Wonkette: The D.C. Gossip

Daily Briefing

Rock Me Like A Hurricane

Will conservative advocacy groups start hollering about California's gay-marriage ruling to turn out the Republican base this fall? And this time around, will anybody actually care? [New York Times]
In China, individuals are making big financial donations to earthquake aid rather than waiting for the state to pay for everything. [Washington Post]
Chinese schools collapsed while other buildings stayed standing, prompting questions about whether the skinflint government is to blame for the deaths of thousands of innocents. [Reuters]
Poor Hillary. [Washington Post]
Ben Bernanke has a secret cabal of economists he keeps in Princeton to study financial bubbles. Their big conclusion: they wish they had invested in tech in the 90s. [Wall Street Journal]
Thanks, fatties! You are responsible for global warming. [Reuters]

8:16 AM on Fri May 16 2008
By Sara K. Smith
11 views, 5 comments

Latest by freakishlystrong: In all seriousness for a moment-with all that's happening in the world, does anyone really give a shaved rat's ass about effen' Gay Marriage? I mean REALLY? more »

appeasin' hitler

Biggest Moron On Earth Makes For Delicious 'Hardball' Comedy

We have seen some "chatter" about the second-straight brilliant episode of Hardball today, and hot damn, this is some seven-diamond comedy here. Matthews is interviewing Republican radio host "Kevin James," who screams in some white-trash voice about Obama being an appeaser for a couple minutes, before — around 4:00 into the clip — Matthews annihilates him, calls him "pathetic," says "you don't know anything," and does this for several minutes. Nice work. Do it again tomorrow! [MSNBC]

6:15 PM on Thu May 15 2008
By Jim Newell
5,424 views, 237 comments

Latest by donner: @RuperttheBear Αλφα και το Ω: Looked like her eyes were going to pop out of her head. more »

exits

Marc Dann Finally Resigns

Jesus, this clown. Our favorite sexually-harassing lover of women and Hawaiian pizza, Democratic Ohio Attorney General Marc Dann, resigned yesterday after the Democratic legislature introduced nine counts of impeachment. Quitter. [New York Times]

6:00 PM on Thu May 15 2008
By Jim Newell
528 views, 23 comments

so old, so stupid

John McCain Does Not Know Anything About Life

Here's how our boy WALNUTS! (yes, we called him "boy" so we are racist) explained to his loving reporters why Obama is a fairy: "I believe that it's not an accident that our hostages came home from Iran when President Reagan was president of the United States. He didn't sit down in a negotiation with the religious extremists in Iran, he made it very clear that those hostages were coming home." Well, that's the Misspeaking of the century. Reagan officials "made it very clear" by covertly selling Iran weapons, which perhaps may not be "sitting down" but was effective in its own way. [The Caucus]

5:20 PM on Thu May 15 2008
By Jim Newell
1,522 views, 87 comments

Latest by LouWeed: @Dernyul: Nicely said, but I don't see how Walnuts is worse than Bush. Bush did start new wars against anyone he thinks is a baddie, and, as we have so recently seen, didn't know too much about the economy himself. more »

Dumb Old Dana Perino Calls Obama Self-Centered Ninny

After this morning's speech where George W. Bush called Barack Obama a terrorist/Hitler, Barack Obama responded that this was false, and a Smear. How did "Icy Hot" White House Press Secretary Dana Perino respond then? By telling Barry that they weren't talking about him, although it makes sense that his narcissistic ass would interpret it that way. More »

4:41 PM on Thu May 15 2008
By Jim Newell
3,464 views, 67 comments

traitors

Bob Gates Speaks His Mind, Loves The Terrorists

What the hell's wrong with Bob Gates, the Defense Secretary no one ever talks about? Recently he's been running his yap with all sorts of liberal Democrat treasonspeak — just like Barack Obama, a known member of Hamas and Hezbollah and the Weather Underground. Apparently he *doesn't* want to bomb Iran or Syria, or even France! Not only that, he says it's counterproductive to even consider bombing these countries that need to be bombed. More »

4:10 PM on Thu May 15 2008
By Jim Newell
1,722 views, 49 comments

amazon wish lists

John McCain Has A Wish List From The Future

He hasn't even beat Mitt Romney (or Ron Paul) for the nomination, yet, but John McCain is still making plans — plans for the end of his "first term" as president of the Senior Center. He just sent us an email filled with all the wonderful things he will bring to America, like a super-old Santa Claus. How will he achieve these fantasies? He doesn't have any idea! Let's cringe together, after the jump. More »

4:05 PM on Thu May 15 2008
By Ken Layne
1,593 views, 50 comments

Alan Keyes

Alan Keyes Declares Self Aborted Fetus Of Politics

Our favorite abortion of a politician (and ex-2008 presidential candidate), Alan Keyes, held an interview recently where he confirmed that he is, in fact, an abortion of a politician. Nay — he is the official Dead Fetus of Politics. In his words: "Suddenly last night the Lord shared with me that, Alan, the child that you are defending in the womb...in the act of procreation, people are joyfully, ecstatically, with great pleasure in every fiber of their being, saying "yes" to the coming of that new life. They invite the child in. And then in abortion, they kill it. I kind of represent, in political terms, the abortion. You're invited in, but they kill you. You're invited in, but they kill you." So if Alan Keyes supports himself, then he supports killin' babies? What a comical genius. Video after the jump. More »

3:11 PM on Thu May 15 2008
By Jim Newell
1,106 views, 63 comments

Latest by san antone rose: @Canuckledragger: Sorry, I prefer this side of the looking glass. Besides, as a harried librarian, I have to pick and choose where I spend my valuable online time. These books ain't gonna stamp themselves, you know. more »

CONGRESSBABE HAS BABY, HOORAY: Some freshman member of Congress, Kirsten Gillibrand, popped out a kid this morning! And guess who's healthy? The baby, the baby is healthy! Everyone make a mimosa right now. Aside from having babies, Gillibrand is famous for defeating the drunkest ex-Congressman ever in the 2006 election. [AP]

23 comments

Campaign Ads

Tennesseans Ironically Love Michelle Obama!

The famously stupid Tennessee GOP is launching this lovely 4-minute "ad" to welcome Michelle Obama to Nashville, uh, metaphorically? It shows her saying that one time that she's only been proud of America once in her adult lifetime, and then it asks Average Tennesseans to name times they've been proud of America. The first Average subject is "Tate," a preppy, rich grad student at Vanderbilt — can't be more than 25, 30 years old at most — noting how proud he was when we defeated Hitler, which maybe happened during his previous adult lifetime? [YouTube]

2:25 PM on Thu May 15 2008
By Jim Newell
1,304 views, 87 comments

Latest by shortsshortsshorts: @Aurelio: WALNUTS! is such an amazing person! Please tell me more about how devoted WALNUTS! was to his country 132 years ago! more »

Crazy Joe

Joe Biden Has Best Response To Comical Bush-Israel Speech

Oh no, everyone is so mad at the President's speech about Israel today, where he called Obama a Nazi-appeaser as well as a terrorist. Like this is news? But everyone is issuing statements and Declarations attacking George W. Bush for his "behavior," as if it's some sort of surprise that he would call Barry a terrorist. They're responding similarly — except for our old pal Sen. Joe Biden, the stand-up comedian of the 2008 Democratic nomination race, who just started cursing left and right. More »

1:48 PM on Thu May 15 2008
By Jim Newell
7,172 views, 82 comments

Latest by san antone rose: I am suddenly very very glad that Biden will not be our Democratic candidate. more »

Gay Marriage

Hooray 4 Gays: California Court Legalizes It

California's Supreme Court just overturned the "gay marriage isn't legal" thing, and that means the gayest state in America is about to become even more gay, as California will become the second state where homosexuals can get married, to each other. (The other state is Texas.) [MSNBC]

1:35 PM on Thu May 15 2008
By Ken Layne
2,030 views, 112 comments

pinhead

Bill O'Reilly Says You Can Buy More Tapes Of Him Angry... And Naked?

Here is Bill "Pinhead" O'Reilly genially commenting on that freak-out videotape of his. Ha ha, those were the days when I was angry, O'Reilly says. Then he says you can buy more tapes of him sexually harassing his staff or something. [YouTube]

1:27 PM on Thu May 15 2008
By Jim Newell
646 views, 27 comments

tragic gays

Hobo Jim McGreevey Cannot Afford Alimony

Poor sad ex-TGI Friday's gay romancer and New Jersey governor Jim McGreevey is so poor that he lives on cat food and canned beans, so he cannot spare any wooden nickles from his bindle for his betrayed former wife who "should have known he was gay" when she married him. More »

12:53 PM on Thu May 15 2008
By Sara K. Smith
2,502 views, 53 comments

she will jam your blackberry

Hillary Will Be Veep, Like It Or Not

Cover your ears, Obamacans: Walter Mondale's former campaign manager has constructed a bizarre and highly unlikely "nightmare scenario" for you that involves Hillary Clinton getting the vice presidential nomination without your Barry's permission, basically by guilting all the superdelegates into backing her. More »

12:01 PM on Thu May 15 2008
By Sara K. Smith
4,485 views, 94 comments

campaign advertisements

John McCain Commercial '2013' Will Save The World By End Of First Term

The latest John McCain ad looks like a crap telecom commercial from 2001, as rendered by a designer who wanted to work for Apple but ended up toiling in direct mail, as delivered by a robot who speaks only in the passive voice. This description actually makes more sense than the ad, which should frighten America. [YouTube]

11:27 AM on Thu May 15 2008
By Sara K. Smith
848 views, 63 comments

creepy pictures

Time Showcases Emaciated Pig On Cover

This little piggy went to market, ate a bunch of food, and barfed it up to stay slender

How will we survive the lean economy if there's no more bacon? [Time]

11:08 AM on Thu May 15 2008
By Sara K. Smith
905 views, 38 comments