Happy No News Day!

• North Korea: Still have nuclear weapons, still want to bomb the shit out of us.
• Al-Zarqawi: Still dead, still causing trouble.
• Sy Hersh: Still concerned about how we want to bomb the shit out of Iran.
• Space program: Still pointless, dangerous joke.

READ MORE: abu musab al-zarqawi, iran, iraq, nasa, news, north korea, nuclear war, space, sy hersh, war

Gossip Roundup: Moderation In All Things

• Names & Faces: Al Gore on An Inconvenient Truth: “The production schedule was so grueling, I told the producers they should have called it ‘Kill Al Volume 1.’” [Life via WP]
• Heard on the Hill: Rep. Katherine Harris’s latest shoeless incident also involved a car wreck… A television ad for Rep. Deborah Pryce (R-OH) misspelled Pryce’s name. [Roll Call]
• Lloyd Grove’s Lowdown: Sen. Ted Kennedy says that Al Gore is keeping his options open with respect to a presidential bid, describes Sen. Hillary Clinton as “an extremely significant contender,” and expresses pride in his son, Rep. Patrick Kennedy (D-RI). [NYDN]
• Liz Smith: Did Roger Ailes have advance notice of the attack on Abu Musab Al-Zarqawi? [NYP]
• Washington Whispers: Journalist Robert Draper is working on a biography of George W. Bush, due out next year… Dave Matthews likes to read the Nation, which “seems kind of moderate” to him. [USNWR]

READ MORE: abu musab al-zarqawi, al gore, book deals, dave matthews, deborah pryce, fox news, george w. bush, gossip, gossip roundup, hillary clinton, katherine harris, patrick kennedy, robert draper, roger ailes, ted kennedy

Cartoon Violence Can’t Get Enough Of Your Insane Crazy Shit

Sad about missing the ice cream and the dadrock and the picnic and the seersucker yesterday? Well, cheer up — you could be the Comics Curmudgeon, whom we force each and every week to look through the detritus of Today’s Cartoons for the unfunniest of the unfunny. And then we make him spin it into gold, while we count our money and trawl Facebook for more pictures of those strapping young Frist boys.

This week, it’s all crazy, all the time in toon land. After the jump: blood, guts, flags, and polar bears. Join us, won’t you?

READ MORE: abu musab al-zarqawi, animals, cartoon violence, comics curmudgeon, crazies, flag day, flags, gay, gay marriage, george w. bush, immigration, iraq, new orleans, war

Daily Briefing: A Rising Tide?

• Recent good news, including the killing of Abu Musab Al-Zarqawi and the non-indictment of Karl Rove, may lift President Bush’s poll numbers, allowing the White House and the GOP to get off the defensive. [WP; WP]
• Democrats pick Vietnam War veteran and former Reagan Navy Secretary James Webb to run against Sen. George Allen (R-VA). [WP; WP; NYT]
• At the Take Back America conference, liberal activists boo and hiss at Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton (D-NY), after she reiterates her opposition to a timetable for Iraq withdrawal. Sen. John Kerry (D-MA) denounces the war, to cheers and applause. [WP]
• Rep. Patrick Kennedy (D-RI) pleads guilty to driving under the influence of prescription medication, gets a year of probation. [WP; NYT]
• Rep. Alan Mollohan (D-WV), currently under federal investigation, acknowledges numerous mistakes in his financial disclosure forms. [WP; NYT]

  

  READ MORE: 2006, Republicans, White House, abu musab al-zarqawi, alan mollohan, campaigns, dramatic overreations to mildly inclement weather, fema, george allen, guantanamo bay, hillary clinton, hurricane katrina, james webb, john kerry, patrick kennedy

  

Wonkette’s Week in Review: The Golden Week With The Blue-Gray Matte

• In defiance of the best interests of both the Democratic party and summer weekend motorists, Jack Murtha chooses Friday afternoon to declare his intention to run for majority leader, with the notion that Democrats will actually win some midterm elections and retake the House. “Jacky Drama” and “First Degree Murtha” expected to be to most popular nicknames.

• No tears, but at least one full sigh as we watched DeLay’s farewell speech. We hope someone got some free drinks at his party, and will send us pictures — of the party, not the drinks.

• All your yellow ribbon magnets and support for the troops have paid off! Abu Musab al-Zarqawi was killed in Iraq. Death can sometimes be a beginning, as in this case when it started a civic morality discussion on how to display bloody portraits, and how not to. The President, as usual, was out in front with the ideas.

• His prosperity threatened, Arlen Specter walks calmly to his desk, retrieves his weapons, and fires a shot at Dick Cheney — with an angry letter and, um, a craigslist posting.

• First, find out what Kiplinger’s is. Second, get paid out the frame like Tom Delay and Dick Cheney. Third, use fresh lucre to rapidly consume goods and services, increasing overall life satisfaction.

• Bush got back to the gay marriage thing, but unlike other Bush initiatives, this one was over quickly.

• More than one blogger’s wet dream was realized by a New York Times article on Katherine Harris.

• Cynthia McKinney is at it again, setting a bad example any way she can.

• The rumor about Bush and Condi burned so hot, it consumed itself in seconds.

READ MORE: Democrats, abu musab al-zarqawi, animals, arlen specter, bush, condi, condoleezza rice, congress, crazies, crazy talk, cynthia mckinney, dick cheney, florida, gay marriage, george w. bush, gossip, happy, hour, jack murtha, john murtha, katherine harris, money, new york times, parties, resignations, speeches, tom delay, unverified rumors, week in review

Remainders: Pissin’ Edition

• Yes! There is a God! Er, um — that stuff is gross, he’s so perverted. [AP]

• Bush was irked that Prime Minister Rasmussen seemed unaware of the “puff, puff, pass” rule. [Extreme Mortman]

• The Maryland House of Delegates: one good headlock away from greatness. [eBay]

• Even the cherished sirens of eternal paradise end their w4m ads with, “no fatties.” [SFGate]

• Only “the one” can save the internet. To find her you must ask, “Who is the boss?” [The DC Universe]

READ MORE: Alyssa Milano, Remainders, abu musab al-zarqawi, anders fogh rasmussen, computers, danes, drugs, george w. bush, internet, maryland, perverts, r. kelly, wrestling

Rumors on the Internets: Public Schools Bear Strange Socialization

• The Counterterrorism Blog keeps track of reactions to Zarqawi’s death. Proterrorism Blog strangely silent all day. [The Counterterrorism Blog]
• Shockey news on House Appropriations Chair Jerry Lewis (R-CA) and Terroristster.com. [TPM Muckraker One and Two]
• Yearly Kos attendees starting to lose us: “We, the people, are coming to power slowly and indefatigably, here in Vegas.” [Daily Kos]
• In Sen. Rick Santorum’s (R-PA) 2005 book, It Takes a Family, he talks about the “weird socialization” of public school kids. For the audio book, he grasps for poll numbers and changes the language to “strange socialization.” [Attytood]
• ABC News publishes the name and picture of the informant who ratted out Zarqawi. It’s cool that ABC’s The Blotter allows open comments, especially today when the commenters are pissed. [The Blotter]

READ MORE: Corruption, abu musab al-zarqawi, bloggers, blogs, iraq, jerry lewis, kos, rick santorum, rumors on the internets, schools, terror, terrorism, war, yearly kos

No Greater Indignity: The “Bad Day” Video Montage

Sucks to be you, Abu Musab al-Zarqawi. First you get killed by a pair of 500-pound bombs.* Then you wind up on the front page of the New York Post, with a cartoon-style speech bubble emanating from your face.

But the unkindest cut of all is when your life gets set to Daniel Powter music. The video montage appears at the end of this clip — Jon Stewart’s priceless exchange with Samantha Bee from last night’s Daily Show.

*Ok, technically he briefly survived the bomb attack, before he mumbled something incoherent and died. This seems neither here nor there.

READ MORE: abu musab al-zarqawi, daily show, daniel powter, funny videos, music, samantha bee, the daily show

Daily Briefing: We Try Harder?

• Sen. Specter (R-Pa.) proposes to give Bush the choice of getting a warrant from a special court for surveillance programs; proposal would specifically not limit presidential powers. Specter: “I think he [Cheney] is serious about trying to work something out. For the first time, he said they are willing to consider legislation.” [WP]
• Cheney says his communications with Sen. Specter “are not unusual.” Specter: “He does not face head on; he does not deal with his not having taken it up with the chairman. This isn’t me personally; this is institutional. This is not the way government works, to deal with a committee without going through the chairman.” [WP, NYT]
• Rep. DeLay (R-Tex.) gives “defiant retirement speech”: “I did a good job… Given the chance to do it all again, there’s only one thing I’d change. I’d fight even harder.” [WP, NYT, LAT]
• Death of Abu Musab al-Zarqawi will provide little reprieve for Republians feeling political heat. Official: “We don’t want another ‘Mission Accomplished’ moment.” [WSJ]
• Troop levels in Iraq will not be down to 100,000 by the end of this year. [NYT]
• Senate is three votes shy of repealing the estate tax. Sen. Lott (R-Miss.): “The conservative base will appreciate the fact that we are trying.” [NYT, LAT, WSJ, USAT]

READ MORE: 2006, Democrats, Republicans, abu musab al-zarqawi, arlen specter, dick cheney, estate tax, george w. bush, gulf coast, house, iraq, new orleans, nsa, senate, tom delay, trent lott, veterans affairs, william jefferson

Rumors on The Internets: Feminists Fucked by Dr. Finger

• Bloggers ask about timing of Zarqawi death, wonder how we’ve forgotten that Bush wasn’t willing to nab “this known al-Qaeda terrorist in a known location based on air-tight intelligence before the war even began.” [Political Animal]
• Jonah Goldberg hopes “Zarqawi is greeted in the after life with a giant, tasty, bowl of white raisins.” Urban Dictionary declines to comment. [The Corner]
• The father of Nick Berg, the American allegedly beheaded by Zarqawi, takes the high road, quotes John Donne, is called “twat waffle.” [LGF]
• The FDA approves Merck HPV vaccine, Gardasil. On June 29th the national Advisory Committee on Immunization Practices decides whether or not to endorse the vaccine. Committee member Dr. Reginald Finger is concerned the vaccine could undermine his abstinence message. Feministing asks: “Are we Finger fucked?” [Feministing]

READ MORE: abu musab al-zarqawi, bloggers, blogs, feminism, iraq, nick berg, rumors on the internets, terrorists, war

Our Entry In the HuffPo Caption Contest

“No, Dominic, I said gold. I want a gold frame. Yeah, with a sort of blue-gray matte. Can we draw a penis on his forehead with a Sharpie? All right, that one’s just for us.”

I Never Thought I Would Say This, But The White House Could Learn A Thing Or Two About Spin [HuffPo]

READ MORE: Funny Pictures, abu musab al-zarqawi, captions, george w. bush, huffpo

Is This A Ploy To Get Our Attention?

Well, Fox News, congratulations — you got it.

We don’t know what’s worse: that they ripped this off shamelessly from someone else, or that the someone else was Drudge.

Fox News
Abu Musab al-Zarqawi Killed in Bombing Raid [Fox News]

Earlier: Drudge’s Unyielding Good Taste

READ MORE: abu musab al-zarqawi, drudge, drudge report, fox news, kaavya viswanathan