It was Colonial Williamsburg staff day at Glenn Beck’s GlennBeckPalooza! Show up in your work uniform and get a 60-pack of Hot Wings for just $4.99! Guess who didn’t remember his work costume? Wonkette’s new drive-time “shock jock” Riley Waggaman! Are you ready for lots more pictures of the Honor which was Restored by, uh, a weeping lunatic self-promoter from Fox News and amoral snowbilly grifter Sarah Palin? The answer, of course, is “I Haz a Dream!” Let’s take a look at the rest of Wonkabout Arielle Fleisher’s photo album from America’s Worst Summer Festival!
While there are no really important differences between the famous hippie-rock sexytime known as Woodstock and the fat old slobfest known as “A few thousand Glenn Beck viewers wheeled out on the lawn for a spell,” historians say the two events are not exactly alike. For example, while millions of ’60s People spun false memories of attending the rural New York music festival, absolutely no-one will ever claim, in years to come, to have attended GlennBeckPalooza.
But what about this Rebel Leader’s sign? (He/She is a rebel because Glenn Beck commanded his followers to leave the misspelled racist signs at home.) What does this sign mean? As always when dealing with the illiterate, what it actually says often has little or no correlation to what it was intended to mean. “In memory,” as English speakers know, is a translation of the Latin in memoriam, and is used respectfully to mention the dead.
According to this atheist child-hater’s sign, God is dead. So is the American Jesus religion (hooray!). So is freedom, “peace” (?), and “our wives” and “our children.” Everything these people claim to like is 100% dead … except Frito Lay products, which were never technically “alive.” These callous clumps of cellulite have come to our Nation’s Capital to piss through their Depends on the grave of Jesus Christ, our lord & savior. Monsters.
Well, aren’t we a Proud Nation, with our giant sloganized smock-shirts and Chinese “American” flags and jumbo coolers full of corn syrup and cancer. “Restoring Honor?” More like “Confirming every stereotype about a ruined nation stuffed full of dumb white trash.”
And here is their Idol, a hunchbacked fishmouthed monstrosity who will burst out of the hell-depths whenever anybody baits a hook with $100,000.
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I agree with the t-shirt, I am so sick of this ‘hope’ spreading around. Enough already guys!
White-out!
Now that they’ve restore America’s honor and taken Her back from who/whatever can we focus on the economy, climate change, and the great income disparities?
Vendors are certain to run short on XXL commemorative t-shirts/car covers this weekend.
What are those patriots doing with Alfred E. Neuman?
Also: every all-you-can establishment in the Beltway-area is shuttered for a few days cleanup and restocking.
Wow what a scary pic of Palin. She looks like a vulture sniffing the air. Come to think of it, actual vultures were probably circling all those goodies, especially Rebel Leader.
Seems Sarah is still a few bricks short of a wall…
Is it safe to go out tonight? They don’t go to Georgetown, do they?
Needs moar Rascals.
By the time we got to Woodstock, we were half a million pounds…
Hey, isn’t that Wavy Gravy with the “In Memory of Our God” sign? This IS Woodstock!
Dear Riley:
If you are of the ghey persuasion, you might want to know that the blue-coated patriot to your right would be more than amenable to helping you indulge in some sexytime. Just FYI.
[re=648283]Downtheroadapiece[/re]: Not to mention the “FBI” tshirts that idiot tourists always wear.
Can someone please find out how much was Sarah paid for her patriotism?
And to hell with anymore of this “change” bullshit. Nothing good ever came from change. Freeze frame!
Oh, that’s what honor is: wool clothing and tri-corner hats on an August day. Proud Americans wallowing in ball soup — and enjoying their Williamsburg carry-alls. They are NOT Euro man purses.
Also, never too hard to find the fanny pack.
If it wasn’t for that Patriot, I would’ve missed that sweet denim-swaddled ass just under his sign. That ass is yearning to be free!
That super-sized flag pin is so appropriate Sarah.
In the 4th pic is that I see an American Flag draped over a lawn chair, being SAT ON with parts of it ON THE GROUND? Yeah right, “patriots” one and all.
not god bless amerika!!! i say god damn amerika!!!
[re=648286]Oldskool[/re]: So what was Palin actually saying at this speech? I actually sort of trust Beck to wrap his hackery in the cloak of non-partisanship; he’s sleazy enough to almost sell it. But Palin is hardly Orwellian.
[re=648290]transfatz[/re]: Biggest laugh so far. Also.
Either sign-guy thinks that “our memory” is inherently heterosexual and masculine, or he’s cool with ladies doing whatever with other ladies. I bet it’s secretly both.
Awwww…Glenn didn’t become a martyr (yet).
PS) If the guy holding the “in memory” sign doesn’t have type II diabetes, isn’t on medicaid, doesn’t get all his testing supplies “with no money out of your pocket” and doesn’t own a “free to you” hoveround, I will eat my Obama t-shirt with ketchup.
[re=648294]Erasmus[/re]: The mother of a combat veteran/ Jesus channeler/ überquitter-grifter probably costs $100,000.
let the dead bury the dead.
nice pix. where are the ones of the colored folks’ section?
Since this was such a middling-successful event, can we now expect America’s more theocratically-minded citizens to pipe down about how the SECULARS are coming for their FREEDUMS? Glans Beck called for a complete overhaul of American society based on Christian doctrine (sorry Jews, Muslims, et al.!) and there were no authorities or ACORNS anywhere in sight to disrupt things and persecute people. Ya know, like you might expect if there were Scary Totalitarian Obamaoists hiding behind every bush in America (like Beck talks about every day on his show).
Perhaps, though, I have been too hard on the sign-monster. He could be making a profound statement about the process of bringing our past, present and future from out of forgottenness–from lethe to aletheia. Judging from his camp chair, I’d say this is not just possible, but probable.
Jeezus. This is the fugliest fucking mob, *evah*! And fucking Sarah needs the nip & tuck update post fucking haste. Shit. Rock lobster!
I cannot believe Ken sent our Young Riley into the midst of these fat, mindless fucks. Did he arm himself with little bags of corn syrup to toss at them, baiting them with their favorite food long enough for him to escape the Rascals convoys? Good move, not wearing a wonkette shirt, Young Riley.
I so hate these people. Because of them, I am NOT going to nurse my sinus headache (fuck you, pollen) by taking the peach pie out of the freezer (fruits from my orchard, pie made by me), baking it and eating it in one sitting. Just Singapore Noodles made by the Chinese immigrants who have moved to town, followed by the American version of Death at a Funeral because I understand it features many negroes.
Too bad I can’t fit in an order of nachos from the Mexcun place. These assholes make me want to patronize immigrant-establishments and enjoy the company of minorities. Someone should bring back the dignity of the white race–or, perhaps more accurately, go get some for it.
The tally of the rally is in, average size of the crowd gathered today: 44×30.
Beck promised us miracles. Miracles and unicorns and rainbows. He practically promised the Rapture. HE LIED!!!
It’s “in memory” because he ate all of those things.
this becktian thing will be remembered as the largest funeral in american history.
This is more like Altamont in that if I were there, I would want to be beaten to death.
[re=648300]Litlebritdifrnt[/re]: In the sixties, this kind of person wanted to throw us into the pokey for sewing flag patches on the asses our jeans. How about Restoring Honor to Flag Etiquette, you fat-guzzling piece of shit?
[re=648301]algoresexattack[/re]: It is hard to express how much I approve of your handle. That was the headline that launched a thousand band names.
[re=648305]doxastic[/re]: That’s a man? I just thought those were poorly supported sagging titties, not a gut.
[re=648309]Radiotherapy[/re]: But did the get bendy straws? If not, then she sacrificed to restore America’s honor. Dignity? WTF? I’ve already forgotten what these assholes are restoring.
“America’s Worst Summer Festival!” You mean America’s Wurst Summer Festival.
[re=648327]DustBowlBlues[/re]: $100,000 is roughly a dollar a dolt. And, where’s Trig?
RE: The gentleman with the sign drew his inspiration from Glenn Beck’s religious document “The Book of Mormon”, Alma 46: 10-12.
[re=648284]transfatz[/re]: Sorry Riley. I am usually shy and inoffensive. I had to give up the inoffensive to comment here.
Riley took a notebook? He really thought he could capture some coherent thoughts from these slobs?
Yeah, probably not used for notes, but to fan the smell of swamp-ass farts and Ben Gay.
[re=648326]tootsieroll[/re]: I’m glad you said that, because I thought the same thing.
[re=648333]PS[/re]: I would’ve figured it was straight from the mouth of Moroni, in honor of the legions of patriofreaky morons.
[re=648333]PS[/re]: Egads.
10 Yea, we see that Amalickiah, because he was a man of cunning device and a man of many flattering words, that he led away the hearts of many people to do wickedly; yea, and to seek to destroy the church of God, and to destroy the foundation of liberty which God had granted unto them, or which blessing God had sent upon the face of the land for the crighteous’ sake.
11 And now it came to pass that when Moroni, who was the chief commander of the armies of the Nephites, had heard of these dissensions, he was angry with Amalickiah.
12 And it came to pass that he rent his coat; and he took a piece thereof, and wrote upon it – In memory of our God, our religion, and freedom, and our peace, our wives, and our children—and he fastened it upon the end of a pole.
It’s Harry Potter and the Teabaggers of Whiteystan!!
[re=648333]PS[/re]:What I meant was, holy shit – Alma 46:35 is fucking frightening.
35 And it came to pass that whomsoever of the Amalickiahites that would not enter into a covenant to support the cause of freedom, that they might maintain a free government, he caused to be put to death; and there were but few who denied the covenant of freedom.
[re=648302]Mad Brahms[/re]: To quote her exactly I’d have to make a screeching sound, kind of like a vulture.
Can we go back to the Bush presidency, where all the protesters were sexy Brazilians wearing nothing but body paint?
I just don’t get it. I thought our honor was restored once we elected Bush back in 2000, and then again when we kicked the Taliban’s ass in 2002 and when we whupped Saddam in 2003. When did we lose it again after all that?
That headline photo looks like its from Harry Potter’s shittiest adventure yet. Death Eaters have gone with a tri-corner hat motif it seems…and KFC Double Downs.
[re=648343]ShortShadey[/re]: when “we” got the colored guy.
We’ve got Starbucks
We’ve got Guldens
We drove hundred-year-old cars in
Now we’ve got to get ourselves
Back to the Olive Gardennnnnnn
Waddya mean there was no miracle? The Glenn-meister said “today America turns back to God”. That is certainly wondrous. By its own admission (in polls) America is the most religious non-Islamic country in the world. Most people believe the Bible is literal truth and the word of God. Most people belong to a church. Most people go every week. They told me so and that’s good enough for me!
So this “turn toward God” is more of a lane change. Let’s pretend the First Amendment — freedom of speech, religion — is the lane we were in. We’re just moving over to the Second Amendment.
What’s additionally surprising about this turn how they’re tampering with a good thing. Who hasn’t heard someone say “Thank God for the beautiful weather”, or “Oh my God what you just did to me was fantastic” or “May God continue to bless the United States of America”? This “turn” could tick God off. If we get bad weather or stuff like that, I can only say “Thanks a lot Glenn”.
But mostly this is dog whistle politics. A turn toward God means outlaw the non-heterosexuals. It means outsiders are not part of the god-turned America — “no mosque for you!” It means no more of that “he ain’t heavy, he’s my brother” socialism.
I can’t wait for these fat fucks to come down with teh melanoma from resting their bloated carcasses under the angry sun all day, and then try to pay for their treatments with $arahbukkks and chickens.
I think Jesus had the best comment about Beck’s rally:
“And when thou prayest, thou shalt not be as the hypocrites are: for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and in the corners of the streets, that they may be seen of men. Verily I say unto you, They have their reward. But thou, when thou prayest, enter into thy closet, and when thou hast shut thy door, pray to thy Father which is in secret; and thy Father which seeth in secret shall reward thee openly.”
-Matthew 6:5-6:6
That fattard holding the sign looks like he has a hazardous waste warning symbol attached to his gut.
[re=648342]Guppy06[/re]: That comment almost caused me to spit take. Sounds like a good photo essay to compare protests of Bush to protests of Obama.
Finally, the Caucasian-Americans are standing up for the freedoms they lost. The blacks got their freedoms back in 1900 or something when Frederick Douglass rode his mule into DC and he was waved through with palm fronds? And women got it around 1920 with a lesbian Candy Staten Island? And then the gays got it in the 1960s when they protested Judy Garland’s funeral. We need a slogan for my lighter skinned brethren. Something that says, “We white people are a powerful people! It’s time to take our country back from those who took it away from us.” Power to the whites? Someone help me out here.
I spotted the lone black person in your photos. What do I win?
This just proves Beck’s point that Christianity is being suppressed in our country, as all of these Christians were rounded up and put in detention camps. Oh wait, they weren’t.
Let the fat, the ugly, and the illiterate huddle happily together for an afternoon to restore their honor and dignity.
Their one day of pretend empowerment.
And then Monday starts another week of toiling for the rich guys who promoted and cashed in on this event.
Restore yourself on the weekend with TV, cheap beer, and processed food so you can get back to work on Monday. The God fearing free market dignified and honorable way of life.
[re=648337]President Beeblebrox[/re]: Just spell moron and add “I”.
Psh, I haven’t seen so much white on the National Mall since the 2009 Snowpocalypse.
Thank you, Wonkette, for your wonderfully deadpan send-up of the ludicrous Beck non-event. You have restored a semblance of sanity, if not honor, to our country. Honor, I’m afraid, will take longer.
[re=648343]ShortShadey[/re]: Yeah, our honor is like a set of car keys — always getting lost. It’s like Bristol Palin’s virginity. It’s like Rush Limbaugh’s oxy supply. It’s like CNN’s audience.
BTW, these people are not fat, they are Differently Horizontally Abled
Isn’t that Kelsey Grammer in the red with Riley? He’s not going to find a sexy new wife in that crowd.
The griftress spawns (out of wedlock) a delinquent oxycontin addict who gets expelled from Wasilla High for vandalizing school buses and ends up (duh!) in the military. In her pathological narcissism she claims this as one of her achievements. Breathtaking.
Hi all – first time caller.
Is sign man wearing a FEZ? Cause I can totally picture him slamming Irish whiskey and greasing that fat ass into a little clown car for the La Porte, Indiana Memorial Day parade before puking on a bar waitress and crying himself to sleep in his trailer.
Also – the Fez rocks.
Restore Honor replacement hymens are available now in 10 packs. Take note Bristol.
[re=648349]BarackMyWorld[/re]: Loving you and that great quote right now. Thank you…
Next, the Restore Honor Theatre at the Bellagio.
I’ll take the Ed Hardy polo for $18. Also the patriot on the left in blue is kinda hawt. I’d hit it, even though he’s working the tea circuit.
[re=648348]edgydrifter[/re]: They’re more likely to get the diabetes. We must keep hope alive!
Does restoring honor include declining your social security check and med-care?
[re=648365]Chlorine X DuPree[/re]: “It’s a fez. I wear a fez now. Fezzes are cool.”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QD2Nj5yqtVg
[re=648291]Kodos[/re]: Kodos- I thought I spotted Harry Potter in the first photo! Could it be?
WOuldn’t you think if that guy had a wife or kids-they would have left? And yes, Riley does look like Harry Potter in Hell.
[re=648292]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: He is kinda cute, actually. But the one with the white goatee and the frilly shirt is DEFINITELY Teh Ghey. I mean, the man’s wearing fringe.
Holy shit, Waggaman, I totally spotted you in one of the many “let’s scan the crowd for random scary people” breaks on C-SPAN and there you were, wearing more sunscreen and less top hat than usual. It’s obvious that your next item of haberdashery must certainly be of the tricorn persuasion. Maybe they’ll let you be Ensign Riley in the Teapot Dumb club?
Proof: my liveblog from earlier today.
And yes, Sign Man appears to be a Shriner-American.
[re=648364]Rentboy.gov[/re]: Rentboy, you cain’t take that away from her!!
[re=648377]President Beeblebrox[/re]: Now I’m conflicted – but I love a good fez.
[re=648381]tater tot[/re]: I thought the same – except he was kinda ginger.
Where’s all the white women? – Oh wait – I meant women of color… shee – it
[re=648384]Vulpes82[/re]: Guuuuuuuurl.
What, all those haters together in one place, & not one single measly honor-killing?
*HONOR RESTORATION FAIL*
the look on palin’s face suggests that the intestinal blockage has shifted north .
Just like the rugby team trapped by a plane crash in the Andes had to resort to cannibalism to survive, so did a herd of these porkers when their subway train was held up on the way to an All-You-Can-Eat Macho Nacho Buffet.
Oh, the humanity!!
Restoring Honor: Let us return to the days when it was Providential to invade a foreign country on absolutely false pretenses, for Liberty! Let us celebrate an occasion when it is acceptable to bully the elderly and mentally weak through fear and anxiety to buy magic beans! Let us Mumble!
Did they all lock arms and sing, “We Shall Overweight”?
Yeah, enough hope and change. Bring back despair and stagnation.
Guess who:
“Nothing can be more exactly and seriously true than what is there [the very words only of Jesus] stated; that but a short time elapsed after the death of the great reformer of the Jewish religion, before his principles were departed from by those who professed to be his special servants, and perverted into an engine for enslaving mankind, and aggrandising their oppressors in Church and State; that the purest system of morals ever before preached to man, has been adulterated and sophisticated by artificial constructions, into a mere contrivance to filch wealth and power to themselves; that rational men not being able to swallow their impious heresies, in order to force them down their throats, they raise the hue and cry of infidelity, while themselves are the greatest obstacles to the advancement of the real doctrines of Jesus, and do in fact constitute the real Anti-Christ.”
“Every kingdom divided against itself is brought to desolation; and a house divided against a house falleth.”
Or:
“Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that. Hate multiplies hate, violence multiplies violence, and toughness multiplies toughness in a descending spiral of destruction….The chain reaction of evil–hate begetting hate, wars producing more wars–must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of
annihilation.”
“To pretend to know when you do not know is a disease.”
Boy and girls… This is what you get when you have generations of NW European inbreeding, superstition, alcoholism and lots and lots of processed foods.
[re=648349]BarackMyWorld[/re]: Matthew 23:37 just about nails these citizens: “Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for you are like whited sepulchres, which outwardly are appear beautiful, but within they are full of dead men’s bones. So you also outwardly appear righteous to men, but within you are full of hypocrisy and iniquity.” These particular sepulchres here are about as whited as a sepulchre can get, but the “beautiful” part…yecch!
[re=648368]FDAALIN[/re]: Thank you for restoring honor to Wonkette.
[re=648401]FDAALIN[/re]: Thanks again.
[re=648423]BeliTsari[/re]: Yoda.
Seriously people, where in Scripture do they talk about the buttseks and the whoring and whatnot? Skip to the good stuff already.
[re=648353]Dick Navy[/re]: If it was a guy (I haven’t spotted him in these pics) it could’ve been my friend — very brave, yet mostly just amped w/ “the hell with it” — who drove from Baltimore to attend both events/ rallies. He reports via Facebook that as he stood watching some 50 yards behind Beck, a “white old lady thanked me for being there.” He also estimates the proportion of people of color was “.01 percent.”
Weight limit of the chair in the second pic: Obviously more than 300
Number of button down shirts spotted on men in the crowd: 0
Ratio of people with fanny packs: 1 in 4
Number of minorities present not entertaining the whites: 2 – whoops, one of them was pushing a wheelchair, doesn’t count – 1.
Estimated number of vegans present: 0, though I am not positive that Dennis Kucinich was not in the crowd;
Number of times the Diety spoke through Glenn Beck: 0
Number of times Beck insulted the memory of MLK along with any Diety worshipped on this earth: 1,463
Proof that these people are raving lunatics: priceless
Can you Imagine either Jesus of Nazareth or Dr. King taking the wrong train and wandering into this crowd? I wonder how many missing person calls the cops are getting? Or how many emergency Knees-to-Abdomen Heimlich Maneuvers the EMTs had to perform? With or without fava beans…
I don’t understand any of this. have their children/wives/god died? but, apropos of nothing, on the streets of [liberal bastion of midwest] some dudes were walking and a couple were white and a couple were of asian descent and some random white dude said “we’ll see those chinese make you guys work!”
can anyone explain this? I am flacid on this.
This is great! You people who “Wonkply” are exactly who Beck described. You really do need prayer. Self-righteous, judgmental, elitists in love with the Hollywood physique and the Harvard education. When is Harvard (or any other state-monopolized school) going to have a major in “Common sense?” Ooops, forgot. That’s barred from higher education. That’s just for us lowly, ignorant, flying spaghetti monster believers, right?
Keep it up! It makes it easier to see that Beck was right. Wonk, Wonk, Wonk!
Is Riley into bears? My gaydar is going off for the fringed dude in Riley’s close proximity.
[re=648290]transfatz[/re]: Literally loled on that. Thanks!
[re=648449]Lovablfuzball[/re]: Hold that thought… I need to go make some popcorn.
[re=648449]Lovablfuzball[/re]: Mean old Wonkett. Step away from the keyboard, Cindy.
[re=648349]BarackMyWorld[/re]: i sincerely appreciated the jesus quote. tanks.
[re=648319]transfatz[/re]: YOU are on a ROLL. Laughs out loud all by herself again. . .
We stopped by Star…bucks,
Brought salads, molded…
now we’ve got to get ourselves, back to the R..V
Since crowd numbers are calculated by taking the number of average people who fit in a certain area, won’t numbers be skewed here given that the typical Becktard/Teabagger is 3x the size of an average person?
Will there be a Day 2 of Beckapalooza? I could look it up but I’ve gone full lazy. To bring back honor ‘n stuff.
[re=648283]Downtheroadapiece[/re]: Not enough “x” in that commemorative tea-shirt comment.
I think they’d all be a lot happier if the restored the fundamentals of diet and exercise.
[re=648343]ShortShadey[/re]: Electing a Negro. Didn’t you get the memo?
I’ve restricted my news intake about the Buy Gold Coins Special Event to what I’ve read here. Which is probably equivalent to how much attention these olds paid to the I Have a Dream speech back in ’63.
And what do you want to bet about 10% or more of the attendees were there in the same capacity as Riley? Thank you for your service, Mr. Waggaman.
Anyone want to take a guess as to the average I.Q. of those attending?
[re=648449]Lovablfuzball[/re]: Self-righteous, judgmental, elitists in love with the Hollywood physique and the Harvard education.
Let us know when you spot the funny part of that line of your screed there, buttercup.
Lovablfuzball: are you the kind of person who when someone tells you they are a teacher you turn to your skank daughter and roll your eyes?
And anyway, I got my degree in judgmental, self-righteous, elitism (yeah, triple major) after two years in community college and two in a state school, so fuuuuuuuck yooooooooou.
Could someone please feed these people a whole mess o’ egg salad made from the product Bush refused to regulate?
[re=648465]glamourdammerung[/re]: Oh don’t be too hard on the little troll. Someone has to breed the next generation of coffee shop waitresses and bedpan runners for all the square states. They don’t need any uppity college degree just to fill water glasses or empty piss bags.
[re=648449]Lovablfuzball[/re]: poopyhead
P.J. O’Rourke, Parliament of Whores
“…there were hardly any beautiful women at the rally. I saw a journalist friend of mine on the Mall, and he and I pursued this line of inquiry as assiduously as our happy private lives allow. Practically every female at the march was a bowser. “We’re not being sexist here,” my friend insisted. It’s not that looks matter per se. It’s just that beautiful women are always on the cutting edge of social trends. … Where the beautiful women are is where the country is headed,” said my friend. “And this,” he looked around him, “isn’t it.”
Self-righteous, judgmental, elitists in love with the Hollywood physique
Does anyone else want to take a stab at the meaning of that line? My gibberish-to-English translator already burned out today.
[re=648449]Lovablfuzball[/re]: Needz moar ALL CAPS.
[re=648449]Lovablfuzball[/re]: go fuck yourself with Becks book, mk?thx
[re=648449]Lovablfuzball[/re]: I am very interested in your ideas and would like to subscribe to your newsletter.
[re=648449]Lovablfuzball[/re]: You aren’t very lovable and I bet you aren’t fuzzy either.
[re=648470]GeneralLerong[/re]: I bet a bunch of teen age Beck fan boys were just as disappointed.
[re=648474]Failure Artist[/re]: no… but I bet he’s a Furry.
I nominate the picture of Riley et al. for the category of “Worst Gay Porn Movie Ever”.
[re=648349]BarackMyWorld[/re]: My favorite Jesus quote:
l
King Missile _Mystical Crap_ Shimmy Disc
Jesus was way cool
Everybody liked Jesus
Everybody wanted to hang out with him
Anything he wanted to do, he did
He turned water into wine
And if he wanted to
He could have turned wheat into marijuana
Or sugar into cocaine
Or vitamin pills into amphetamines
He walked on the water
And swam on the land
He would tell these stories
And people would listen
He was really cool
If you were blind or lame
You just went to Jesus
And he would put his hands on you
And you would be healed
That’s so cool
He could’ve played guitar better than Hendrix
He could’ve told the future
He could’ve baked the most delicious cake in the world
He could’ve scored more goals than Wayne Gretzky
He could’ve danced better than Barishnikov
Jesus could have been funnier than any comedian you can think of
Jesus was way cool
He told people to eat his body and drink his blood
That’s so cool
Jesus was so cool
But then some people got jealous of how cool he was
So they killed him
But then he rose from the dead
He rose from the dead, danced around
Then went up to heaven
I mean, that’s so cool
Jesus was way cool
No wonder there are so many Christians
[re=648449]Lovablfuzball[/re]: Got a thing for your belly-button lint, eh?
[re=648327]DustBowlBlues[/re]: She tried to restore her honor by not defending Dr. N. Word today.
[re=648364]Rentboy.gov[/re]: You forgot her defending Dr. N. Word.
[re=648449]Lovablfuzball[/re]: Elitist as in actually familiar with American and world history? Elitist as in actually understanding the U.S. Constitution. Elitist as in actually aware of public policy outcomes? Elitist as in opposed to Beck/Palin kakistocracy?
Dang, fuzzbutt, can’t put anything past you. Ya caught right onto the Wonkette secret!
This rally should be sponsored by Clorox. Blinding whiteness for all!
[re=648471]imissopus[/re]: I’m not body language or linguistics expert but it sounds like Lovablfuzball is a fat ugly homeschooled retard . but who knows ?!
[re=648449]Lovablfuzball[/re]: This “wonkply” of which you speak…it’s an awesome, new, never-before-thought-of position for buttsecks, no?
[re=648449]Lovablfuzball[/re]: I don’t need prayer, I just need to find my sniper scope. Damn garage is a mess. And I was thinking of a career change anyway.
[re=648449]Lovablfuzball[/re]: is that a beam i see in your eye? just trying to help.
[re=648449]Lovablfuzball[/re]: While it is true that Harvard does not currently offer a degree program in Common Sense, they do offer a science curriculum which teaches that the so-called “Hollywood Physique,” a term coined by elitist fat slobs, is in actuality the natural state of the human body before the introduction of the entire food group known as “high fructose corn syrup” into the diet. When one eats wholesome, healthy foods (whole grains, lean protein, fruits and vegetables, etc.) without gorging oneself (which is key here,) the body automatically reverts to the Hollywood Physique, which has been so famously decried by the morbidly obese teabaggers of late.
[re=648468]Joshua Norton[/re]: Oh don’t be too hard on the little troll. Someone has to breed the next generation of coffee shop waitresses and bedpan runners for all the square states. They don’t need any uppity college degree just to fill water glasses or empty piss bags.
Yes, but the more thick ones tend to empty the piss bags into the water glasses.
[re=648449]Lovablfuzball[/re]: How much do you weigh? I’m betting that your “real America” daily diet of McDonalds, Denny’s, and Big Gulp sodas explain your handle, “Lovablfuzball.”
I may alone here, but I thought the fatty with the “In memory” sign was actually a dyke supporting her same-sex marriage.
I spy Fat Bastard. “Muslins, get in my belly!”
Riley you missed one! http://cache.gawker.com/assets/images/7/2010/08/500x_shirtguy.jpg
[re=648449]Lovablfuzball[/re]:
Common sense. Do you get that from prayer along with Hate, Fear, and Selfishness?
How can you protect the Constitution by re-writing it?
When are all of you self-proclaimed Real Americans going to stop following your recycled spitball quips with “Oops, forgot”?
“There’s a big difference between kneeling down and bending over.”
- Frank Zappa
I’m waiting for the day that the underage Filipino boy being held captive in Glen Beck’s basement escapes to confirm the rumors Glen Beck raped and killed an 18 year old girl in 1988.
Alas, today was not that day.
Glenn Beck, may the devil make you his personal bitch in hell.
[re=648473]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: you made me laugh so hard it increased my sperm count.
[re=648407]Joshua Norton[/re]: “Just like the rugby team trapped by a plane crash in the Andes had to resort to cannibalism to survive . . . .”
That was a SOCCER team.
Soccer (or as the wogs refer to it, “futbol”) is the Homosexual version of rugby — as is “American football.”
As if any rugby team would need to be “trapped by a plane crash” to resort to cannibalism.
:::Sniff:::
[re=648294]Erasmus[/re]: whatever it was it was WAY TOO MUCH!!!!
I was there (Photo project for school) and heard fishface, all cheap platitudes she copied from some fifth graders patriot day report.
What those images DON”T capture is just how many people were there. I will safely go with a whole FUCKin’ bunch. they were backed up all the way to the Washington.
Though there was a lot of nice looking jail bait (brought by their parents for edgeumacation no doubt) most of it looked as pictured above.
[re=648499]planetwingnuttia[/re]: Mauitania? Really?
[re=648471]imissopus[/re]: You know those “pro-ana” people who insist that eating disorders are a lifestyle choice instead of a mental disorder? Like that, but in the opposite direction. Because people who haven’t had their first “cardiac event” before 30 shouldn’t judge, or something.
You know the Lewis Black routine about going to the IHOP as a health club? That’s the way these pictures make me feel.
And just where are the hands of the guys that are on either side of Riley?
Does anybody have an explanation of what they were there for?
I’m not college educated (I couldn’t get “college” as part of my plea agreement. It was, as I recall a choice between the army and state time) but even a toothless bedpan emptier like myself finds it difficult to believe 87,000 (+/-10%) showed up in DC just to watch something they can see for the price of basic cable every day at on Fox stations.
What did they expect to happen? What statement were they trying to make or are they really just that stupid?
Did someone slip me some brown acid at the NOT WOODSTOCK/BECKAGEDDON? Because Sarah Palin’s face is melting.
Seriously, she needs to take a break from scamming Kiwanis Clubs for overinflated speaking fees and pimping out her daughter to Battle Of The Network “Stars” and go sit down for a few hours at an Orange Julius at the mall. Even in that photo she looks like she’s panting heavily from the strain of climbing 3 stairs to the podium… Maybe the oversized shoulder pads of her cheap suit are stuffed with lead shot or some other ammunition, so she can easily “reload”?
[re=648507]MLM[/re]: Yeah, they’re forced to work the coffee plantations on the slopes of Haleakala.
I’m gonna restore my virginity with magic underpants.
best “People Of Walmart” montage ever.
[re=648510]dijetlo[/re]: I actually watched like ten minutes of Kevlar Vest Boy today, And as stupid as this whole thing was, do you know what the “miracle” was he was talking about all week was? They were short $600,000 out of 3.1 million, or something like that, then he doubted God, but just for a night, because the next morning the money magically appeared the next day. I know, *crickets* .
But then I thought, OK, if this is about honor and truth and blah, blah, blah, then why don’t they open the books? Yeah, and Blue Cross/Blue Shield is a “Non-Profit” too.
Okay, whatever. Can we now have a mass gay-marriage on Reagan’s birthday?
Is the guy in red Kelsey Gramar?
[re=648340]President Beeblebrox[/re]: I mean that’s pretty standard *old* testament stuff (see also Elijah) but man, those Mormons sure know how to Bring Sexy Back, eh?
[re=648513]tribbzthesquidz[/re]: Are the Mormon babes really worth it?
[re=648464]erectiledisfunction[/re]: I’ll be generous and take 78 in the pool, please.
[re=648449]Lovablfuzball[/re]: When did a Harvard education become a bad thing? Lemme guess: When it became available to black people, right? Poopyhead.
The POLITICO says Beck has “credibly position[ed] himself as an heir to Martin Luther King’s legacy.” Wheeeeeee!!!!!!
Getting all fat and sloppy tends to come with depression. Like Glenn, these folks has sadz. The repetition of a life of meaningless work/teevee/eating garbage takes it’s toll. What a bunch of spoiled crybabeez.
White Pear Festival. White Pear! White Pear!
[re=648518]Mad Brahms[/re]: Hells yeah. Nothing like hot chickz with long blue-jean skirts, white tennis shoes, hair in a bun, and that, ya know, “Christy” look in general.
Hawt.
This is like the cherry on top of the GOP summer of intolerance.
[re=648449]Lovablfuzball[/re]: Being self righteous and judgmental means you at least have commitment to something you believe in instead of turning around on a dime because somebody else tells you to think otherwise (like that little guy with the funny mustache in Germany convinced everybody to do.)
And a desire for the “Hollywood physique” is certainly a lot healthier than the desire for a big old Bud Belly and spider veined legs.
Oh, and that Harvard degree will actually pay off quite nicely over any useless paper from DeVry.
It’s just the way it is in life, sorry. Next time stand in the correct line, and maybe you’ll get somewhere. “The meek shall inherit the earth” was just a little something to try to make you feel better. But you already know all that. Obviously.
[re=648522]tribbzthesquidz[/re]: Yeah, I saw that teabaggin’ babe too. She had a White Pair, White Pair.
I’m so disappointed that Beckkk didn’t gouge his eyeballs out to make his divine prediction come true.
[re=648505]Neilist[/re]: Ahem:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Andes_plane_crash
Don’t worry, you still know way more about weaponry and Mothra than I do.
[re=648421]BeliTsari[/re]: William Jennings Bryan? Just a guess, but I love the “force them down their throats” line.
[re=648522]tribbzthesquidz[/re]: Actually, that… err, excuse me, I’ve gotta go off for a few minutes, erm…
[re=648520]AddHomonym[/re]: They didn’t. No one would actually say that, right? Or believe it? Or even think it for a passing second? This is a guy the FBI was following because (well, aside from agitating The Coloreds) he had communist leanings. What exactly do they think his legacy is, the first AAVE translation of “Atlas Shrugged”?
[re=648455]Dubya T. Eff[/re]: Thanks so much but it is not entirely my doing. This material (and the editor’s presentation) is priceless. The snark just seems to write itself.
[re=648529]Mad Brahms[/re]: Oh, to wit, remember when Beck was all “Obama isn’t a real Christian, because he’s all into ‘liberation theology’?”
“When I give food to the poor, they call me a saint. When I ask why the poor have no food, they call me a Communist” – Dom Pedro Helder Camara, one of the preeminent theologians of “liberation theology”, 1971
…predated by
“True compassion is more than flinging a coin to a beggar. It comes to see that an edifice which produces beggars needs restructuring.” – Martin Luther King Jr, “Beyond Vietnam” 1967
In short, it’s not the whole “Beck is white, co-opting a black man’s legacy” thing that bugs me. There’s no reason white people can’t call for an end to prejudice and oppression. It’s the fact that Beck is an apologist for the worst excesses of capitalism, whose peculiar brand of warped Christianity would have seemed an affront to everything King – a man whose opinions on justice extended far beyond race – held dear.
[re=648499]planetwingnuttia[/re]: Is Mauitania anywhere near Oahutania?
[re=648471]imissopus[/re]: Sorry I don’t speak teabag and Google Translate doesn’t have that option.
The result of “Beckopalooza” should have been Tienanmen Square 2010 if what the attendees believe were true.
[re=648502]Scruffy_The_Janitor[/re]: That spot is taken by Dick Cheney and Limbaugh is the standby. Basically who ever dies of heart failure first.
[re=648520]AddHomonym[/re]: Amazing disconnect. If MLK walked the earth during the reign of Bush 2, he would have been drummed out of the public sphere for being traitorous. I got news for these shitheadz, MLK WAS LIBERALLLLLUH! A LIBERALLLUH! Way liberal in fact. One of the liberalest of all thyme.
I guess I’m mistaken though. What Politico is saying is what people are saying. And that’s what they’re saying. And we’ll say it whence we hast seen the light of the one true political orientation.
Racial paranoia. Incontinence. Sexual guilt. Willful ignorance. Additionally.
Beck was right to ask his people not to bring signs, we’d have had a lot more fun if there’d been more signs. BTW, I’m pretty sure that fat person holding up “memorial” sign is a lady. Pretty sure.
And, yes, loveable fuzz balls (oh, what an appropriate name for a bagger), this is the internet. When I picture my fellow Wonketeers, I see them all as highly educated, stunningly good looking people and hope they see me the same way.
and FDAALIN is a poopyhead.
[re=648533]gurukalehuru[/re]: You mean that African country Barack Hussein Obama was born in?
[re=648349]BarackMyWorld[/re]: I actually had little business card-sized cards made up with this quotation on it,set off in little red crosses like in the old prayer books you sometimes see lying around in really disgusting motels. I give them to people who go on and on way too loudly about Jeebus in cafes, while I’m trying to read The Nation in peace.
[re=648509]chascates[/re]: Riley, watch out for that patriot on the left side. Republicans and finger lickin’ good. Never forget.
[re=648520]AddHomonym[/re]: OMFG, they did, they really did. I didn’t believe you but I went over there and read the article. They actually say that. They say it in the headline and they say it in the story. They talk about the events’ tremendous racial diversity as well. Politico has officially jumped the shark, screwed the pooch, etc…
Also, I wonder what Sharron Angle thinks of all this “black robed clergy.”
[re=648537]tribbzthesquidz[/re]: Disconnect even more: the resounding echo of MLK’s speech was the election of a black man to the Presidency. The highest respect that could be paid to the ideas of MLK. Yet, did these clowns even mention Obama?
There was another great American who foresaw this whole sham — Mark Twain. See the the King and the Dauphin chapters in Huck Finn. This DNA runs the current of American history as a sub-species, americopithecus charlitanis
[re=648529]Mad Brahms[/re]: C’est vrai! Le lis et pluere:
http://www.politico.com/news/stories/0810/41556.html
(Pardon my French, I’m trying to mentally migrate.)
[re=648515]Radiotherapy[/re]: So why did they need a rally if God was making deposits in Glennies bank account?
Never mind Dude, asking for sense when it comes to baggers is waisted motion. Thanks for watching ‘tards so the rest of us didn’t have to.
[re=648434]imissopus[/re]: That’s right there in the Genesis. Chapter 19, I believe, but sorta between the lines. Whenever I think of Sodom and Gomorrah, I’m reminded of that great line in “Alice Doesn’t Live Here Anymore,” delivered by Alice as she packs her kid into the car for their new life Somewhere Else: “Don’t look back. You’ll turn into a pillar of shit.”
[re=648544]Radiotherapy[/re]: Yes and yes some mo’. This is one shoddy hijack. Laughable, yet reported at face-value by the eat-chain-stream-media.
[re=648546]dijetlo[/re]: I couldn’t look today. Being short on free time helped tremendjouslee.
[re=648507]MLM[/re]: Aw, come on. Close enough. And by the way, it’s in the nation of Africa.
[re=648535]FormerDCite[/re]: *sigh* coulda, woulda, shoulda…
[re=648527]imissopus[/re]: Which is why they say, “Rugby players eat their dead.”
That chick in the lawn chair with the headband is HOT!
[re=648546]dijetlo[/re]: No problem, we Wonkateers have got to keep each others backs. Waisted motion was when I got off the couch after ten minutes — actually got me going today.
“Anger is an energy.”
i watched a few minutes of the real american freedom reclamation medicare subsidized scooter chair rally. it was disappointing and boring. beck failed to deliver the goods, but sarah palin still speaks in madlibs, it’s wash in the end.
if these people live longer than the actuarial table prediction, america will go out with a whimper, not a bang.
a wheezing, tired, diabetic whimper.
[re=648538]gurukalehuru[/re]: I don’t really know about memorial’s gender. The only people who could tell us that are too busy digging those trapped miners out in Chile.
The message of this revival meeting was not to restore the honor of the disgraced Tea Party movement, or the disgraced Republican party, or the disgraced Foxnews network, or the disgraced ‘Restoring Honor’ rally, but that the National Mall is like any other mall in America. Full of badly dressed fat people.
The likes of which STILL call MLK stupid, childish racist names and if they ever did see a wizened scraggly, long-haired, Sephardic little rabbi followed about by a crowd of adoring Jewish kids, buying tackle at the Bass Pro Shop or Cabelas; would immediately run to the ammo counter for 12-gauge pumpkin balls. Just WHAT do you think these folks were up to when Dr. King was set-up and shot dead, perhaps funded by some of the same people who wanted to bait the Black community? What ever happened to the Koch Brothers’ agents provocateurs story?
The person holding the sign “In memory of our God our religion, and freedom, our peace, our wives, and our children” – is that a male or female beluga whale? If female, why no mention of “husbands”, or does she have a wife? These RWNJ never make sense.
PS: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/worldnews/article-1305414/Hitler-descended-Jews-Africans-DNA-tests-reveal.html
Where’s the one black guy? Dammit, Ken, you’ll never get a job with a major news organization if half your pictures don’t feature the one black guy who was there.
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so, NASCAR took the day off?
“Guns and Butter”, especially butter.
Without racist signs and menacing chants, how is this even newsworthy? Glenn Beck is just being another boring cult of personality, sort of like an inarticulate Tony Robbins. Nothing accomplished.
And do you know who’s really to blame for Glenn Beck shitting on Dr. King? C.N.N.!! Because it was CNN-HLN who wanted to compete with FoxNews, so in 2006 they hired a conservative Rush-wannabe radio clown to glom onto FN’s audience. And he became famous because fat white bigots watch a lot of cable TV. He became famous because of CNN.
Meanwhile, CNN supports homophobia. Not only did they hire the bigot Glenn Beck, but several of their reporters have made comments that support homophobia. Their gay progamming is deeply flawed and minimal. And the only gay on CNN is a closeted gay. Someone who would lose his job if he came out of the closet.
[re=648316]DustBowlBlues[/re]: I believe that he warded them off with dictionaries.
That does it! Release the kraaken!
[re=648543]gurukalehuru[/re]: BUT, There WAS racial diversity!!!!! I saw ONE (1) whole black man there, and I walked from 17th to 19 through the crowd, which took an hour. Oh and a bunch of what looked like Philippine wives of ex-mils also.
SEE, RACIAL DIVERSITY!!1!!
Riley was safe, as he was wearing the official colors of the Sturmabteilung and Schutzstaffel, the natural leisurewear tones of the typical teabagger.
Dog-whistle attire on a day dedicated by Glenn Beck to Murican Dolchstoßlegende ruminations.
How fashion astute, Riley!
Yep. Lotsa bedbugs these days.
I like that term “Hollywood physique.” I’d advise you to think back about 20 or 30 years. You’ll remember that nearly all normal people, not just Hollywood actors, were slim. It was the rare kid who was fat, and even then they were just a little chubby. Do you honestly think people are better off today being fatter? Are they more comfortable, happier or healthier? But keep drinking that corn syrup, see where it gets you.
[re=648498]Jimmyjohn2[/re]: You know, that hurts his/her feelings! He/she tried going on a diet, you know. The Zone, you know, “Carbs are the enemy,” eh?
[re=648518]Mad Brahms[/re]: Joseph Smith did do a good job pirating the OT when he wrote the Book of Mormon – but, man, I don’t remember anything in the OT abou t slaughtering anyone who didn’t believe in liberty and freedumbs. (Slaughtering teh gays, the unclean, and unbelievers, that’s another matter…)
[re=648499]planetwingnuttia[/re]: Kind of surprising the shirt misspelled Mauritania and not Niger.
[re=648522]tribbzthesquidz[/re]: Like Glenda’s wife?
Is it over yet? Can I come out of my tin foil shielded basement?
[re=648449]Lovablfuzball[/re]: The thing is, honey, I am—by both your definition and mine—a complete, total, utter elitist. Let’s go through the checklist: I’m 6’1″ and 155 lbs. (not a fatty); I drive an Audi; I listen to NPR; I shop at Trader Joe’s; and I live in Fairfield County, Connecticut, the wealthiest county in the wealthiest state in the wealthiest nation (but not for long, China!) in the world.
Here’s the thing, though: guess who lives a short 20-minute drive from me, down in New Canaan? That’s right: Glenn Beck. His mansion is out in a part of town I don’t dare drive my Audi through because it’s a Maybach-only zone and I’ll probably get pulled over. So here’s Glenn, hanging out in his mansion, making his millions, hiring gardeners and housekeepers and chauffeurs to upkeep his multi-acre estate, all the while while telling people like you to rise up against…well, against people like him, I suppose.
I may be an elitist, Fuzzy, but I much prefer it to being a fool.
[re=648349]BarackMyWorld[/re]: Jesus wanted us in the closet???
Is it true that palin was paid to speak?
Isn’t it ironic that all those sheeple sat and listened to beck and palin and don’t realize that these people don’t work, as they understand it.
They get paid to tell others how to live. Make millions from it. And they are told how palin and beck want them to live, because that is how they get paid and make lots of money from it.
Poor sheeple, they are getting fleeced by the very people they worship.
We will not be quiet. We will not try to blend in, disappear in the background, play second fiddle! When we’re in a sandwhich, a salad, a pinini or crostini; you’ll know it. We’re NOT like the others. We wont ever try to be. We are our own mixed up blend of one of kind spices. We are Miracle Whip, and we will not tone it down.
I just cracked open my librul New York TImes and began to drink a librul cup of Seattle’s Best Coffee.
I read the article about Glenn’s Teabag Saturday, and now I haz a sad.
From the article, I learned that (a) Jesus would have been against the stimulus because it was a redistribution of wealth; (b) Glenn had originally envisioned this as a political rally but suddenly God told him to make it about religious awakening; (c) the “honor” of US America needs to be restored, which apparently didn’t need restoring until January 2009 for some reason; and (d) old guys look silly walking around in Colonial military gear unless they’re in a re-enactment.
Queene Sarah got paid $75,000 plus incidentals to give a 30-minute speech to Stanislaus State College in California earlier this summer. Wonder if she charged Glenn. Somehow, I think so.
The NYT and WaPO don’t know whether to laugh or cry in their coverage of this “event”. I don’t think they understand what everyone is so worked up about…plus most media outlets are uncomfortable covering the “God thing”. This event is ridiculous. Watching Glenn Beck is like watching a rodeo clown. My right-wing parents don’t even watch him anymore because they don’t know what he’s talking (or crying) about. When the left wing did this against an actual war (well, two wars) they were derided as anti-patriots, “Defeatocrats” and the like. These people protesting their government are hailed (by them) as taking their country “back from radicals” and, worse, non-Christians. I, too, am amazed that all these fat white people come to DC to talk about fiscal discipline when apparently they don’t have the discipline to push away from the buffet table. I suspect my federal taxes have paid for 75 percent of those “Rascals” that were patrolling the streets of the District.
I know these trailer park people will probably lead to the Republicans taking over the House and Senate, then they’ll have the levers of power but will not hew to the Tea Party line and that will be Obama’s fault since he’s a “Muslin”.
[re=648581]mgardener[/re]: And, if she was paid to speak – in fact, if anyone accepted money for any service or item that they provided to this rally – they were, apparently, taking it away from a scholarship fund set up for the children of fallen US soldiers. http://www.mydesert.com/article/20100829/NEWS01/8290340/Valley-woman-attends-Glenn-Beck-s-Restoring-Honor-rally
“The event also was a fundraiser for the Special Operations Warrior Foundation, a group that provides scholarship grants to kids of special-operations soldiers killed in battle, she said.”
[re=648571]getoffmylawn[/re]: Correct – needs more Kraken! Or something that would have made the whole sh8tfest interesting.
Have you ever been to a rally where the organizers expressly discouraged signs? Beck and Palin and those on the right know full well who and what they are dealing with. They have encouraged their followers with the most hateful and despicable rhetoric, and now they don’t want those same followers to embarrass them with their very own rhetoric.
I noticed that if you try to type “bible” and your right hand is off a position, you get “bubke”.
IT’S A SIGN, PEOPLE!
[re=648355]coastingdownhill[/re]: I doubt many of those gathered on the mall actually toil. But I’ll bet a bunch collect Social Security Disability. For freedum. And because they hate Socialism
Apparently this Hebe came uninvited. http://tinyurl.com/2vvela9
“And here is their Idol, a hunchbacked fishmouthed monstrosity who will burst out of the hell-depths whenever anybody baits a hook with $100,000.”
Best description ever, of that vicious, hateful, screeching banshee.
And, I do believe that if Narcissus were alive today, he would rock back on his heels in disbelief and stop gawking at his image in the pool. Palin sees her son being a soldier as being all about her?! “Say what you will about me, I raised a soldier!” (paraphrase, I can’t stand to listen to her screech or watch innocent birds fall from the sky) I, I, I. Do most mothers of soldiers preen and smirk over their own fabulosity in providing more cannon fodder, or do they just pray every day with a deep and tiny terror that their baby comes home?
[re=648493]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: Going for a walk occasionally also helps. Riding those retarded WallyMart bumper car things not so much.
[re=648538]gurukalehuru[/re]: You are probably right about the gender of this marvelous creature. It is a female.There is a softness about the face that gives it away. I have been quipping too glibly and I bow to your superior powers of observation. This said, I also relish the opportunity to inflict more humiliation on her with a new series of comments based on her new apparent gender. I probably would have picked up on this sooner if the Google satellite had not been deflected by gravitational anomalies caused by She-Who-Must-Be-Orbited. Drinking now…
An Amero saved is an Amero earned. http://tinyurl.com/35ygv5p
[re=648577]President Beeblebrox[/re]: That video reminded me of this one.
Religious conversion meets evangelism meets egotism. Compare and contrast!
[re=648579]loquaciousmusic[/re]: So, Beck is a New Canaanite. Weren’t the Canaanites smoted by the Israelites, way back in pre-Jesus times? I don’t know what that means, but I’m sure it’s significant.
These pictures make me want to buy a Bowflex.
Going for a walk occasionally also helps.
They’re going to take back America! But they won’t take a walk.
Slurp. http://tinyurl.com/3a4shox
[re=648598]The Greatest American hero[/re]:
http://tinyurl.com/34qlss8??
we will always remember this as the weekend paris hilton dominated the news cycle.
you got to give her points for important moments of distraction in our long dialogue of national disgrace.
[re=648598]The Greatest American hero[/re]: One more try.
http://tinyurl.com/34qlss8 ??
Jesus christ, I bet that crowd smelled like Funyuns.
Well, at least now I know that General George A. Custer was a tricorn sportin’ founding father.
“We hold these truths to be self-evident: I hate indians as much as I love Krispy Kreme.”
[re=648563]Suds McKenzie[/re]: Nascar is on Sundays silly wabbit. That is why you will never see on of these celebrations of ignorance on a Sunday. Not even after church.
I’m a little relieved–I just can’t see these donut-dunkers storming the halls of congress or doing anything else that involves extended periods of motion.
My humble subjects, we SHALL capture the earthman Flash Gordon. http://tinyurl.com/2v23lxr
[re=648527]imissopus[/re]: I’d be pissed at the correction, Imiss, were in not for the fact that it gives me an opening to post the following . . . which seems oddly appropriate this weekend:
The team spirit is what kept the real-life 16 survivors alive, says Nando Parrado, 43, who was a second row and No. 8 for the Old Christians Club, the team that was on its way to play the Old Boys in Chile.
“It’s a game that’s misunderstood by people who don’t play rugby,” Parrado said in a phone call from his home in Montevideo, Uruguay. “They don’t understand the team spirit, the sacrifice you make of yourself for another player so he can score. We survived from that spirit.
“If we had been soccer players, we would have died.
“Everybody thinks eating human flesh is the most gruesome and terrible thing you can do, but – and Frank got this very, very well in the movie – it was only one more thing that we did for us to get out. We had to.”
[He left out the part about "the most gruesome and terrible thing you can do" being banging the really fat girls at the end of the bar, because you wanted to have a three-way with her cute friend.
But I digress . . . and Glenda Beck's "love life" during that period deserves pictures.]
Dead, badly decomposed bodies are all that is left of Beck’s pre-moroni “love life”.
[re=648607]S.Luggo[/re]: Nobody needs more than one pujol.
[re=648350]Johnny Zhivago[/re]: Is that Mr Fat Bastard?
Well done, Waggaman!
With apologies to Jethro Tull
If Jesus saves — well, He’d better save Himself
from the hoary teary Beckster who uses His name in grift
Also, what’s with only one lonely troll post? Brick Oven Bill – BoB where are you???
Looks like a 12 Step meeting for Overeaters Anonymous.
“The best argument against democracy is a five minute conversation with the average voter”
Winston Churchill
[re=648579]loquaciousmusic[/re]: When I lived in Stamford (also in Fairfield County, for you non-Nutmeggers), my husband worked in Greenwich at night. He drove an old Mustang. He got stopped several times driving down Greenwich Avenue, for absolutely no reason. Well, I guess it was for Driving While Middle Class. The Greenwich cops just harrassed him, didn’t even pretend that he had done something wrong, just asked to see his papers.
[re=648583]President Beeblebrox[/re]: The reason Beck changed it from a political rally was because the rules of the charity required it to be non-partisan, or the IRS would have a problem with it. The charity made Snowbilly and Glenda sign a pledge that they wouldn’t be political, which, of course, Snowbilly abrogated.
The reason Beck made it a charity was because that way the costs of the rally get paid for, and the rest go to the charity. So about $1 million go to the costs of the rally, which may include Snowbilly’s and Glenda’s speaking fees, and certainly their travel arrangements, etc. Don’t know if the public has a right to see the records if it’s a tax-deductible charity, but I’d like to see some media outfit have the balls to FOIA it..
[re=648585]The Princess Pat[/re]: See my previous comment. They reportedly took around $1 million from the $5 million raised for the scholarship.
[re=648608]Neilist[/re]: Surprisingly, I haven’t seen this said for awhile. You, sir, are an ASSHOLE.
[re=648597]gurukalehuru[/re]: Could be why up until I don’t know when, Jews were not allowed in New Canaan. I mean to buy houses, I don’t think I mean to visit, but who the hell knows. New Canaan is a very beautiful, extremely wealthy, gated town. Ann Coulter was raised in New Canaan, if that tells you anything.
[re=648319]transfatz[/re]: (very late comment)
What, you think that guy can *remember* all the things he’s had to eat? Please.
(end of cheap fat joke)
[re=648617]Katydid[/re]: I skimmed over that one. Something about rugby and cannabalism and the purported merits of both didn’t seem to enhance my breakfast eating experience this morning.
Glenn Beck fails. I’m so disappointed. I was expecting “Bumper Cars for Angry Diabetics on Medicare-provided Hoverounds” to be a much more thrilling and memorable sporting event. I thought they might end the day by dramatically crashing their carts at 2 m.p.h. into the White House gates.
[re=648623]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: You’re smarter than me, although, in my defense, Neilist had been on his best behavior. He’s reverted to being an ASSHOLE, it seems.
In reality, Beck is an alien. And his book is actually titled “To Serve Man”.
And Beckapalooza was an excuse to get fattened turkeys all gathered in one place for easy consumption.
Jeebus H. Christ on a cracker. From the NYT:
People in the crowd echoed Mr. Beck’s ideas that “progressives” were moving the United States toward socialism and that entitlement programs like Social Security, Medicare and Medicaid must be ended.
“The federal government is only to offer us protection from our enemies and help us when we need it,” said Ron Sears, 65, of Corbin, Kentucky.
???
[re=648633]Katydid[/re]: Ok so let’s hope all those fat sick oldz have told Social security, Medicare and Medicaid to stop supporting them- because you know 90% of that crowd is getting Social Security and Medicare and a lot Medicaid.
By the way, Crazy eyed Bachmann said she was going to demand the count be 1,000,000 people for yesterday. Well, I was at the Inauguration and the people stretched from the Capitol to the Lincoln(and not on picnic blankets or beach towels or in oldz gocarts like yesterday-we were glad to be packed together for warmth in January)). That was supposed to be 1.3 million. So people scattered between the Lincoln and the Monument is not anywhere close to a million. However, I will say that the weight of yesterday’s crowd probably did exceed the weight on Inauguration day.
Any word yet on the number of bottles of snake oil that Beck sold at his rally?
[re=648613]weejee[/re]: A huge fail on their part but hey, scooting around in batterychairs must be tiring. If we check back in a couple of weeks they may be hammering this thread bigtime. If by hammer you mean nerf balling.
Hey, so this is fun.
Arson at the new Islamic Center in Murfreesboro. Can’t imagine who would do such a thing.
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/38904314/ns/us_news/
[re=648638]Don Incognito[/re]: I told Newt not to play with matches. But did he listen? No.
[re=648580]babsinbuffalo[/re]: That’s where he wanted little Kenny Mehlman anyway.
[re=648545]AddHomonym[/re]: The other amazing thing about that story is the headline- “Beck claims King legacy through God.” Because if he was standing on some street corner saying that, somebody would eventually call the cops to have him put into a psych ward.
I’m just hoping that the “credible” line was merely a typo and they accidently left out the ironic quotation marks because…..wow. This country truly has truly gone through the rabbit hole when the election of the first African American President turns out to be the great turning point in the civil rights of white people.
I watched some of this on C-Span. They kept showing some old fellow in a tricorn who looked like he didn’t know where he was. I could only take about 2 minutes of the stupidity.
[re=648365]Chlorine X DuPree[/re]:
Hi, Attaturk!
[re=648635]finallyhappy[/re]: I heard somewhere yesterday, maybe on C-SPAN, not sure, that the official count for the inauguration was 2 million, although “the number is now hotly debated.” Let me guess who debates it.
Whoever I was listening to said the Park Police no longer does official counts, but did for the inauguration. They stopped after the Million Man March because the official count was 400,000, and the march organizers threatened to sue. I can’t vouch for any of this.
The NYT quotes NBC News as saying 300,000.
[re=648641]Hooray For Anything[/re]: “Beck claims King legacy through God.”
Divine Right of Beck?
Kid heard cryin’, “I wanny a lobotomy ticket from Beck”.
[re=648633]Katydid[/re]: You know what would have been great? If Beck had suggested that people in the crowd like Mr. Ron Sears, 65, of Corbin, Kentucky, pledge right then and there to return all future Social Security and Medicare checks to the US Treasury. As a protest against all the SOSHULIZMS! That would have just been fucking sweet. There aren’t enough paramedics in America to handle all the spontaneous coronaries.
Let’s talk about Charity. Here are some I endorse:
1) Support the MLK Memorial building project. http://www.mlkmemorial.org
2) Help Michelle Obama reduce childhood obesity by donating food to the homeless, and exercise for you and the kids.
3) The DC Police need dogs that are trained to detect methamphetamine. Meth is common in rural areas and Alaska. The DC police are ill-prepared to deal with Tea Party crowds and need trained dogs.
so the beckster was claimin’ that the native americans were God’s chosen people… WTF?? never saw so many power-cherrs in one place before in mah life!
This was a big rally. It was financed by the billionaire Koch brothers, who, along with Rupert Murdoch, finance the Teabaggers. This is the typical formula for fascism: a mass movement based on the middle class and financed by big capital.
The Teabaggers. Not so funny anymore.
[re=648652]imissopus[/re]: And if he was really into the Messiah thing, he could have had them pledge to give up their government paid scooter right there and then and if they did, he’d heal them of their heart condition, diabetes, and 200 pounds of extra weight. Who’s the Big Bad Civil Rights Leader now, MLK?
[re=648646]Guppy06[/re]: Good call on the double meaning. Some part of me thinks he might actually see himself as the Great Mormon Monarch to be. Goes without saying that a return to the Gold Standard would be the first thing he’d do.
[re=648654]flyingspaghettimonster[/re]: Hey! My sweet lord!
We don’t smoke marijuana in Muskogee.
We lean more towards crack and crystal meth.
However, I will say that the weight of yesterday’s crowd probably did exceed the weight on Inauguration day.
Or the weight of the planet Neptune.
[re=648337]President Beeblebrox[/re]: It’s like that saying: “If you like law, sausages, and religion, don’t go to see any of them being made.”
The symbol on Sign Guy’s t-shirt is a Native American medicine wheel, representing harmony and balance between races, among other things. I have no idea why he’s wearing it, and I bet he doesn’t either. Probably picked it up in a truck stop gift shop on the way back from Sturgis.
So many Wonketeers filled with hate. Why can’t you be more understanding, like the reporters from POLITICO?
Maybe one of you will catch the irony of devoting hundreds of posts to making fun of people who look different from you…
How do you turn a “nation” back to God, anyway? I’ve pondered this all morning and I finally came up with it. You take back the levers of power, then base everything on biblical law! Hooray!
[re=648662]GreatRightHope[/re]: Mockery is the sincerest form of mockery.
[re=648662]GreatRightHope[/re]: Please don’t use the word “irony” anymore, ‘kay?
[re=648662]GreatRightHope[/re]:
Not to mention the fact they’re also all mentally challenged.
Poopyhead.
[re=648665]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: I’m pretty sure when Greater Wingnuttia uses “irony”, they think it may mean “completely made out of iron”. So their constant misuse of the word is kind of understandable.
[re=648663]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: It means you bash gay people and Muslims
[re=648582]Kane[/re]: That was beautiful, man.
[re=648662]GreatRightHope[/re]: Maybe when you catch onto the irony of calling the people who work at POLITICO “reporters.”
[re=648667]Joshua Norton[/re]: [re=648668]Hooray For Anything[/re]: Did Sarah Palin author a dictionary? Please say it ain’t so.
FINAL TALLY: 300,000
That’s the number of almost completely non-flaccid boners popped by the Koch Bros. and Rupe watching these imbeciles pray for the end of Social Security and Medicare.
Olly Norf, Superpatriot
And remember, billionaires secretly funding these chumps is perfectly fair because George Soros has a website! Doesn’t that terrify you?
[re=648667]Joshua Norton[/re]: Perhaps the smarter ones wonder if “irony” not a hidden reference to Stalin? Nah.
[re=648662]GreatRightHope[/re]: Awwww, the concern trolls are coming out to play. Isn’t that cute. Where are my cheetos, maybe they will eat them out of my hand.
[re=648662]GreatRightHope[/re]thinks I’ve been making fun of the baggers because they look different from me. It has nothing to do with the stupidity and incongruence of their arguments, i.e. get your government hands off my medicare; but they look different from me is the thing! Well, Mister Right Hope, I’ll have you know I never cracked a single fat or inbred joke all morning!
(Wait did that just count as one?)
[re=648672]Olly Norf, patriot[/re]: The park’s permit was for 300,000. According to CBS news only 90,000 or so actually showed up. Judging from the aerial photographs I have to agree with CBS.
[re=648670]imissopus[/re]: That’s actually “sarcasm.” Which is different from “irony.”
[re=648327]DustBowlBlues[/re]: I really doubt the attendees even know. Dodging specifics in favor of soft ideals is the only way to avoid having your movement’s supposed fundamentals denigrated by uncomfortable questions the followers can’t answer. These are the same people who during the 2008 election if you asked them what they were angry about, either froze up in horror or spouted something completely false.
[re=648340]President Beeblebrox[/re]: “Covenant of Freedom”. We have one of those. It’s that constitution that lets women control their own bodies, means citizens can’t be blocked for capricious reasons from civil contracts, and states unequivocally that religion is not the purview of the government. These guys hate all that. That is exactly what’s got them so pissed off and frothing like rabid hamsters. Listen to Beck, he doesn’t want that either, he want’s the Covenant of Freedom to Screw Over Everyone With Religion.
According to CBS news only 90,000 or so actually showed up.
Yeah, but they go by a picture of square footage covered. I’m sure when you deduct for people in scooters, spread out on blankets and sprawled in lawn chairs, the actual head count is considerably less.
The reality is that a Pride Parade in San Francisco draws crowds of 500,000 and more so this is kind of pitifull. Just pitifull.
Let’s all go to Denny’s.
[re=648678]GreatRightHope[/re]: You get an F-minus. Now go stand in the corner. And do NOT come out until we say.
http://wordnetweb.princeton.edu/perl/webwn?s=irony
CNN’s ticker has a piece on the crowd estimates. The NPS won’t give one, ever. CBS hired a company using overhead shots and a grid system, and their estimate was 80-100k or so (ie about what every major Tea Party event seems to get). Every other number seems to be of pulled out of one’s backside variety, and goes from 300k to Ol’ Crazy Eyes 1 million.
I don’t want to say Beck’s overestimating the crowd size deliberately. I’m sure he looked at the amount of land mass covered and heard the old numbers for that amount of coverage. But I don’t remember any shots of people sitting down, spreading out blankets and eating out of coolers at other memorable Mall gatherings, which might explain the disparity.
[re=648555]obfuscator[/re]: if these people live longer than the actuarial table prediction, america will go out with a whimper, not a bang.
Is it any wonder the “death panels” schtick rang their personal alarm bells? Stupid as they are, they probably grasp that socialized medicine means their crappy lifestyles get to bankrupt the country and why the hell would the green vegetable eating elitists from Harvard stand for that without putting up a fight?
Which is a very good question.
[re=648662]GreatRightHope[/re]: its not exactly what they look like (although if you are such a glutton that Medicare has to buy you a mobility scooter on the tax payers dime, while you rally in opposition to government programs), it is the putrefying stew of contradiction on the inside. Oh, and their billionaire fossil fuel dealer support.
And the fact that most of the Palinites are the forced pregnancy crowd (protesting the Supreme Court roe/v/wade ruling from decades ago)……these people are real domestic terrorists with a number of notches on their belts.
Put up every picture Riley took this coming week, and one of you senior guys take him out to a nice dinner.
He earned it.
I was counting bonERS, not boneHEADS.
[re=648681]Sharkey[/re]: Or Red lobster!
Yeesh, so much plastic and collagen in Palin starts melting in a modicum of heat, no wonder she’s cancelled on so many conferences.
By the fifth one it’d start looking like Death Becomes Her.
[re=648654]flyingspaghettimonster[/re]: Did he? I had the sound off most of the time. But if he did, it’s one of the lesser known core beliefs of Beck’s adopted faith. And probably one of the things that probably troubles the more fundamentalist end of the Religious Right, who don’t think Beck is all that Christiany, but kinda sectsy.
Interesting.
[re=648662]GreatRightHope[/re]: Some people who look different from me are fat and ugly and go see crying little Glenny Beck. I hate them but do not generally make fun because why bother. Other people who look different from me are just too adorable. Tard Palin for example. I would never make fun of him.
I think I see the Squidbillies in the crowd.
[re=648662]GreatRightHope[/re]: Actually, most of us tend to make fun of them because they are morons. Though I am not sure if being a morbidly obese slob is really “looking different from anyone” more than just a general indication of a total lack of pride, good manners, and common sense.
[re=648662]GreatRightHope[/re]: Oh we understand, alright. And are disgusted.
Jeez, just look at this asshole teabagger: http://i.imgur.com/y9OL8.jpg
[re=648662]GreatRightHope[/re]: It’s not that they look different. I do not make fun of Brad Pitt or George Clooney for the way they look.
[re=648662]GreatRightDope[/re]: Hey man, we don’t want to take your guns away from you, just your bacon and peanut butter.
[re=648698]DC Hates Me[/re]: And their right to leave internet comments, if this whole net neutrality scheme pays off. Mwahaha.
[re=648695]WELCOME THRILLHO[/re]: Holy shit, he’s like 12!
With their lackadaisical lifestyle these folks are going to be facing some serious health care issues down the road. Maybe then the black guy’s health care program starts looking pretty good.
Aww guys, come on, be nice to Riley. It’s not his fault he looks like a Quidditch champ, and he’s a good writer.
Still, I wonder if somewhere out there RedState or Human Events has a little intern who looks like Draco Malfoy running around…
Fat white people. They all looked like Newt-the-Fruit’s cousins. I wish they had a group pic with big smiles. I’d like to see how many had teeth.
[re=648605]where_da_white_wimin_at[/re]: Of course US Real Americans know I was talking about the Craftsman Truck\Camping World\Pork Rind events that are held on Saturdays.
[re=648662]GreatRightHope[/re]: damn right i m filled with hate…i hate you too
[re=648618]Katydid[/re]: I grew up in New Canaan. I went to a prep school (starts with a C and ends with an e. i.e., before they added on that Simon and Garfunkel herb name part to it.) My father was a robber baron like his father before him. The family money came from the labor of the ancestors of those Beckster followers. I didn’t turn out right wing like Ann Coulter and neither did my friends. I give away tons of money each year and have no issue paying taxes. Some of us go by the mantra of give it away now and let it do good in the world. It’s the neophyte rich like Beck and company who are scared shitless of losing their coin. Because without it they just come up empty.
I resisted offering to introduce Riley to my very lovely niece. But given that what I resisted became a meme (!), what the hell. I think they’d get along great together, as long as he’s willing to tattoo a lightning bolt on his forehead…
[re=648752]coastingdownhill[/re]: Good on your karma. Once creature comforts are well covered, more money just brings mo problems.
[re=648617]Katydid[/re]: Ah, gee, Katydid. Thanks!
Rick: I congratulate you.
Victor Laszlo: What for?
Rick: Your work.
Victor Laszlo: I try.
Rick: We ALL “try”; YOU succeed!
Neilist, the Victor Laszlo of ASSHOLES.
[Although I'm going to dump Elsa when she gets fat after the first kid. Just sayin'.]
Riley looks kick ass!
[re=648752]coastingdownhill[/re]: Do you or your son want to marry my daughter- or my son? They are over 21 and I have nothing against trust fund kids.
Via Salon, an enthused participant:
“He teaches so much,” said Tracy Henchman…He teaches us what will happen after bills are passed. I always knew that Congress was passing bills, but I didn’t know what was in them!”
[re=648449]Lovablfuzball[/re]: poopyhead.
[re=648662]GreatRightHope[/re]: poopyhead.
[re=648817]chascates[/re]: “He teaches us what will happen after bills are passed.”
So basically, Tracy, you paid a considerable amount of money and time to learn something that three minutes of Schoolhouse Rock could have taught you.
And as for Congress “passing bills”, that’s really a matter for the Secret Service to deal with.
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