• February 15, 2012

‘AL’ GONZALES FIXED MOST THINGS: From one of those fancy New York Esquire interviews, where it’s all answers, no questions: “This may sound egotistical, but to me it is important that when I leave this earth, I would have made a difference — that people would know Al Gonzales lived, he touched lives, he made a difference, he left a mark.” [Esquire]

{ 54 comments }

Terry December 9, 2009 at 2:00 pm

Left a mark? I thought Fredo’s torture manual had a whole chapter on how not to leaving a mark.

bfstevie December 9, 2009 at 2:00 pm

I always thought the goal was to be careful not to leave any marks.

magic titty December 9, 2009 at 2:01 pm

Bitch please. Elian Gonzalez will leave a more impactful legacy.

shadowMark December 9, 2009 at 2:01 pm

“when I leave this earth, I would have made a difference — that people would know Al Gonzales lived, he touched lives, he made a difference, he left a mark”

Isn’t that was why we have blogs?

Joshua Norton December 9, 2009 at 2:01 pm

he left a mark

Kind of like Genghis Khan and Ivan the Terrible.

Hooray For Anything December 9, 2009 at 2:02 pm

Well, he did succeed in touching many a life and leaving many a mark, mainly on those people he legally allowed us to torture. So, you can rest easily now Al.

dum librul December 9, 2009 at 2:02 pm

I do not recall remembering any mark having been made.

Suds McKenzie December 9, 2009 at 2:03 pm

He will have to settle on leaving a stain.

TGY December 9, 2009 at 2:04 pm

We’re still trying to find the right kind of government so Fredo’s mark doesn’t show.

Terry December 9, 2009 at 2:04 pm

More and more, I believe that Gonzales has a complete lack of self-awareness. Much like his former boss.

snideinplainsight December 9, 2009 at 2:04 pm

Eat an acorn-shaped poop, f***er!

RoscoePColtraine December 9, 2009 at 2:04 pm

Standards. And goals.

inedalo December 9, 2009 at 2:06 pm

gonzo broke the record for how many times a lawyer can say- i don’t remember!

with such a bad memory, i wonder how he passed the bar exam?

or are such exams not required for “Christian” lawyers?

he really should be examined by a neuroscientist to see if his faulty capacity to recall events can be corrected by treatment- e.g. water-boarding or some other remedy.

gurukalehuru December 9, 2009 at 2:07 pm

You have left a giant shit stain on the bedsheets of human civilization.
There is nothing you can possibly do with the remaining years of your existence to atone for the hideous evil you have already done.
The sooner you kill yourself, the better off the rest of the human race will be.

desertwind December 9, 2009 at 2:12 pm

Yeah. Skid marks.

Chickensmack December 9, 2009 at 2:12 pm

If the mark you left behind, Alberto, is that soul patch you’re sporting in the photo, then you need to shave it off. You have no soul, motherfucker.

Oh, that’s just the microphone. I got nothin’ on what your “mark” is.

JMP December 9, 2009 at 2:14 pm

Of course you made a difference, Al. It takes a very special person to make John Ashcroft look both competent and honest by comparison.

But hey, he’s sorry that he called the Geneva Conventions “quaint” when he really just thought that certain provisions were. So see, he can too admit fault.

JMP December 9, 2009 at 2:16 pm

[re=474771]Joshua Norton[/re]: And you know who else made a difference and left a mark upon history…?

Citizen Kang December 9, 2009 at 2:16 pm

[re=474765]bfstevie[/re]:

No marks on the body. Skid marks on the Constitution are OK, but definitely leave no marks on a body.

ph7 December 9, 2009 at 2:17 pm

When a guy in his 50s starts talking about how he is going to be remembered, it’s time to hide the sharp objects and flush the sleeping pills.

Hedley Lamar December 9, 2009 at 2:19 pm

[re=474810]ph7[/re]: not in his case. I’ll buy him the sleeping pills.

Pompous Magnus December 9, 2009 at 2:19 pm

Left a mark like an 8 year old kid leaves one in their underwear. What an ass.

Extemporanus December 9, 2009 at 2:21 pm

[re=474767]magic titty[/re]: Happy 16th birthday, “Little Rafter”!

Shia LaBeouf better look out, ’cause he’s gonna have some pretty caliente competition in a few years when the U.S. ends the embargo! (And destroying Shia LaBeouf’s career is reason enough to justify doing so immediately.)

Flanders December 9, 2009 at 2:22 pm

“As far as I know, every time the vice-president made a decision, the president accepted it.”
/corrected

SayItWithWookies December 9, 2009 at 2:23 pm

Yeah, thanks Alberto, for shining the bright light of sadism, stupidity and incompetence into our otherwise dull, plodding world of legality and human rights. You’ve truly touched us all — especially those of us who have an involuntary tic when we hear your name.

Can O Whoopass December 9, 2009 at 2:26 pm

Yep, Bush’s ‘Gonzo’ left a mark, a skid mark dragging his ass across State lines to keep from being arrested and shipped to Iraqistan.

Potater December 9, 2009 at 2:27 pm

Hard to see that mark under all the blood.

Anonymous Office Zombie December 9, 2009 at 2:29 pm

He left a mark. Indeed. One giant F and one giant U stamped right on the Constitution.

madtowngooner December 9, 2009 at 2:30 pm

Will leave a taint, more like it.

Advocatus_Diaboli December 9, 2009 at 2:43 pm

If by “leaving a mark” you mean “fucking up everything you ever touched because of your immense incompetence”, then yes, yes, Mr. Gonzo, you certainly left a mark.

Big Liver December 9, 2009 at 2:49 pm

[re=474815]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Don’t you think his personal characteristics prominently feature very bad taste, small-mindedness, and being fear-addled?

queeraselvis v 2.0 December 9, 2009 at 2:52 pm

I’ve seen elementary school slam books with more erudite responses than were submitted by this human shitstain.

proudgrampa December 9, 2009 at 3:06 pm

Yes, Al, that WAS egotistical of you, and the world will be a far better place when you and people like you aren’t around marking territory anymore.

Paul Tardy December 9, 2009 at 3:12 pm

“I think 90 percent of what happened to me is politics” ¿And 10% were actual crimes?

donner_froh December 9, 2009 at 3:14 pm

BDSM is pretty expensive as it is. If you want to leave a mark you better be ready to get the checkbook out. Look what happened to Max Mosley.

Decker December 9, 2009 at 3:26 pm

“touched lives” = allowed the filleting of prisoner’s dicks?

Extemporanus December 9, 2009 at 3:38 pm

[re=474888]donner_froh[/re]: ¡GREEN PIÑATAS! ¡GREEN PIÑATAS!

doxastic December 9, 2009 at 3:45 pm

To be fair, a black mark upon history is still, technically a mark.

snoidoid December 9, 2009 at 3:55 pm

I’ve seen the mark. It’s at the back of the toilet seat.

vladster December 9, 2009 at 4:02 pm

No, of course he shouldn’t be judged on 4 years in the WH and 2 years as AG. Silly people, he should be judged on all the dick he sucked to get there instead.

happyrock December 9, 2009 at 4:14 pm

Explains him pissing on the constitution. Leaving his mark, that is.

S.Luggo December 9, 2009 at 5:52 pm

… it is important that when I leave this earth, there will be no survivors …

lochnessmonster December 9, 2009 at 5:53 pm

Really…these people have multiple degrees and they STILL stick their foot in their mouths…

germansteel December 9, 2009 at 6:14 pm

He’s right. It does sound egotistical. Not only that, it IS egotistical.

Albeato is right for the first time in recorded memory.

Darkness December 9, 2009 at 6:25 pm

I think “Al” can rest easy. Anyone who ever needed anything competent out of him later looked at his output and said, “ouch, that’s going to leave a mark”.

Lionel Hutz Esq. December 9, 2009 at 6:58 pm

Strangely enough, Torquemada said the exact same thing.

Lionel Hutz Esq. December 9, 2009 at 6:59 pm

And let’s be honest, the best that Alberto Gonzales can hope for from History is that when his name comes up, the answer is “I don’t recall.”

S.Luggo December 9, 2009 at 8:15 pm

“…people would know Al Gonzales lived, he touched lives, he made a difference, he left a mark.”
Sure, ‘Berto. Now get me my order of chimichangas.

imissopus December 9, 2009 at 8:47 pm

Whenever a male Republican talks about wanting to touch people I want to hide my nephews.

sezme December 9, 2009 at 9:27 pm

This may sound pedantic, but to me it is important that when I leave this earth, I would have learned me some grammar.

Mr Blifil December 9, 2009 at 10:03 pm

He touched the Bush’s prize silverware. It was all downhill after that, especially after they cavity searched him that one time after dinner. He eventually apologized of course.

LowerdPeninsula December 9, 2009 at 11:59 pm

This is surprising. I always took Fredo for an ambitionless lackey/slave/drone, not someone capable of having the complicated emotions and hopes and dreams and thoughts and shit.

heathenish December 10, 2009 at 11:40 pm

Gonzo all I’ve got to say is, “war crimes tribunal”, you can leave your mark there

Bruno December 13, 2009 at 12:16 pm

Always beware of the man who refers to himself in the third person.

Can we get this guy renditioned to Spain already? I think they have him indicted on something…not sure what though…

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