I’m so happy I could burst.

I, and my 10-year-old, will be attending and participating in the “Citizen Races” at the the local tiny, impoverished rope-tow ski area. I’m not really a strong enough skier to compete anymore, but I just love the communistic cadence of the term “citizen races.” Also there’s free hot dogs. The really good polish kind you get at Costco. Anyway, that’s Saturday.

Sunday I’ll be in the hospital getting both my knees repaired. If they have wifi, I’ll chime in on my iPod.

Fucking, godless ginger.
http://tinyurl.com/yzzwnno

Thanks for ruining my weekend. I’m talking to you Congress, Wonkette and the American public. Screw you guys.

[re=534409]Landstander[/re]: Have a Lawsuit Abuse and chill.

Crap — what a weekend to have my internet connection acting up. But I’ll be doing the real celebrating when President Obama signs the damn thing into law anyway. For that I’ll be getting the best champagne I can afford. Probably Old Milwaukee.

Drinks, meh. Am I the only one left who abuses drugs?
Weekends like this one call for speedballs.

[re=534410]Sharkey[/re]: Nice.

[re=534424]x111e7thst[/re]: Clearly not, or we wouldn’t think we’re all so funny allatime. But she’s going to Texas, and most of us remember John Fogerty’s warning:

If you’re ever in Houston, well, you better do the right;
You better not gamble, there, you better not fight, at all
Or the sheriff will grab ya and the boys will bring you down.
The next thing you know, boy, Oh! You’re prison bound.

The last thing a lib needs is to celebrate the bill passing in a Texas jail.

[re=534419]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Oh, for these times you want to level-up to Pink Champale.

[re=534434]Jim89048[/re]: [re=534414]Katydid[/re]: Don’t worry, I’m going to pussy out after I make my kid go first.

In anticipation of all this happiness, my family has scheduled a pancake supper for Saturday, and a fried chicken brunch on Sunday, right after church, but before the big vote. Then we will go downtown to watch the big wingnut head explosion festival before the kids are put happily to bed.

[re=534432]Katydid[/re]: Fogarty did a great version, but that ditty was apparently written by prisoners in Southern jails: if the Midnight Special’s headlight shone on the prison bars, they would dissolve.

[re=534396]thatonegirlsays[/re]: Gin:vermouth 6:1 shaken over ice and poured into a proper glass. Garnish with an olive or three. If you’ve never tried it before your first taste will be astonishing and scary. Couple more sips and you’ll never go back.

Juli quit just in time! Great foresight, Juli!

I got rooked into hosting a family dinner on Saturday for a relative turning 95. The family is composed of vegans, omnivores, libruls, and Glen Beckians. If I’m still alive on Sunday God will be rewarding me with passage of the bill. In fact, if God really loved me, she’d be miraculously changing it to a Single Payer confection, but since I’m an atheist, I probably won’t get my way.

In anticipation of our Dems wimping out even on this watered-down POS version of health care reform, I’m having a big plate of waffles for Sunday breakfast. And mezcal. Lots and lots of mezcal.

[re=534459]geminisunmars[/re]: we should have a live cam there asap.

[re=534396]thatonegirlsays[/re]:
Mead, nectar of the gods, Save the bees!

[re=534401]Lascauxcaveman[/re]:
Best of luck with the new knees Caveman. Will you have super human knee powers after the operation that will allow you to lift incredibly heavy Ibanez basses?

I’d like to take this time to thank the Wonkette editors for posting this weekend. I’m sure you’re getting overtime for your labors. What? You’re not! Maybe it’s time to unionize.

Woo-hoo! A Wonkette Weekend!

Puttin’ the Cosmo shaker and glasses in the freezer w/ the Grey Goose right now.

If this bill passes I will fuck Hamas Mouse. I will suck your ears!

[re=534396]thatonegirlsays[/re]: Get some mescal and drink it straight. Limocello is nice in the heat if you chill it. Don’t mix mescal and limoncello unless you also have some weed to keep the guts steady.

[re=534448]V572625694[/re]: I had no idea of the history of “Midnight Special,” or all the people who recorded it. YouTube has a cool version by Leadbelly, and a beautiful version by Odetta, both with different lyrics than the Creedence version. There are a lot of versions on YouTube.

I definitely ain’t going to Texas now.

[re=534517]maggiegg82[/re]: Cool! Is Cindy McCain joining us for the liveblogging festivities?

[re=534479]Extemporanus[/re]: Damn, you’ve got the post of the week–maybe the month?–right there. Cheers and happy milkshakes.

[re=534517]maggiegg82[/re]: Dammit, maggie, keep it on topic! For example, you could have mentioned that you don’t have to worry about the high cost of treating the STDs you’ll catch from members of this site, because St. Joseph will make sure that the government pays for it.

Mixed drinks are for pussies. I for one, will be toasting the impending Repulsican meltdown with some good old Demerara High Wine (straight). It will take the chrome off your bumper, but what the heck, with global warming and all, it will also work quite well as gas in my car.

[re=534456]Hooray For Anything[/re]: HUZZAH! For once, I don’t have to work this weekend, so I bought a handle of Jim Beam and a 6-pack of Coke (fuck YOU, RC Cola, I just got paid!), looking forward to watching every single bobblehead outburst simultaneously on three different laptops while drinking myself into a coma. Even my housemate made plans to go camping in order to avoid the spectacle I plan to become.

Now I won’t be alone. That makes me hot.

I’d send a bottle of Champagne, but a certain person’s birthday cake is still stuck in my FAX machine.

Thank god, you ‘lil punk ass staffers.

[re=534422]WadISay[/re]: My pal Melvin suggests we should just pray people “get what they deserve.” He said if there is a god, s/he’s smart enough to know what that is, and we keep ourselves reasonably clean in the process. Melvin’s full of intelligent theology. He compares God to “a guy with a big, expensive aquarium. Yeah, he likes his fish, but he can’t stand there watching every single fish every hour of the day. But maybe once in awhile, one particular fish will flip around enough to get him to notice and he might choose to do something about it. But what that something is might not make sense to the fish.”

Sounds like it will be a revelrous weekend. Though by Sunday night I suspect we’ll be left feeling a little like we just watched a five-act play by Albee.

I’ll be ignoring the healthcares since I ain’t got no health nor do I really care. Merry Christmas, dammit!

I guess Kaptur wants people to stay in their houses and have babies..

[re=534566]Jim Newell[/re]: Salon says Pelosi has picked up 9 more ayes, some of whom were nos last year. But lost some ayes who switched to oh hell noes, including a Mass. wuss.

This is a much more comprehensive, up-to-date whip count.

And heh heh heh, Hopey gave Ohio Rep. Marcia Fudge a ride on Air Force One on Monday to get her vote. That is all.

Does someone want to tell me what the hell this guy is talking about?

From Big Government:

“The facts remain the same. If Democratic leadership is going to do the doc fix bill, then they’re low-balling the cost of the bill by $330 billion. If they’re not, why is the AMA endorsing it?” said Boehner’s spokesman Michael Steel.

[re=534587]DustBowlBlues[/re]: doc fix memo = hoax and a half. At least that’s what Josh and Politico seem to think. Lots of Dems too.

[re=534589]rottenart[/re]: I know it’s a hoax. I mean the bizarre connection Steele makes between “lowballing” the cost and the AMA agreeing because of that. Do the doctors know secretly that they’re going to get a lot more money than the CBO says, or what?

I just scrolled down the page and watched Anthony Weiner smack down her Noonington. She is the most self-righteous pontificating woman on the teevee. And I hate the her mannerisms.

Weiner was great–once again, the weirdest thing this health care debate has done is make Weiner almost sexy. Which makes me worry about myself.

Bart Stupak is so fucking worthless. Right now I want to punch him more than I’ve wanted to punch any Republican in awhile, and that’s saying something.

[re=534443]Scandalabra[/re]: Remember to take the Santorum splatter-guards.

In other news, Miss Senator Lindsey Graham says that he shall torpedo, harpoon, missile, thrust and thrust against Immigration Reform if the Health Care Reform passes. Bitch.
http://blogs.wsj.com/washwire/2010/03/19/sen-graham-immigration-will-be-casualty-of-health-bill/

We appreciate your sacrifice. I live for new Wonkette threads.

Hey, Vitter, if you vote for this bill, I’ll put on a wig, call myself, what’s your wife’s name, Melissa?, and pound you. And (ug) Craig, same goes for you, minus the wig of course. And (ug) Lindsay…sure. Why not? You too. The rest of you fairies…vote for it or I’ll out you. No joke.

[re=534588]rottenart[/re]: Since Scalia, of all people, relied on Frederick Douglass to find a basis for the 2d Amendment giving us all the right to shoot whoever we feel like, your friend may well be onto something.

“This is the largest tax bill in history,” the Republican leader fumed. The reform “is unjust, unworkable, stupidly drafted and wastefully financed.”

And that wasn’t all. This “cruel hoax,” he said, this “folly” of “bungling and waste,” compared poorly to the “much less expensive” and “practical measures” favored by the Republicans.

“We must repeal,” the GOP leader argued. “The Republican Party is pledged to do this.”

That was Republican presidential nominee Alf Landon in a September 1936 campaign speech. He based his bid for the White House on repealing Social Security.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/03/19/AR2010031902636.html

[re=534545]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: Quick, let’s form an impromptu XTC cover band to play along during this weekend’s festivities! We could start with “Melt the Guns,” run through classics like “Dear God,” “Living Through Another Cuba,” “Here Comes President Kill Again,” and “Real by Reel,” and finish strong with “Books are Burning,” an anthem about the evils of censorship that sounds especially good when played as a background for wingnuts’ heads exploding!

Yay! Weekend Wonkette threads! Crap, now I’ll never get any work done…

[re=534521]Katydid[/re]: Odetta was awesome.

Jim, could you invoke the Pelosi Demon gif for good luck? Perhaps leave a few wounded grannies on the Wonkette altar to lure her out? I’d like to prostrate myself before Madame Demon (D-SF) during these final hours.

[re=534632]gurukalehuru[/re]: And if Scott Murphy gay married Scott Brown, we’d win back Teddy’s Seat.

O/T but hey, guru, I just read your new column, and it was on target, really good. I agree with you, and it codifies something I’ve felt, but never put together: people who use religion and nationalism to justify a whole bunch of shit they would never, ever agree to, much less do themselves, are evincing a kind of mental illness.

Christopher Hitchens said something in the same vein on CNN about clerics when Falwell was raptured. Hitchens said “the empty life of this ugly little charlatan proves only one thing: that you can get away with the most extraordinary offenses to morality and to truth in this country if you can just get yourself called reverend.” (The clip is over 5 minutes, but worth it. it’s pretty funny when

Anderson Cooper introduces Hitchens by pushing his book, “God is Not Great: How Religion Poisons Everything,” noting his hatred for religion, and then asks him, “I’m not sure if you believe in heaven, but if you do, do you believe Jerry Falwell is in it?” Doh.)

One more Hitchens quote: “Lots of people are going to die and are already leading miserable lives because of the nonsense preached by this man and because of the absurd way we credit anyone who can say they are a person of faith.”

It’s a pretty great takedown of “religious leaders’” influence on politics and society.

[re=534396]thatonegirlsays[/re]: The Red Zep is in Red China, so my drink choice will probably be a can of Tsingtao bought at the local Lawson’s and carried with impunity on the street, while I read Wonkette on my phone. I will probably be killed by a motor scooter and it will be Wonkette’s fault. BTW, in the last two weeks I have had no problem getting onto the main Wonkette page, but the Great Firewall of China has mostly seen fit to block the comments. I always suspected you people were petit bourgeois degenerates, and I now have proof!

[re=534620]Berkeley Bear[/re]: I’m sure you’re correct. I somehow interpreted onegirl’s question as a plea for obliteration because she’s visiting Texas. I shouldn’t do that. In my defense, I’ve been to Texas. The raging drunk on the sake was the worst drunk I ever had, come to think of it; it wasn’t pretty. The Mind Erasers were a lot of fun, though.

I’m dying to try Johnnie Walker Blue, but the cheapest bottle costs three fiddy. You ever drink it?

Yay! Now I can post from somewhere other than work!

[re=534631]loquaciousmusic[/re]: [re=534545]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: If ya need a round neck Dobro for slide fills I can be there. Like the Ibanez, that Dobro weighs a ton, so it would be at the ready for smashing skulls instead of pumpkins if Pelosi isn’t able to provide sufficient political Viagra and some of the votes go soft.

[re=534632]gurukalehuru[/re]: And then the Scotts could gay-adopt a baby and piss off Dan Quayle.

I sent this in as a tip yesterday, but didn’t get a bite, so here you go:

Did you know that Dutch homos were responsible for the massacre of 8,000 Mussulmen in Srebrenica?! It’s true!! A retired US general said so!

Dutch fury at US general’s gay theory over Srebrenica

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/8575717.stm

[re=534663]user-of-owls[/re]: OMFG that’s a brilliant hypothesis ! Another proof of the brilliant operational genius of our glorious straight men in uniform. And that gays are a global Third Column in the great, multi-front war(s) against Western civilization.

God I miss the Cold War. At least Americans were paranoid (among other things) about some real comrades (at home and abroad) as oppossed to hating on the homos, immigrants,wimpy Democrats, fasciod nationalists (of other nations that is), and Muslims of dubious politics, to put it politely.

[re=534665]gurukalehuru[/re]: Whoops. That comment was meant for Katydid. Just failed to notice your link.

[re=534656]Mr Blifil[/re]: I actually woke up early this morning with a panic attack that Stupak would go out there with a big crucifix and throw dead fetuses around while saying Pelosi could go shove it. Which he still could. I need to watch more sports or something.

Little known fact is that there’s about five or six progressives who are pulling a Kucinich and say they won’t vote for it because it’s not liberal enough. If they said they’d vote for it, we wouldn’t need Stupak so it’ll be kind of ironic that in protesting something that’s not liberal enough, it’ll be more conservative. Jokes on them!

[re=534663]user-of-owls[/re]: Where has Gen Sheehan been? The Dutch caught the gay forever ago. Look at what they are known: fondling flower bulbs, tailgating skating events, wooden shoes, and putting digits in dykes. Their gay morale is sky high.

[re=534670]Hooray For Anything[/re]: That’s the kind of Hamsher-ish logic that I was arguing about at Salon a couple of days ago. This bill isn’t liberal enough, so let’s kill it, hand the wingnuts an enormous victory, cripple the rest of the even vaguely liberal items on Obama’s agenda, and leave the status quo in our healthcare system in place. So in twenty years when our political class tries to push reform again we’ll definitely get some liberal single-payer system because everyone will have seen that our way was always the right way!

I shall now pour copious amounts of whiskey into my morning coffee.

Hello? Helloooo?? Weekend’s about a quarter over now… Time to wakey-wakey. Time to typey-typey.

[re=534675]imissopus[/re]: You, know that’s genius leftist strategy ! Just look at what it did for 1930′s Germany. Then, it was a common “meme” among the social-democrats and revolutionary communists to let the right wing wackos win, so that they can prove just how stupid and incompetent they were, then move in for the kill. The Nazi’s won and then their was killing, certainly-of every shade of socialist the SS and Gestapo could get their hands on. So, obviously, an epic win for the Left everywhere.

But seriously,these pink rejectionts are just being infantile. We simply don’t have any radical left option in this country. So sorry Charlie. Better luck next decade. In the mean time, we need to fight off the Red-nuts/Tea baggers from making the situation worse then it is. That, an pray on those commie prayer ropes to Lenin, as I have already said. Pray on them HARD !

[re=534680]user-of-owls[/re]: Yes I am a splitter, if you mean by that I split with my glorious hammer of worker power the pig skulls of my capitalist-usurer enemies and feed their corpses to my dog (I being a principled vegetarian). My bitch loves the taste of the “other” white meat, particularly when its extra fatty and pig-like.

[re=534681]Marxist-Leninist Papist[/re]: Comrade, lay off the Gonzalo Thought for a few hours, it’s taxing. Just sit back, have a few Mister Erasers or Mind Woodies or whatever. Then just hop on Facebook and play Class War or AnarchoSyndicalistville (“Help Marxist-Leninist Papist find a Cowering Revisionist Parasite!”).

BOOOOOOOO. I thought Wonkette would be posting re: Health Care this weekend. I’ll take my drunkenness over to Deadspin and watch basketball until my RSS feed notifies me of Newell’s lazy ass posting something.

My best,
Tuna

[re=534685]Chernobyl Soup[/re]: Ok, I’ll bite. I got my money on the Navy, I mean, c’mon. SNORKELING?! Plus, they already have their anthem, courtesy of the Village People. Plus, they pay to rape Okinawan girls.

As per the Armed Tulips Squad, I agree. Also of note, one of the Dutch tactical campaigns, Queer Eye for the Butchering Serbian Guy, was grossly underfunded and poorly implemented.

[re=534521]Katydid[/re]: Youtube has an excellent version of “Dixie Chicken” by Little Feat on the “Midnight Special”, with Bonnie Raitt, Emmylou Harris and Jesse Winchester sing in backup. Exceptional.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OO3ZMdcL8Pc

[re=534693]Blender[/re]: The smiley was completely unintentional. Deep Apologies for pain inflicted on your eyes. Too busy fuming on my inter-leftist sectarian passions. One must learn to control them or they will control your typing skills. Really, REALLY, control your typing skills.

[re=534694]Marxist-Leninist Papist[/re]: Glad you explained, for a minute there I thought you were a Cliffite (as in Jimmy Cliff or perhaps even Cliff the mailman from Cheers).

I am carrying my laptop around the house like a ventriloquist’s dummy, so I won’t miss a word of this!

[re=534704]Mergatroyd[/re]: So am I! God, this c-span stuff is gold! GOLD! Is Andrew Weiner there? Why isn’t he putting the Wiener Smack-down on crazy-lady Virginia FoxxxX?

Fucking Harry Teague (D-Outer Wingnuttia, NM). We have an all-blue delegation; both Senators and the other two Reps are voting yes. But MY esteemed congressman “doesn’t think this does enough to control costs.” Pff.

Dear Harry: voting “no” does even less to reduce costs, so your reason is disingenuous and insincere, douchebag. And yes, I’ve called his staffers, DC and home office, like a good, level-headed libtard, in a calm voice. Even before today.

In the last primary, our local Dem mafia decided that Teague, and not the young, energetic Bill McCamley, should represent the oilfields and hospitals. Either one would have defeated Steve Pearce, who was an oil-suckling, constituent-ignoring ignoramus. McCamley could have been another Weiner or Grayson. Would have been awesome. But no. We’ve got this turd, instead.

Sorry about the stupid rant.

[re=534730]southern mark smith[/re]: Rant on. At least I never have to suffer the pangs of knowing my delegation is right on the edge of doing the right thing, but my guy isn’t quite there.

None of my guys are ever anywhere worthwhile.

And who’syermama–thanks for reminding me about C-Span. Now I’m watching Hopey.

[re=534804]Joshua Norton[/re]: HAVE I NOTICED?!?!? There’s no appropriate portmanteau of douche/tard/nutz/anal/tea/butt/bag/secks/truck/Palin/meme that can even begin to describe this guy. How he even became a Demoncrap is beyond this poor fool’s comprehension.

[re=534682]BeWoot[/re]: Okay, just tried the Mr. Woody, and it was not good. I may have mixed up the ratios a bit, though (was it 1:1 or 2:1?). And I had to use a mix of Patron Citrus and Pama Pomegranate rather than Cranberry/whateverthehellelseyoumentioned. I may be drunk. Fuck, I hate the fuck out of Idaho. I’m moving back to the Redwoods.