C’MON PAGES, GET THE REST OF CONGRESS SICK: “Ten House pages were treated over the weekend for ‘flu-like symptoms’ in a potential outbreak of swine flu, the House Office of the Clerk announced Monday.” Those wretched rugrats, never washing their hands, coughing all over their Play-Do! Well, whichever members of Congress get sick first, we’ll know they’ve been schtupping the pages. [The Hill]
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Authors
Jim Newell (5418)
Wonkette Jr. (623)
Kirsten Boyd Johnson (796)
Kaia Mursi (43)
Garrett Quinn (13)
Liz Colville (94)
Ken Layne (6695)
Blair Burke (170)
Matt Langer (40)
Arielle Fleisher (385)
{ 24 comments }
Front to back, Congress people. Front to back!
If you lick it the other way, you’re all but begging to get sick.
That’ll teach ‘em not to swab the bong before they pass it around.
DIP YR WICKET IN THE PORK BARREL AND YAZ GETS THE PIG AIDS YA SWINOCRATS AND REPIGLICANS! AND YOU TOO, INDEPIGDENTS!!! /spent metaphor/
Pig AIDS, meh. The real story is the continuing alt-txt famine at Wonkett.
Just our evil plan to replace them with Muslim temps.
If I were one of those pages, I would have licked every inch of Michelle Bachmann’s phone and computer and then sneezed all over it for good measure. I’d then go down the entirety of the Republican caucus and do the same.
Suddenly, the secret plan of the Islamic Intern Cabal is clear. Though I would have thought swine flu was not halal.
[re=439772]Hooray For Anything[/re]: This calls for the gag reflex-free heroics of DeepThroat 2009!
Is the Pig AIDS in urine? Because that would be a more amusing & fun way to spread it around republicker offices on the hill.
[re=439773]Mahousu[/re]: The Koran allows for contact with the impure (like congresscritters and bacon) if necessary. They will just need to purify themselves after.
I think the Coopster should use his daddy’s contacts and seize the opportunity to fill in.
I’m sure the Repubs will be lining up to administer the cough now test.
[re=439772]Hooray For Anything[/re]: If I were one of those pages, I would have licked every inch of Michelle Bachmann. /fixed
Since there’s not going to be enough H1N1 vaccination doses for everyone in this country, I suggest all those who believe in the power of prayer just go ahead and start praying, and the rest of us get first shot at the godless stuff.
he (or she) who lies down with swine gets up with swine flu. it’s a proven fact.
All of the pages have been treated and are not in the hospital, though four other pages were treated for gastrointestinal issues over the weekend as well.
Pages have gastrointestinal issues every weekend, just part of the learning curve on binge drinking.
Frankly, if I were a page, I’d be much more worried what those Congress-critters might give to me than what I might infect them with.
Could you catch flu from teabagging an infected page?
[re=439797]germansteel[/re]: Considering the amount of normally sane, educated, and rational types who won’t get the vaccination because they think it’s all some plot by the government and pharmaceutical industry to make billions by killing thousands of children, I wouldn’t worry about there not being enough vaccinations around.
Good Lord, what is American comin’ too. What self respecting exploiter would take a job in Congress if you don’t get to bang the pages, that’s what they are there for. Seriously people…carry messages between Representatives that’s what the email server is for. Pages are for those days when your Representative is wondering what nine naked fifteen year olds, stacked in a pyramid, masturbating furiously would look like. Donald Rumsfeld only created Abu Graeb because he missed his days hanging out in the Congressional page dormitory.
Now they got the pig death, this could be the end of the Republican party as we know it.
[re=439804]Come here a minute[/re]: And binge balls-deep anal.
I hope they have health insurance!
oh, too much?
Congress members please wash your genitals before returning to work.
…so now you can get swine flu from sucking old man cock?! FAIL.
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