THE OTHER DICK DROPS: Reader “Ben H.” suggested Wonkette liveblog Eric Massa’s appearance on Glenn Beck this afternoon. Wonkette, however, is not capable of watching the Glenn Beck Show under any circumstances. This is unfortunate because: “Representative Eric J. Massa, who resigned from Congress amid allegations of sexual misconduct, vehemently denied any wrongdoing during a television appearance late on Tuesday even as he described having tickle fights with staffers in a house they shared. But he insisted that was as far as it went.” HAHAHAHAHAH. Tickle fights are actually gayer than anal sex, is the thing. [NYT]
Read More:
- Part I Of Massa's Amazing Interview With Glenn Beck, In Which Tickle Fights And Naval Orgies Are Discussed In Uncomfortable Detail
- Eric Massa & Glenn Beck To Marry Each Other All Day Tomorrow!
- Corporations To Liberals: 'Stop Murdering Us'
- Gross Old Eric Massa Always Trying To Hump His Male Staff
- Don't Think We Don't Need To Hear The Massa Navy Stories Anymore
{ 97 comments }
First?
Why this idiot would go on Glenn Beck’s show to give him such a…ahem….”scoop I’ll never know.
Oh wait….
He was inspired by the new Tickle Me and Bend Me Over Elmo.
[re=527553]eclecticbrotha[/re]: I think you can get banned for that.
So, “tickling around in excitement” is gayer than “wriggling around in excrement”?!
Now you fucking tell me!
So Massa was originally a republican, this is making sense now.
OK. Here’s the thing: if he wasn’t gay, he would be having “tickle fights” and getting in trouble for saying inappropriate things to FEMALE STAFFERS TOO. Just thought I’d point that out.
Why so Fickle?
Twas only a Tickle!
I just watched the section of the show in question, and I discovered a shockingly disturbing error in the NYT’s transcript:
Massa didn’t describe having tickle fights with staffers, he described having tinkle fights with staffers.
Good god, man…
[re=527557]PsycGirl[/re]: If that’s not a rule it should be.
[re=527565]Crank Tango[/re]: I believe that line of reasoning is known as “Occum’s Razor”.
Look, I just tousled the guys hair, in a companionable brotherly way. Ok, yeah, I did “tickle fight” with one of my colleagues, just a totally friendly, macho, non-threatening, male bonding…but not GAY…tickle fight. So what if I sometimes walked up behind my male staffers and pinched their tushies. Football players do that all the time, right? It’s friendly. And yes, there was the time that I invited the Chippendale male strip review to our office retreat…it was a “team building” exercise people! Why do you have to make something so innocent sound so dirty?
Should have Massa would have been tickled pink about health care but instead the darrrhhling was titillated a stunning mauve.
So this is the news that Glennda thought the whole world should hear “2morrow at five”? Tickle fights? That’s like denying you had buttsecks with your best friend but acknowledging you gave him a blowjob.
In an unprecedented move, at the conclusion of the Massa-cre, Glenn Beck apologized to America for wasting their time.
You tickle one goat, and for the rest of your life you’re know as a . . .
I mean, you’re known as a . . .
After downing some Kaopectate & Cod Liver Oil, I watched Glenda for 5 minutes, yes I heard the “tickle excuse” but ALSO! When Glenda, asked Massa if there were anymore shoes to be dropped, Massa said Oh yeah there’s a ton of inappropriate text messages out there! Channeling Mark Foley. Can we please see that clip overlords??
The tag is right – This really IS the gayest day on Wonkett in years.
[re=527556]PsycGirl[/re]: The Tickle Me Homo porno undoubtedly inspired him as well.
You know who ELSE was clearly suffering from the late stages of syph as his career was ending, dontcha?
[re=527571]Extemporanus[/re]: Like this: http://keysnews.com/node/21349 ? Sorry I don’t know how to do the funky link thingy.
Aren’t tickle fights usually the start of movies called things like “Sorority Sluts”? Not exactly the way to earn your Butch badge.
>Now they are saying I groped a male staffer,’’ he told Mr. Beck. “Yeah I did. Not only did I grope him. I tickled him until he couldn’t breathe and then four guys jumped on top of me.
This story is even better when you read it with 70s pr0n music in your head.
[re=527591]Snarkalicious[/re]: Uh, Al Capone?
I suppose he was a don’t-ask-don’t-tell type? Did he hang out at the New Jolo Club in Olongapo? What’s the Yokosuka equivalent?
Make him special ambassador to the lady-boys of Thailand!
“Yeah, I may have made out with Boehner, not sure, I was about 15 bottles of Champagne deep, but as I recall I came up looking like I ate a bag of Cheetos, so that pretty much turned me off of being gay. We’re done here, right?”
It’s a tickle party! http://twitpic.com/17mihj
I can’t watch Beck either. I know I’m missing great theater but I’ll settle for the reviews.
[re=527599]4tehlulz[/re]: But it was his birthday!
In case you are interested, it goes, in order of gayness:
1. White Canvas Shoes
2. Clear Mascara
3. Undereye cream with mineral “illuminators”
4. Tight Monochrome T-Shirts
5. An Eye for Design OR the Ability to Co-ordinate accessories
6. Faux-hawks
7. Leather Pants
8. The Oscars
9. Two Dudes Open-Mouthed Kissing
10. Boy Scout Camp-Outs or Church Sleep-Away Camp
11. Cawksucking between guys
12. Accent walls with track lighting
13. Ticklefights
14 Mormanism
15 Buttsecks
16. Feltching
17 Larry Craig
18. Project Runway
19. “The Situation”
20. Lindsey Grahm
So now you know!
Of course, he was tickling the balls of a guy who was jakking off at the time, but that’s as far as it went.
Faux-hawks
Are you speaking of a haircut or a Republican?
cut. Print. Gay.
Tommmcatt:
21. The Tonys
22 Backup Dancers
23. Hugh Jackman
24. Tom Cruise
Am I the only one who’s creeped out that his last name is “Massa”? I can’t bear to think of the S&M fantasies…
[re=527580]Troubledog[/re]: When Glenn Beck looks like the reasonable one, you know you are in trouble.
[re=527615]Tommmcatt[/re]: I dunno – I think I’d have to give Lindsey a solid “16″ at least.
25. John Edwards Hair Dresser
Massa’s in the cold, cold ground…
26. Anything & Anybody remotely related to, &/or involved in the “Opening Act” at the Oscars
[re=527626]Nerdalicious[/re]:
27. Europe
Well, now that his good name is cleared once and for all…
I was hoping to find something today on “my” wonket that wasn’t gay, but the only option was John Edwards’ gross sex life. Or his pal’s porn video. Or something.
I hope something vaguely political and ridiculous happens tomorrow.
“Jizz Hands”
Tommmcatt:
28. Pluto & it’s Gay Moons
28. Tailgating mens figure skating at the olympics.
[re=527623]NJB[/re]: is that like 2 “8″s at the same time? Cuz I bet lindsay would like that. All he gets from lieberman and mccain are a couple of limp 5′s at best.
Tickling is the gold standard of repressed gayness.
29. Me & EdFlinstone writing “28″ simultaneously
[re=527631]Nerdalicious[/re]: [re=527632]EdFlinstone[/re]:
30. Men’s Gymnastics
[re=527635]Nerdalicious[/re]: Thank god we weren’t up to 69.
Tom & Ed:
31. Quiche
32. “Cock”tails
Ed:
69. Oh God
[re=527639]Nerdalicious[/re]: Was it good for you too? Do we spoon now or what?
Ed:
Since your such a romantic, the “tickle” game & a massage K?
Did Beck ask how he felt about the WaPo cover photo?
Now, now, now! It’s only gay if your balls touch. You guys know better!
““Now they are saying I groped a male staffer,’’ he told Mr. Beck. “Yeah I did. Not only did I grope him. I tickled him until he couldn’t breathe and then four guys jumped on top of me. It was my 50th birthday. It was kill the old guy. You can take anything out of context.’’”
Wait… that was the non-gay context of male on male groping?
Too bad this republican switched parties a while back, he’s ruining the GOP’s perfect run of gay-sanity.
[re=527615]Tommmcatt[/re]:
Campaigning on, or voting against, equal civil rights for homosexuals is somewhere on that list, no?
This turned out about 10,000 times better than I ever could have hoped.
[re=527600]Lucidamente[/re]: Nietzche you maroon!
33. Having sheets, gloves, shoes, hats, towels, pants or coats that were “designed” as opposed to “made” or “barely stitched together” or “found”
[re=527571]Extemporanus[/re]: In this case it’s probably “Onan’s Razor.”
[re=527615]Tommmcatt[/re]: 1(a). Wearing Charlie.
[re=527615]Tommmcatt[/re]: 9(a). Figure skating.
So why was Massa complaining about Rahm coming on to him nakked in the gym?
In other news, Massa is running for Congress again – there’s that vacant gay seat in Sacramento.
“Now they are saying I groped a male staffer,’’ he told Mr. Beck. “Yeah I did. Not only did I grope him. I tickled him until he couldn’t breathe and then four guys jumped on top of me. It was my 50th birthday. It was kill the old guy. You can take anything out of context.’’
So what, it was his birthday? THAT’S the context??
No problem, then.
35. Context
[re=527589]Extemporanus[/re] “The Tickle Me Homo porno undoubtedly inspired him as well.”
The things you people know about (shaking head).
I was going to mildly complain that the link should have been labeled “NSFW” but then realized that maybe the word “porno” would tip a reasonable person off to that fact.
[re=527615]Tommmcatt[/re]: Wait, I thought fauxhawks were a sign of straight fratboy douchebaggery; of the type that goes with popped-collar polo shirts, over-tanning and axe body spray; not gayness.
But then, there is a bit of homoerotic subtext among fratboy douchebags’ antics.
[re=527634]Mustang[/re]: That is so good.
[re=527640]EdFlinstone[/re]: This is what’s next. And next. And… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BI1WxgFNDo0&feature=player_embedded
[re=527659]Wanderlust[/re]: Would you say there was a … Happy Ending?
Fer fucks sake massa
Tickle fights, and a strange ritual involving corn meal, lime juice and male teens that Eric called “Massa Harina.”
Shower lobbying and tickle fights…all this makes me want to masturbate to the GayPo.
[re=527661]NYNYNY[/re]: Oh — are you sure it’s not Mendelssohn?
And of course — a big pile of men tickling each other isn’t gay. It’s the stuff you didn’t admit to, Mr. Massa, that’s gayer than the two-man luge.
This is what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass, Glenn Beck!
God, just saw his appearance on Countdown. Glenn Beck’s face was just screaming ‘Oh what the fuck did I do booking this guy for the full hour?’
New reality show: Eric & Rahm Lockdown: Maximum Security Senate Gym Shower Stall
Episode 1: Eric Turns 50, Who Dropped The Soap?
8th Sign of the Apocalypse:
Librul Tree Huggers feeling the sorries for Glenn Dick
Episode 2:
Rahm & Dems Conspirators Finger Eric For Groping, Well O.K., Toes Eric
[re=527633]Crank Tango[/re]: And the whole time McCain keeps saying “Whose your Daddy, Cindy?” and, you know, Lindsey just *hates* it when Daddy calls him Cindy.
And yes, he would like 2 8′s. And really, who wouldn’t?
Dear God, can you imagine what a fool Glen Beck would look like if the was up against someone with some intelligence? He should require his guest to do a couple of lines before coming out so that they are as paranoid and incoherent as him.
[re=527556]PsycGirl[/re]: I didn’t know until Beck’s interview with Massa that Tickle Me Elmo was in the navy.
[re=527580]Troubledog[/re]: And yet it wasn’t a waste of time for once. Scarily enough, it was the most sensible Glen Beck show ever.
A congressman, a gay wonkette and Fox News walk into a bar…
Tomorrow morning on Glenn Beck: How Eric Massa was a Progressive plant and his whole resignation and interview was an elaborate plot to embarrass Glenn Beck personally and the Teabagger/Conservative/JesusLovingAmericans movement in general. Just you wait — that freak is not sleeping tonight.
But a big pile of civilian contractors drinking booze out of each others’ buttcracks? That isn’t gay?
According to Wikipedia, Massa’s symptoms of the ghey include: “grew up in various locations, including Argentina and New Orleans … Religion: Roman Catholic … graduated from the U.S. Naval Academy … a former Republican … recently worked as a business consultant for Strategic Insight, a defense consulting firm …” He might have been in California once, too. Dude didn’t stand a chance.
36. Glory holes. Cuz that’s pretty gay.
[re=527715]SayItWithWookies[/re]: You snark, but there’s probably already a thread to that effect over at Free Republic or RedState. I’m not brave enough to check, though.
A tickle fight? If all of this turns out to be true, then I may just start believing that this whole Massa harassment thing is a big, ludicrous misunderstanding.
[re=527715]SayItWithWookies[/re]: [re=527707]Lionel Hutz Esq.[/re]: [re=527698]Cape Clod[/re]: Pretty sure Glenn Beck found this guy just too damn sexy. HOLDING HIMSELF back, pretty much, oh, the WHOLE DAMN HOUR.
[re=527716]Jukesgrrl[/re]:
It was all that time in the Navy.
Any branch of the service where you can be made the “coxwain” (Literally, the “cock boy”) is liable to be rife with the gehnesses.
[re=527721]Red Zeppelin[/re]: 37 – Colors with the names of food. Salmon, sage, cranberry…
Beck told his audience at the end of the interview that that he had wasted an hour of their time. Why doesn’t he say that every night?
[re=527735]Dashboard_Buddha[/re]: [re=527721]Red Zeppelin[/re]: [re=527666]Tundra Grifter[/re]: [re=527643]Nerdalicious[/re]: [re=527632]EdFlinstone[/re]: 38-45: Justin Timberlake, obvs.
Oh, and [re=527615]Tommmcatt[/re]:, no assless chaps? FAIL, my good man! FAIL!
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