WEIRD EDWARDS SLAVE & WIFE LITERALLY GOING TO JAIL FOR 100 YEARS: Holy potatoes, the judge actually went through with it! This is bigger than Judy Miller and Obama combined: “PITTSBORO, NC (WTVD) — A judge ordered Andrew Young and his wife jailed Tuesday until they produce a sex tape in the lawsuit filed against them by John Edwards’ mistress Rielle Hunter.” SHOW THE INTERNET FIRST. [ABC 11]
-
Authors
Kirsten Boyd Johnson (800)
Jim Newell (5429)
Wonkette Jr. (626)
Liz Colville (96)
Blair Burke (171)
Kaia Mursi (44)
Garrett Quinn (13)
Ken Layne (6695)
Matt Langer (40)
Arielle Fleisher (385)
{ 59 comments }
Yes! Internet first! Then jail!
Will Cheri be stuck in one of those big holding cells with methed out prostitutes and bad check writers with missing teeth? Can we watch on CCTV?
No, no, no; please do not show the internet, ever.
Signed,
The internet
A judge ordered Andrew Young and his wife jailed Tuesday until they produce a sex tape
Ewwwww…. Maybe the GOP is right about activist judges.
It’s going to be hard to suppress those tapes. I got one copy for subscribing to “The Economist” for six months; and another was handed out to everyone as a party favor at my nephew’s Bar Mitzvah.
I apologize if this has already been pointed out, but the subject matter of the posts today have rendered the banner ads especially poignant.
“Tissues required”, indeed.
It’s a sad day for American justice when our judges can’t afford to buy their own porn.
How would they produce the tapes when they are LOCKED IN JAIL? Maybe they’re hiding them up their asses?
Coming soon to the interwebs
The Carrie Prejean-John Edwards Sex tape….
Jail really should be reserved for mean criminals. Like Rush Limbaugh.
When the affadavit was brought up in court, [Judge] Jones asked one of Hunter’s lawyers, Alan Duncan: “Are you saying he lied to me.”
“Yes, your honor.”
“That’s a painful thing,” Jones said.
Oh, for heaven’s sake. He feels pain when someone lies? Then why did he become a judge, is he a masochist?
Good luck with that whole “let’s contain something that is in digital format.”
Oh god, I hope the fuzzy banner pic for this story isn’t part of the sex tape.
[re=527481]Chernobyl Soup[/re]:
Yeah. this tape is probably already out there. Quick, everyone to the porn sites!
[re=527461]Extemporanus[/re]: There was Siemens in the corner earlier, but it seems to be gone now.
And “The Queen’s ladies of the bedchamber reveal all” is particularly apropos for the Edwards posts.
Produce a sex tape? Is the judge ordering them to finance the filming of a porn movie. An interesting legal ploy, if you ask me.
No livebloggin’ of the Beck/Massa lovefest at 5?
Is this the newest entry on anal-sins.com? Good G*d, DO NOT WANT.
If this is some sort of karmic payback for Asia Carrera having political opinions, it’s a serious case of overkill.
[re=527489]President Beeblebrox[/re]: OT, but I agree — liveblog that puppy!
[re=527482]jodyleek[/re]: Worst. Dildo. Shape. Ever.
Aw, man, there goes legal-bills-paying strategy number one.
It’s the one where Hunter, in a short skirt, shows up at the millhouse and says, “I’m coming to get my flour ground. Say, you’ve got some really big stones there.”
To be fair, the judge has to review all the copies to make sure they are all *ahem* “uncut”.
Shorter Judge: “Tits or GTFO!”
What if “the court” gets oiled up in front of the vcr and then the tapes are a disappointment? Death sentence I bet.
I always thought that if you picked something up out of the garbage bin, it was yours to keep. Even if you later showed it to two ABC represenatatives and a few close friends who were incidentally journalists.
Has anyone made a Clarence Thomas joke yet? If not, then:
“I strongly suspect that there is certain SCOTUS judge hoping the appeals in this case make it all the way to the highest court in the land.”
please show us the tape! can’t someone post a link here…
I posted one on ABC11′s site
[re=527501]WadISay[/re]: So, his political career asunder, his viability as an attorney under question, his “poverty” center at Chapel Hill shuttered, Edwards decided to make a go at porn as occupation?
I mean, I’m surprised, but I’m more surprised Not Little House on the Prairie hadn’t been made yet, among the flood of tee-vee parodies.
“James Druck collected on a $150,000 insurance policy for arranging the killing of his daughter’s horse in 1982, but he was under investigation by the FBI[9] when he died of cancer in Tampa Bay, Florida in 1990.[10]
Druck’s daughter Lisa, later known as Rielle Hunter,[8][9] was a promising equestrian, but gave up riding when her horse was killed. The incident had a profound emotional impact on her life, which in turn inspired a popular roman à clef novel based on her experiences.[11] ”
- from the Wikipedia entry on “Horse murders”
Geez! Let me just say that, as a dad, I’m more than disgusted.
still do not get howcome he’s sweating so in this photo? i mean, did he just run a 10k? all the way from the mill? also, that kid has a helluva lot of hair for a newborn, what what? trig? track? butterstick?
Man, that judge really wants to see that sex tape. Couldn’t he just download the Kim Kardhasian sex tape instead?
[re=527516]inedalo[/re]: Really? I like the idea of the tape being out there, where any bored porno-slob could watch it again and again and again and critique it for their charmless friends, but I think very few actually wanna see what’s in it.
I’m sorry, I can’t look away from the Wikipedia –
“In 1988 — long before the arrest of Tommy Burns and the subsequent unraveling of the horse murders conspiracy of silence — “Brat Pack” novelist Jay McInerney based a roman à clef novel, titled Story of My Life, on the young adulthood of his former girlfriend Lisa Druck, James Druck’s daughter[e.g. Rielle Hunter] .[11][17] McInerney’s novel implies that the cause of protagonist Alison Poole’s “party girl” behavior is her father’s abuse, including the murder of her prize jumping horse.
McInerney has said that he chose to write about Druck and her friends because he was both “intrigued and appalled” by their behavior, and the lead character, Alison Poole, who was closely modeled after Druck, was described as “an ostensibly jaded, cocaine-addled, sexually voracious 20-year old.”[17][18][19][20][21]
Geez, when Jay McInerney writes a novel based on your life, you’re living wrong.
“You can’t handle the porn!”
Let’s see if I have this straight:
In the missing video, a sad, uncircumcised clown and a coked-up, pregnant MILF fuck a dead Armenian horse with a sweaty, baby-shaped dildo in front of an oiled-up old black guy into snuff porn and puppy pubes?
No wonder the judge wants a copy so bad — that shit sounds fucking hawt, yo!
[re=527518]Long Form Def Certificate[/re]: I would suggest gather up whatever cash he still has and move to Thailand or some such place, but without extradition.
What’s so great about Andrew Young and his wife having sex that we need to see the tape?
I once lived in Pittsboro, NC. It’s the kind of smallish town with courthouse in the middle of a traffic circle. Seems an unlikely origin for national news. The judge could alternatively sentence the Youngs to drive around the traffic circle endlessly…that way he could keep an eye for any tapes flying out of the car windows.
Why not just Photoshop their heads on to some other porno tape? Everyone does the same things.
[re=527513]Oldskool[/re]: You mean oiled up like this judge? (Now a former judge, disbarred, in jail, etc….)
Why in God’s name do famous people make sex tapes? Especially when there are obvious / disastrous potential legal repercussions?
These have been leaked so many times in the past that I almost feel like they’re a subconscious cry for help, like Edwards deeply repressed sense of propriety working the id to its own ends by somehow making him think this was a sexy / good idea in order to free itself from the misery of being submerged beneath so much sleaze.
[re=527572]President Beeblebrox[/re]: Gross gross gross ick yuk gak.
[re=527542]PsycGirl[/re]: Heheh. Or he could be sentenced them to live on hwy 64 the rest of their lives.
Also, re: “let the internet see this”, as a straight man I am far, far less disturbed by seeing gay men kissing on the front of the Washington Post than the mere *thought* of Rielle Hunter copulating, which is almost enough to make me quit the vag forever.
Goodness gracious, what a lot of excitment about nothing. You’d think Edwards had some integrity left to save or something
[re=527593]Mad Brahms[/re]: Yeah, it seems likely, with all the heavy strain of possibly reaching the most important office in the nation as leader of the free world.
Or he was just drunk and horny, and she was a “videographer” already.
Look, it’s bad enough when you LIE-Bruals run stories about yet-another mass shootings in Texas without including the only interesting details, e.g., type of shotgun; loads used (No. 8 eco-sensitive steel shot, etc.); splatter patterns.
You know, the things most of us want to know.
But to run this story without a link to http://www.youtube.com marks a new low for Wonkette.
You all just know that someone as Batshit Crazy as Rielle would make it a Video For The Ages.
Sort of like a grainy newsreel of Charles Whitman up in the Tower. But with anal sex.
:::Sigh:::
[re=527593]Mad Brahms[/re]: To be fair to the famous people, particularly those who are not really famous anymore (or not quite there yet), it’s more a cry for attention, asking to tabloids to report upon the tape to pump up their career. Of course, in those cases it’s not that accidental.
See: Pamela Anderson & Tommy Lee; Paris Hilton; Screech from Saved by the Bell; the Limp Bizkit dude; and both Brittney’s and Lindsay’s no-panty shots.
[re=527593]Mad Brahms[/re]: I think it’s like this: You can go to the bathroom and surreptitiously snort coke with a spoon, or do some lines off a narc’s ol’ lady’s tits. Scary, yes, but oh so hawt!
It won’t be much — Edwards’ idea of self gratification is combing his hair.
[re=527518]Long Form Def Certificate[/re]: How about Little Whorehouse on the Prairie?
[re=527660]Neilist[/re]: She got preggo via anal sex? That would be a first, wouldn’t it?
[re=527713]zhubajie[/re]: There was a case of a woman getting pregnant via oral sex. It also involved a knife fight and surgery.
Dammit, I am WAY too late to the party to make a Final Cut Pro joke.
[re=527727]Uncle Glenny[/re]: in Carolina a knife fight is foreplay.
[re=527685]Jim89048[/re]: If these are the only two options available to you, you’re either a very sad man or Governor of New York.
[re=527532]Extemporanus[/re]: Needs more cowbell.
Comments on this entry are closed.