A Few Good Men — and Their Tattoos, Too

Desperate times call for desperate measures. The dashing Mark Mazzetti — in his swan song for the L.A. Times, before decamping for the New York Times — brings us this report, about the Army casting a wider net in its recruiting:

The Army has a message for the growing legions of flamboyantly tattooed American teens: Uncle Sam even wants you. Facing one of the worst recruiting climates in the allvolunteer military’s history, the Army has decided to relax standards that dictate which parts of a soldier can be festooned with body art. Specifically, the service will accept recruits with tattoos on their neck and hands.

The service long had prohibited soldiers from having tattoos on places not covered by a dress uniform. But after missing Army recruiting goals last year, commanders are looking for every way possible to expand the pool of candidates.

But don’t think that they’ll let just anyone in. True, the Army has started to admit recruits “who score poorly on mental aptitude tests and who don’t have high school diplomas,” as well as “candidates with criminal records and histories of drug abuse.” With respect to body art, however, the Army still has some standards:

The directive still prohibits any tattoos that are “extremist, indecent, sexist or racist.” And, in true Army fashion, there are strict guidelines about where on the neck the tattoo may be located. Neck tattoos are allowed only on the back of the neck, defined by the Army as the area “under the ear lobe and across the back of the head.”

With the tattoo ban lifted, maybe now they’ll let Rep. Bill Thomas enlist!

For the curious among you, additional Army guidance about what tattoos pass muster appears after the jump.

According to Army guidelines, as summarized in the Los Angeles Times piece:

“All tattoos that are on the neck that are not vulgar, profane, indecent, racist or extremist, are authorized as long as it does not extremely degrade military appearance,” the guidance reads.

The policy defines sexist tattoos as “those that advocate a philosophy that degrades or demeans a person based on gender,” such as “French Maid,” “Harem Girl,” or “Man’s Head on Dog’s Body.”

“Indecent” tattoos are those that are “grossly offensive to modesty, decency or propriety; shock the moral sense because of their vulgar, filthy, or disgusting nature or tendency to incite lustful thought; or tend reasonably to corrupt morals or incite libidinous thoughts.”

Here at Wonkette, news you can use!

Army’s Opposition to Ink Fading [LAT]

Earlier: Bill Thomas: Expensive Date

(With respect to Representative Thomas: yes, we know what the Edinburgh Military Tattoo actually is. Please read every last word in our posts; they are meant to be savored, not skimmed.)

READ MORE: army, bill thomas, lynndie england, military, tattoos, top, war

Bill Thomas: Expensive Date

Representative Bill Thomas (R-CA) is, we assume, a cultured man-of-the-world type, so there’s no reason to be too surprised that he’s taken a few lobbyist-funded trips hither and thither. As we see on PoliticalMoneyLine, he gets around. Keep in mind, of course, that the gentleman is the head of the Ways and Means committee — and, due to Republican committee term limits, he has decided to retire from office so that he won’t have to suffer the indignity of a seat in the House with slightly less power and influence. From his trip disclosure info, a couple things stand out.

The first is the cost of his all-expenses paid trip to Colorado for an AEI forum:
(Note: Screenshot edited for size and clarity)

Uh, Bill… you’re gonna have to do a better job of hiding that kind of stuff. Spread it out or something! But hey, that’s just par-for-the-course corruption. Mostly harmless. You know, you see one big lobbyist cash gift, you seen ‘em all. It was in Bill’s trip to Scotland where we got a little more interested. The results of our investigation, after the jump.

Once again, Bill topped the travel-expense list, which is hard to do with this particular sponsor:
Click to enlarge
The Ripon Education Fund is, as we’re sure you know, the “moderate” Republican organization that, according to the New York Review of Books, spends more on congressional travel than any other non-profit except the “serious” Aspen Institute. And the Ripon Fund is, of course, headed and run by lobbyists.

Take a look at the “other costs” — while the stories of their extravagant and fabulous “fact-finding” trips to glamorous European locales are well-known, and those trips are taken by many members of Congress from both sides of the aisle, this is, as far as we know, the only example of a Congressman disclosing that, yes, while on the lobbyist-sponsored junket, someone paid for him to get a tattoo. Once again, Bill — learn to cover this shit up. You’re ruining it for everyone!

Naturally, we were a little curious. Bill doesn’t really seem like the tattoo type. So we called up his office:

“Representative Thomas’ office.”

“Hi, I’m calling with Wonkette, and I just had a quick question about Representative Thomas.”

“Uh, you’re calling with who?”

“Wonkette.”

“Uh..”

“It’s like an online magazine. I just had a quick question about Representative Thomas: do you happen to know if he has any tattoos?”

“I’m sorry?”

“Do you happen to know if Representative Thomas has any tattoos.”

“… I’m going to have to refer you to the Press person on this, let me see if he’s in.”

(Hold. We hope to hear “Waiting on a Friend” or “Little T&A,” but, alas, just silence. Then the poor schlub comes back:)

“Uh, the Press Secretary’s unavailable right now, but I can transfer you to his voicemail.”

“That would be great.”

(Hold. Voicemail.)

“Hi, this is Wonkette, we’re just wondering if Representative Thomas has any tattoos. If you could get back to us at…”

If he calls us back, we’ll let you know. Otherwise, we’ll just try again tomorrow. We realized after the fact where the confusion may have come from: The tattoo may have been for Bill’s wife, who accompanied him. For now, though, we’ll assume that Bill himself is the recipient of the very first lobbyist-sponsored body mod in Congressional history. You can tell that guy’s hardcore.

Yes, we know, we know. It’s a castle or something. But that would’ve made for a less entertaining phone call.

Selling Washington [NYRB]
PoliticalMoneyLine

READ MORE: bill thomas, congress, lobbying, phone calls, scandal, tattoos, top, trips

Wonk’d: The Non-Jessica-Simpson Edition

We may not have a celebrity sightings map yet, a la Gawker Stalker. But who knows, maybe we will someday…

In the meantime, we have to do celeb sightings the old fashioned way. Check out this week’s crop, available after the jump. And please email us with your sightings in the future, with “Wonk’d” or “Sighting” in the subject line. Thanks!

• Saw George Stephanopoulos near Farragut Square today [3/16] on my way to lunch. The only thing gossip-y to say was that it looked like he was caked in orange-y makeup (unless that’s just his natural skin color)…

• Saw Ways & Means Chairman Bill Thomas walking out of Charlie Palmers at about 9 AM on Wednesday, March 15, rounding the corner to the alley behind the building.

• While we’re on the subject of evil twins, I could have sworn I saw Senator Obama at the 7th Avenue Subway station in Park Slope, Brooklyn last night [3/13]. But he didn’t look very dapper and I will confess that I had been drinking. Chuck Schumer lives nearby, though. Will this do?

• I spotted Barbara Bush (the daughter) eating lunch at the Lafayette Park Teaism today [3/8]. She was wearing yoga-type clothes, which makes total sense considering that she doesn’t have a job and therefore has time for yoga in the middle of the day on a Wednesday.

• Ana Marie Cox struggling to get her bag into the overhead bin on the Delta Shuttle flight from DC-Regan to NY-Laguadia.

• While sitting in the middle of my DC Bar Mandatory Ethics class on 3/7/06, I looked around and discovered that none other than John Ashcroft was sitting just two rows behind me. Sighting was confirmed by five friends/ politics junkies. The class is mostly intended for lawyers who are newly admitted to the DC bar, which begs the question of what he was doing there. According to Wikipedia (surely a reliable source!), he is currently working as a lobbyist. [Ed. note: that’s correct.] I like to think he’s already done something so naughty that the bar has had to discipline him for an ethics violation. I spent to rest of the day stealing very obvious glances at him and hoping he’d break into song.

• Saw John Edwards Sunday evening [3/5] at Clyde’s in Georgetown. He seemed to be enjoying himself and was gracious with those who interrupted him for autographs. In real life he is far more attractive than I had been lead to believe. Seeing him in person only makes me more upset about the current VP’s lack of hotness, or soul for that matter. One can only wonder what the world would be like if a face like that was representing us. The possibilities are endless.

• Saw former Bush-work-wife-wannabe Heather Wilson waiting in Dallas Fort Worth International on March 2nd waiting for a flight back to NM. She looked decidedly less evil than I expected, but was sporting a bright red wool trench. She had herself a diet soda, flipped through some women’s magazine from the stand, then started scribbling on briefing papers. Saw her in first class on the plane as I trudged back to steerage.

We’ve done it before, we’ll do it again. Here’s a celeb sighting without a celeb:

• This afternoon [3/9] one of our esteemed government officials (“esteemed” enough to necessitate a gazillion-car motorcade and police escort) made a pit stop at the CVS on M and 20th NW. Inspired by our friend the cyclist, I whipped said official the bird, much to the horror of my dutiful boyfriend waiting nearby to take me home from work. I explained that I was just displaying solidarity with our fellow commuters who were stuck too far back in traffic –- thanks to the brilliantly-timed 5:00 pm blockade –- to offer up an audible “Go fuck yourself!”

Here’s a correction to an earlier item:

• So last week I wrote in about a Bolton sighting on 19th. This morning, enjoying an iced latte outside of the Farragut West Starbucks, I once again came across the specimen. Upon further reflection, I have decided that in spite of the maniacally bushy eyebrows and mustache, this doppelganger had a slightly soft, kind look in his eyes that would be alien to the fire breathing Bolton de réalité. Plus, I doubt that Bolton’s hanging out at Farragut West on the regs. I therefore apologize for my faux sighting, and retract the Bolton Wonk’d item.

Finally, this one is an oldie, but a goodie (provided it’s true; who knows; do you think we have fact-checking around here?):

You wanted sightings of DC-area celebs buying stuff, so here’s one, albeit a few years old: I saw Jenna Bush buying tampons at CVS once. She looked confused, but did not ask her Secret Service guy (who looked like Kenny G) for help.

READ MORE: Barack Obama, Personalities, ana marie cox, barbara bush, bill thomas, chuck schumer, george stephanopoulos, heather wilson, jenna bush, john ashcroft, john bolton, john edwards, original wonkette, wonk’d

Daily Briefing: Mission Unraveling

• 80% of Americans expect a civil war in Iraq, including 7 in 10 Republicans; majorities in WP-ABC poll have no confidence in either party to find a solution. [WP]
• Democrats have failed to seize the opportunity of repeated Republican missteps; inability to settle on clear messages and strategies has hindered campaigning. [WP]
• Republican governor of South Dakota signs bill to ban nearly all abortions; doctors will face up to five years in jail for performing procedure and “legal showdown” is expected. [NYT, USAT, USAT]
• Bush seeks authority to veto individual legislative items. Bush: “These earmarks reflect special interests instead of the people’s interests.” [WP]
• Amnesty International details the ongoing torture and abuse of Iraq’s 14,000 detainees. [NYT]
• House conservatives will offer an “austere alternative” budget in attempt to gain mantle of fiscal responsibility. [NYT]
• Lawmakers’ perk of flying on corporate jets may be restricted in ethics overhaul. [USAT]
• Rep. Bill Thomas (R-Calif.) will retire. [WP, NYT, USAT]

READ MORE: 2006, Campaigning, Democrats, Republicans, abortion, amnesty international, bill thomas, budget, george w. bush, iraq, line-item veto, polls, south dakota, torture