• Heard on the Hill: Dick Cheney attends ceremony for, but doesn’t personally give award to Plamegate reporter Tom DeFrank… Website declares John Thune “hottest” sentator. [Roll Call]
• Under the Dome: Rep. Bill Young’s wife auctions off shirt she was escorted from SOTU for wearing… Gresham Barrett (R-SC) holds “Shag n’ Eat” fundraiser today. [The Hill]
• Reliable Source: Documentary producer tells Al Gore, “I’m one of the producers of **** .” … Andy Card was literally hung from the flagpole at U.S. Merchant Marine Academy. [Reliable Source]
• Rush & Molloy: Barbara Bush attends Radiohead’s New York show. Thom Yorke says had he known, he would’ve had her bounced. [NYDN]

This week’s pre-Memorial Day edition of Wonk’d has everyone’s favorite White House golden boy, Karl Rove, and original press nightmare, Ari Fleischer, in good seats watching the Nationals. Some of the senior citizens in our government, like Antonin Scalia and Donald Rumsfeld, must think baseball is for kids — they only go to fancy parties. Maybe when Scooter Libby and Matt Cooper learn to dress properly, they’ll get invited out too. If he needs to get somewhere, Matt will probably be on Metro, along with his buddy Andy Card, as opposed to being chauffeured everywhere like carbon-hoarding Barack Obama. It’s three whole days before any more Wonk’d, so get everything you can now, after the jump!

So many games, festivals, and parties in Washington these days, and the in-crowd can’t stay away. If you see one of them, let us know by email, with “Wonk’d” or “Sighting” in the subject line, along with the powerbroker’s (or shill’s, or actor’s, of foreign head-of-state’s) name. You send ‘em, we print ‘em - everybody wins!

• Spotted: Ari Fleischer, at the Nationals game last night [5/23], eating a hamburger (who eats a hamburger at a baseball game?) and drinking three Budweisers. An annoying drunk 18-year-old girl was sitting behind him and jokingly accused him of stealing her beer, which she couldn’t find. Truth is, she knocked it over and couldn’t see it, but Mr. Fleischer was polite and nice enough to buy her a new one. She had no idea who he was and it was pretty funny. He was with an unidentifiable suit, and stayed until the end. Go Nats!

• Karl Rove was at the May 24 Nationals-Astros game at RFK. I saw him leaving in the top of the ninth inning, just before Chad Cordero closed out a nice win for the home team. He was probably sitting close to the Nats dugout around section 120 or 121, because that’s where he was walking out from. Enjoying his last days of freedom, perhaps?

• A friend of mine and I were leaving Hotel Washington on Friday (May 19) evening around 7:30 when we came face-to-face with Donald Rumsfeld in the lobby. He and a lady with a bouffant were about to get on the elevator that we were getting off. There was some reception taking up half of the rooftop when we were up there — I assume that’s where they were headed. He had a big smile on his face, so he didn’t actually look too evil, although he’s a lot shorter than I would have guessed. We were sharing the elevator with an older tourist couple who were cutely excited about the sighting. In contrast, my friend later mentioned that she wished she knew how to vomit on command so she could have ruined Rumsfeld’s shiny shoes.

• Most ironic thing ever: TV’s most famous postman in the postal museum [5/20]. John Ratzenberger from Cheers (Cliff) was there with a good-looking woman about his age. For a while I just thought I was wanting to see him, because we were in the postal museum; however, I am 100% positive after googling some images of him. My parents, long time Cheers fans, were 100% sure on site.

• Justice Antonin Scalia and his wife were in attendance at the reception and dinner for “The Smile Train,” held at the Willard Hotel on Wednesday, May 25, 2006. The MC, Mr. Alex Trebek looked unusually young for someone who has been on the same damn quiz show for the past 187 years!

• Fox show Prison Break’s physician/recovering meth-addict Dr. Sara Tancredi, aka actress Sarah Wayne Callies, attended Georgetown Law’s May 21st graduation ceremonies. Looking tall, beautiful and shockingly normal, she watched the graduation of a family member/friend with her husband. When my friends and I gawked openly, she smiled and sort of nodded in acknowledgement. She didn’t seem to be recognized by most of the audience & students, but was visibly uncomfortable when her hubby left her side for a few minutes.

• On 5/16 I saw Tim Russert in Chicago at Schuba’s, a local bar and music hot spot, where he was hanging with one of the bar owners, who is apparently an old college chum. Overheard Mr. Russert loudly proclaiming that “GE can’t touch me” because he would “blow the place up.”

• Saw Sen. Barack Obama on 5/19 around 11 am in the passenger seat of a late-model silver VW Jetta with IL plates waiting at the light on Eastbound Mass. Ave at North Capitol St. He was wearing a dark T-shirt and intently reading the newspaper; young staffer-looking guy was driving.

• I saw Andy Card! On the Metro! He was on the orange line all by himself this afternoon [5/24]. Everyone was like, “Is that Andy Card?” I actually talked to him, and he was almost as nice as Dustee Tucker. I guess he doesn’t have enough money for gas now that he’s out of a job.

• Monday (5/23) saw David Gregory, NBC News White House correspondent, in the Cosi on 17th & Penn. buying a big cup of coffee; the guy is a giant - he’s got to be at least 6’ 3”.

• Just [5/25] returned from the USDC-DC where I saw America’s favorite defender of freedom: I. Lewis “Scooter” Libby. He was walking very briskly and, surprisingly, was without an entourage. Funny enough, his right pant leg was hiked up in his sock (Ladies Love Cool Scooter?). The best part of the entire ordeal was that the taxi he thought was coming for him sped past and stopped in front of me. I stole Scooter’s cab! Sadly there was one right behind so he didn’t have to wait in total humiliation and utter defeat for the next one.

• [From the same tipster as prior item] I also saw Joe Wilson last week. It was early morning last Thursday [5/18] and he was walking in the opposite direction, talking into his Bluetooth with a very serious look on his face. His hair was disheveled, and his jeans and flannel shirt were both about 3 sizes too big. He didn’t look too good, that’s for sure. I’m hoping he was just really hung-over.

• Saw Matt Cooper last Friday [5/19] at the Starbucks on 11th St. between E & F. It was 10AM and he was looking pretty dumpy with his suit pants cuff on his right leg caught in his sock and his right shoelace untied. Bought a muffin with some coffee and immediately started devouring it.

• Yesterday [5/23], on the 34 bus to Friendship Heights, I noticed a tubby man in shades and a suit scowling into his blackberry. As I sat down behind him, I realized it was Matt Cooper. He got off in front of Fino’s in Georgetown. He has a good bus-cord yank on him, but damn — those must be some crazy-ass legal bills if he’s riding the bus.

• I saw California Lt. Gov. Cruz Bustamante right before the start of the Bay To Breakers Race in San Francisco. He was handing out raisins. Little boxes of **** ing raisins! Couldn’t some Lobbyist have at least supplied him some Slim Jims to give out.

• Oliver North is standing right next to me as I type this on my blackberry [5/19] while we both wait to catch a 2:30 flight to Minneapolis. I didn’t notice personally, of course, but some fawning young female fan walked up and asked him for a picture. She seemed quite pleased that he said yes, as she is a “big” fan. He is chatting up the pilot and waxing poetic about the military, and doing all of the talking.

• I just [5/19] saw Alan Thicke standing in front of the Convention Center (where he is no doubt plugging a book at the expo), talking on a cell phone and waving down someone in traffic. He was wearing what must have been a bespoke suit, dark. He looked fabulous and very, very rich.

• On Sundays, Capitol Hill pet store “Chateau Animaux” on Barrack’s Row has a cat ‘open-house’ for animals that have been rescued and need to be adopted. I saw John Cornyn there with his wife. He left empty handed. I guess none of the cats caught his fancy.

• Just [5/10] saw Barbara Walters looking very fancy (with makeup very overdone) getting into a private car at the Ritz in Georgetown.

• I saw a very happy Dennis Kucinich in the hallway of Longworth with his equally pleased ginger-wife yesterday (5/24). It’s amazing how standing next to him she looks about 8 feet tall. What also struck me was how super sappy in-love they seemed. Holding hands, I swear all that was missing were the animated butterflies and chirping birds carrying a banner that reads “Nerd Love.” There’s hope for us yet!

• Reliable Source: The last episode of the West Wing was filled with mistakes… Ted Olson will defend Michael Skakel… Michael Hayden spotted at the Bombay Club… Andy Card and his family seen at Maggiano’s Little Italy in Tysons Corner. [WP]
• Heard on the Hill: McCain jokes that Sen. Jack Reed (D-R.I.) was a bastard child… Congress will consider naming Clinton’s birthplace as a National Historic Site. [Roll Call]
• Cindy Adams: Pataki will fundraise for Jeanine Pirro. [NYP]
• Page Six: Chelsea took Hillary to “The Pajama Game” for Mother’s Day. [NYP]

• Reliable Source: Fitness instructor who joked about Bush told friends that he voted for him… Stephen Colbert: “This administration is SOARING! They’re rearranging the deck chairs on the Hindenburg.”… Laura Bush spotted at Smith & Hawken in Georgetown… Andy Card is looking “perky” now that he can sleep in — until 5 a.m. [WP]
• Heard on the Hill: Tony Snow has referred to Bush as “something of an embarrassment,” “impotent,” and not “truly special”… Fitness instructor who offended the Bush twins will go on spinning. [Roll Call]
• Page Six: Smithsonian portrait of Bill Clinton doesn’t include his wedding ring. Responds Hillary flack, “Can you just quote me giving you a different finger?” [NYP]
• Cindy Adams: Bob Woodward is being “kept on a short leash” at the Washington Post. [NYP]
• Lloyd Grove’s Lowdown: Rumsfeld did not attend the retirement ceremony of Eric Shinseki, the former Army Chief of Staff who has been critical of war planning. [NYDN]

• Disapproval of Bush could drive a rejection of Republican candidates in November. GOP pollster: “Democrats will have an easier time of getting out their vote because of their intense disapproval of the president. That means we Republicans are going to have to bring our ‘A’ turnout game in November.” [WP]
• Rumsfeld’s “grip on the Defense Department is slipping as some uniformed officers increasingly chart their own course.” [W$J]
• Republicans back Rumsfeld on Sunday talk shows. [NYT, USAT]
• 48 American troops have died in Iraq so far this month. [USAT]
• If Roe were overturned, 22 states are likely to “impose significant new restrictions on abortion.” [USAT]
• Josh Bolten officially takes office today; he gave Andy Card an Egg McMuffin on his way out. [USAT]
• Time magazine names Sens. Thad Cochran, Kent Conrad, Dick Durbin, Ted Kennedy, Jon Kyl, Carl Levin, Richard Lugar, John McCain, Olympia Snowe, and Arlen Specter as the nation’s best; Sens. Daniel Akaka, Wayne Allard, Jim Bunning, Conrad Burns, and Mark Dayton considered the worst. [Time]
• Immigration rallies “have also energized those who support a crackdown on illegal immigration.” [NYT]
• Can Rep. Tom DeLay be a lobbyist next? [WP]
• Sen. Ted Stevens (R-Alaska) brings sadness to Washington state in an effort to take down Sen. Maria Cantwell (D-Wash.). [WP]
• Supreme Court justices spark laughter just from speaking funny. [USAT]

Yesterday we asked you for guesses as to the identity of the senior administration official who confirmed, by email to the New York Times, “that President Bush had ordered the declassification of parts of a prewar intelligence report on Iraq, in an effort to rebut critics who said the administration had exaggerated the nuclear threat posed by Saddam Hussein.”

In the comments to the post, you offered a number of (mostly joking) answers. By email, we received a few more serious responses:

• Stephen Hadley, National Security Adviser

Perhaps; he’s got to do something to earn his $160,000 (even if it’s only $40,000 more than the $120,000 pulled down by outgoing White House pastry chef Thaddeus DuBois).

• “Hmm, well, sorta leaves Scott McClellan with the old ball, doncha think? Except it was email. Not sure the Scotster knows about email yet. More likely it was Karl Rove, having been thumped on the back of the head by little george (“fix it, turd blossom”). The fact that whoever it was used email means (a) they were out of town somewhere, not at a knowable phone number, and (b) in full panic mode, as the entire Administration is these days…”

Certainly possible. But we find this submission the most persuasive:

• “Definitely Dan Bartlett. He’s the one charged with talking to major news organizations like the New York Times, and this is just the type of ‘information give’ that he would handle. And by the way, I wouldn’t call it a leak. It’s a pet peeve of mine when the term ‘leak’ is thrown around too loosely. Leaks are unauthorized, and if Bartlett was doing this, it surely was authorized — he would have checked with others in the White House (e.g., Bolten, Card, Miers) before talking to the Times.”

This sounds convincing to us. This does raise the question of who will pick up Bartlett’s “information-giving” portfolio if he leaves the White House soon, as has been rumored.

Of course, some of you may not care who talked to the Times, sharing this reader’s reaction: “I don’t even think it really matters who leaked. After reading that article, I think they’re just all equally as incompetent!”

Earlier: Senior Administration Official Guessing Game: The Case of the Meta-Leak

Normally we’d hold off and pass this along with the rest of our Wonk’d celebrity sightings. But since Andrew Card has been in the news a lot lately, after announcing his resignation as White House chief of staff last week, we wanted to pass it along without delay:

Sighted today 4/1, 1:45 PM or so: Andy Card and wife shopping at the Pentagon City Costco. The most notable items in their cart were a giant box of instant Quaker Oatmeal and the megapack of Charmin toilet paper. Do you suppose Bush asked him to stock up the Oval Office john before he turns the job over to Bolten?

We would have posted this over the weekend, but we had to wait to hear back from our source, after asking whether this sighting — received on Saturday, April 1 — might be an April Fool’s joke. We received this emphatic response:

NO!!! There were two Secret Service agents hanging around the area near the packaged and frozen food aisles. My partner and I were trying to figure out who might be in the store; I had seen this guy who seemed to be better dressed than your usual Costco shopper, and when I pointed him out to my partner, he said, “Andy Card?” and it clicked in my mind that it was indeed him. He’s much shorter than I expected, probably no more than 5’6” or 5’7” but rather more handsome in person than in photos. The toilet paper was on the bottom rack below the basket and took up pretty much the whole thing.

It did occur to me that you would think it was an AF joke, but this is a totally serious sighting! (And I would be able to identify more of what was in his cart, but I didn’t want to get the SS guys coming down on me!)

Former White House chiefs of staff: they’re just like us. They shop at Costco, and they go through massive amounts of toilet paper!

(Hey, better to use too much toilet paper than too little. Chiefs of staff have to shake a lot of hands.)

Earlier: Yosh Up, Card Down: Meet the New Chief of Staff

• Rep. Cynthia McKinney hits a Capitol Police officer with her cell phone. We’ve been all over this one — our coverage is collected here (scroll down).

• Another story we’ve been loving: Fingergate, in which Justice Antonin Scalia was photographed making a debatably obscene — but probably still rude — hand gesture.

• We thought those were Silvio Berlusconi’s hands around that traffic cop’s waist. Alas, we were mistaken. Sorry about that.

• Speaking of dirtiness… Media Matters works hard to keep the mainstream media free of conservative bias, but they can’t keep their men’s room free of filth. And they can’t keep their employees from leaking (haha) internal memos to Wonkette.

• The D.C. Examiner has a similar problem.
  
• Michael Scanlon and Emily Miller: the plot thickens. Check out the money quote from Jack Abramoff: “She tried to blow up me and scanlon, but blew up the entire Capitol instead.”

• Still more on Ben Domenech: the results of Wonkette’s exclusive investigation (featuring real reporting!) into why he left Regnery Publishing.

• Bush visits Mexico. Photographic hilarity ensues.

• Condi generates funny photos too when she travels.

• The Army lifts its ban on tattoos.

• As for hard news last week, Andrew Card announced his resignation as White House Chief of Staff. (It’s taking all of our willpower, but we will refrain from making lame puns on his last name.) More personnel departures may be on the way.

• Meanwhile, in happier news for the Administration, Donald Rumsfeld has managed to locate those weapons of mass destruction. (The missiles in the picture look like long-range ICBMs.)

• Finally, Katherine Harris remains photogenic.

Yesterday, after Andrew Card’s resignation was announced, we speculated that Treasury Secretary John W. Snow might be the next Administration official to step down. A reader offered this support for the gossip: “I live across the street from Sec’y Snow, and I never see him or his security detail anymore. The guy’s **** in’ done.”

But Snow’s not the only one who may be on his way out. A Wonkette operative offers up two other names: White House counselor Dan Bartlett, and everyone’s favorite press secretary, Scott McClellan. In terms of timing, look for them to be gone “by the summer.” No word yet on possible replacements for Bartlett or McClellan; “Nicolle Wallace is likely to stay as communications director.”

As for incoming chief of staff Josh Bolten, our source opines that he has his work cut out for him: “What Bolten will find — and he probably already knows — is that the WH is full of supremely talented people who are awful managers of other people.”

We’ve said it before, we’ll say it again (because it can’t be said enough): Good luck, Yosh!

Earlier: John Snow: The Next To Go?
Yosh Up, Card Down: Meet the New Chief of Staff

Now that Andrew Card has resigned as White House chief of staff, the parlor game has begun. Everyone is speculating: Is this just the first of a string of resignations? If so, who will be heading out the door next?

Last week, Fred Barnes recommended that President Bush make some sweeping personnel changes: Condoleezza Rice to replace Dick Cheney as VP, Cheney to replace Donald Rumsfeld as DefSec, and replacements of Scott McClellan, Andy Card, and John Snow. Now that part of Barnes’s plan has come to pass — Card’s departure — the question becomes: What other changes are on the way?

It’s unlikely that Bush will go as far as Barnes and others have suggested. If only one of these changes will come to pass, bet on John Snow to be replaced as Treasury Secretary. The mainstream media has been rife with rumors about his departure, including the gossip that he agreed last fall to resign sometime this year. In addition, his reduced visibility as of late has been noted.

One Wonkette source, who correctly predicted Card’s resignation, cites “strong indicators” of Snow’s imminent departure. “I’d look for an announcement soon. Don’t be surprised to see Snow depart within the next 10 days.”

Very interesting… If you have anything to add on this subject, feel free to drop us a line.

A ‘Third Term’ for Bush [WSJ]
Card Resigns as White House Chief of Staff [LAT]
Where in the World is John Snow? [NY Sun]

Earlier: Yosh Up, Card Down: Meet the New Chief of Staff

This Times piece provides the absolute best in bull **** speculative “reporting” that the Press Corps has to offer. From the desperate attempt to claim to that the President’s dismissive answer to Ms. Bumiller’s “gray-beard” question on Tuesday (“Look, [Congress] have got some ideas that I like and some I don’t like”) could be construed as a vague affirmative, to the classic “there is no news in this news story” disclaimer that comes in graf 6:

It is not clear what role a new appointee would take on, or whether Mr. Bush, known for his loyalty, would be able to make a change without diminishing the standing of Mr. Card and Mr. Rove. Nor is it certain that Mr. Bush will even make a change.

But hey, the people we talk to seem to think he ought to. Therefore: news. Also, Adam pretty much had this story written mostly, we just had to go to the Press Conference and ask the gray-beard question — it was fun!

Anyway, we’ll be pretty surprised if a Republican Elder Statesman makes it anywhere near Bush, though they’ll probably throw the party a bone by giving one a honorary title or something. But hell, maybe we’re wrong. After all, Andy Card does seem to be getting a little down on himself:

“I take responsibility for everything that has not happened well,” Mr. Card said. “I am the staffer responsible for the staff. When people are frustrated, they should be frustrated at me. It’s my job.”

Simultaneous shouldering of bosses’ responsibility and passing of buck to underlings (“responsible for the staff”): Brilliant.

UNRELATED NOTE: What the hell is Karl doing in that picture above? Drinking tea or something? If so: totally gay. Maybe he is on his way out. **** er’s a genius.

Are Late Innings the Time for a Relief Pitcher? [NYT]

• Bush remains firm on port deal as lawmakers from both parties voice concern: “I want those who are questioning it to step up and explain why all of a sudden a Middle Eastern company is held to a different standard than a [British] company… They ought to look at the facts and understand the consequences of what they’re going to do. But if they pass a law, I’ll deal with it, with a veto.” [WP, NYT, W$J, LAT, WT, USAT]
• Supreme Court will hear case on partial birth abortion; decision will test new court. [WP, NYT, W$J, WT, USAT]
• Bush devotes second day to talking up alternative energy options. [WP, NYT]
• Andy Card called off December briefing about NSA eavesdropping to the House Intelligence Committee. [NYT]
• Commander of Guantanamo admits force-feeding detainees; Rumsfeld says interrogation tactics changed after legal concerns were raised in early 2003. [NYT, NYT]
• Alito was “precocious,” jovial, and “enthusiastic” on his first day. [WP]
• Fundraisers aim to raise $5m for Lewis Libby’s defense fund. [WP]

• Reliable Source: Cheney impersonator Darrell Hammond was invited to vice president's Christmas party; other guests included Alan Greenspan, Andy Card, Newt Gingrich, Wolf Blitzer, John Roberts, Antonin Scalia. . . John Roberts and Clarence Thomas sat separately at the Capital Grille. Roberts had a cheeseburger and a Coke. [WP]
• Under the Dome: Band-members of the only congressional rock group, the Second Amendments, plan a short world tour for U.S. troops abroad. . . Lawmakers whip out purple ink pads to celebrate solidarity with Iraqi voters. [The Hill]
• Cindy Adams: Bush urged not to pardon Scooter Libby. . . Tom Kean Jr. has raised over $1m for N.J. senate race. [NYP]
• The Scoop: George Clooney: "I hate it when smart men and women are saying, ‘Well, if I knew then what I know now.' The fact is: I knew it then and I don’t have national security clearance. . . Basically, the Democrat leadership was scared [of criticizing Bush] and it’s too bad, because it’s come back to haunt them." [MSNBC]