
[re=405739]ChernobylSoup v2[/re]:
Are you just figuring this out?
Get yourself a meat grinder, a large refrigerator and a booth at the local flea market.Make a sign “Ground chuck $0.89/lbs WHILE IT LASTS”. The Republican base will take care of your problem.
The sooner US Americans realise the aggregate worth of all their self-stored worldly goods is worth less than the monthly rent on their units, the sooner it could all be converted to reeducation camps or death panel holding cells.
No they couldn’t stand under it, because it’s all loaded to the ceiling with their shit.
You couldn’t fit 2 goddamn teabaggers under a seven square foot canopy..
This evidence that our McMansions are actually too small could fuel another real-estate boom.
Amber waves of grain, indeed.
[re=405754]Ken Layne[/re]: Is’t he that Seattle author who wrote some kind of repair manual called the Baroque Cycle?
[re=405769]Johnny Zhivago[/re]: Was it George Carlin’s axiom: one man’s “stuff” is another man’s “shit”?
They are grossly underestimating the size of the average Hot-Pocket scarfing American.
With my luck I’d end up standing next to every girl I couldn’t get in high school.
[re=405769]Johnny Zhivago[/re]: I have an old Chevelle convertible I’m restoring and I just bought a cherry picker and an engine stand (cheap!) from a guy who instructed me to “Meet (him) at (his) storage unit.” He offered to let his old Corvette 327 engine go for a desperately cheap price when I was there to pick up the stuff.
I’m pretty sure he was trying to make room for himself in there.
[re=405732]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: Actually, that’s what we store in the self-storage: the Panus each American is issued at birth now. We have to have somewhere to put them before we come into our birthright.
ONLY seven square feet? Where am I supposed to fit all my Star Wars collectibles?!
I would very much like to become a member of this Self-storage Association. Do they have a healthcare plan?
Wonder if we can start melting all that crap down into something useful?
Can’t we just have a huge national tag sale by moving the contents of self-storage units into all that vacant retail space?
[re=405729]Jim Demintia[/re]: http://homelessness.change.org/blog/view/homeless_living_in_storage_units
FEMA Camps!
[re=405916]Gopherit[/re]: And you can lock them from the outside, right?
Laugh now, but when Beanie Babies make a comeback, I’ll be sitting pretty. And then I can finally move out of my storage space and won’t have to see the little fuckers all staring at me 24/7.
Buckminster Fuller predicted this.
Hmm, I thought only serial killerz made use of anonymous self storage for the jars of body parts they have yet to consume
Soon there will be a huge housing market glut when those 7 by 7 storage units become our homes.
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