Wonkette

How does Fox News trim the work force during a terrible recession without mentioning layoffs at all? Just put out an “internal memo” announcing a sudden & comical “zero tolerance” for the constant fuckups and intentional lies that make Fox News so funny. (The memo went out Friday, so it didn’t mention today’s hilarious idiocy.) Expect about 45% of the Fox News staff to be jobless by New Year’s. [TPM]

Before you dismiss this video as another “cute red-state gal is going to cum again remembering how the beautiful Sarah Palin touched her,” please just duct-tape yourself to the office chair and watch the WHOLE THING because, good god, PALIN MAN! [YouTube video-documentary by Wonkette commenter PabaBritanica.]

Twilight heart-throb and South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford loved his Argentine Firecracker soul-mate so much that he abandoned his wife, kids and that annoying job (Republican leader of a slave state) just to pile up frequent-flier miles and bang his mistress with romance. But now the mean twerps at the state’s “ethics panel” have examined Sanford’s behavior and charged him with 37 crimes, hooray! But the state attorney general won’t necessarily pursue this, because come on, does he look black? MORE »

A perfectly logical explanation for this, after the jump! MORE »

OH woah woah woah, Best Buy has wished Muslims a Happy Eid al-Adha, the Islamic festival of sacrifice during which Muslims are traditionally encouraged to donate to charity?? Uhh nice try. Free Republic will boycott Best Buy now, just cold won’t shop there anymore, maybe it’ll even go out of business, right? And when all those Best Buy employees lose their jobs, terrorism/Muslims will be FINITIO. MORE »

Looks like the Wonkette photo desk was pretty much abandoned during your managing editor’s long absence, which basically means nobody was raiding the White House Flickr feed for easy comedy blog postings, so forgive us if we GO BACK IN TIME to a special day that is really every single day for all Americans forever: Halloween. MORE »

• Leftist vaginaphobia exposed at last! [Hit & Run]
• 52% of Republicans believe ACORN was the 19th hijacker. [The Plank]
• Haven’t you always wondered what Mother Earth would look like if she rocked some Saturn ring-bling? Enter the YouTubes and MS Paint: she would look fabulous. [Andrew Sullivan]
• The liberal media: not actually communist, or just flirting? [Gateway Pundit]
• There’s really only two things that arouse Matthew Yglesias: heavy petting and the Central Bank. [Matt Yglesias]

What happens when enterprising Americans watch Fox News and use Twitter simultaneously? Constant hilarity, that is what, as you can see from this fun “info-graphic” on the Fox News, which explains how Sarah Palin’s supposedly strong 70% support from GOP idiots is still no match for Huckabee’s 63% support, or Romney’s 60%. What? [Twitter of "Keventhepang"]

UPDATE: Really, a guy with his business covered by a big old towel is “not safe for work” now? WE THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA, etc., but if a nation’s few remaining employed people can’t practice their love on a front-page semi-nekkid Levi Johnston, we will hide the snausage after the jump. NOW BACK TO THE POST: Sarah Palin’s favorite “porn thing” website, Playgirl.com, keeps leaking these pictures of Levi Johnston, teen sex model. Why did Sarah Palin let a known gay-pornography star take the towel off his ding-dong and stick said ding-dong into Sarah Palin’s daughter? This is the biggest political story of all time, forever. MORE »

Keep America Safe, Liz Cheney’s exciting new social thing likely named after some mid-career Waugh novel or other, produced a very serious new work of cinéma vérité, for which Liz Cheney managed to round-up like 6 unhappy people and a piano who all make noises indicating their displeasure with Obama’s idea of transferring the Guantanamo people to the town of Standish, Michigan. Except so now Standish’s City Manager and a lot of people in Standish are making noises indicating their displeasure at Liz Cheney, exploitative lying monster. MORE »

Every single word, basically! [POLITICO]