• February 13, 2012

Now that armed government dragoons have taken away your child, really the only thing you have left to console you is to drive around the arterial road out by the Wal-Mart and the Hardees and just shout at your friends through your cell phone about how you’re going to get those gummint fuckers. Except that [...]

CNN this year has posed a bold question: Is America ready for a TV news/chat/whatever show co-hosted by an ex-governor disgraced for patronizing prostitutes and a Pulitzer-prize winning columnist who hates both half-breeds and snowbillies? America has taken its time getting back to us on this, but we finally heard from them, and they said [...]

You might think that it would be “cool” to have access to the Wonkette tip line, because you’d be privy to all sorts of political insider-y things before they hit the news! But in fact all you get are endless poorly spelled/punctuated screeds from nobodies and has-beens. One of the has-beens we hear from most [...]

It may come as a shock to you, but the people at the Wall Street Journal are not fans of the hip-hop, and are particularly not fans of America’s #1 hip-hop fan, Barack Obama! The nation’s very important business newspaper has dedicated a number of column inches to outraged recapitulation of terrible rap lyrics, all [...]

You may have heard that the Republicans this year are all about being fiscally conservative and getting back to our “original Constitution,” which means that there will be more misinformed, spittle-drenched rants about taxes and deficits and fewer misinformed, spittle-drenched rants about the gays and the unborn. But never fear, they still care about that [...]

By the Comics CurmudgeonRemember when we elected a young, handsome president? This was a whole 23 months ago, so obviously the sweet blush of youth is long gone from the man’s face, replaced by a sort of tired, ashy pallor. The presidency is a killer — never doubt this! But in a way, Barack Obama’s [...]

Andrew Shirvell is Michigan’s assistant attorney general, a University of Michigan alum, and absolutely 100 percent heterosexual, according to his Facebook page, which lists one of his interests as “Finding the Right Lady” and includes a picture of him touching a human female! While he’s not busy assisting the real attorney general, he does normal, [...]

There’s pretty much only one thing America’s broken system of governance can do anymore, and that is Protect The Children. This is why all children by law must be strapped into car safety seats and wear helmets at all times, but the minute they turn 18 they will be kicked out into a hellscape of [...]

Oh, Bill, we know you’re desperate for affection, but this is not the dignified way to popularity. [Handjob News Daily]

Rahm Emanuel’s master plan to quit his job as White House Chief of Staff and become omnipotent God-Emperor of Chicago is going exactly … as … planned. Everyone hates him? Check! He lacks the army of fanatically loyal political retainers needed to win an election in Chicago? Check! His own tenants are trying to keep [...]

When Barack Obama reveals the census numbers on December 31, it will become clear just how many people have fled the sad, crumbling Midwest, which will result in many Congressional districts there ceasing to exist. Thus, the pathetic battles to govern and/or legislate for these frozen wastelands take on extra importance, as the next two [...]

By the Comics CurmudgeonDid you know that the campaign for the 2010 midterm elections are finally underway? “Wait a minute, hold up,” you’re saying, if you’re the sort of person who reads this site, “hasn’t the midterm campaign been happening since roughly the middle of 2007?” Well, that just goes to show what sort of [...]

Sometimes friends let old arguments get between them and keep them apart for much longer than they should. That’s why Pope Benedict XVI has decided to be the “bigger man in a funny anachronistic outfit” and plans to head up to Jolly Old England for a make-up visit. But does the Vatican believe that this [...]