Remainders: Shooting Fish in a Barrel

• The fellow behind the “suspicious package” incident at the White House today is a French guy. Figures. [WP]

• We missed this from yesterday’s press conference: a twitch in time. [blogenlust]

• Is Judy Miller writing for The Atlantic? [Gawker]

• Is Debra LaFave, the hot blonde teacher who had an affair with a fourteen-year-old student, going into journalism? [CNN; Shameless Publicity]

• Bill Napoli is still a perv. [HuffPo]

READ MORE: Remainders, White House, bill Napoli, bush, debra lafave, fear, george w. bush, journalism, judy miller, panic, suspicious packages, terror, terrorism, the atlantic, the french

Remainders: While You Were Getting Alan Smitheed by George Clooney Edition

• Have you heard about Microsoft’s new strategy? “Microsoft Corp. has a strategy to win over a whole new generation of consumers and his name is Fergie Fudgehog.” The flaw in this strategy is sort of hard to divine, unless you…say, READ THAT SENTENCE OUT LOUD. [Washington Post]
• Will the South Dakota abortion ban exempt women impregnated by aliens? Nobody knows, but the prospect allows for some awesome sci-fi synergy for Bill Napoli’s sociopathic rape fantasies. And that’s your official Wonkette “Bill Napoli is one sick fuck” Reminder for Wednesday, March 15! [The Bad Reporter@SFGate]
• Condoleezza Rice gets in some practice reps. [Perez Hilton]
• Even Chris Matthews’ conflicts-of-interests are lame. [Attytood]
• Jeez. Everyone over in the Brokeback Mountain camp needs to calm down. They give out awards to stuff far junkier and shaft films that are much better. Forest Gump? Marisa Tomei? Besides, everyone KNOWS that the real Best Picture wins Best Screenplay. [The Greensborian]

READ MORE: Bill Napoli’s scary mental disease, bill Napoli, brokeback mountain, chris matthews, condoleezza rice, microsoft, south dakota, the short life and tragic demise of fergie fudgehog

Bill Napoli is all Twisted Up and Dead Inside

South Dakota State Senator Bill Napoli has given the issue of conception via rape a lot of thought. So much thought, in fact, that the police should consider warning his neighbors:

FRED DE SAM LAZARO: Napoli says most abortions are performed for what he calls “convenience.” He insists that exceptions can be made for rape or incest under the provision that protects the mother’s life. I asked him for a scenario in which an exception may be invoked.
BILL NAPOLI: A real-life description to me would be a rape victim, brutally raped, savaged. The girl was a virgin. She was religious. She planned on saving her virginity until she was married. She was brutalized and raped, sodomized as bad as you can possibly make it, and is impregnated. I mean, that girl could be so messed up, physically and psychologically, that carrying that child could very well threaten her life.

Jesus. This makes the treatment for Seven look like Rebecca Of Sunnybrook Farm. Was the guy, like, twiddling his nipples as he said this?

READ MORE: David Fincher, South Dakota Abortion Ban, What’s the matter with South Dakota, bill Napoli, the masturbatory fantasies of your elected officials