THESE COUNTRIES ARE WITH THE TERRORISTS: Ooooh scary, NATO! “This month five European foreign ministers from Germany, the Netherlands, Belgium, Norway, and Luxembourg called on NATO to take steps to remove US tactical nuclear weapons from European soil.” Again Europe is hating our American imperial freedoms, specifically the freedom to stash hundreds of red-white-and-blue nuclear bombs in their sovereign countries, to ensure global freedom and Christianity. The American military empire is hilarious. Imagine if some foreign country kept hundreds of its operational nuclear weapons in Missouri or Ohio or wherever! Because you know those foreigns — loud, irritable… twitchy. Maybe life would be a little more exciting. [Matt Yglesias]
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If they had done a better job of helping the Polish Cavalry, none of this would have been necessary.
Oh you don’t like the bombs, do you? We can get rid of your bomb problem with one button push, silly foreigns!
Well, I guess you can’t say we forgot Poland.
“The US has between 150 and 225 nuclear gravity bombs – which are essentially old-school dumb bombs.”
Yeah, they may be old school, but you know, horse shoes and hand grenades.
Germany, the Netherlands, Belgium, Norway, and Luxembourg
Usually, the simplest answer is the right one.
Property values are up in those countries, nuke missile bases tale up prime countryside space that could be used for luxury condos. The euros don’t want to renew those sweetheart-deal leases they’ve been giving Uncle Sam for so many years, because it’s a money loser.
Let’s move those missles by launching them at Iran. Israel would be happy; problem solved.
This post would be a whole lot more palatable if you just replaced the words “nuclear weapons” with “pierogies with sour cream”.
Try it and see -
But don’t these people know that, without protection from the US nukes, the Soviets will just march in and take them all over?
By the way, one easy way to rile conservatives is to bring up Reagan reducing American nuclear stockpiles, one of the very few decent things he did as President.
I see no problem here, whatsoever. Nobody knew they were there, nobody was actually planning on using them. It’s like when your brother tells you to move all your shit out of his garage or he’s throwing it out.
[re=529633]JMP[/re]: The best thing Reagan ever did was die. Sadly he did so only after he stopped being President.
What does President Merkin Muffley think about all of this?
[re=529631]snideinplainsight[/re]: Not just palatable, downright tast-ee!
But we have to keep those nukes in Europe– how else are we going to keep the Danes in check?
Oh, those whiny, testy Europeans. Always with the “We no wanna blow shit up” mindset. Pussies.
[re=529633]JMP[/re]: Hell, Reagan almost agreed to get rid of all our nukes at Reykjavik. Then of course, his advisors had to stop him, since they were our deterrent against the USSR’s overwhelming conventional weapons advantage. This is what happens when your leaders start believing their own lies — if that whole “missile gap” hysteria had been true, mutual nuclear disarmament would’ve made sense — someone had to explain to Ronnie’s remaining brain cells that it was just bullshit used to jack up the defense budget.
The Socialists hate us for our tactical nukular weapons.
If it wasn’t for them mis-siles them Germans would be speaking Russian or the Russians would be speaking Prussian or the Belgians would be speaking…well they wouldn’t be speaking whatever the Hell it is they speak. They don’t call the MX the “Peacekeeper” for nothing.
“There are only two things I hate. People who are intolerant of other cultures, and the Dutch.”
- Goldmember
Wait, there are WMDs in Europe?
Doesn’t this mean we have to invade them? At least we will be greeted as liberators this time.
[re=529629]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: Where else can the next Ernst Blofeld or Dr. Evil pick up a hardened, subterranean fortress disguised as a quaint chalet within easy commuting distance of a major European city?
[re=529637]x111e7thst[/re]: Now, he also made sure that our foreign policy wouldn’t go wrong because he held a meeting when Neptune and Uranus were in the wrong part of Sagittarius or some bullshit like that.
So, now are the Luxemborgians offering to house their nukes over hear ’cause I have a big back yard and sure could use the money?
[re=529682]Ruhe[/re]: I wasn’t trying to sound Amerikun by misspelling here as hear. I’m just a dumbass.
“Imagine if some foreign country kept hundreds of its operational nuclear weapons in Missouri or Ohio or wherever!”
Hmmm, how many jobs would that create? I am sure a career polishing warheads [heh] could put some food on your family’s table.
[re=529675]JMP[/re]:
I thought that happened when Reagan took a nap for six months and “Mommie” appointed Jeanne Dixon interim President.
[re=529672]Lionel Hutz Esq.[/re]:
Think of all of the statues that could be toppled!
Oh, thanks a lot, Germany, the Netherlands, Belgium, Norway, and Luxembourg! You just told everybody where the nukes were hidden. How quickly they forget, though. Those weapons protect them from British scooer hooligans!
[re=529618]Mr Blifil[/re]: That was VERY funny, dude!
Nuclear yard sale in 3…2…1
I didn’t think that Luxemburg was large enough to have a US missle base unless, of course, the entire country is really just a US missle base.
[re=529673]Aloysius[/re]: It’s always a buyers market if your name is Ernst Stavro Blofeldt.
Health care is a European and Socialist plot to take our freedom, but our freedom is perfectly safe if we let them hold our nuclear bombs for us?
[re=529684]SmutBoffin[/re]: I’m still trying to wrap my head over the issue of where would WE keep all of our nuclear weapons that are in Missouri, if the Luxembourgers move their’s in. Maybe Kansas or Nebraska will make room for them.
We could put a couple in our Sarah’s book tour bus! That way the bombs would be safely stored in Real America, far from anything European or Socialist. As long as we don’t put any in her private jet that uses to get to the book tour bus station from Hollywood and Manhattan. You know, the places she’d rather stay. She gets allergic smelling hay. She just adores a penthouse view. Darling, she loves us, but give her Park Avenue!
I think we should invite France to park their nukes in the parking lot of the ST. ANGRY JESUS FUNDAMENTALIST CHURCH OF PEACE down the street from me to be aimed at the “not French” parts of Canada because you know…Quebec is surrounded. How long before the church goers declare HOLY WAR on France?
[re=529633]JMP[/re]: Another way is to tell them Fox News is partially owned by Arabs.
Dirty little rat faced Belgian bastards!!!
“Again Europe is hating our American imperial freedoms, specifically the freedom to stash hundreds of red-white-and-blue nuclear bombs in their sovereign countries.” It’s this priceless, classic Newell that makes life worth living for me (that and the hobo beans).
[re=529723]WarAndG[/re]: France doesn’t need nuclear weapons. In case of war, it has Rama Yade (and Carla Bruni, if necessary).
[re=529723]WarAndG[/re]: Are they still pissed about that whole papal schism thingy?
If they want to store those tactical nukes someplace, I have a closet in my back bedroom that I could empty out.
(Heck, the 4th of July is coming up. We could have a PART-TAY with The BEST fireworks display in the history of the City of Angeles.)
But seriously, folks . . .
One of my favorite nuke stories arises during the height of unalloyed horseshit about how “NATO Can Fight And Win A Tactical Nuclear War In Europe, Using ‘Clean’ Neutron Bombs, Etc.”
I pointed out to a senior military commander that, using the official issued Nuclear Weapons Effects Computer (a circular slide rule issued by the DoD), all of the towns in West Germany were “about five kilotons apart.”
:::Long silence, followed by steely glare at NWEC, followed by equally steely glare to senior aide, followed by more silence:::
(He didn’t ask if I was using Warsaw Pact “kilotons” or NATO “kilotons.” Which I thought showed a certain lack of imagination and/or grasp of the technical issues.)
[re=529725]Johnny Zhivago[/re]: Those dirty little rat-faced Belgians invented delicious French Fries which, of course, makes that whole Freedom Fries kerfuffle moot.
Germany, the Netherlands, Belgium, Norway, and Luxembourg.
I thought the muslims infiltrated all those countries and converted the populations. No wonder they want us out. or maybe that was the Netherlands. it was somewhere in Europe.
Nice use of The Age of Quarrel album cover.
[re=529759]Neilist[/re]: Forget that elitist European stuff; using an American system of measurement, how many degrees of Kevin Bacon are they apart?
Forget Europe… Reagan built an aircraft carrier in his own honor….. to whup the Japs!
[re=529759]Neilist[/re]: Brilliant! They are all about 5KT apart. When we ran exercises in the ’70′s we always assumed the Russkies tacnuked all the cities along the Rhein so we couldn’t retreat or get supplies/reinforcements across. It doesn’t take too many to screw things up really good. Maybe ten is all you need. Doctrine at the time was to tacnuke the Soviet unit on either side of where you wanted to attack and then drive through them, knowing your flanks glowed so brightly they were secure.
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