Wonkette

No first lady could even fucking imagine making something as wonderful and perfect as your editor’s famous Wonkette’s Actual Awesome Real Cranberry Business. It is one of those things that just blows people away, because they assume it must be so hard to make real cranberry relish because why else would we eat that Jell-o’d aspic glob from the can? IT MUST BE SO HARD. No, it isn’t, so stop whining about everything, for once. MORE »

Here is one for the “chocoholics,” starring Betty Ford! It’s a Chocolate Icebox Dessert, and while it SOUNDS racist, that is just because of all the liquor. MORE »

Thursday, November 26:We approve of all post-Thanksgiving-dinner-with-Mom-and-Dad drinking needs. The Washington Post has a lineup of where you can find the bars open on Thanksgiving night.  MORE »

Whatever the hell “monkey bread” might be — something racist, we assume — it was the thing pill-popping anorexic Nancy Reagan was known to “cook,” at Thanksgiving or whatever. For America, and for Ronnie! Delight the people at the Holiday Table with this splendid treat. MORE »

Here is your bit of “DC gossip” for the day: a Jell-o dessert recipe, for the holiday of Thanksgiving! It is Mamie Eisenhower’s famed Red Scare Thanksgiving Jell-o Dessert and it is best served chilled, to family members you hate. (There is Mamie right there with “friend” Lenora Hickock, feeding each other Jell-O and giggling knowingly.) This vile thing is exactly what the Eisenhowers used to force-feed the Soviets, and it is delicious. MORE »

BECAUSE NEWSPAPER EDITORS ARE DUMB & LAZY: Your editor Juli Weiner once faked out an entire prosperous town with the simplest of pranks, all because of one little public-urination dual arrest. [The Awl]

Dim-bulb Dana Perino was doing jello shots at a frat party in 2001, so it’s no great surprise she doesn’t remember the 9/11 attacks on America. And the producers of Fox News could give a shit what anybody says on the air, as long as the subtext is racism. MORE »

Unlike our amoral right-wing friends, here at Wonkette we don’t start the War on Xmas until after Thanksgiving (Cyber-Sex Thursday). But here’s a special preview of the kind of trash you can expect to find in our annual War on Xmas Gift Guide: Oh hey, it’s an Obama Dildo, so you can, uh, practice your love. MORE »

• Obama will send 30,000 more troops to Afghanistan, which is a popular idea with absolutely no one besides Barack Obama. [New York Times]
• Full “first state dinner coverage” at the Washington Post! The piece contains no fewer than two (2) Sorkin references and descriptions of at least ten (10) fancy-sounding things. [Washington Post]
• The Ft. Hood military base will have tighter security and better mental health treatment programs. All of this seems logical. [CNN]
• People are actually buying homes again, some of which they may even be able to afford. [AP]
• Airlines will now be fined for stranding passengers. Airlines, you’ll recall, have neither the infrastructure to run smoothly, nor the money to pay the fine. [WSJ]
• New documents reveal that Tony Blair for sure knew that there were no WMDs in Iraq.  [Times Online]

OH FUCK OFF & DROP DEAD: “Former CNN anchor Lou Dobbs, pondering a future in politics, is trying to wipe away his image as an enemy of Latino immigrants by positioning himself as a champion of that fast-growing ethnic bloc.” [WSJ]

Apologies in advance for those who still enjoy the Hippitty Hop and the Rap, because after watching this excruciating video, you too will finally agree that this genre of pop music probably went on for about 15 years longer than necessary …. the direct line from Vanilla Ice to this clumsy clod is actually visible in many shots. MORE »