Wonkette

NO MORE DRINKING GAMES, JUST DRINKING: Here’s your Tuesday Night Financial Apocalypse Obama-Biden Town Hall Debate Schedule. At 8:30 p.m. Eastern, join us for exciting pre-debate live-blogging, followed by hours of crazy debate and post-debate liveblogging from your editors, including Sara K., who is back at work, finally. Because of the National Crisis, there are no more frivolous drinking games. Just lots of quiet, angry drinking. [MSNBC Debates]

Local Wonkette operative “Charlotte” (who is “home sick from work” today, so wish her a speedy recovery/death!) sends us this photo of her sink in Washington. It now only pours monster blood. This is something Jesus predicted would happen, in the Bible, and since Washington is a leading indicator of all “Apocalyptic happenings,” our advice remains the same: BUY CANNED GOODS. (And bottled water; that is so fucking disgusting good god.)

Here’s the latest Sarah Palin KKK rally clip from today, in Jacksonville. she mentions that Barack Obama hates the American troops for killing his Moozie friends — the Afghani children. A kindly fellow in the audience yells “TREASON!” Well that makes sense if what Sarah Palin is saying is true, and when has it ever not been? [YouTube/TPM]

• JESUS FUCKING CHRIST: Dow drops 300 … 400 … 450 … 500. Closes down 5.1%, 508 points, under 9,450. S&P drops under 1,000 to 996, lowest since 2003. Five straight days of this shit. How much longer? Two years? Ten years? [Marketwatch]

Here are more of your fancy “math numbers” showing that Obama is not only still ahead in mostly every state in the world, but his leads are still growing. Wait… Obama? Who is the REAL Barack Obama? A space cockroach? A used crack pipe? We do not know yet because John McCain has not told us, so these polls don’t count, bwah. [FiveThirtyEight]

• One of Palin’s antebellum friends, an Authentic American, told a black sound guy to “Sit down, boy!” at one of her Floridian rallies. [Washington Post]
• When Obama was hooking up with Bill Ayers, he claims he didn’t know that Ayers was a terror-worshipping Communist demon. This means that Obama is Not Ready to nuke Ahmadinejad’s palatial sex dungeon in North Korea. [The Corner]
• Every time Bush kisses McCain softly on the forehead, a mustachioed ginger in Florida loses his home. [Ben Smith]
• In the 1980s, McCain had a fairly impressive neo-Nazi porn collection which he often sold in the Facebook Marketplace in order to benefit Latin American terrorists like Bill Ayers. [Huffington Post]
• Pakistan is going out of business, because countries apparently can do that. Naturally, it wants a bailout, so John McCain is driving the Straight Talk express to Kashmir, to supervise. [Crooks and Liars]

Have you heard about the great new hilarious comedy about how libtards are communists? No? Well, that’s hardly a surprise, what with the Illuminati trying to keep you from seeing this great new hilarious comedy. It is about how Michael Moore (remember him? crazy times!) is so fat, and then he quits being Anti-American and helps bomb another poor country somewhere so he can “feel good about America” again. You know, comedy! Too bad there’s a Global Conspiracy to keep you from seeing this patriotism! MORE »

In just a few hours, the failed pilot and famous celebrity Maverick John McCain will join scary educated Hawaiian Barack Obama for a “town hall” debate, which means extremely regular-looking people who successfully pretend to be “independent” will hog the mic all night with their lame personal stories, and McCain will go “heh heh heh” a lot, and Barack will shake his head in that way, with dignity, and promise to seize McCain’s $100 Million Personal Fortune and redistribute it, to the people at the Town Hall. MORE »

Once upon a time there was a congressman named John Boehner, and everybody made fun of him because his name looked like “boner.” And then day somebody sent one of his local offices a Mysterious Package, which was leaking an Oily Substance, and everybody panicked because of the Terrorists. But! Turns out it was just bacon in the package: the sly prankster’s symbol for pork-barrel spending, or maybe how John Boner’s “package” is always “leaking oily substances.” [WLWT Cincinnati]

Shortly after this photograph was taken, the gentleman on the right was offered the Republican nomination for vice president. He turned it down to go run Lehman Brothers instead. Thanks to Brian for sending this along.

This isn’t technically an “email,” but a comment left on your editor’s new AOL column — we know, we know, fish in a barrel, etc. But it is just too good to sit unnoticed between another hundred dumb comments, so let’s enjoy the financial wisdom and cheery electoral predictions from “Simon.” MORE »

MORONS IN THE NEWS: Webclown Jerome Corsi — the wingnut promoter of 9/11 conspiracies and North American Union Amero fantasies — went to Kenya to do some stunt with his dumb Obama book, and the crafty Africans put him in jail, the end. [AFP]

Here’s “gotcha journalist” Katie Couric getting quizzed by TMZ about her reading habits. She says the same exact thing that Sarah Palin said (”all of them, any of them”), except she says it to be funny. HOW DISRESPECTFUL. Katie also says she reads The Economist for the articles, and for the monthly compendium of slightly ribald jokes about oversexed blondes which she likes to tell at cocktail parties while John McCain is off raping gorillas. [TMZ via Ben Smith]