- LIKE THE FARMER’S ALMANAC, BUT GOOD: Holy moly! We didn’t even bother to explore the rest of that burny church’s website at first, but it is nuts, man, it is a stone cold treasure, and we just hope someone in that asylum remembers to pay the Internets bill each month. [Amazing Grace Baptist Church: Sports News]
Read More:
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- Both Sides of Congress Want Foreign Drug Lords To Buy U.S. Foreclosures
- Mubarak Says He Ain't Leaving, Egyptians Go Double-Nuts
- GOP: Cut Basic Human Services, Increase Funding For Pentagon
- Cops Seek Second Suspect, Say Giffords Gunman Didn't Act Alone UPDATE: Just a Taxi Driver
{ 130 comments }
Click on the “Micah Grizzard” link – what *IS* that thing???
I with you on the Devil Vision thing, but please leave the stripe clubs alone.
I think the website’s broken.
The picture of Michael Steele in the upper right corner just sits there, and doesn’t walk around or shuck or jive or anything.
Ahh, the automatic music! Why didn’t you warn us Jim? At least I already had my headphones on (at work here!)
Click the “ungodly politicians” link. This preacher has the right idea about Palin, Bush, et al.
I think Wonketteers have loved it to death. All’s I get is a blue screen.
I can’t get the damn thing to load.
[re=434900]bitchincamaro[/re]: Is “stripe club” slang for “county jail”?
I’m so glad someone finally exposed Bradley Wright-Phillips of the “Southampton English Football (Soccer).” That asshole’s reign of terror over teh chillins has gone on too long.
On Julia Roberts: “She played a whore, which is neither funny nor romantic.”
Not very good hosting – I can’t get it to load either – how can Wonkette’s three readers break the thing
They also have a jokes section. I’m pretty sure many of these jokes are hell-burning offences against god, mostly because they aren’t funny.
http://amazinggracebaptistchurchkjv.com/gpage20.html
Joakim Noah is a sinner because….he has long hair??? Jeebus wore a crewcut. I don’t know whether to laugh or cry.
Got it to load, slowly. I thought this would be a goof–kind of like Landover Baptist–but there’s two easy cues that prove it’s not: it’s rife with spelling errors, and their host is for shit. The internet host, not the communion wafers, duh.
Shockingly, the anti-Barack page is suspiciously sans watermelons or Hitler imagery.
It’s starting to collapse under the weight of Wonkette attention. But still, get in while you can! It’s like a deranged piece of net performance art based on the works of Jack Chick.
That song is haunting.
First base is salvation.
Second base is baptism.
Third base is consecration.
Is this what Meatloaf meant in Paradise by the Dashboard lights?
Brother Dan Souza can dee-sine you a web page as cool as theirs!!
http://amazinggracebaptistchurchkjv.com/gpage59.html
It seems like they did a lot of research on who appeared in Playboy nude.
From the sports page:
Jenna Plumley
July 17, 2008
Suspended by the Oklahoma girls basketball team for allegedly trying to steal makeup from Wal-Mart.
Also
Joakim Noah
May 25, 2008
The former Chicago Bulls forward charged with possession of marijuana and an open container of alcohol.
Has long hair, which is disobedient to the Word of God.
I like how angry they are at fake wrestlers.
[re=434920]SenatePage[/re]: Julia Roberts as a whore was funny, not exactly romantic — but in a larger sense, do we want our whores to be funny or romantic? I’m thinking: no.
Yo, what up, change the game, church crazies!
[re=434913]Humpback[/re]: It takes forever — then — WARNING — plays a ridiculous song. I walked away to get a drink and when I came back, it was playing full-blast. I certainly hope they’re burning every copy of that dreadful schlock on Halloween.
[re=434907]Extemporanus[/re]: I was just kidding about it being broken because of the 24 dpi Dennis Rodman pic on the “Sports News” page, but apparently my prophecy was fulfilled.
If there any other sites that you guys want condemned to a firey death, let me know and I’ll see what I can do.
Also: They seem to have/have had a preacher named Harry Ironside.
http://amazinggracebaptistchurchkjv.com/Download36.html
[re=434928]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: After looking at thing with sound off, a lot of the athletes have long hair as their sin; I’m not sure where the bible condemns that, but it’s a big one for these guys. Most common seems to be female athletes posing for playboy & male athletes marrying playmates – so sin is sexually transmitted?
My favorite, though, was: “Michael Vick filed Chapter 11 bankrupcy, jailed and over $10 million in debt.” And that’s it.
Also, who lists people in alphabetical order by first name?
[re=434943]V572625694[/re]: We do if we’re into clown poetry.
“Ahmad Bradshaw
June 19, 2008
Had to serve a 30-day jail sentence because of a probation violation. An New York Giants running back.”
May God’s justice be swift!
They seem to know a lot about what women athletes have been in Playboy….
Should this site perhaps be added to the list of Accomplishments on the new GOP.com?
Wonderments and atrocities of this caliber need to be noted down somewhere for posterity. Y’know, right behind the one listing the achievements of Sen. Joseph McCarthy.
Well, for all this church’s braying about homosexuals, they can only find one who’s notable. Fred Phelps is going to be pretty pissed, no doubt.
Seems like we’re all crashing the site!! Can we please take numbers or draw straws or flip a bible (OLD testament book, you win; NEW testament book, I win) so we can ALL play along??
[re=434917]Extemporanus[/re]: If so, it would explain my strange nipple arousal upon reading it on that god’s-gift of a site.
Note to webmaster: post link of mugshot page @ thesmokinggun.com; could save a lot of time.
[re=434935]CrunchyKnee[/re]: Michael Steele is probably twittering him right now.
If 10,000 Wonketteers visit does that mean they’ll go way over their traffic limit & have a huge fucking satanic internet hosting bill to pay? Because if yes, I just may spend the rest of the day tapping my trusty F5 key.
I think Wonkette has managed to find the one group of religious southerners who do not worship at the weekend church of NASCAR. Richard Petty is a sinner???!?! Blasphemers!
Also, they left out Matt Leinart’s out of wedlock spawn. Naughty, naughty! Plus he went to USC. Ungodly heathen!
[re=434937]sezme[/re]: “Has long hair, which is disobedient to the Word of God.”
For all their spooging on the KJV, apparently they haven’t read this part of it.
[re=434936]snideinplainsight[/re]: I noticed that too. Also, I did not realize how many Follywood celebrities are fornicators! Maybe they just like typing the word “fornicator”. Fornicator, fornication, fornicated, fornicatious, heyyy that really is fun!
From their site:
The Anvil-God’s Word
“Last eve I passed beside a blacksmith’s door, And heard the anvil ring the vesper chime;
Then, looking in, I saw upon the floor Old hammers, worn with beating years of time.
“How many anvils have you had,” said I, “To wear and batter all these hammers so?”
“Just one,” said he, and then, with twinkling eye, “The anvil wears the hammers out you know.”
And so, thought I, the anvil of God’s Word, For ages skeptic blows have beat upon;
Yet, though the noise of falling blows was heard, The anvil is unharmed-the hammers gone.”
WTF kind of stupidity is this from morans who fucking BURN THE WORD OF GOD????
(thunder striking sounds)
God commandeth that the church buy itself a decent server, as His word is not to be streamed from a 22 year old PC-AT or Altair.
Oh come on now:
Steven Page
July 11, 2008
Arrested for drugs, cocaine and marijuana.
*******
Is the frontman for the Canadian rock group Barenaked Ladies.
[re=434968]AggieDemocrat[/re]: If he cuts his hair, his rebounds drop, but strangely his FT percentage go up. He is also guilty of the sin of being the child of an interracial couple, which I’m sure the Old Testament just finds the height of bad manners.
I am a grade-A socialist sodomite super supreme sinner and I havent’ even heard of half the celebrities they catalog in full bio! Who the fuck is Chace Crawford?
It looks like you caused another website to crash. God won’t like this.
I clicked on the Mixed Nuts section but I was too impatient to wait for it to download; seemed kind of redundant anyway.
With that relentless indexing of everyone else’s sin and imperfection, it’s amazing that he still has time to mirror Christ’s love by offering his own unconditional love to his fellow . . . oh wait.
Did anyone else notice the two entries in the Hollywood=Follywood page? Jackie Chan and Jacklyn Smith’s names and pics are there, but no description of their sins. But you just gotta know those sinful bastards are up to no good.
From Raw Story: “Pastor Marc Grizzard told a local news station of his 14-member parish.”
I guess the good news (for modern man) is that there are only 14 loonies in that asylum of God.
[re=434935]CrunchyKnee[/re]: Yikes, is Brother Dan’s nickname “crazy eyes?” That face will haunt my dreams.
May 2003
Posed nude for Playboy.
March 2004
Posed again for Playboy, as if once wasn’t enough.
Want to know what makes that so deliciously funny? I can picture the person who came up with it. The Puritans have moved to Carolina!
I hate you for this, Jim. That goddamn song, Life is like a Ballgame, is fucking stuck in my head.
And I always knew Billy graham was a known satanist.
[re=434974]Johnny Zhivago[/re]: Besides, Altair is an arabic name!
[re=434895]Autochthon[/re]: That is what happens when you fuck your sister.
[re=434987]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: I can only imagine the next update.
October, 2009: Posed nude in playboy.
Best self-deprecating humor (snark!) besides “If you’re happy, please notify your face”:
“Recreation is my shepherd; I shall not stay at home; He maketh me to lie down in a sleeping bag. He leadeth me down to the interstate each weekend. He restoreth my suntan; He leadeth me to state parks for comfort’s sake. Even though I stray on the Lord’s Day, I will fear no reprimand For thou art with me, my rod and reel they comfort me. I anointeth my skin with oil, my gas tank runneth dry; Surely my trailer shall follow me all the weekends this summer.” By Johnny The Baptist.
From the Sports page:
“Tom Brady has an unwed child, but it’s okay because he wins Super Bowls.”
Evidently, these folks endorse child marriage, since Brady’s “unwed child” is only two.
“We give both written messages on these perversions, along with audio and video that you can download. You can visit this page by going to the “Perversion” tab. Please enjoy.”
Please enjoy perversions? Hmm. Perhaps we have misjudged them.
[re=434977]norbizness[/re]: Everybody knows Samson was crap in the paint.
Administrative Contact:
Grizzard, Pastor Marc jonmarcgrizzard@aol.com
Amazing Grace Baptist Church
85 River Run Rd
Canton, North Carolina 28716
United States
+1.8286480213
Just in case anyone wants to join in the fun in person and get “right” with these jeebers creepers. How many people in satan costumes can we get to attend? I will be. Maybe. Or at least I will be with those who do spiritually. Fuck it. I’ll be home having a noonanshire cocktail to deal with the little grubbers in my neighborhood and dressing up my doberman as MS.
That site reads as if it had been written by Michele Bachmann…Wait a minute!
http://72.52.142.199/~amazingg/images/Members%20Page/Church%2070.JPG – These inbred hillbillies frighten me.
For some reason, I can imagine the Reverend Winton Dupree of the top-rated cable access show Swear to God being part of this confederacy of dunces.
[re=434984]Neoyorquino[/re]: I guess their KJV is missing this part, too.
The height of immodesty?
http://72.52.142.199/~amazingg/images/Modesty/Pants1.jpg
[re=434968]AggieDemocrat[/re]: So, you are assuming these idiots can read? That’s just silly. Oh,and according to Leviticus, God hates cotton/poly blends and shrimp. I guess that means they need to burn their Members Only jackets and Red Lobster coupons. What do these people do for fun, besides burn stuff?
Missy Giove, judgy church biker bitch, has apparently been a bad, bad girl…
http://amazinggracebaptistchurchkjv.com/subpage466.html
Me and my god hating pants!
“Warning!!
The Wilds allows ladies to wear pants, which is against the Word of God. This site has very good music. Personally, I would send my church teens and my own daughters to First Baptist Church of Hammon Youth Conference. Don’t get me wrong. My wife and I when we were teens our church went to The Wilds. It was a real blessing. I believe that God has commanded in His Word very clearly how a woman is to dress, therefore, the Wilds does not have the same beliefs.
“
They actually have a gallery of their church signs, for your mocking ease:
http://amazinggracebaptistchurchkjv.com/subpage479.html
What the hell is the last one about English Speakers even supposed to mean?
I like their “Index of Movies Past & Present”:
Billy
Sex in the City
SUCK IT, IMDB!!!!!
[re=435011]blinky_twinkie[/re]: Ohhhh… I get it…
They seem to have an awfully comprehensive knowledge of who has been in Playboy, and who has been married to someone who’s been in Playboy.
[re=434994]annievt[/re]: Not only that, but the unwed child apparently wins super bowls. Amazing Grace, indeed.
[re=434974]Johnny Zhivago[/re]: Check out their web provider http://baptistwebsite.com/
Unlimited disk space
Unlimited Forwarders
Unlimited Web Pages
Unlimited Transfer Width
Unlimited E-mail Accounts
Unlimited Discussion Forums
Free counters – Free Real Audio
Unlimited Data Bases (MySQL)
Unlimited E-Mail Aliases & Blockers
No Pop Ups – No Banners – No Contract
Password Protected Directories
Free OnLine Site Builder
No Setup Fee
Much More
All for $5 / month!
Also, unlimited fornication. And a free subscription to Playboy / Playgirl (please check one)
[re=435011]blinky_twinkie[/re]: Missy Giove really shocked me actually. They had to dig pretty hard to find her. I wonder if they know about the dead pet Piranha she used to wear around her neck? I hope she goes to visit the congregation in person some day. And takes pictures.
This is a great reference list for looking up cute lady athletes who’ve posed in playboy.
Can’t imagine what might be in the “Sermons by Huge Pile” …
Women can’t wear pants? Why don’t these people just move to fucking Sudan already, so they can flog those who do?
The picture they used for sinner and fornicator Adam Archuleta makes me wonder if they didn’t accidentally mix up a fornicator with a sodomite. Those eyebrows look tweezed.
Torrie Wilson
Posed again for Playboy, as if once wasn’t enough.
*
Committed an abomination by kissing a female wrester “Sable” on the lips.
Interestingly enough, I committed an abomination after seeing that very thing. Funny how that works out.
[re=434956]JMP[/re]: Yes, I was about to post that. Nothing about how much he loves animals &c.
Also, I like that anyone who marries someone who’s been in Playboy is a Gay Muslin.
Please, Internets Jesus, keep this website up for all eternity.
Interesting that Ray Lewis (suspicious involvement in a double homicide) and Leonard Little (killed a woman while DUI) aren’t listed.
Wow, they hate Jeff Garcia for being married. …. To a Playmate of the Year. Do I sense some jealousy?
Also, most of these offenses seem to end in 2008. It’s not like there’s been a shortage of batshit crazy athletes this year.
Heh…the founder of Promise Keepers MUST be ungodly, because 1) He encourages mixing with filthy Catholics and insufficiently-Godly Protestants, and 2) He is successful: “When someone has this much fame in the world and notoriety, you can bank on it they don’t believe the Bible or stand for it. You cannot be a friend of the world and be a friend of God.”
By extension, we can probably infer that these guys are VERY Godly. Nothing says “saved” like a rusted-out 82 F-150 parked in fro0nt of a single-wide.
Every one of their preachers sounds like a male porn star.
Jack Hyles
Jack Schapp
Hugh Pyle (COME ON)
Harry Ironside
Ed Ballew
Hudson Taylor
[re=434981]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: I clicked on the Mixed Nuts section but I was too impatient to wait for it to download; seemed kind of redundant anyway.
If by ‘redundant’ you mean ‘the acme of unintentional irony,’, then you are correct.
It is a slide show featuring church members.
OMG, Missy Giove gets her very own linkey-link and page. Why do they hatz The Missile so?
Train-cow wreck of site has multi-layers of hyposcitical goodness, in case ya didn’t know.
The intro on the
Sports page denounces “buying tickets to their games” as a “destructive and wicked” message to send to young children.
But then the “Web site Hosting page” (smh) links to the website of one Brother Dan Souza, “who sees this vision…this is a ministry and not just a way for him to get rich.” yet Bro. Dan posts this on his blog:
May 22 – Red Sox Game
Last night, because of the generosity of a Christian Brother, I was able to attend a Baseball game in Fenway Park, Boston Massachusetts. I have been a Red Sox fan ever since I remember but never been to Fenway Park. To make the night even more special my son Matt and two of my granddaughters, Bethany and Victoria, also were with me.
Moral: They don’t even believe this shit.
[re=435001]Gopherit[/re]: Yikes! The girl in the middle appears to conclusively resolve the debate over whether the banjo player in Deliverance would be capable of reproducing when he grew up.
[re=435001]Gopherit[/re]: Oh My Sweet Weeping Baby Jesus. This is screaming for a Blingee.
The title ‘Sports News’ is actually kind of deceptive.
These people confuse me. They’re both insanely diligent in their probing of the bowels of professional wrestling and every lady athlete gracing the pages of Playboy (pun intended), and yet still only questionably literate. Maybe a thousand monkeys at a thousand laptops have accidentally come to Jesus…
If our politicians would vote to do away with pornography, that includes Playboy, Penhouse, Hustler, strip bars, adult book stores, all porn on the internet, naked art pictures and sculptures, mini skirts, bikinis and bathing suits, etc., sex phone lines, prostitution, and whore houses.
Yes! All bathing suits are banned! Clothing optional FTW!!
Click on the “great whore” link all the way at the bottom. Apparently Mother Theresa, yep you guessed it, gonna burn in hell!!!!!!
[re=434959]problemwithcaring[/re]: I feel roughly the same about the Giants. Dallas and Baltimore can burn in the fiery pits of hell too.
[re=435061]Dave J.[/re]: Here’s a tribute to junk food and militarism, in rhyme, thanks to Grizz’s homeslice, Jack Hyles.
[re=435067]user-of-owls[/re]: That nephew, Colton, looks a mite light in his shoes, if’n you know what I mean…
[re=435067]user-of-owls[/re]: The slide show picture tags are worthwhile reading. Apparently the pastor is more than a little worried that his 12 year old daughters aren’t yet hitched. Also, the pastor’s sister’s son is GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY.
[re=434981]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: You gotta wait for it, it’s fuckin hoot!! Check out picture 25, his sister is freakin hot (for a fundie nitwit).
[re=434895]Autochthon[/re]: It’s a DEAD BABY, asshole! Ha fucking ha.
I didn’t know Flannery O’Connor fan fic was a thing.
And they have SHOELESS JOE?!?! Didn’t they see “Field of Dreams”?! Or “Eight Men Out”
?! Shoeless Joe is an American Hero, and I am canceling my plans to attend their book burning as of this minute.
[re=435100]Autochthon[/re]: Great minds…
[re=435110]teebob2000[/re]: I’d hit it.
Amazing Grace Baptist Church, I have a proposition for you. You’re busy people, what with all the book-burning, and being angry about TV, and allegedly “reading the Bible.” You don’t have time to keep up with 21st century sin. For a low low fee, I will read all the sports news, wade through all the gossip and personally inventory every person that appears in pornography in order to keep your annals of debauchery current–because as godly and righteous people, surely you couldn’t possibly enjoy doing this yourself?
[re=435120]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: Well, it’s not like the boy’s pics don’t just SCREAM it…
[re=434985]teebob2000[/re]: Did you notice the graduating class of one, too?
Peter Rose? That’s no ballplayer; that’s a spam e-mail subject heading!
Well, this guy will certainly not get to second base (baptism or otherwise):
Hideki Irabu
Aug. 20: Former major league pitcher Hideki Irabu is arrested at a bar in Osaka, Japan, after allegedly attacking a bartender and pulling his hair after his credit card was declined.
Holy Damnation, this site is way better than gop.com (even though that’s not really a website)
As a retired Buckeye, the Art Schlichter reference is sweet as crickets. He was the worst gambling addict of all time. the Scarface of the Point Spread.
And a little dichotomy for the Singin’Sermon. Stealing bases in baseball is good, no?
I’m going back in…..
Danny Huston? Really? I mean, I think he’s a criminally underrated actor, but he’s hardly the face of Big Follywood.
[re=434976]TCDang[/re]: They forgot the most important sin! He’s Jewish!!
From the joke section:
Hello, my name is Peanut.
I’m writing because I have to give a family tree report for my English class at school. Mrs. Acorn says that it will be a learning experience that will crack me up one day when I’m older. Right now I’m in the 5th grade and I’m only ten years old. I don’t exactly see how all the nuts in my family tree is going to crack me up, but well see.
Any way here goes.
I have a younger nut named Small Nut, who is always hanging around. My older nut named Big Nut hangs out with his Honey Roasted Nut. They share dreams of one day having their own bag of nuts. All of that sounds kinda dry to me.
My dad is the biggest Nut I know of, he cracks me up. He’s always telling us how hard they had it when he was a small nut. His dad, Oak Nut, gave him a nickname of wing nut. The funniest story my dad ever told was when he got all covered with chocolate and he was almost gummed to death at a movie theater by a nut lover.
My mama is the prettiest Nut in all the world. She has the perfect shape with all the right curves. Her nuts are definitely in the right place according to my dad. My dad has a saying that goes something life this, “ Salty, salty, I like it when your naughty.” That’s all I’m goanna say about that. Before my mom became a Nut she was a Pecan. They were kinda poor because mama is always telling us how they just lived in a shell of a house. My dad’s family are from Brazil, they are the Brazilian Nuts. I believe from observing that most of the Nuts on my dad’s side are somewhat rough and hard. They never seem to open up and let their feeling show. There definitely hard to get to.
I have a aunt called Hazel Nut who is married to Beech Nut. They live in a small town called Walnut Grove. My Uncle Beech Nut says that Aunt Hazel has the nicest coconuts in all the world. That’s all I’m goanna say about that. They live near my other aunt called Chestnut, but we never get to see her until Christmas time. They hang out together a lot because they are so close. They kinda like two peas in a pod.
My cousin Butter Nut is always up in the air about something. Mostly, because of all of the nuts at school ragging him about his name. He wished he had a name like Hickory, or Birch Nut like his Big Nut.
One day I dream of meeting a Honey Roasted Almond. My dad and mom is not for all of that mixed nut thing. They kinda like things to stay as they are. They say that there are a lot of nice nuts hanging around here. Every time I think about a Almond my mind begins to lust and say things like, “crunchy, nutritious and delicious. “ I’m not the smartest nut on the tree, but I wasn’t born yesterday either. You see, I just don’t want any old nut, like a cashew or a pistachio or a macadamia. I want the very best. I deserve the best because I’m a Peanut.
Not to be a downer (because one of my favorite past times is making fun of people) in this case I feel sorry for preacher Dan and his flock – their parents and specially the “Greatest Preacher of all time” f**ked them up royally to end up with this twisted result.
It gives me the willies to think what their childhoods must have been like. Crap my parents drove me crazy but never this completely wacko.
What’re they doin’ for Christmas?
[re=435146]PoignancySelz[/re]: I’m the same way – I go in for 5-10 minutes and then it’s just too much, I’ve got to come up for air. But after I’ve rested a moment, I can’t help myself. I’ve been tracking the spike in their webhitz counter as the afternoon progresses. Jim, this is the *best evah*!!
[re=435183]Servo[/re]: Burning down a pine forest.
“Sometimes when I’m talking to teens, I draw an analogy between the bonding capacity of the body and adhesive tape. Adhesive tape is not made for repetitive use. The strongest bond adhesive tape is capable of making is formed with the first surface to which it is applied. You can remove the tape and reapply it to other surfaces several times, and it will still adhere. However, with every application, some of the adhesiveness has been compromised. Finally, if you continue the practice long enough, there will not be enough adhesiveness left to make the tape stick to any surface. God intended that the bond between mates be the closest and strongest one they are capable of forming. That is why Paul makes it very clear that the body is not for fornication.”
Well. Isn’t that _special_.
I notice you’re in western North Carolina, home of some of the crustiest rest areas on I40. Don’t forget your adhesive tape!
[re=435166]prizepig[/re]: Christopher Guest is going to be pissed. Either they totally stole his shtick or he has just been exposed as a plagiariser.
On this page:
http://amazinggracebaptistchurchkjv.com/gpage54.html
… you’ll find a list of the “Good, Bad and the Ugly” in Hawyood County, NC, according to these folks.
Love the way that they lump “7 Businesses Selling Vomit” in with “Businesses that support homosexuals”, Catholic Churches, Episcopal Churches, Methodist Churches and basically any other kind of church they aren’t.
I had no idea there was a market for vomit until I started reading this website.
“Joakim Noah . . . Has long hair, which is disobedient to the Word of God.”
Uh-oh, who’s going to tell Jeezis H. Christ?
“…Jeannie Harper says…”
Sezme: Those are supposed to be jokes?
I his just a Freedom Poodle speaking Freedom talk but I his curious!
I his nought understanding :
We believe that the Bible (KJV) is inspired by God. If it wasn’t inspired, it wouldn’t be God’s Word. http://amazinggracebaptistchurchkjv.com/about.html
Is there nought a small difference between “being inspired by” and “being the Dog Word”?
I his being the most beautiful Freedom Poodle is inspiring many lustful ideas to lustful doggie fuckers. But I his never never said to any lustful doggie fucker “My ass belongs to you!”
On the other paw, the Quoran is Dog Words, but I didn’t inspired them words, I bark to that!
And I never wrote KJB, and can bear witness that KJV is hard to swallow — litteraly !
Inquisitive FP his mixed up.
I’m having cognitive dissonance with the Nova ad in the corner for “Becoming Human.” Climbed out of the trees and grew big brains? Perhaps not.
King James I was gay (although he married & fathered children apparently). Leviticus says (in Sam Kinison’s words)”Suck dick; lose the Kingdom.”
Therefore the members of this church are going to hell and suck cocks forever for using this ‘bent’ Bible.
They will have lots of company. If Hell exists.
Mixed Nuts! Nom Nom!
These people really exist?
Tell me it’s a joke!
Like Landover Baptist Church, but more subtle?
In the “Porn section they missed
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TmfJWVcH9RA&feature=related
How can we be saved us Freedom talker if they don’t warn us!
Shame on them
Uh oh, the site is in “System Reserve”, whatever the hell that means. I guess they didn’t get ‘unlimited’ disk space after all.
Dammit, the site’s dead. I tried looking at it yesterday but after three seconds of some dude yelling and some weird music I clicked away. please tell me someone saved a screenshot.
I have to confess (heh!) I got quite a bit of amusement out of the google cache of the site’s Jokes Jokes Jokes Jokes Jokes Jokes page. Oh, anyone who wants to find the site, search google for “site:amazinggracebaptistchurchkjv.com”. And use the Cache links instead of the real ones.
A new pastor was visiting in the homes of his parishioners. At one house it seemed obvious that someone was at home, but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door.
Therefore, he took out a business card and wrote ‘Revelation 3:20′ on the back of it and stuck it in the door.
When the offering was processed the following Sunday, he found that his card had been returned. Added to it was this cryptic message, ‘Genesis 3:10′
Reaching for his Bible to check out the citation, he broke up in gales of laughter. Revelation 3:20 begins ‘Behold, I stand at the door and knock.’ Genesis 3:10 reads, ‘I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid for I was naked.’
[re=435376]AKAM80TheWolf[/re], [re=435513]Manos: Hands of Fate[/re]: Yeah maybe the “we just hope someone in that asylum remembers to pay the Internets bill each month” was prophetic.
But they probably just exceeded their bandwidth allotment with the help of Wonkette. Guess they’ll have to start ponying up a little more for their hosting.
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