This week’s pre-Memorial Day edition of Wonk’d has everyone’s favorite White House golden boy, Karl Rove, and original press nightmare, Ari Fleischer, in good seats watching the Nationals. Some of the senior citizens in our government, like Antonin Scalia and Donald Rumsfeld, must think baseball is for kids — they only go to fancy parties. Maybe when Scooter Libby and Matt Cooper learn to dress properly, they’ll get invited out too. If he needs to get somewhere, Matt will probably be on Metro, along with his buddy Andy Card, as opposed to being chauffeured everywhere like carbon-hoarding Barack Obama. It’s three whole days before any more Wonk’d, so get everything you can now, after the jump!

So many games, festivals, and parties in Washington these days, and the in-crowd can’t stay away. If you see one of them, let us know by email, with “Wonk’d” or “Sighting” in the subject line, along with the powerbroker’s (or shill’s, or actor’s, of foreign head-of-state’s) name. You send ‘em, we print ‘em - everybody wins!

• Spotted: Ari Fleischer, at the Nationals game last night [5/23], eating a hamburger (who eats a hamburger at a baseball game?) and drinking three Budweisers. An annoying drunk 18-year-old girl was sitting behind him and jokingly accused him of stealing her beer, which she couldn’t find. Truth is, she knocked it over and couldn’t see it, but Mr. Fleischer was polite and nice enough to buy her a new one. She had no idea who he was and it was pretty funny. He was with an unidentifiable suit, and stayed until the end. Go Nats!

• Karl Rove was at the May 24 Nationals-Astros game at RFK. I saw him leaving in the top of the ninth inning, just before Chad Cordero closed out a nice win for the home team. He was probably sitting close to the Nats dugout around section 120 or 121, because that’s where he was walking out from. Enjoying his last days of freedom, perhaps?

• A friend of mine and I were leaving Hotel Washington on Friday (May 19) evening around 7:30 when we came face-to-face with Donald Rumsfeld in the lobby. He and a lady with a bouffant were about to get on the elevator that we were getting off. There was some reception taking up half of the rooftop when we were up there — I assume that’s where they were headed. He had a big smile on his face, so he didn’t actually look too evil, although he’s a lot shorter than I would have guessed. We were sharing the elevator with an older tourist couple who were cutely excited about the sighting. In contrast, my friend later mentioned that she wished she knew how to vomit on command so she could have ruined Rumsfeld’s shiny shoes.

• Most ironic thing ever: TV’s most famous postman in the postal museum [5/20]. John Ratzenberger from Cheers (Cliff) was there with a good-looking woman about his age. For a while I just thought I was wanting to see him, because we were in the postal museum; however, I am 100% positive after googling some images of him. My parents, long time Cheers fans, were 100% sure on site.

• Justice Antonin Scalia and his wife were in attendance at the reception and dinner for “The Smile Train,” held at the Willard Hotel on Wednesday, May 25, 2006. The MC, Mr. Alex Trebek looked unusually young for someone who has been on the same damn quiz show for the past 187 years!

• Fox show Prison Break’s physician/recovering meth-addict Dr. Sara Tancredi, aka actress Sarah Wayne Callies, attended Georgetown Law’s May 21st graduation ceremonies. Looking tall, beautiful and shockingly normal, she watched the graduation of a family member/friend with her husband. When my friends and I gawked openly, she smiled and sort of nodded in acknowledgement. She didn’t seem to be recognized by most of the audience & students, but was visibly uncomfortable when her hubby left her side for a few minutes.

• On 5/16 I saw Tim Russert in Chicago at Schuba’s, a local bar and music hot spot, where he was hanging with one of the bar owners, who is apparently an old college chum. Overheard Mr. Russert loudly proclaiming that “GE can’t touch me” because he would “blow the place up.”

• Saw Sen. Barack Obama on 5/19 around 11 am in the passenger seat of a late-model silver VW Jetta with IL plates waiting at the light on Eastbound Mass. Ave at North Capitol St. He was wearing a dark T-shirt and intently reading the newspaper; young staffer-looking guy was driving.

• I saw Andy Card! On the Metro! He was on the orange line all by himself this afternoon [5/24]. Everyone was like, “Is that Andy Card?” I actually talked to him, and he was almost as nice as Dustee Tucker. I guess he doesn’t have enough money for gas now that he’s out of a job.

• Monday (5/23) saw David Gregory, NBC News White House correspondent, in the Cosi on 17th & Penn. buying a big cup of coffee; the guy is a giant - he’s got to be at least 6’ 3”.

• Just [5/25] returned from the USDC-DC where I saw America’s favorite defender of freedom: I. Lewis “Scooter” Libby. He was walking very briskly and, surprisingly, was without an entourage. Funny enough, his right pant leg was hiked up in his sock (Ladies Love Cool Scooter?). The best part of the entire ordeal was that the taxi he thought was coming for him sped past and stopped in front of me. I stole Scooter’s cab! Sadly there was one right behind so he didn’t have to wait in total humiliation and utter defeat for the next one.

• [From the same tipster as prior item] I also saw Joe Wilson last week. It was early morning last Thursday [5/18] and he was walking in the opposite direction, talking into his Bluetooth with a very serious look on his face. His hair was disheveled, and his jeans and flannel shirt were both about 3 sizes too big. He didn’t look too good, that’s for sure. I’m hoping he was just really hung-over.

• Saw Matt Cooper last Friday [5/19] at the Starbucks on 11th St. between E & F. It was 10AM and he was looking pretty dumpy with his suit pants cuff on his right leg caught in his sock and his right shoelace untied. Bought a muffin with some coffee and immediately started devouring it.

• Yesterday [5/23], on the 34 bus to Friendship Heights, I noticed a tubby man in shades and a suit scowling into his blackberry. As I sat down behind him, I realized it was Matt Cooper. He got off in front of Fino’s in Georgetown. He has a good bus-cord yank on him, but damn — those must be some crazy-ass legal bills if he’s riding the bus.

• I saw California Lt. Gov. Cruz Bustamante right before the start of the Bay To Breakers Race in San Francisco. He was handing out raisins. Little boxes of **** ing raisins! Couldn’t some Lobbyist have at least supplied him some Slim Jims to give out.

• Oliver North is standing right next to me as I type this on my blackberry [5/19] while we both wait to catch a 2:30 flight to Minneapolis. I didn’t notice personally, of course, but some fawning young female fan walked up and asked him for a picture. She seemed quite pleased that he said yes, as she is a “big” fan. He is chatting up the pilot and waxing poetic about the military, and doing all of the talking.

• I just [5/19] saw Alan Thicke standing in front of the Convention Center (where he is no doubt plugging a book at the expo), talking on a cell phone and waving down someone in traffic. He was wearing what must have been a bespoke suit, dark. He looked fabulous and very, very rich.

• On Sundays, Capitol Hill pet store “Chateau Animaux” on Barrack’s Row has a cat ‘open-house’ for animals that have been rescued and need to be adopted. I saw John Cornyn there with his wife. He left empty handed. I guess none of the cats caught his fancy.

• Just [5/10] saw Barbara Walters looking very fancy (with makeup very overdone) getting into a private car at the Ritz in Georgetown.

• I saw a very happy Dennis Kucinich in the hallway of Longworth with his equally pleased ginger-wife yesterday (5/24). It’s amazing how standing next to him she looks about 8 feet tall. What also struck me was how super sappy in-love they seemed. Holding hands, I swear all that was missing were the animated butterflies and chirping birds carrying a banner that reads “Nerd Love.” There’s hope for us yet!

Today’s Wonk’d — the second this week, after Tuesday’s bonus installment — catches the famous-for-DC and famous-for-famous acting like shrinking violets. Both Wolf Blitzer and Dave Chappelle sidestep admirers, while Tiki Barber and James Carville embrace the zeitgeist.

Arlen Specter and Chris Matthews can’t be bothered to acknowledge anyone. But Michael Chertoff is approachable, and America’s Next Top Model hangs out at DC’s current yuppie café. Read on! Ask where to find the celebritocracy, and we provide the answers!

Tipsters, you are the lifeblood of Wonk’d. Please keep sending all of your palpitating tips to us via email, with “Wonk’d” or “Sighting” in the subject line (along with the name of the spotted famous entity). Muchas gracias!

• I was walking along M Street last Saturday night (4/29) and my group passed two older men in tuxes. As we passed, one of my friends was like, “Wait, that’s Wolf Blitzer!” My friend (who had been imbibing liberally) asked the guy if he really was Wolf, and WB was like, “Yeah,” none-too-enthusiastically. My friend was all, “Hey, Wolf, how’s it going?!” and WB was like, “fine.” and then he and his companion walked into the Ritz-Carlton. After they left another one of my friends insisted that WB’s companion had been Alex Trebek, but I never watched Jeopardy so I can’t vouch for that. But my friend said that he’d recognized Alex’s voice. Either way, it was exciting.

• Busboys and Poets at 14th and V, 4pm Thursday [5/4] - just caught a glimpse of Sara Albert from America’s Next Top Model walking by in running clothes, checking her ipod. She went past before I realized who she was — didn’t get a chance to determine if she’s successfully grown out that awful haircut yet. Can confirm blond, tall, large lips.

• At 12:30 [5/2] saw Karl Rove outside La Coline. I guess no one told him they closed, poor Karl!

• Just [5/4] saw David Gregory eating lunch with someone unknown (to me) outdoors at Equinox near Lafayette Sq. He has quite a presence about him; he was seated and still imposing.

• Saw James Carville on my Sunday [4/30] morning flight from New Orleans to DCA. He was wearing jeans that were three inches too short, an old gray t-shirt, tennis shoes, and a navy blazer with gold buttons that I’m pretty sure I saw Mary Matalin wearing on her last Meet the Press appearance. He read the New York Times and chatted with the people around him once we landed — seems as folksy as you would think.

• While eating lunch with friends Saturday afternoon (April 30) at Tony & Joe’s along the Georgetown Waterfront, our group was seated next to New York Giants running back Tiki Barber. He was with a bald white guy (later discovered to be his agent, Mark Lepselter) and two women who left without the two men. Tiki shared a rather long kiss with one of them when she left (I think it was wife Ginny). Tiki and agent were calmly enjoying Coronas, and not talking a whole lot. I wouldn’t have noticed him if not for a waitress who nervously asked for autographs for her father and boyfriend.

• Last night, May 2, I was having dinner at Regent Thai on 18th Street when in walked Matthew Lesko. Who, you may ask? The guy on the commercial that wears the suit with the question marks on it and talks about making money from the government through grants. He came in, looked around, and walked to a seat outside. And yes, he was wearing a suit that had question marks all over it. Hard not to stare, but he’s asking for it with that suit. (It was a light cream color with red questions marks, in case you were wondering.)

• I ran in the Capital Challenge this morning [5/3], a three mile race at Anacostia Park for members of the media and each branch of government. About 5 minutes before the race starts, Raj Bhakta from the Apprentice (and now running for Congress) rolls in, looking a little worse for wear, and lines up to run. I don’t think he was registered and he was certainly not dressed for the thing. He ran in slacks and matching brown belt and nice dress shoes. He was at least wearing a t-shirt but it was tucked in. I don’t know if he finished or really why he was there.

• My girlfriend and I were eating at Komi last night [5/2]. Arlen Specter was sitting at a table a few down from us. He’s looking pretty old, but his hair is black back. He ignored everyone in the place on his way out, even though pretty much everyone was staring and smiling at him.

• Wednesday, May 3, 2006, 2:00 pm, Chris Matthews in front of the Fox/CSPAN offices in the 400 block of North Capitol St. Dark suit and blue shirt, suit jacket draped over one arm, talking on a cell phone. Boy, is his hair really yellow! Overhead him say, “I have a moral issue…” No reaction or response to my comment, “Go get ‘em, tiger!”

• Saw former U.S. House member Tom Barrett (pre-realignment 5th district representative) at the cineplex at Mayfair Mall in Wauwatosa [5/1] which makes sense since he’s now mayor of Tosa’s bigger neighbour, Milwaukee. He was leaving a mid-afternoon screening of “Akeelah & the Bee” with one of his too-red-headed daughters.

• Saw Michael Chertoff around 5:30pm at the downtown Barnes & Noble yesterday [4/27], browsing the military histories before moving on to the lighter and fluffier “Paperback Favorites”. He had a not-very-threatening bodyguard/assistant floating around nearby, but anyone could go up and talk to him. Considered it briefly, but when the best I could come up with was “Hey-Nice try in New Orleans. Better luck next time!” I figured it’d be best if I just moved along.

• Dave Chappelle was at Daily Grill last night [4/27], probably around 10:30. He was eating dinner with, what we could only surmise was his mother. When he realized that he had been recognized, he switched tables and sat in the corner booth with his hooded sweatshirt pulled up, being guarded by a man in a shockingly bright red polo shirt.

• Was waiting outside 4 Seasons on Thursday, 4/27, when a disoriented Dave Chappelle shuffled by me toward a waiting car and a very large bodyguard type. Two little boys tried to tell him how much they loved his show (WTF? Who lets their kids watch the Chappelle Show?) but he was oh-so-NOT interested in making small talk and made a hasty retreat back inside the hotel.

• Reliable Source: Selwa “Lucky ” Roosevelt raises $4m at “Fifty for Fifty Club”… Alberto Gonzales grabs lunch from Leesburg Pike Taco Bell. [WP]
• Inside the Beltway: Local pet owners told to be alert for coyotes… CNN invites Alex Trebek to the White House Correspondent’s Association dinner. [WT]
• Rush & Molloy: Paul Haggis, the director of “Crash,” is making a film of Richard Clarke’s “Against All Enemies.” [NYDN]