GIULIANI DOES RIO: “RIO DE JANEIRO (AP) — Former New York Mayor Rudy Giuliani says Rio de Janeiro can become a safe city before it hosts the 2016 Olympics. And his consulting firm will be paid to offer advice on how to make that happen.” Okay okay, first matter of business: what would you consider to be your “Harlem” here, and do you have any cops who specialize in shooting children? [AP]
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Wonkette Jr. (623)
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{ 37 comments }
Is he going to replace all the naked Carnivale dancers with guys in Disney costumes? Please, Rudy no; Rio’s gotta keep the sexytimes.
Jesus christ, Jim, you’re on a tear today
Rudy will be there just in time for Carnaval. On 9/11.
Hell, just have Rudi show up at Carnival dressed only in a thong made of dental floss and a bandaid, and everyone in Rio will drop dead from sheer horror. Crime problem solved!
Giuliani oversaw a drastic drop in crime in New York during his tenure as mayor from 1994 to 2002. Backers attributed the improvement to his zero-tolerance stance.
I’d just loooove to see him present his conclusions to the Rio cops: “All you have to do is wander through the vast slums, and if you see a broken window or someone throwing a butt onto the sidewalk, just give them a citation.” I’m not sure if they’ll run him out of town on a rail or just cook him and eat him there.
All Rio has to do to become a safe city is to be New York enjoying a huge economic upswing. Simple as that.
Nove um um! Nove um um!
Uh-oh, it looks like a poor Rio resident has a date with a toilet plunger in his future.
Didn’t his “consulting firm” reduce crime by negative nothing in Mexico City? Eh, fuck it – let’s head back to Real South America This Time and show ‘em who’s boss.
Sometimes, alt-text would be like gilding a lily. A cross dressing lily.
“First we break Bernie Kerik out of prison… then we sign him to a $10 million contract. Nobody knows more about law enforcement than Bernie Kerik!”
I heard about Rudy’s solution. He said, “All you gotta do is round up all the homeless, the mental patients and the squeegie men, put ‘em on buses and send ‘em to São Paulo.” And why not? It worked in New York.
“do you have any cops who specialize in shooting children?”
Yeah, most of them.
Unless Rudy the Redeemer makes Rio safe once again for the baring of Demi Moore’s teenage ta-tas, I will consider this crime fighting effort to be yet another in his long list of failures.
First order of business: find a relatively unoccupied Brazilian safehouse for police officers and fuck your mistress in it.
Harlem = the favelas, sort of. Except the favelas are totally undocumented, unpermitted housing with no organized street grid, electric power provided by extension cords, open sewers in the streets, no leases or mortgages or deeds. Try and straighten that out, Rudy, you jackass.
I think Rudy based his briefing on the ‘Blame it On Rio’ and not ‘City of God’
I think his first order of business should be to locate the most likely target of a terrorist attack in Rio, then put the terrorist attack command center in that building.
Nothing on Wonkette boils my oil more than the sight of this felonious fuck, foisting his festering face on the feckless public. He is the kiss of death. (Apologies to Mo Dowd).
[re=472005]ManchuCandidate[/re]: City of God was the first thing that came to mind. Rudy 9u1ian1 is going to help them fix that? Holy shit good luck Rio.
What his firm did for Mexico City worked out so well. Don’t see the downside here, Wonkette H8rs.
[re=471975]Extemporanus[/re]: I was confused at first by the teenage ta-ta’s remark because I knew that Demi was well over 19 until I remembered her tits aren’t.
They allow Rudy Giuliani to travel outside the USA? Should we be displaying our dirty laundry as a country quite that openly?? I mean – isn’t that dangerous? What did Rio ever do to us?
[re=472014]Advocatus_Diaboli[/re]: Perhaps inside the ‘Christ the Redeemer’ statue’s butthole?
[re=472014]Advocatus_Diaboli[/re]: Being a tranvestite terrorist-hater, he’d probably install gay-ass force field, and end up getting tasered by God.
[re=472055]Native of SL UT[/re]: Points well taken. [NSFW! NSFW! NSFW!]
The solution to Rio’s problem is so obvious: get rid of the black people. And hey, that just happens to be Rudy’s specialty!
Every twenty minutes, Rudi interrupts whatever is going on and starts shilling a DVD (only $20!) of what just happened twenty minutes before. Then Zig Ziglar comes out and his daughter coaches him through a speech, followed by Rudi popping out and shilling a DVD (only $20!) of that too.
Will he hold up in FL for this? .. too
Step 1: Relocate emergency response headquarters to city’s most likely terrorism target
Giuliani: Cale a boca, viado. Va caga no mar.
There must be a role for Orly Taitz in this …
Uff – hate to tell you, but the favelas would be Harlem, and yes, they probably do have cops who shoot children. In Rio, if you’re robbed, you don’t bother going to the police because they’ll take the rest of your money.
When Rudi gets to Rio, it will bye-bye and adio for its ferrets. I mean Haitians. I mean ferrets.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VxLP6ni8vVo
Orly Taitz has really let herself go.
[re=472014]Advocatus_Diaboli[/re]: [re=472102]kewlguy42069[/re]: Burn x 2
I’d actually forgotten all about that.
Oh, and yes, most Rio police and soldiers are specialized in shooting children, so we can cross off that worry. Law enforcement has actually had its helicopters shot down by gangs, there.
Second order of business: Make your driver the chief of police, and make sure he has a good apartment for his mistress.
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