• February 15, 2012

Everybody used to love Rahm Emanuel, the nine-and-a-half fingered dancing star, because he said “fuck” a lot and was considered, if not “Washington hot,” at least “hypertensive rage-filled arrogant monster hot.” But a year after the president’s chief of staff jetéd into office, everybody hates him, except for Dana Milbank, which is honestly not much [...]

This week, your “Disaster on tiny island brings misery to all” news is brought to you by Madeira. [New York Times] Recent surveys suggest that the public is losing faith in science, because what has science ever done for them except give them penicillin and jet packs? [Financial Times] Gordon Brown is just a screaming [...]

As if the amazing revelations that New York Governor David Paterson has a pal who sucks weren’t enough, now the New York Times has an even sexier sex-related scandal to report! It seems that when it comes to actual governing, Paterson is kind of “meh” and would prefer to hang out in the Hamptons with [...]

2/18/10, NEVER FORGET: Yesterday, while Austin residents freaked out about the anti-tax nut cleverly flying his plane into the IRS breakroom while all the auditors were out of the office, Atlanta confronted an even greater horror: a zebra on the loose and just goin’ nuts downtown, on the freeway, during rush hour. Best sentence in [...]

An IRS worker said it was “unfair” of that crazy guy to fly his plane into her office building, which is certainly one way of describing it! [CBS News] OH YAWN it’s just another regular Friday in Niger following a military coup that removed President Mamadou Tandja. [Reuters] President Obama heard there was some sort [...]

YES WE KNOW THE COMMENTS ARE ALL WONKY: Technical staff are looking into it. In the meantime just keep your dirty thoughts to yourself.

Bob Barr, the former Libertarian presidential candidate and evil twin of Reverend Jeremiah Wright, wrote a very interesting thing today about how the military is infested with witches and warlocks! Did you know this? Did you know that they are cold dancin’ around bubbling cauldrons on Fort Hood and holding sexy outdoor rituals at the [...]

Ha ha, well, this will surprise exactly no one, but: LARFS!!! Your most trusted news source in America, Fox News, has conducted a very important science-based poll regarding what should be done with captured Taliban news leader Mullah Baradar, and the respondents to this poll have opinions! They also have ideas that are either very [...]

Administration attack dog Joe Biden defended the stimulus package, observing that it had saved perhaps two million jobs, which is to say, many many fewer jobs than have been lost. [AP] The Pakistani press responded to the capture of Mullah Abdul Ghani Baradar with a collective “uh let’s quietly run a recap of the NYT [...]

Your Wonkette has it on very good authority (a random tip from a random tipster) that the guy who was maybe going to run for president before pussing out the last time around, the lamest of President Obama’s would-be vice presidential picks, Indiana’s Senator Evan Bayh, is going to announce his retirement today. Really!

The David Paterson SCANDAL story has still not appeared in the NYT, so here is another story about naughty black politicians! Except these people are the boring kind of naughty, taking all kinds of dollars from the evil Corporates and holding very expensive dinners. Thank goodness President Obama “was never very active” with the Congressional [...]

A British official commenting on military operations in Afghanistan noted that “it is about protecting the local population, and you don’t protect them when you kill them.” That is a true and actual quote! How little this man knows about the Art of War! [Guardian] The Belgian public commuter train system got all D.C. metro-y [...]

Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell looks pretty much exactly like the grandmother from Little Red Riding Hood, minus the sexy bonnet. He cried, on the Senate floor, about his longtime chief of staff quitting to “spend more time with his family.” This is very undignified, this weeping! Who does this? Who does this in public? [...]

Once upon a time there was a cabal of psychotic rapey naked jackasses who liked to “gallivant around nearly nude” in Afghanistan and Iraq when they weren’t busy scaring the shit out of local residents and occasionally murdering them. This cabal was called “Blackwater,” and it was quite a scandal, all the rapey psychotic murderous [...]

Bill Clinton left the hospital today, leaving all of America to wonder: will Chris Matthews devote all 60 minutes of Hardball today to this very exciting new development? [Reuters] According to President Obama’s economic sages, it will only take five more years for unemployment to return to acceptable levels. [New York Times] In order to [...]