Riley Waggaman
Riley is an "internet blogger." He has written for such internet websites as True/Slant and the terrible Brangelina gossip emporium "The Huffington Post." Riley lives in northeast DC, near H Street. Maybe you do too and want to hang out?
Good morning, dead baby dolphins! It’s hard to believe that today marks the first anniversary of the Gulf of Mexico being poisoned forever. Does anyone even remember what the Gulf was like before murdered sea creatures started washing up on the beaches? Or what little children used to play with and get cancer from before [...]
Republican Party officials from all over the world are eager to see Donald Trump run for president, because “he’s got people fired up” and “more and more people are talking about [the thing on his head].” Polls show that voters are attracted to Donald Trump, especially since he calls non-white people “the blacks.” But that’s [...]
Remorseless gasbag Scott Walker visited our nation’s swamp capital yesterday, and somehow found time to testify in front of Congress and strip the cherry blossoms of their collective blossoming rights. As expected, Walker wowed the crowd with all his fancy Koch-ing points, bragging that Wisconsin’s “collective bargaining reforms save local governments more than $700 million [...]
Good morning, unemployed hobos. Here is your news: 14,000 votes just sort of “turned up” (just like they always do, when you need them the most) yesterday in Wisconsin, giving Koch-backed David Prosser a 7,000 vote lead over bolshie People’s candidate JoAnne Kloppenburg. (Kloppenburg said that she won the Supreme Court race on Wednesday, but [...]
Good news, everybody! Offensive joke Donald Trump is almost done sucking the last few drops of marrow out of our already-rotting political process. What did he do this time, “open his mouth”? Yes, precisely. During a teevee interview which will air today, Donald chortled, “I will be better than anybody. I will do the best [...]
A trade group representing Japanese fishermen (see: scummy fish union) has called TEPCO — the company that owns the nuclear power plant that is currently exploding — incompetent and “unforgivable.” Specifically, the group is less than thrilled about Tokyo Electric and the Japanese government deciding to dump 11,500 tons of radioactive water into the Pacific [...]
Yielding to dozens of Surveymonkey petitions, Barack Obama has decided that allowing Khalid Sheikh Mohammed and his merry 9/11 pranksters to be tried in a “normal” court — you know, where torture-induced confessions are not considered “evidence” — would be inappropriate, and that a sensationalized military kangaroo tribunal with a swift verdict would be much [...]
Let’s begin with the “funny” news: Transocean awarded its top executives with six figure bonuses, because under their shining leadership the company experienced its “best year in safety performance.” Yes, “safety bonuses” for the executives in charge of the oil rig that exploded and then spilled 200 million gallons of oil into the ocean, killing [...]
