Poor old Ben “Wario” Nelson is having such trouble proving to the Real Americans of Nebraska — the Most Real Americans out there, yikes! — that the pending expansion of health insurance conducted entirely through the existing for-profit private corporate market is not a Kenyan Afro-Socialist takeover of their guns for Allah. Tonight he will “go nuklar” on his constituents by purchasing 30 seconds of ad time during the Nebraska bowl game, which a full 175% of Nebraskans will be watching. Mark this slot down for your smoke break, viewers!
He’ll be wearing a bathrobe and eating Xtra Cheese Cheet-Os and farting, to relate:
As a fresh poll measured the political cost of Sen. Ben Nelson’s health reform vote, he prepared Tuesday to take his case directly to Nebraskans during Wednesday night’s Holiday Bowl game.
Nelson will air a new TV ad in which he attempts to debunk opposition claims that the Senate legislation represents a government takeover, and he makes the case for health care reform.
“With all the distortions about health care reform, I want you to hear directly from me,” the Democratic senator says in the ad.
Nelson, dressed in an open-necked shirt and sweater, speaks directly into the camera during the 30-second ad.
Don’t watch in HD.
Beleaguered Nelson to air TV ad tonight [Lincoln Journal-Star]
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{ 28 comments }
If he had any balls he wouldn’t buy air time but instead interrupt the actual programming. I bet the FCC would let him do it just this once.
It’s not like the Demrat progressives like the douchesack either. Nebraska will be doing the libruls’ work.
Is going “nuklar” anything like “getting medieval on [their] ass”? Because that’s what comes to mind, and then I think of Ben Nelson taking off the ball gag, taking the shotgun, and blowing Nebraska’s balls off while Obama menaces them (it??) with a katana.
I like him better with the ball gag.
Holiday Bowl? I think the muslins have already won.
Republicans, you will notice, only resort to speaking directly to America’s idiot electorate when they have been literally caught in the act of attempting to fellate black police officers or young boys. Never to explain policy matters.
Someone needs to check inside his nose for PETN.
Just the “Holiday Bowl”? I thought by now all 150 of the college bowl games had been renamed by one of our corporate overlords.
All of Tucson AZ will be watching as the U of A is in this one. AZ is all on Medicare anyway so they probably won’t be up late enough to see Nelson and his socialist snake-oil.
Get back, Loretta!
Yes, it’s socialism, Nebraska. But it’s the kind you love – you know, where you see more of the benefits and put in less of the money than everybody else.
Can’t he air this during My Name Is Earl instead? I don’t need another reason not to watch college football.
Just a commercial spot? It is clear that Senator Nelson is totally ghey for Charlie Brown. Corn’husking’, indeed
“Nelson, dressed in an open-necked shirt and sweater”
Sadly, this will be among the least-gay things that Nebraskans will see during the average football game.
Real Americans of Nebraska love farm subsidy socialism big time. All Uncle Ben has to do is tell the Nebraska Real Americans that health care reform is a farm subsidy program.
[re=487006]PrairiePossum[/re]: That would be my advice too. Dems spend to much time explaining things in a patient, clear manner. The Republicans figured out a long time ago that just telling the most ridiculous, stupid lie you can think of is how to communicate to your constituents because they can’t tell the difference.
Yeah! Nebraskans deserve the right to pay 1/4 their salary to their single available health insurance company for years and then as soon as they need a procedure, have it canceled on them. Yeah, baby. Fuck consumer rights . . . Nebraskans bend over willingly for their corporate masters!
No way this spot airs after the typical dismal Nebraska offensive series, when their fans are already *very* close to mentally imploding.
Hummm. Gonna bum out the home folks watchen’ the foot ball on the tevee with a ad that doesn’t have beer, cars or girls. I’m think’n Ol’ Ben is toast.
Show us your man-boobs, Ben.
I have a question: Where the fuck is Nebraska on the map? Another question: Why does anyone care what a bunch of people from a place I can’t find on a map think about anything?
He’s also going to tell Nebraskans that the rules of football have changed since 1902 and that you’re now allowed to THROW the ball… downfield even! You don’t just have to hand it off to your fullback every time in an effort to gain 3 and half yards!
I’m trying to remember a truism applicable to the futility of trying to please everybody but the only saying that pops in my mind is: “If you start listening to fans, soon you will be sitting with them.” Quite the opposite Ben has managed to piss off everyone with his half-assed proposal. See ya in the stands MISTER Nelson.
[re=487046]germansteel[/re]: It’s one of those rectangular bits, sometimes referred to as South South Dakota.
The entire state is traditionally swimming in beer during a Cornhusker football game. Dozens of babies will be produced without the mothers knowing who the fathers are tomorrow. Numerous fistfights will sort out … something. All Ben has to do is ask the state to say the Pludge of Allelugiance with him and the entire state will be crying like babies. God bliss Nebraska, just a six-pack away from Jesus and a washed jock-strap from Afghanistan. Yeah! Yeah! Hang Bennie down at the stockyards. Yeah! Yeah! (Morons.)
Ben Nelson: proof that no quanta of pandering, social-conservative, legislative concessions will go unmet without cynicism.
The people of Nebraska might be ignorant rubes, but they are not stupid. Okay, so what if they are also ding-dong, mouth-breathing, double recessive gene, stupid. They can sense in their bunions when a fraud is a fraud.
In 2010, Ben will become an Independent. The first banns are to be announced between him and his bride-to-be Joe Lieberman in January. Chose from engagement giftees at http://www.gop.com.
A case of mentholated KY would be much appreciated.
“…the pending expansion of health insurance conducted entirely through the existing for-profit private corporate market is not a Kenyan Afro-Socialist takeover of their guns for Allah.”
Pure genius I tells ya.
Just another hack trying to make it on the coattails of Ndamukong Suh.
My fellow Nebraskans, I did my very best to make sure that health care reform is much, much worse than it needed to be.
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