Last week was probably not the best for our beloved FLOTUS. On Monday, famed underwear model Rush Limbaugh grumbled some crazy-speak about how our Michelle ate ribs one time, which made her too fat to be on the cover of Sports Illustrated, or something. To make matters worse, New Jersey Governor and Professional Fat Person Chris Christie decided to come to our FLOTUS’ defense, with help from Former Fat Person and Future President of the United States of Lard Mike Huckabee. Apparently Chris Christie really wishes that Michelle Obama had put him on a diet years ago, and wants you to know how hard it is to be fat, okay? It’s a struggle. Everyone should get used to this nonsense, because when it comes to being the target of stupidity, Michelle is the new Barack.
In the past few weeks, our FLOTUS has been the victim of attacks from not only Rush Limbaugh, but Sarah Palin, Michele Bachmann, and bad illustrations. This is because Republicans are bored of saying mean things about Barack Obama. He just makes it so easy. It’s much more challenging (and more fun!) to make fun of Michelle Obama for supporting military families and promoting healthy eating and healthy babies.
During her first two years in the White House, she was more Laura Bush rather than Hillary Clinton, but that has begun to change. Now, for conservative critics, it is open season on the first lady.
Gun metaphors make anti-FLOTUS commentary even more exciting!
“There’s so much anger in the criticism surrounding Michelle Obama,” said Myra Gutin, a Rider University professor and author of a biography of Barbara Bush and a book on 20th century first ladies. “It seems almost personal to me.”
Republicans have a simple response: Obama is now fair game because she is playing an increasingly political role in her husband’s administration.
Michelle obviously brought all of this on herself, because she opened her mouth in public, and has a brain. America prefers to only hear from ladies with moose droppings in place of a brain. Knowledge and reason tend to get in the way of effective policy. Of course, we will stick by our FLOTUS until the end. [Politico]
Blair Burke (blairelinor@gmail.com) obsessively follows Michelle Obama’s every move for “The FLOTUS Files,” which appears every Monday here at your Wonkette.
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And THE RIBS, BBQ RIBS!
Republicans have a simple response
NEWSFLASH!
~
Now I have to eat a cheeseburger.
All bets are off, we're now going to be mean about Laura Bush and Mamie Eisenhower!
I'm sure we would have been just as mean to Laura Bush if, for example, she had supplemented her husband's political efforts in education with her own literacy program.
Fucking horrible hairstyles on both those bitches and , also, drunken whores. Ok?
Mamie was a total cunt.
Laura never said anything vaguely controversial. In fact I don't think she could speak: the Botox had paralyzed her jaw!
How about Bess Truman. A horrible anti-semite, this woman was. She brow-beat Harry for letting Jews visit the White House, we're told.
Well, she could become caucasian, divorce Barry and start sucking off "Jabber the Gut", for starters. That would go a long way; c'mon girl, get real.
FLOTUS in a metal bikini FTW!
Hey, leave J. B. Hutto out of this.
That whirring sound you're hearing is J. B. spinning in his grave at this comparison. Comparing JB to this soulless, cracker ass fucktard is a crime against God and Nature.
Huckabee is now a former former fatty: he's larding up again.
I am not sure how long it will be appropriate to describe Huckabee as Former Fat Person. He has recently been trending toward the Graf Zeppelin side of zaftig, if you know what I mean.
He has noticed how well it's working out for chris christie.
This post combines my two favorite things: MIchelle Obama, and crazy stupid people saying crazy stupid things. Wonkette, you've made me love Mondays again.
But she's so… uppity! Nothing like that sweet, pilled-up-to-her-eyeballs Laura Bush who mumbled something about literacy in between Botox injections. (I actually "like" Laura Bush, but, seriously.)
Those Bush women knew their place to be seen and occasionally picked up by the secret service after a drunken tumble.
If you stick a pin in Chris Chris will he explode like a ballon or is he more like the Hindenburg?
♫ There'll be a hot time in
Lakehurst, New Jersey
When the Hindenburg comes in
Toniiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight ♪
More like a slow, steady ooze.
Ha! Beat me too it. I was going to say "oozes gravy."
Oh, the huge manatee!
Yes, I have noted that having a brain makes dealing with Republicans more difficult. They seem to function so well without them.
Michelle obviously brought all of this on herself, because she opened her mouth in public, and has a brain.
…which is inside a black person's head. And the Republicans can't have that, now can they?
According to GOP logic, Michelle Obama = obese. Rush Limbaugh & Chris Christie = national standard bearers for ideal weight and role models of physical fitness.
To step out of my typical sarcastic and caustic character, this crap with Michelle is not a shock. There are many in the Republican party (and those like Limbaugh who have no belief system besides making money), who just want to run around with an audiobook of the Turner Diaries while screaming the N-word at her.
"She's black, that rib-eatin' fat bitch." Says some 490 pound fucking zero eating squirrel ribs he cooked on his own empty oil drum fire.
And besides, if she was fat, so what? She is the first lady, not sitting in the middle seat on a regional jet. I hate humanity.
You have to give Limbaugh a little slack here, as he cannot understand why anyone would pay attention to a tall, pretty black women, when everyone knows that the ideal of beauty is a thirteen year old Latin boy, ideally with a ball gag in place to stop them whining.
Is the "Rush likes Latin cabana boys" thing a real rumor, or is it like that "Glen Beck raped and killed a girl in 1983" thing that libtards say for the lulz?
Glenn has never denied that he raped and killed a girl. He has never denied that he did it while coked out of his head after attending a CPAC meeting.
As for Limbaugh, you have the series of beards, and the fact that he was arrested for having illegal Viagra on him while heading back from a trip to a Caribbean Island best known for their selling of young boys. You can draw what conclusions you like, but there is more proof behind the "Rush Likes Cabana Boys" theory than anything he has ever said.
Does this mean she'll be Secretary of State in about a dozen years?
Michelle has to solve the obesity problem after Laura Bush had people sitting around getting fat while reading books.
Oh, wait.
Christie-Huckabee/Jenny Craig 2012!!!
"she was more Laura Bush rather than Hillary Clinton"
Huh? Michelle doesn't look anything like the Joker, and doesn't go around with an unblinking stare and inhuman grin, looking more looking more like a robot trying to pretend to be human that a real woman.
Just when I think we have the moral high ground I discover we're really Wile E. Coyote standing five feet from the cliff until someone taps us on the shoulder and points down.
You've been thinking about Dick Cheney too much.
She's certainly no Susan Powter. That's for sure.
And thank dieting Christ for that. Powter is focused though, I'll give her that. She loved the treadmill so much that she had her staff sprinkle cedar shaving around so she wouldn't lose any time…ditto for the big water bottle attached next to the machine.
Btw…crazy bug-eyed nut burger says "stop the insanity". What a fucking world.
That woman used to scare the fuck out of me, with her skeletor muscles and dangerously aggressive personality and crazy eyes. I look back now and am convinced she was on speed.
Just think about how many food service people would lose their jobs if Rush and Christie went on diets.
Rush Limbaugh understandably stands for the rights of the obese to be that way: he is a proponent of Fat Rights.
… and Lefts… and fronts… and… everywheres…
Exactly. When Rush stands for something, he stands all over it.
and when he sits around the house, he sits AROUND the house.
tee hee hee.
Rush is just defending the rights of people that want their 6 year old child to suffer from Type 2 Diabetes.
I think it's just the rightwing nuts. Anytime I've heard her speak she seems refreshingly down-to-earth, reasonable, and intelligent. I know it's crazy, but I admire those qualities.
Leftwing.. rightwing. Doesn't matter, wings make you fat.
If you were a red state conservative a picture of a naked Rush "Flush Me" Limbaugh would hold infinitely more sexual appeal and possibilities.
I know, some things it's just hard to wrap your mind around, huh?
Ribs are the new pork rinds.
How many typical DeRats can you fit in one of the XXXXXLLLLLLL teashirts Ken is trying to close out? Now, how may Rethugs? The teatards don't want the Michelle to be hitting on their base.
When is someone going to shoot Michelle Obama?
And whoever was downfisting this comment needs to look here and then look up the word "irony."
McRib anyone?
MMMMmmmm… more… gristle?
Mmmmmmm Baby back ribs!
…cause a Chicago minute is windy, cold, and filled with gunfire…
You should visit in August; and I've never really been freaked out by gunfire.
Shhh. We cognoscenti all know that Michelle anti-obesity campaign is a reverse psychology type plot to force the truly hateful rednecks to consumer pure lard and pig anuses at every meal between now and Nov. 2012 and hence not show up to vote on account of the heart attacks and diabetes.
Well of course it’s too soon. But you know some gunophiliac in AZ is adding 4,000 additional rounds to his collection, just waiting for his moment.
Those 30 round clips are for lawful uses only.
Time to get out my trusty Salad Shooter.
Bitch please. Pretty soon they'll be attacking the Obama girls because it's socialist to be cute. These fuckers don't have to JUSTIFY themselves. It's not like we have a media that holds them accountable. Y'know, both sides do it.
"Pretty soon"? You mean you don't remember "nappy-headed ho's" and "ghetto street trash"? Those were all from just a couple months after inauguration, too.
But, no, there is absolutely no way any of this right-wing rage has its origins in unvarnished racism, or anything like that. In fact, merely suggesting that is the WORST THING YOU COULD DO.
this is just so stupid. i hate to put them in the same category, but sarah and michelle and michele are all examples of fit attractive women over 40. this should be a GOOD commonground kinda thing.
but no, wingers have to make utter trivia a source of conflict.
god. assholes.
But only one retained her ability to think and talk without screeching…
This could be Sarah and Rush's 'Egypt Moment'
The Hi-Fructose Corn Syrup Revolution.
Its like she manslaughtered her boyfriend or is an admitted Alcoholic or trusted fortune-tellers or stuffed a fucking fetus into a jar or…
FTW
and washed down with Hennessy…
Grape soda.
or a 40…
Or a dixie cup of Kool-Aid.
Gawd, we have an awful lot of silly stereotypes, don't we?
Well, there is a silver lining to this story. Next time I am feeling too lazy to run or get to the gym, or feel like pigging out on junk food, I'll remember the wingnuts' attacks on Michelle and stay on program.
Thanks, Reeps, for the fitness inspiration. I'd say more, but time for my run…
You should do what I did…
Put up a picture of Rush Limplog on your fridge… it works wonders.
The Right is attacking her because, when you get down to the core of it, they GOT NOTHING. There is no plan. They want the government to fail because they (foolishly) believe that things will be better for them if it does. No thought has been given to the consequences of having no government services at all.
For example, somebody's (illegally here) maid unintentionally spread Hepatitis A around in an affluent community in my county a few years ago. All the R's who lived there suddenly shut up about less government when the public health nurses showed up to give them gamma globulin shots.
Government exists for the sole reason that the whole is greater than the sum of its parts, you stupid, greedy, racist fucks.
Creating a fat persona out of a fit individual, etc, is known in right wing circles as the Grosse Luge, or as explained by Hitler:
…All this was inspired by the principle–which is quite true within itself–that in the big lie there is always a certain force of credibility; because the broad masses of a nation are always more easily corrupted in the deeper strata of their emotional nature than consciously or voluntarily; and thus in the primitive simplicity of their minds they more readily fall victims to the big lie than the small lie…
…But the most brilliant propagandist technique will yield no success unless one fundamental principle is borne in mind constantly and with unflagging attention. It must confine itself to a few points and repeat them over and over….
I hope all their kidneys fail.
Like Barbara Bush wasn't some fat ugly man-toad who preached literacy most likely so generations of Americans will be able to read the 'Changes in Terms and Conditions' pamphlets for their credit cards..
If she would just talk about people eating healthy babies, well there just wouldn't be any problem.
An attractive black woman who is intelligent, thoughtful, and well-spoken angers these retarded assholes as it destroys the stereotypes that they hold and promulgate. Cognitive dissonance is hell, which is where I hope these bungholes remain for at least one eternity. Michelle, you keep at it. Let 'em suffer in their troughs of ignorance.
Nicely worded. I give you thumbs up, Duds.
When I read the Yahoo article this AM about this, I could only imagine the level of retardation it took for some of the comment posters that took the opportunity to state that Michelle Obama is fat, and therefore is not entitled to make a statement about how people should feed their children.
Only thing harder than being a fatass is being a fat asshole…Chris Christie you win!
I think it's great that Michelle Obama completely ignores Bachmann and Palin. They diminish themselves into dimwitted, petty housewives who don't have the mental capacity to deal with important issues when they attack her very innocuous initiatives–it's as if they really only belong in the kitchen, and can't even do that right.
Agreed. Can you name any politician – man or female – who has ever gone after a First Lady in a similar way? I'm 44 years old and I certainly can't! Bachmann and Palin = the Middle-Aged Mean Girls.
Politician, no; but remember how Fat Limbaugh went after Chelsea Clinton when she was just 13 years old with the "White House dog" "joke"; this kind of shit has just been mainstreamed now,
And apparently FLOTUS plans and cooks all the WH dinners herself: http://www.whitehousedossier.com/2011/02/28/obama...
First Lady Michelle Obama Sunday night stuffed about 2,200 calories worth of dinner into the nation’s governors, hosting a White House bash that pulled few punches on the fattening front despite her profile as the leader of a national crusade to trim the waistlines of the country’s youth.
It looks like a great, clean meal that one should afford themselves ONCE IN A WHILE…
Gawd them stupid fuckers equate those calories with the calories from McD's or Taco Bell…
Dipshizzles!
To understand conservatives you have to understand The Great Chain of Being. The "All men are created equal" bit in the D of I applies only to white men (i.e., there is no divine right of kings), and that's as far as we needed to go. Michelle is on rung four in God's natural hierarchy, and doing / saying anything appropriate only to rungs 1-3 is, by definition, uppity. Original intent!
"Republicans have a simple response: Obama is now fair game because she is playing an increasingly political role in her husband’s administration."
And I am sure Rethuglicans had an equal reaction during the 1980's when Mrs. Zombie Reagan lobbied for the $2 billion spent on Just Say No campaigns funneled through DARE, SMART and other (useless) anti-drug educational programs that were shown to be epicFAIL.
She should go on TV and promote drinking water and not eating arsenic and let nature take its course.
Also, because she is black. No, really. Also.
How dare this black woman encourage white children to eat healthy (unless she is our nanny, in which case we pawn the children off on her in every regard). The audacity.
That certainly makes more sense than anything they've been willing to tell us about their family. Laura would be a solid Democrat if it weren't for having to keep up appearances, as the few times she's been allowed to say anything genuine and real it's sounded reasonable. Also, the twins are unapologetically left-leaning without being political for that father's sake.
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