• February 12, 2012

Top-notch conservative intellectual and Hegel scholar Glenn Beck is so mad at Rep. Anthony Weiner for attacking his beloved Goldline company that he has started a new website, WeinerFacts.com, to criticize the New York congressman, a socialist. Also, did you know that “Weiner” can also mean PENIS? There are some of those jokes, too, and they are fine.

This is a hot new website. We’re going to print out each morning’s edition.

[Weiner Facts]

{ 75 comments }

ManchuCandidate May 19, 2010 at 7:29 pm

I haven’t heard such nasty taunting like that since grade 2 when some fat kid called me “pooh face” and “chink.”

Joshua Norton May 19, 2010 at 7:33 pm

Weiner double entendre’s? Like he told Maher – “Don’t even try, I’ve heard them all”.

Lionel Hutz Esq. May 19, 2010 at 7:33 pm

Haha…, “Beck” sort of rhymes with “dick.”

Whitey May 19, 2010 at 7:34 pm

I for one like this developing trend of making common nouns of the names of disfavored persons.

“If you keep limbaughing every palin up the bunning like that, you’re going to end up with santorum all over your boener!”

chascates May 19, 2010 at 7:34 pm

I’d call Glenn Beck a dick but that’s a part of a man.

Lionel Hutz Esq. May 19, 2010 at 7:35 pm

Glen Beck is going to do to Comedy what he has already done to America.

Ren McCormack May 19, 2010 at 7:36 pm

There’s a picture ot hot dogs from Coors Field, which is nice since I’m from Denver. Thanks Glenn.

Mr Blifil May 19, 2010 at 7:39 pm

How many of those recipes require putting Wieners in ovens?

BeWoot May 19, 2010 at 7:39 pm

WEiner means penis? Seriously? Guess ol’ Beck’s been lurking the Urban Dictionary again. Pantless.

tunamelt May 19, 2010 at 7:41 pm

Actually, I am intrigued by that cucumber-pickle-weiner concoction.

Lascauxcaveman May 19, 2010 at 7:42 pm

[re=581124]ManchuCandidate[/re]: They called my white-as-white big brother “Chink” too, because he was always squinting. It was his official nickname amongst his comrades there at the Catholic school we all attended. I wasn’t well-loved enough to merit a nickname myself.

Catholic schools have changed a bit, since then.

bitchincamaro May 19, 2010 at 7:42 pm

This may not be kosher.

Mull_Man May 19, 2010 at 7:43 pm

and the biggest weiner was Michael Savage. BTW, be sure to click the “About” tab @ weinerfacts.com – wordpress FAIL

bitchincamaro May 19, 2010 at 7:43 pm

[re=581131]Whitey[/re]: LoL.

The Huffington Pogue May 19, 2010 at 7:45 pm

I give it . . . three posts before there’s something blatantly anti-Semetic.

bitchincamaro May 19, 2010 at 7:46 pm

[re=581145]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: Yet you and your brother continue to carry the shame like a good catlick, proudly, I hope.

populucious May 19, 2010 at 7:46 pm

Ah, the classic Socratic debating technique: “I know you are but what am I?”

Bruno May 19, 2010 at 7:48 pm

Anyone who would who complains about a 30% markup on a widely available and globally traded, free market commodity is socialist

blinky_twinkie May 19, 2010 at 7:49 pm

I didn’t know there was a line of scholarship following Katherine Heigel! That’s so awesome! You GO, Glenn Beck! Good for you! You put on your nice big helmet and use your fingers to make fun swirly paintings of the pretty white lady! That’s so great! Look at you! You’re Picasso!

PeteJayhawk v2.0 May 19, 2010 at 7:50 pm

LIBRUL CHICAGO DOG.

Also, a Weiner is not a Wiener.

Fran Rogers May 19, 2010 at 7:52 pm

Heh, it looks the Beckerheads tried to hide that they’re behind the site by using private registration:

http://whois.domaintools.com/weinerfacts.com

…but unlike other registrars (like GoDaddy), Network Solutions’s private registration clearly identifies the registrant as “Mercury Radio Arts,” Beck’s vanity press. Great job, Glenn!

Troubledog May 19, 2010 at 7:55 pm

Fuck me. I thought it said Kegel scholar.

bitchincamaro May 19, 2010 at 7:55 pm

Bleck’s managed to post an image on the hot dog website, of Brooklyn’s finest congressman standing in front of Bernie “My Bitch” Madoff’s former address on E.64 St.

Nicely done, sleaze king.

Hoplight May 19, 2010 at 7:56 pm

I don’t get it. It just means someone from Vienna.

facehead May 19, 2010 at 7:58 pm

Stick and stones may break my bones but Glenn Beck is a cockfaced turd juggler.

Red Zeppelin May 19, 2010 at 7:59 pm

Glenn Beck is a fucking illiterate. The name is Weiner (usually pronounced “whiner”) meaning wine-maker. Wiener, meaning from Vienna, is the funny one, because Vienna sausages really do look like dicks. Beck just looks like a turd emerging from an anus, imho.

glamourdammerung May 19, 2010 at 7:59 pm

Someone that cries like a bitch at the drop of a hat should not really start on a person over their last name.

facehead May 19, 2010 at 7:59 pm

[re=581169]Hoplight[/re]: But you know WHO ELSE came from Austria?

Hoverboy May 19, 2010 at 8:03 pm

“This is an example of a WordPress page, you could edit this to put information about yourself or your site so readers know where you are coming from.” – Sound advice!

Monsieur Grumpe May 19, 2010 at 8:06 pm

Just when you think Glenn couldn’t sink any lower…
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/05/18/glenn-beck-hits-2010-rati_n_580440.html

ManchuCandidate May 19, 2010 at 8:13 pm

I wish I were a Goldline critic like Weiner
That is what I truly wish to be
cause if i were a Goldline critic like Weiner
Glenn Beck would be in love
oh Glenn Beck would be in love
Glenn Beck would be be in with me

Tundra Grifter May 19, 2010 at 8:24 pm

[re=581173]Red Zeppelin[/re]: May I suggest it would be “Veinner” – that pesky German “W” sound…You know, like “Volts-Vaggon.”

Tundra Grifter May 19, 2010 at 8:24 pm

“Beck” – the sound of a fart in a bathtub.

Darkness May 19, 2010 at 8:26 pm

[re=581173]Red Zeppelin[/re]: Ah, Red Zeppelin must lack dyslexia! And we know who else liked Zeppelins…

Red Zeppelin May 19, 2010 at 8:29 pm

[re=581193]Tundra Grifter[/re]: I have never figured out why the Germans and the French think they need both Vs and Ws. Maybe because we have them and they are jealous.

Red Zeppelin May 19, 2010 at 8:33 pm

[re=581196]Darkness[/re]: True story: the descendants of Graf Zeppelin sued the band for using their family name in the 1970s. I can’t think of a better way to have one’s dodgy, militaristic family past commemorated than with The Lemon Song.

geminisunmars May 19, 2010 at 8:39 pm

[re=581130]Lionel Hutz Esq.[/re]: “Beck” totally rhymes with dreck.

Darkness May 19, 2010 at 8:41 pm

[re=581200]Red Zeppelin[/re]: I was thinking of Rand Paul . . . but 1930s Nationalistic references work too.

geminisunmars May 19, 2010 at 8:43 pm

That weiner-picture shows how you can get your 5 servings of vegetables/fruit in with one meal. All it needs is some saurkraut.

Limeylizzie May 19, 2010 at 8:46 pm

[re=581166]Troubledog[/re]: No, that’s me.

JoethePlumber May 19, 2010 at 8:58 pm

Has anyone else tried leaving a comment on the weinerblog? Mine is “awaiting moderation”. Comments are closed on the first post. No comments at all have been published. I am about to work some shit out on my chalk board.

subo May 19, 2010 at 9:04 pm

You know, I used to think that stupid people were incapable of constructing Rube Goldberg shit piles of self-enclosed logic – that it took a certain level of somehow crippled intellect to maintain the kind of insane worldview that lets bad people sleep at night, thinking they’re on the good side.

Not so much anymore. Is this guy twelve years old?

mynameisdetroit May 19, 2010 at 9:31 pm

More wieners up your end, Vicar?

Lazy Media May 19, 2010 at 9:32 pm

First, that thing in the picture is a wiener, not a weiner. And it’s a standard, Chicago-style hot dog, Beck, you suburban dipshit; haven’t you ever seen one of those before?

Lazy Media May 19, 2010 at 9:37 pm

Oh, and I see that Glennda moderates comments. Probably a good call.

Lazy Media May 19, 2010 at 9:37 pm

[re=581210]geminisunmars[/re]: No kraut on a Chicago dog. Chips, no fries.

tranch coat May 19, 2010 at 9:40 pm

[re=581223]subo[/re]: One theory of consciousness is that it’s an inevitable result of big brains.* In this way, stupid people operate like individual brain cells. One on its own is pretty worthless; connect enough of ‘em together the right way, and you’re in business.

*Sort of, in a way, over-simplifying, etc. Good enough for Wonkette work.

Jim89048 May 19, 2010 at 9:41 pm

[re=581197]Red Zeppelin[/re]: And so many of them sound like an “f” in pronunciation. Confusing for a cracker like me.

tranch coat May 19, 2010 at 9:47 pm

[re=581243]Jim89048[/re]: Wuck you!

Morbo the Annihilator May 19, 2010 at 9:56 pm

All that picture has done is make me hungry and miss Texas. So, mission accomplished?

rocktonsammy May 19, 2010 at 10:15 pm

Bleck is a R. “Bud” Dwyer just waiting for the right time again.

RoscoePColtraine May 19, 2010 at 10:16 pm

So, how does it feel to have been thrown under the bus, Michael Savage?

El Pinche May 19, 2010 at 10:18 pm

[re=581180]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: Reminds of the 0 comment average on the site. It’s also a bad idea to put an email address just sitting out in the open like that. I they like yahoo alerts.

El Pinche May 19, 2010 at 10:20 pm

[re=581261]rocktonsammy[/re]: It’s a matter of time. I hope he does it all over Fox N Friends.

El Pinche May 19, 2010 at 10:23 pm

[re=581263]El Pinche[/re]: “I hope they like… “, that is. There are some mean filthy libtards out there with untraceable hotmail accounts. You know who you are !

Geogre May 19, 2010 at 11:18 pm

Warning: Not funny, sad:
Beck’s bio. on Salon reveals a long history of “unspecified psychiatric” issues when he was a drive-time funny DJ, including lots of flipping out, abuse, etc. (Now everyone is thinking of O’Reiley having a fit over “play us out.”)

Also not funny, sad: paranoids are excellent at “Rube Goldberg self-enclosed logic” piles. The human brain is fantastic at patterns. Back when men wore powdered wigs, a philosopher said that “fancy” was coming up with connections between the unlike and “judgment” in discerning the apparently like. The mad were those whose “fancy got astride their reason.”

To wit: “once a man’s fancy gets astride his reason, common sense is kick’t out of doors, and the first convert he makes, is himself” (Swift). Genuine paranoids have extremely detailed logical schemes, complete religions, worlds more detailed than Lord of the Rings. Glenn is now saying that God Himself is revealing a special vision directly to him, and him alone, to set America free. When a minister says stuff like that, it’s scary. When Glenn says it, it’s celebrity breakdown.

Trot Nixons Hat May 19, 2010 at 11:28 pm

I love how the Beckster said that this site would refute all of the Goldline-related claims that Weiner made. Guess he just went for the dick jokes instead.

Is he a Wonkette commenter?

Geogre May 19, 2010 at 11:29 pm

What is Glenn’s connection with The Breck Girl? or the Beck’s Girl? (actually, it’s St. Pauli’s Girl, but they’re close in flavor, and Germany’s all one town)

If some clever person were to put his anuran face into one of those classic images
http://pzrservices.typepad.com/.a/6a00d83451ccbc69e2011570141b37970b-400wi
http://www.neonsign.com/eng_tackers/images/stpauligirlbottlecaptin.jpg
and then use one of those “untraceable Hotmail accounts,” that person would be heroic.

mamandesfilles May 19, 2010 at 11:37 pm

[re=581144]tunamelt[/re]: Go to Chicago. It is a Chicago-style hotdog.

Rajul May 20, 2010 at 12:08 am

I’m just a plain old idiot, but when I went beyond Wikipedia, which is apparently where Beckerheads do all their research, to look at the actual FEC website, they said MUR 4995 was “dismissed – low priority”:
http://www.fec.gov/press/press2001/010501murs.htm

And 5429 didn’t name Weiner or his parents: http://www.fec.gov/press/press2004/20040916mur.html

Of course you wouldn’t know any of this if you just cut and pasted a passage from Wikipedia onto your own website without verifying it, but most people wouldn’t do that without acknowledging it as a source, unless they weren’t concerned about copyright/plagiarism: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wikipedia:Reusing_Wikipedia_content

Also.

RubberSoul May 20, 2010 at 12:21 am

Interesting how the Capitol is portrayed as a “bad” place in the header. Why does Beck hate America?

Red Zeppelin May 20, 2010 at 1:06 am

[re=581236]mynameisdetroit[/re]: Is that a Stephen Fry reference?

BlueCivic May 20, 2010 at 1:13 am

Why is there no WONKETTE GOLD?

RoscoePColtraine May 20, 2010 at 2:24 am

“Weiner offered his own analysis of the meeting. The President gets it, said Weiner.”

Ha ha, they’re making jokes about buttsecks. I’d say “well played,” if only he’d worked a little harder to find les bon mots.

Managing to somehow pick a basket of low hanging fruit doesn’t warrant a shout of ‘Bravo!’ from this member of the wonkeratti.

gurukalehuru May 20, 2010 at 3:00 am

Granted, right wingers suck at humor, but Beck is learning, he’s learning. Weiner IS a really funny last name. Like Philip K. Dick, or that Labour plonker Balls. My own first name in real life is one of the more common synonyms for that part of the male anatomy better known as schwanz, pecker and/or love sausage.

bopumofu May 20, 2010 at 3:56 am

At the risk of being pedantic, the German word for Vienna is Wien, and sausages (and people) from Vienna are referred to as Wiener.

Wein means wine. Also there is the verb “weinen” meaning cry (cognate to whine but with a different meaning). Weiner would mean someone who cries, I guess, but it is not used.

“EI” is pronounced like “high” in German — as is “AI”, “EY” “AY” “EJ” and “AJ”, though the last two are rare. “IE” is pronounced like “he”.

Berkeley Bear May 20, 2010 at 4:17 am

Other than the cukes that’s a standard Chi dog – hot dog, tomato, relish (sometimes pickle, sometimes giardina or other pepper based), pickle spear, sport peppers and some variant of seasoning powder. On a classic dog, the tomatoes would be half slices, not chopped, and be where the cuke slices are – but that’s a minor tweak to a classic. The pictured dog even uses the classic black sesame seed bun.

Obviously, shouldn’t be fries, but cheeps. And no coke – pepsi. Of course, why you’d get a dog and not a cheezborger at the Billy Goat is beyond me.

If they think this is weird, what will they make of the Maxwell St. Polish with grilled onions? The foie gras dogs out in the burbs as a protest of the ban in the city? The tamale/dog combos on the south side? Much less something as exotic as the half-smoke from DC’s own Joe’s Chili Bowl? For the sake of the limited remaining sanity of Beck’s crowd, no one tell them you can now get sausage made from chicken, turkey, and (ugh) tofu and served on a bun.

Suds McKenzie May 20, 2010 at 4:39 am

Finally, today, we are all Weiners!

Enslave the Whales May 20, 2010 at 6:13 am

If I missed this in a prior comment, sorry, but La Bec seems to have contracted translation anxiety.

The German name for the penis-shaped sausage is Wiener, not Weiner. The sausage is named after Wien (or Vienna, if you prefer).

Weiner (pronounced, auf Deutsch, “Vy-ner”, not “Vee-ner”) would be someone who had something to do with “Wein”, that is, “wine”.

Remarkably enough, “Beč” is a Croatian word that means “Vienna”. So it appears that Glenn-poo is actually the “wiener” here.

widget09 May 20, 2010 at 9:03 am

Glenn would look sooooo good in his SS uniform, I mean the blue eyes, blond (gray?) hair, his “master race persona” what’s not to love (hate). Let me take a wild guess and go out on a limb, Anthony Wiener would’nt be a Jew, would he? Oh noes, say it ain’t so. Seems to me that Glenn is the one helping to sell gold at exhorbitant prices, how quaint, and ironic.

Darkness May 20, 2010 at 9:55 am

[re=581361]widget09[/re]: You haven’t seen his book cover, have you?

GOPCrusher May 20, 2010 at 2:29 pm

Only a cretin would put ketchup on a hot dog.

Tundra Grifter May 20, 2010 at 4:42 pm

[re=581320]gurukalehuru[/re]: You mean like Peter O’Toole?

Did you know the baseball player Pete LaCock’s dad is Peter Marshall? He didn’t think he was going to get far in tv with “LaCock” as a last name.

Movies, maybe…or a certain kind, anyway…but not t.v….

Tundra Grifter May 20, 2010 at 4:48 pm

[re=581197]Red Zeppelin[/re]: They could have been like the Spanish and just skipped the “w.”

The first English-language newspaper in California used (naturally) type from a previously-Spanish newspaper. Instead of “w” they had to make do with back-to-back “v’s.”

Shanghaied May 21, 2010 at 5:51 am

Chicago style bitches.

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