“Tight Hole Operations”: Jeff Gannon’s Response

Last week, we gave you the inside scoop on Dick Cheney's “tight hole operations.” And yesterday, we shared with you the ten questions about “tight hole operations” that we submitted to Jeff Gannon. We know that the suspense over what he wrote in response is killing you — so here it is:

Your questions are funnier than any answer I could give. I do appreciate the opportunity, however. Please keep in touch, Jeff Gannon.

Yes, we're as disappointed as you are by Gannon's gracious, good-humored, but non-humorous response. What are we going to do now?

We'll do what we do best here at Wonkette: make stuff up!

After the jump, our manufactured responses to the “tight hole operations” questions we posed to Jeff Gannon.

Okay, here are our made-up responses to the 10 questions about “tight hole operations” that we posed to Jeff Gannon. Remember — these are not actual answers from Gannon, but just our speculation as to what he might have written in response.

1. Is it true that you have engaged in “tight hole operations” — with men?

Yes.

2. Do you believe the rumors of Vice President Dick Cheney's involvement in “tight hole operations”?

No. Would you sleep with that man?

3. What do you think of the rumor that Dick Cheney may have engaged in “tight hole operations” with Pamela Willeford?

I agree with you guys: “We just can’t wrap our minds around the idea of any heterosexual woman fucking Dick Cheney. Hence, Lynne.”

4. Would you personally like to engage in “tight hole operations” with the Vice President?

No — see question #2, above. But if he threatened to take me hunting with him, well, maybe…

5. If you could engage in “tight hole operations” with any member of the Administration, whom would you select, and why?

Condoleezza Rice — with a strap-on!

6. If you could engage in “tight hole operations” with any member of Congress, whom would you select, and why?

Denny Hastert, definitely. (I have a thing for ex-wrestlers!)

7. If you could engage in “tight hole operations” with any member of the Washington press corps, whom would you select, and why?

Dana Milbank. After seeing him in that stupid hunting outfit, I thought to myself, he could use a good pounding…

8. Do you agree with the Supreme Court's decision in Lawrence v. Texas, in which it struck down Texas's criminal prohibition on “tight hole operations”?

If you can't go drilling to your heart's content in Texas, where can you do it?

9. Do you think that the federal government should authorize “tight hole operations” in the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge?

Allowing tight hole operations in exchange for money… hmm, what's not to like?

10. Do you believe that President Clinton engaged in “tight hole operations” with “that woman, Miss Lewinsky”?

Without a doubt! Where else could he get any from? See question #9 above — exploring the frozen tundra known as Hillary is still prohibited by federal law…

(N.B. As previously noted, the responses above do not represent actual answers from Jeff Gannon, but were composed for entertainment purposes only. Don't try this at home, objects in the rear view mirror may appear closer than they are, etc.)

Jeff Gannon — A Voice of the New Media

Earlier: “Tight Hole Operations”: 10 Questions for Jeff Gannon
Dick Cheney Engaged in “Tight Hole Operations”?
More Than You Ever Cared To Know About “Tight Hole Operations”

READ MORE: ass fucking, condoleezza rice, dana milbank, dennis hastert, dick cheney, jeff gannon, pamela willeford, sex, sex scandal, tight hole operations