Welcome to 2006

Greetings and best wishes to all you folks out there in Wonketteland. We hope that the new year finds you well and, you know, poised to perhaps wrap yourself up in the comforting embrace of, say, a new book.

What’s in store for 2006? Well, it’s going to be another year of known knowns and known unknowns and unknown knowns. Certainly the basic storyline is this: Abramoffukkah will play itself out, putting many of your incumbent members of Congress’ re-election hopes at risk — a key component in the Democrats continuing win-by-default strategy. This will be countered by the surely-not-timetabled but baldly obvious drawdown of Iraq-theater troops, which will be sold in such a way that it will all but ensure the safe re-election of those same members of Congress.

Regardless, we hope you’ve made your New Year’s resolutions, but we remind you that in our current political climate to word those resolutions very carefully — if you don’t, John Yoo will come along and insist that your self-help plans accord President Bush a whole array of crazy-ass new powers. One minute, you’re vowing to lose ten pounds, the next you’re having your ass-fat harvested to keep Ahmed Chalabi’s lips shiny and supple. — DCEIVER

READ MORE: abramoffukkah, elections, john yoo