Terry Savage is a personal finance columnist for the Chicago Sun-Times because that is a thing newspapers need probably. Usually she blabbers on about student loans and annuities and such, but her latest column is VERY IMPORTANT FOR AMERICA. Last week she was in the back seat of a car in some rich suburb when the vehicle came upon a lemonade stand some children had put up. But this was no ordinary lemonade stand: These children were giving it away FOR FREE. Savage rolled down her window and DEMANDED that these children charge money for this, as this is a good capitalist country, but the children would not take any money. And now America is ruined forever.
I pushed the button to roll down the window and stuck my head out to set them straight.
“You must charge something for the lemonade,” I explained. “That’s the whole point of a lemonade stand. You figure out your costs — how much the lemonade costs, and the cups — and then you charge a little more than what it costs you, so you can make money. Then you can buy more stuff, and make more lemonade, and sell it and make more money.”
But these evil children STILL REFUSED to charge money. They are what is wrong with this country!
No wonder America is getting it all wrong when it comes to government, and taxes, and policy. We all act as if the “lemonade” or benefits we’re “giving away” is free.
And so the voters demand more — more subsidies for mortgages, more bailouts, more loan modification and longer periods of unemployment benefits.
So this is why the children did not charge money! They do not have kind, generous hearts. NO. They just became conditioned by everyone coming by and DEMANDING free lemonade that don’t even remember what capitalism is. American children today are the kind of children that would probably set up a lemonade stand in front of people who are dying of thirst (the best market, as you can mark the lemonade way up) and wouldn’t even THINK of making massive profits.
Hopefully Terry Savage came back and brought these kids a copy of Atlas Shrugged and one of her great finance books. [Chicago Sun-Times via Wonkette operative "RJG"]
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“Don’t you girls understand?!?! EVERYTHING is a commodity. Sell your juice, sell your toys, sell your minds, sell your BODIES! That’s prime real eastate right there, taut virginal little underage snatch. I know a couple high ranking Republicans who would strangle their own WIVES to get a piece of hot young prepubescent tail like you— what, stop, what do you mean I’m going to jail? THE ONLY LAW IS MONEY!! MONEEEY!!!!”
Maybe they were giving it away because it sucked. Oh wait…almost forgot what country I was in for a minute there. If it sucked, they would charge MORE.
What the fuck are strangers doing yelling at kids from their creepy cars and demanding services for pay? Fucking weirdo.
Isn’t that the same advice she gives in her sex column?
Little girls giving it away for free should be something that conservatives are thrilled with… oh, wait, girls, yeah? Nevermind.
When life gives you government, make government aid.
How will these kids save up to buy a pony now? Do these kids think ponies grown on trees?
They can rename their stand “The Lemonade Fountainhead” – screwing the consumer’s the Merkin Way.
This is all the fault of those socialistic kindergartens and their encouragement of that great evil, sharing.
Seriously, I hope Savage was just making this story up to prove an incredibly wrong point. If this is true, then she was a major league asshole to two little kids and really owes them an apology. But I guess this is the libertarian way: act as a giant dick, then smugly brag about it as if that was somehow a good deed.
“We all act as if the “lemonade” or benefits we’re “giving away” is free.” FUCK YOU YOU GRAMMATICALLY CHALLENGED FUCKING FUCK.
[re=613084]Extemporanus[/re]: Oh, nice.
Maybe the free lemonade was just a way to draw in customers for the more pricey “merchandise”
Ick!
My guess is that Savage made this story up and her editors chopped out the part at the end where the kids all sing “This Land Is Your Land” at the top of their lungs in unison.
[re=613084]Extemporanus[/re]: If the voting shit worked on this site, I’d vote for that.
Hey, they got their lemonade stand featured in a big metropolitan newspaper. When customers come looking for it, they can now charge up the wazoo. The power of advertising. Didn’t that used to be Robert Novak’s newspaper before he started killing people with cars?
you didn’t ask, but: You know what strangers yelling from their cars do, don’t you?
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20100707/ap_on_re_us/us_missing_girl_missouri
Clancy_Pants: Jailbait and switch?
What the little girls neglected to tell Herr Savage is that they put fast-acting ex-lax in the lemonade and sell access to their bathroom for $14.99. Capitalism AND deception – now that’s more like it!
We can only hope that the next place where she tries to pull this stunt is Village of the Damned.
[re=613094]Gorillionaire[/re]: It’s suspicious that she doesn’t give any detail. What neighborhood? Sure it was “upscale,” a brilliant term she probably coined just for this fine, fine article, but where? What kind of car was she in? Did it have power windows? Was Thomas Friedman around?
The real American way will be if the parents now sue the shit out of the reporter for traumatizing the kids and turning them agoraphobic.
[re=613104]marioninnyc[/re]: Maybe that was their plan all along. Sounds good to me. “Mommy…the friendly stranger scared me!”
Yes, and also, there are so many immigrants in our schools that children like Bart have lost the will to learn!
These are suburban kids – they have no idea that anything costs money. They’ve had the welfare of their stable, 2 income households their whole lives. Plus, that lemonade (made with filtered water, organic lemons and raw turbinado sugar in a reusable no bad plastic cup) would probably cost $6 a glass if they ran the numbers.
Now, find the kids in a shitty apartment complex running a drink operation, and they’ll know the cost (35 cents for a packet of “grape drink” mix, diluted twice the suggested amount with water from a hose and a dollar or so to the kid who swiped his mom’s collection of plastic bar cups). Then add a dumbass adult surcharge on top to get up to a buck or two. 5 bucks if they add some codeine syrup. These are the real entrepeneurs of America, people. Kids who know exactly how fucked the world is and take it on its own terms.
[re=613109]Berkeley Bear[/re]: Where is this magical codeine-syrup-ade stand of which you speak? I’m heading down to Anacostia, just in case.
“…and then you charge a little more than what it costs you…”
THIS is wrong. You’re supposed to charge at least double what it cost you, then complain that you can’t possibly afford to hire anyone to run your lemonade stand because the socialists have ruined everything.
Ignorant savage.
And so it begins. Next thing you know the little bastards will be demanding bank regulation and aid to Hamas.
No true libertarian gives away anything from free (even mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.) This makes their wedding nights very interesting.
So when Ms. Savage is asked about the cause of the economic collapse, her answer is to blame the children? That’s a great understanding of cause and effect she demonstrates there. And I’m sure she also railed about the Dubya tax cuts for the rich, the off-budget wars, Medicare Part D and every other damn thing that was free, right? Right?
And when she rolled down her window to yell at them, she killed them with her dragon breath, and then set their stand on fire.
[re=613084]Extemporanus[/re]: win
The lemonade is free. The antidote, however, is quite expensive.
My list of people who should be set on fire just increased by one.
Sounds like our ms Savage adheres to the Code of the Ferengi.
True story: My daughter had a lemonade stand a few years ago, my wife provided the lemonade, cups etc. some neighborhood ruffians decided to “help”, at the end of the day they divided the profits evenly. I asked my daughter if she thought this was fair, her response, “No it’s not fair, but compared to them we’re rich”.
I called child protection on the little bastards and my daughter still bears scars from the beating I gave her. A valuable lesson learned.
[re=613109]Berkeley Bear[/re]: I would not be surprised if it was for the illegal help their parents were paying under the table.
Yeah, but they’ll make it up in volume.
And kids, these days: they think money grows on trees. Do you know what ELSE grows on trees?
[re=613112]GuyClinch[/re]: You’re not gonna find the codeine-laced lemonade anywhere, but, might I suggest heroin? The fact is that the spirit of capitalism is alive and well in certain demographics within the “youth of America.” These brave, hard-working, bold young capitalists have created a market of amazing efficiency, providing a ready supply of heroin, sold in convenient outdoor “markets,” in almost every city and town of any size in US Amurrica.
Then the kids became angry at the capitalist harlot and started hurling their Alvin Green dolls at her and made mean bitch lady drive away. The End.
Yup, I’m a racist shirts for sale. Go Kentucky!
That’s what happens when you try to clone Patricia Heaton in an EZ-Bake Oven using only her wax-encrusted Q-tips for genetic material.
[re=613144]El Pinche[/re]: Run on sentence!! El Pinche needs to go back to Englich uno zero uno.
Savage writes as though she assumes her readers are nine years old.
Or maybe she’s just stupid.
[re=613121]SayItWithWookies[/re]: It’s all the childrens’ fault, yes; though they may be vicious little bastards, some of them actually insist on acting nice sometimes, and people being nice to each other is what ruins society. Better for everyone to act out of pure, unadulterated self-interest and take whatever they want.
I blame the parents, for not sending the kids to a place which would give them a proper education, like the Ayn Rand School for Tots, where they can learn that Helping is Futile.
Sadness…no place for comments on her page.
[re=613100]Sgt. Biyatch[/re]:
That’s “Frau” Savage as in: http://tinyurl.com/27j9qdg
If that woman ever comes within a country mile of my kids, she’s capitalist toast.
I think this is a job for Ayn Rand in the 21st Century. She’d show those little socialist buggers a thing or two!
FREAK!
When you’re selling lemonaid it’s work. When you’re giving lemonaid away it’s fun. This is why sluts have more fun than whores!
Ugh, Jeebus, THIS:
His fiancee smiled and commented, “Isn’t that cute. They have the spirit of giving.”
That really set me off, as my regular readers can imagine.
“No!” I exclaimed from the back seat. “That’s not the spirit of giving. You can only really give when you give something you own. They’re giving away their parents’ things — the lemonade, cups, candy. It’s not theirs to give.”
Wow, the arrogant self-righteousness of this is astounding. Depressing, but astounding.
[re=613146]bago[/re]: If someone had described that site to me, I would have called bullshit. But the “discussion” of racism in the comments is very, very familiar.
I wonder what her brothers Michael and Dan think?
[re=613156]JMP[/re]: What’s interesting is how this story ended — Terry Savage, good capitalist that she is, demanded to speak to the parents. So she charged into their house where mommy and daddy, having finally got the little snots out of the house on whatever pretext, were engaged in the scrump of their lives and did not appreciate being interrupted. So she ended up paying $200 for the pitcher of lemonade.
[re=613171]PsycGirl[/re]: Comments? Where?
At least Goldman Sachs is keeping the American dream alive:
http://johannhari.com/2010/07/02/how-goldman-sachs-gambling-on-starving-the-worlds-poor-and-won
fucking fuckers.
[re=613174]Dashboard_Buddha[/re]: comments on the site bago linked about “Yup, I’m a racist” t-shirts. I wish Terry Savage had comments. That would be some real entertainment.
So the kids are probably giving out cheap country time mix lemonade in even cheaper dixie cups. So far the project is costing maybe $5 plus whatever it costs to make the stand itself. Which they probably made with art supplies already lying around the home. By giving away the lemonade free, more people are likely to stop by, keeping the children amused enough to continue this activity. I’d say $5-$10 isn’t a bad price for keeping a couple kids occupied for most of the day.
[re=613179]PsycGirl[/re]: Sweet Jesus…I’m sorry I asked. We’re doomed aren’t we?
Wow, I hope Terry never hears about the Free Software community.
[re=613176]Dashboard_Buddha[/re]: Further proof that tar and feathering needs to come back in to vogue.
When it’s time to put her up against the wall (motherfucker), let’s give her one little act of kindness and make her pay for her bullet.
@engulfedinflames: Welcome to Wonkette, Terry Savage’s dad.
[re=613170]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: If that dude is still with her after this, he’s the dumbest member of the species.
I’d hit it. Can one of you guys loan me, oh, just guessing, twenty bucks?
When I was a kid, a local reporter wrote a front-page story on my lemonade stand, disapproving of my use of the powdered mix in lieu of fresh lemons and of charging my own dad the $.25/cup.
I tried to search the online archives for the article, but instead found a bunch of follow up stories on an 18 year old who stole $17 from a more recent lemonade stand and now faces a class C felony charge.
Terry Savage is a hack business journalist whose ethics are virtually non-existent. While writing about business and investing, she was on the board of directors at McDonald’s Corp. for many, many years.
It’s embarrassing that she is even employed by a respectable newspaper.
[re=613143]Prommie[/re]: I was going to get some grape drink with codeine (aka juice or sip-sip or medicine depending on location) from my buddy JaMarcus Russell but he had to got and get popped. Apparently it is all the rage in the dirty south.
There are some interesting assumptions here: the girls are under the “watchful eye of a nanny”…how does Savage know the woman is a nanny? “They’re giving away their parents’ things — the lemonade, cups, candy. It’s not theirs to give.”" How does she know that? The kids could have used money given to them or earned to buy the things.
But it’s still a shame that Savage couldn’t have taken the time to explain to them how Christ actually charged for healing all those lame and sick people, or illustrated one of Jack’s points by using the parable of the Starbucks employee who made rescue workers at the World Trade Center disaster pay $130 for three cases of bottled water http://www.snopes.com/rumors/starbucks.asp.
[re=613163]S.Luggo[/re]: Ha. Her smart pantsuit, Stamos-do, and condescending sneer fooled my brain into thinking tree trunk instead of ladyparts.
that’s seriously the cover photo for her book?
She looks like someone (in character) from SNL—-who am I trying to conjure”
“Pat”?
[re=613219]Bordo[/re]: Her ethics are VIRTUALLY non-existent? Based on her rant, she appears to be a Randian, who by definition have no ethics whatsoever; who in fact oppose the very idea of ethics.
[re=613234]Sgt. Biyatch[/re]:
That’s no chick, that’s a MAN, baby!
[re=613136]engulfedinflames[/re]: My dad would have beat the parents of the neighborhood bullies and called child protection services on you. But hey, not all parents are perfect.
[re=613219]Bordo[/re]: She’s not employed by a respectable newspaper, she’s employed by the Sun-Times.
(rimshot!)
Ah, c’mon, I love the Sun-Times. It’s the Tribune that bores me to tears.
These kids sound just like those people in Arlington, VA who went to 7-11 on 9/11 and bought bottled water to hand out for free to people stuck in traffic for hours on Army-Navy Drive because I-395 was closed between Glebe Road and the 14th Street Bridge. How dare those people NOT PROFIT from a National Emergency like our Halliburton overlords taught us.
Having finally realized that adults think she is full of shit and have totally stopped listening to her, Terry Savage turns her razor-sharp financial mind at young children. After she left, the young girls probably stood there wondering, “What’s that fucking bitch’s problem?”
She’s right (assuming that the parents of those kids waste 50% of their income on guns and ammo, which, as we know from our shining American example, is a perfectly reasonable thing to do)!
In bookstores this fall…
Terry Savage’s “When life gives you lemons, get pissed at life: The Potterville Manifesto”
This is precisely why I only fill my birdbath if the birds pay for it, in advance. I’ll have no brightly-colored communist creatures on my property, thank you very much.
When life gives you lemonade, Scream at it.
Its the internet zero net margin model not socialism.
Lemonade was most likely the hook for something else, like maybe the candy bar. One idea I have for selling my book is to set up a lemonade stand that says “Free book with lemonade!” and then charge $25 for the lemonade.
She should try this shit with my two daughters and see how long she has only one asshole. They’re vicious when annoyed.
Please tell me her column next week will be about how she then went around the corner to the local fudge stand and dished out more unsolicited advice.
Savage’s analysis is so pedestrian. Imagine what Dame Peggington Noonanshire could have done with that tale. Those little tykes would be shot into the heavens in a mythical space shuttle to learn trickle-down economics at the feet of the Archangel Raygun. Then they would reenter earth’s orbit on the wings of white doves and grow up to be trillionaire televangelists or BP executives.
[re=613146]bago[/re]: If you buy the T-shirt, will you also get a rope with a noose? Or, Terry Savage’s sage advice, will the sellers charge you extra?
I think we can all agree that if an adult sees kids running a lemonade stand and has a reaction other than nostalgia or something along the lines of “awww, cute” … it’s fair to assume they are a fucking psychopath.
[re=613115]Jim89048[/re]: 100% markup is standard reatail! cornerstone!
My translation of this article:
I was being driven around for free in the back seat of a car by family and friends. Well, you can assume that it was for free because at no point in this article did I mention that I paid my share of gasoline and maintenance for the car trip, or the labor of the driver. I mean, I’d be nothing but a freeloader if I just accepted a ride for free, right? So which is it… it’s a mystery, lol!
I was horrified to find neighborhood children offering the comfort of a cold beverage to passers-by for free.
I asked them why they were doing such a thing, but their answer didn’t satisfy my world view so I yelled at them. This was clearly an act of charity, and charity sucks. People should just suck it up and DEAL WITH IT, “it” being their various misfortunes. Why should anyone have the joy of a random kindness cast upon their lives?
I then rolled up the rear window of the car I was being driven around in for free and drifted onward, content in my intellectual and moral superiority. I sure showed those stupid kids trying to do something nice for their neighborhood. I hope they die broke in a gutter as an object lesson of the superiority of the free market.
BTW, please renew your subscription to the Chicago Sun-Times and tell your friends! So that I may continue to be employed by them and you can pay to see my endless screeds on socialism and how it’s destroying America! You readers are all that stands between me and homelessness! LOVE ME AND PAY ME MONEY FOR READING MY INCOHERENT RANTINGS! By no means should you ever call the circulations office and tell them that you’re canceling your subscription because I’m a blithering idiot! Then I’ll get fired, and I’ll be forced to sell lemonade across the street from those communist kids at $1.75/cup! They’ve been subsidized by their parents and I can’t compete with that!
The real American (i.e. Capitalist) way to deal with these kinds of brats is to open a competing lemonade stand next to theirs, and have freer lemonade in larger cups. Then, when they close up shop, charge like $5 for a Dixie cups worth.
Terry Savage is a creepy weirdo. And that’s the Savage Truth!
[re=613396]trondant[/re]: OMFG WIN!
Except that I only thought it was made there, not necessarily SOLD there.
[re=613513]frailamerica[/re]: That would specifically be the Wal Mart Way.
You’d think a good capitalist like Terry would know that those who own property have the right to transfer it at will, for any consideration or no consideration. You’d also think she’d know that those who acquire property gratuitously through gift or bequest nevertheless have the same ownership rights as purchasers for value, and can also transfer it at will. The parents had every right to transfer ownership of the cups and lemonade to their children. As the new owners of the lemonade and cups, the children were entitled to do whatever they pleased with them. That includes selling them, trading them for a stick of gum, setting them on fire, or sharing them with others. Why doesn’t Terry respect private property rights?
[re=613094]Gorillionaire[/re]: THIS LEMONADE STAND KILLS RANDISTS
[re=613592]PsycGirl[/re]: AKA: The American Way!
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