NEW IMPORTANT VANITY FAIR-CBS NEWS SURVEY: “Half of Americans Would Rather Lay a Wreath on Tomb of the Unknown Solider Than Light Olympic Torch or Flip Coin at Super Bowl.” And other Half Would Rather rub Ranch dressing on their Sweatpants. [Vanity Fair]
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As long as I don’t have to wear pants, I’m up for any or all of those.
Only 52% of Republicans want to see Ronald Reagan on Mount Rushmore? They need to get back on message.
Except the ranch dressing one, obviously!!
And the THIRD half bought Going Rogue.
Whatever. I’d rather share a peanut butter soda with Mika Brzezinski than do any of those things.
It’s simply fascinating the percentage of people who admit that they couldn’t explain the public option to someone with no prior knowlege. So, everyone has an opinion on a thing they aren’t even willing to lie about being able to define? THE PUBLIC OPTION IS SOCIALISM. HOW DO I KNOW? I THREW IT INTO THE LAKE AND IT SANK. THEREFORE IT IS SOCIALIST. ALSO GLENN BECK SAID SO. QED.
How many Americans would like to light the Unknown Soldier and flip him at the Super Bowl?
[re=468050]Extemporanus[/re]: That sounds like something John McCain would enjoy.
Find Cleopatra’s barge? WTF? 99% of magazine quizzes are completely retarded. The 1% remaining are only mostly retarded.
Sweating and Panting are good things in oscillation, but together they are only for fat slobs at the Claim Jumper.
The Unknown Soldier should take some responsibility for getting himself identified instead of leeching off the teat of the taxpaying public! Socialist!!
Right now, I’m seeing a banner ad on this page for the new season of “Dog the Bounty Hunter”.
For some reason, that seems to fit with the results of this survey.
It took too much time to go from question to question so I didn’t read them all.
Did one of the questions ask Americans if they’d rather be vampires or werewolves?
Was there a follow-up question asking Americans if they’d be good vampires or werewolves and only eat animals or if they’d be bad vampires or werewolves and eat sexy people?
Because if those questions weren’t in the poll then WTF?
Overheard in the local TV newsroom: Ok so uh lets do a poll, ok so what would you rather do…um wait let’s see…know wait…which is better peanut butter or jelly? Isn’t that a good poll because like most of the time people have them together but if you had to choose see? I bet Democrats would choose peanut butter because of that one President, and Republicans would choose jelly because Reagan liked…Bang! Thump. (Fuck, I hate news.)
[re=468050]Extemporanus[/re]: How many Americans would like to light the Unknown Soldier and flip him at the Super Bowl?
Considerably fewer than the number who would say ‘yes’ to the question if you included the “and then grill bratwurst over his flaming corpse” option.
Wait how many half-Americans equals 193%?
[re=468060]the problem child[/re]: John McCain was awarded the silver medal in synchronized tire swinging at the 1920 Summer Olympics in Antwerp.
He’d originally only placed sixth, but his BBQ sauce was so damn good that the judges felt compelled to bump him up a few notches.
[re=468083]Mr Blifil[/re]: Depends how you count octoroons.
What a bullshit poll, Vanity Fair/i>. George W Bush is not available as an option on the “Who would you like to see carved on Mt Rushmore next?” question.
[re=468081]user-of-owls[/re]: I’m so fucking American, I could eat an American.
Hell, I’d lay an unknown soldier at the Super Bowl. I mean, I could know her first name if she cared to tell me, but I’m not picky.
gif needs more POW-MIA flag.
[re=468085]Extemporanus[/re]: That BBQ thing is an urban myth. He actually moved up because he hired Glenn Beck to rape and murder the second through fifth place finishers.
That’s “half of every American”. Specifically, the left half.
We are a very conflicted people.
[re=468074]coolcatdaddy[/re]: “Dog the Bounty Hunter” is the greatest thing ever to appear on television, maybe even the reason television was invented. It makes “Married with Children” seem like “Frasier.”
[re=468093]Extemporanus[/re]: Yeah, well I’m so fucking American, I could use-a-bald-eagle.
[re=468099]V572625694[/re]: What does it make “Mama’s Family” look like?
Most of those questions are really dumb. And the answers show that a lot of Americans are really dumb, too; not that that’s a surprise.
“Which of these meaningless ceremonies would you rather take part in?” I’ll take none of the above. Most people probably gave the unknown soldier because it seemed like the good patriotic answer, not because it’s what they most want.
While the conservative support for Reagan is to be expected, fellow liberals, you’d really honor JFK before FDR; does the tragedy of getting shot really outweigh ending the Depression and winning WWII? Really?
And 43% of respondents have admitted to total idiocy. Noah’s ark is a myth, it never existed, you fools. Actually, make that 61%, because the same is true of Atlantis. The option that gets the least votes is the one that’s giant and covered in solid gold, and would be worth by far the most money; but most Americans wouldn’t know.
other than presidential types, basically the people who place wreaths at the tomb of the unknowns are the family members of fallen soldiers (at least that’s how it has been every time i have been there), so basically these people are hoping for a dead loved one…
[re=468104]user-of-owls[/re]: Like an episode of Seinfeld with Paul Blart?
[re=468113]mookworthjwilson[/re]: that’s family values for you
Either Sponge Bob or Frank Zappa on Mount Rushmore.
But if it has to be Reagan, then the eyes should be made so that they follow you around the room.
I believe that George W. Bush should have his head shaved on Mt. Rushmore.
I believe that a simple DNA test could solve this “unknown soldier” problem once and for all.
And ladies, I believe that you should never wear panties to a party.
Noah’s Ark. Atlantis. Lost artifacts?
Hell what about Mordor? Why is it not on the list?
[re=468079]WarAndG[/re]: ACTUALLY overheard at the Potbelly Sandwich: “Do you want peanut butter and jelly on your peanut butter & jelly? We have to ask you that.”
Would you like to swing on a star,
Carry moonbeams home in a jar,
And be better off than you are,
Or would you rather be a mule?
[re=468104]user-of-owls[/re]: “She’s the Sheriff”
[re=468130]What Fresh Hell is This?[/re]: That did happen with the Vietnam unknown…the Reagan administration tried like hell to block it, but that poor family finally got closure.
[re=468159]twowheeljunkie[/re]: South Carolina, also.
Ken, really, why do you have to make us choose? You can wear ranch smeared sweats for any of those.
[re=468035]Naked Bunny with a Whip[/re]: I call bullshit. We all know you stand around nekkid and paint your vast collection of pants with various condiments, like, constantly.
[re=468179]mookworthjwilson[/re]: I take it they were teh poorz? (Yes, I’m on the fucking internet right now, but I prefer to jump to conclusions, assholes) Because, y’know, nothing trickles down like a watery suffering/piss mix.
[re=468163]snideinplainsight[/re]: I loved that song as a kid. Although I think the pig might be more symbolic of the people who took this poll.
I’m sorry, but dripping condiments on pants is considered “painting” only if it happened after WWII.
And I would like The Unknown Soldier’s face on Mt. Rushmore; maybe it would lead to an ID and the solution of a cold case.
What the shit is up with this poll? In every single subcategory shown (Reps, Dems, Indies), more people said that they could explain the Public Option to some ignorant moran, but in the Total percentages, “Hurp Durp” led the ability to explain by 40%.
Did I miss the Green Party getting an overwhelming plurality in the last week, or is Vanity Fair just fucking horrible at the maths?
[re=468179]mookworthjwilson[/re]: That could take a truly dark marekting turn: “Who Wants to Be America’s Next Unknown Soldier?”
We are running short on potential teevee shows based on mental illness (locked-up crazies, bi-polar nymphos, OCD cat ladies living in garbage, alcohol and drug “interventions,” pedophile “investigations”). We need to see how far people will go for their 15 minutes. Jack-Ass takes on IEDs?
@Snarkalicious: How did you know that??!? Are you spying on me?!! *throws a tantrum in front of all his webcams*
Thanks to Vanity Fair and CBS — My life is now complete with this information. I don’t know how I got along before without it!
[re=468191]Lionel Hutz Esq.[/re]: Not to flip the coin at the superbowl. You’d be on TV!
[re=468104]user-of-owls[/re]: Sophie’s Choice.
[re=468033]chascates[/re]: I read this as 52% of Republicans would like to see Ronald Reagan mount Rushmore, and for about two seconds it made sense, and then I became thoroughly confused and dazed.
[re=468101]user-of-owls[/re]: I’m so fucking American, I’d kill a bald eagle with my bare hands, personally graft its wings onto my back drapped in an American flag, and land forever perched atop the Statue of Liberties crown occasionally makeing-out with her.
28% of Americans want to raise their children in FRANCE?
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