Jim Newell
Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.
Irani Twitter freedom fighter Rep. Pete Hoekstra of Michigan is running for Senate now and goddamnit he will win, after producing this comically racist ad about the job-stealing Asian clown ladies who talk funny and hope you die of unemployment.
Hello, humans. My name is Jim. I used to edit this stupid website for two or three years back when it was stupider, in The Roaring Twenties.
Well, guess what. Today is the final day for editor “Jim Newell” (me) at your Wonkette, and this is my last post. I will be starting at Gawker on Monday! So, should I just rattle off a few Blingees of furries, write “ha ha,” and then be done with it? Probably. Instead I will just [...]
Television’s best channel CNN simply cannot breathe in this environment, where the only truthful way to cover the oil spill is to make it all negative, all the time. Is that really *news*? Everyone at CNN knows that something only qualifies as “news” when one side says it’s a bad thing, while the other necessarily [...]
Hooray, FREEDOM has reached Facebook.com during this terrible time, when it’s such a failed cultural phenomenon to Quit Facebook, which is just a website on the Internet. You can now be “friends” with (or “fans” of?) George W. Bush, Poppy’s jackass spawn, on this web-based application, which allows you to leave your finest praises for [...]
Former chair of the Florida Republican Party Jim Greer, most “famous” nationally for flipping out over Obama’s socialist plan to tell American children “education is good for you” on their first day of school last year, was “arrested Wednesday morning at his home, though charges against the disgraced chairman were not immediately available.” Indeed, anyone [...]
Fancy New York City glossy Vanity Fair has a new profile of Washington’s Premier Hostess & Greatest Newspaper Writer, Sally Quinn, describing the turmoil this gal went through when her husband’s newspaper, The Washington Post, decided to end her insane print column, “The Party,” after she had used her space one week to describe a [...]
There is a super-big primary tonight in the great state of Alabama! The state’s wealthy, white, land-owning males will decide which candidate becomes their official GOP candidate for governor. Everyone in Alabama is so excited, according to the Anniston Star: “Election officials say Alabama voters planning to participate in the primary election don’t have to [...]
MAJOR, MAJOR SCOOP AT BILL KRISTOL’S NEWSLETTER: “THE WEEKLY STANDARD has obtained Sarah Palin’s imminent Facebook post on the Israeli Flotilla incident.” Thank god, we couldn’t wait ten more minutes or whatever, to not read it. (GUESS: SHE SUPPORTS ISRAEL BIG-TIME.) [Weekly Standard]
Hollywood Film Magician James Cameron will now stop the oil spill, so everyone stop whining and shut the fuck up. No but really, check out this AP lede: “‘Top kill’ didn’t stop the Gulf oil spill. How about something ‘titanic’?” Ha ha, for that was a film that James Cameron directed, “The Titanic,” about some [...]
NEW POLL FINDS THAT AMERICANS DON’T KNOW STUFF: Did you know that a large portion of the United States citizenry doesn’t know shit about anything? According to Internet thing FindLaw.com, “Nearly two-thirds of Americans cannot name any members of the U.S. Supreme Court.” Which is not really a huge problem, because Americans don’t vote for [...]
In today’s Judicial Branch news, the American Supreme Court has ruled that “suspects must explicitly tell police they want to be silent to invoke Miranda protections during criminal interrogations.” Ha ha, that doesn’t sound… cool… come on, WHAT? HUH? Man, if you’re a conservative (hi all three of you reading this!), the Roberts appointment kind [...]
Look, the War on Terror’s “funniest” recurring joke… recurred! This particular Al Qaeda #3 got nabbed in the ass by one of Obama’s science-fiction robo-death birds, what a loser. Isn’t it just terrible that this recurring joke is still recurring five years after it was coined as a recurring joke by freaking Slate Internet magazine? [...]
WHAAAAA? “Al and Tipper Gore, whose playful romance enlivened Washington and the campaign trail for a quarter century, have decided to separate after 40 years of marriage, the couple told friends Tuesday. In an ‘Email from Al and Tipper Gore,’ the couple said: ‘We are announcing today that after a great deal of thought and [...]
